What If I Don't Love You???
By LadyMarissa
@LadyMarissa (12148)
United States
September 4, 2010 7:39pm CST
The TV station I watch most has been showing an Alltel commercial over & over & over again. It is funny, but it reminds me of a relationship I had many years ago. In the commercial a young boy & girl are arguing when the Alltel guy gives them a solution. The boy agrees that it's a good solution & the girl tells him those fateful words "I love you!!!" to which the boy replies "Thank you". The girl recoils asking what he means by thank you , he responds "thank you for loving me"& she says to him "You mean I don't get an I love you back???" That reminded me of a guy I used to date. He was a GREAT friend, but I was NEVER in love with him. After years of dating he spoke those words "I love you". After the awkward silence that followed, he screamed at me "You're not going to tell me you love me back?" I very disrespectfully replied "NO, because I DON'T love you!!!" He was furious with me. I wonder why when someone utters those 3 little words, do they "expect" to hear them back. Yes, I've uttered those words myself, but I NEVER expected to hear them back. I "hoped" to hear them, but didn't "expect" to hear them!!! Why would anyone want to hear someone lie to them just to reply to a statement that comes from another's heart??? Yes, when I've said "I love you" to someone else, I did indeed hope to hear them back!!! However, I did NOT want to hear them if the other person didn't mean them!!! Sometimes when I say "love you" it doesn't mean that I'm IN love with them, but love them for the happiness they make me feel. That's a completely DIFFERENT kind of love...it's more an admiration!!! Do you want to hear "I love you" from someone who doesn't feel it nor mean it??? How do you look at this predicament???
1 person likes this
8 responses
@KrauseHome (36445)
• United States
19 Sep 10
Over time I think we have all known people who say "I Love You" to each other when others can really see they might not. Maybe for them they just like to hear the words without really thinking of the meaning. I know for me when I hear it from someone I expect it to be genuine when from my husband, but from someone else it usually means a Friendship gesture unless family indeed. Good comments here for sure.
1 person likes this
@LadyMarissa (12148)
• United States
19 Sep 10
I have absolutely NO problem with somebody telling me they love me whether they do or not!!! My problem is with those who say I love you & then get offended when I don't reply the same!!!! I just REFUSE to say I love you to somebody I don't love!!!! I sometimes say love ya to somebody that I'm just fond of; but, to me, that's NOT saying I'm "in love" with them....just VERY FOND of them!!! My friend used to throw a real temper tantrum when I didn't respond back to him. That always upset me because I did love him as a friend. I always feared that if I said I love you back that he would twist it to mean I was "in love" with him & that would have turned an awkward situation into a disaster!!!! 
@zapatee (477)
• Philippines
8 Sep 10
that's good, ladymarissa. honesty is important. why tell another person that you love him when you really don't. the only ones who would want to hear "i love you" from someone they want to hear it from are, well, desperate. it may be painful for the other person to know that's his love is not reciprocated. but what's going to be more painful is when you lie to that person and say the words he wants to hear even if you really dont mean it. that's lying. to the other person and to yourself. and that's a big mistake, not to mention unfair for both of you.
1 person likes this
@LadyMarissa (12148)
• United States
14 Sep 10
You used the 2 most important words..."desperate" & "unfair". They are "desperate" if they need to hear emotions from another person who doesn't mean them. It is most definitely "unfair" to both parties involved to lie!!! I have said "I love you" & heard that awkward silence. However, I would prefer to hear the silence over a lie!!!! The silence doesn't make me rethink my love for that person, but a lie makes me wonder what it was that I loved in them!!!
@zapatee (477)
• Philippines
8 Sep 10
just don't say "i love you" to another person if it really doesn't come from your heart. otherwise, it's going to be unfair for both of you. like lying to yourself and lying to your partner. it's better if we just try to be honest about how we really feel about another person. that's way, expectations are set.
1 person likes this
@LadyMarissa (12148)
• United States
14 Sep 10
If you don't love them, I feel it is your duty to not give them false impressions!!! I find it totally selfish when some demands to hear those 3 little words you don't feel!!!! Telling someone you love them when you don't can only lead to disaster!!!!!!
@dragon54u (31633)
• United States
5 Sep 10
I never want to hear those 3 words from someone who doesn't mean them. In fact, I feel that they are over-used. We say them so often that they've lost their meaning. People say them every time they part, it's become the "have a nice day" of the 2000's.
I think people say them too casually. They don't know what love really is. They don't mean to be insincere but they are. As for expecting to hear it back, I've learned not to expect it from anyone and certainly don't want it unless it is meant from the heart.
