how should you react when your husband keeps on treating you like dirt?
By Jenny1015
@jenny1015 (13366)
Philippines
September 18, 2010 10:52pm CST
my husband doesnt seem to care if he talks as if i am not his wife. it hurts so much coz i dont feel the love and respect. i couldnt just walk out on him coz i have kids to think about.though he isnt the one taking care of all the expenses with regards to my kids' school expenses, i feel that when i leave him, my kids will suffer.
4 people like this
25 responses
@saphrina (31552)
• South Africa
19 Sep 10
Sweetie, don't you think it is time to give him exactly the same treatment?
He ain't better than you, you know.
Give him some of that nasty treatment, i am sure he will start thinking about being more respectful towards you.
If he can give, he should be able to receive as well.
If that doesn't help, hell leave him and take your kids with you.
TATA.
@jenny1015 (13366)
• Philippines
19 Sep 10
actually, i have done that. but he is just too hard to handle. and am still waiting for him to change. well, if he becomes real hopeless, then it's goodbye.
@GloomCookieLex (6073)
• United States
19 Sep 10
A tempestuous home is not a good environment for children. Parents who are happily divorced are much better than parents who are bitterly married. How long has this been going on? What exactly does he do to you? How does it effect the children? And don't be under any illusion that it doesn't effect them, because children are usually very sensitive to tension in the household.
You can try talking it over with him in a frank and honest manner. No sugar-coating or subtle hinting. Have a serious, sit-down conversation about his behaviour and the state of your marriage. If it's not something you feel you can solve on your own, go to marriage counseling. If he refuses to talk about the situation or to work towards fixing it, then there is really nothing else you can do. If you do everything in your powers to work at fixing the relationship and it doesn't work, there is nothing more you can do. A divorce is almost never easy, but it is definitely a better situation than staying in a hostile marriage.
@jenny1015 (13366)
• Philippines
19 Sep 10
thanks for your kind advice. i did talk to him about that but it seems that he isnt really changing at all. i tried leaving the house coz i just couldnt stand the way he is. but i still went back coz of my kids.
it's really hard to put up with a face where everybody else things that i am okay when i am really not.
@hardworkinggurl (37063)
• United States
19 Sep 10
This is very difficult my friend as I too lived this way for 15 years and felt more than like dirt and felt so worthless.
When people ask me what they should do I do not outright tell people that they should leave their spouses. Instead what I normally say, think about 10 years from now, is this the way you wanting be living. Because whether you like or not 10 years are going to go by with or without you. So if you think about it hard enough do you really want to waste your entire youth living this way or perhaps worst.
The children will grow in a dysfunctional home and will retaliate in many ways if things persist in this manner. Although they may be too young now, they will sense their father disrespecting you and you betcha they too will disrespect you too. In the end whether your husband is there or not you will be the only one dealing with the children later.
So dear think about your situation and what would be best for you and your children and I sincerely wish you all the best.
I will also include you and your children in my prayers.
@jenny1015 (13366)
• Philippines
19 Sep 10
my heartfelt thanks for your insight. i'll sure think about what you have told me. it's just tearing me up inside whenever i think of what might happen if i leave my husband, it is like i owe my kids a family and i am trying all means to save it.
@hardworkinggurl (37063)
• United States
19 Sep 10
I will not pursade or try to convince of leaving or even staying, just thought I share with you. I married at 16 to a man that was 10 years my elder. I never had a mom or dad and so I wanted the entire family. I was beaten and treated worst than dirt but because I so wanted my own family I remained as long as I could. He use to treat me like dirt in front of the children then sit with them and have the laugh at me. They were so young and did not know what he was doing.
During my so called wonderful marriage he had two children with other women, naturally I did not find out until much later. Anyways I have a son and I started to notice behavior changes in him and my ex thought it was funny to encourage manhood to my son, by joking with him and having my little guy call me names. I was so terribly afraid of being on my own and for my children not to have a father. It took 15 yrs until I finally woke up. One day he went to work and did not return, he thought he could play a game that he could do whatever he wanted and come back anytime as I would always be fragile and take him back. He did me a favor as I did not think I would ever have the courage to leave him.
So I sat my children down and informed them I was filing for divorce. My children jumped of joy. They could not believe I tolerated that man for so many years. I devoted myself into being a wonderful mother and had a fabulous career, one that did not come overnight as I had to work really hard at balancing both, and live in complete poverty as my ex never looked back even to support his children.
Can I tell you I am 39 and with the grace and love of God I have two wonderful and recent college graduates. They have never seen or wanted to ever see their father again as they will never forget all the heartaches we went through alone. I never said anything negative about their father, as his actions awarded him this.
So I gave up my entire youth hoping I could have a family, I have no idea what it is like to be young and single and live up the life. But when I tell you the respect and love I have from my children has been