1 person likes this
@mods196621 (3652)
• Philippines
5 Sep 10
nice and sweet to hear the word "i love you" IF the person that telling this words is really the love of my life. I said this word but i never expect the return if it is a lie i prefer to be silent rather that talking and asking if he love me too. You know it is hard to wait the reply to this word because we dont know what he feels towards us. So be better to keep quite and at the end be surprise.
@LadyMarissa (12148)
• United States
6 Sep 10
Yes, it is nice to hear the "I love you" back once you've opened your heart to that person. Yes, it is extremely awkward to get through that painful silence when your love is not returned. Still, WHY would anyone insist on hearing the "I love you" if it is NOT meant from the other person's heart??? In my mind...that is INSANE!!!
@Rainbowliselle (498)
• Philippines
5 Sep 10
I just couldn't see the logic. YOu can't say that you love a person when you don't love him. So just don't say the word. Maybe the word "like" is the right word to use when you like his ways or his attitude but you don't wnat him to be your love-life partner. It hurts indeed when you say I love you and you don't receive the same response from him especially you have been with him/her for long. So when somebody says I love you to you and all you feel for him'her is a friendly feeling, don't just say thanks. Elaborate. Say, "thank you for loving me but all I can offer to you is my loyalty to our friendship". In this case, he/she will not be furious or if he/she gets hurt, a little your statement will soften the blow in his/her heart.
@LadyMarissa (12148)
• United States
5 Sep 10
Occasionally I responded with "I love you as a dear friend, but I'm in NO way in love with you. If that's not enough, then I'm sorry!!!" And I was sorry as I knew how it felt to love someone so deeply & not get love in return. I also knew that I wouldn't be much of a friend had I lied to him!!!
@zapatee (477)
• Philippines
8 Sep 10
that's good, ladymarissa. honesty is important. why tell another person that you love him when you really don't. the only ones who would want to hear "i love you" from someone they want to hear it from are, well, desperate. it may be painful for the other person to know that's his love is not reciprocated. but what's going to be more painful is when you lie to that person and say the words he wants to hear even if you really dont mean it. that's lying. to the other person and to yourself. and that's a big mistake, not to mention unfair for both of you.
@LadyMarissa (12148)
• United States
14 Sep 10
You used the 2 most important words..."desperate" & "unfair". They are "desperate" if they need to hear emotions from another person who doesn't mean them. It is most definitely "unfair" to both parties involved to lie!!! I have said "I love you" & heard that awkward silence. However, I would prefer to hear the silence over a lie!!!! The silence doesn't make me rethink my love for that person, but a lie makes me wonder what it was that I loved in them!!!
@sparkofinsanity (20471)
• Regina, Saskatchewan
5 Sep 10
I love you.
But I'm not in love with you so I don't expect you to say I love you back..............
Do you see what I mean? When someone is in love with someone else and tells them they love them, of course they expect the same answer in return. It's part of that old "Love is Blind, Deaf and Dumb" stuff. lol
1 person likes this
@LadyMarissa (12148)
• United States
5 Sep 10
I love you too Sweetie!!! 
We think a lot alike!!! 
I understand the concept. I just don't feel they have the right to get mad when the other person doesn't feel love for them. In a perfect world, the person you love would love you back. Sadly, we DON'T live in a perfect world. If they didn't love me, I'd prefer to hear silence rather than a lie!!! The guy I mentioned & I dated for 15 years. I loved him as a dear, dear friend; but was in NO way in love with him. I could not tell him a lie just because he wanted to hear it. The night I told him I didn't want to see him any more he said "but I love you". I knew I couldn't go easy on him so i said "but I hate you!!!" Yes, it was cruel, but I just couldn't lead him on...even though that was what he wanted. I have since been married to a man I truly loved with ALL my heart. Just think of the mess I would have had if I had lied to my friend & lead him on!!! Some times cruelty is kindness!!!! We are back to being friends, but I refuse to date him now.
We think a lot alike!!!
I understand the concept. I just don't feel they have the right to get mad when the other person doesn't feel love for them. In a perfect world, the person you love would love you back. Sadly, we DON'T live in a perfect world. If they didn't love me, I'd prefer to hear silence rather than a lie!!! The guy I mentioned & I dated for 15 years. I loved him as a dear, dear friend; but was in NO way in love with him. I could not tell him a lie just because he wanted to hear it. The night I told him I didn't want to see him any more he said "but I love you". I knew I couldn't go easy on him so i said "but I hate you!!!" Yes, it was cruel, but I just couldn't lead him on...even though that was what he wanted. I have since been married to a man I truly loved with ALL my heart. Just think of the mess I would have had if I had lied to my friend & lead him on!!! Some times cruelty is kindness!!!! We are back to being friends, but I refuse to date him now.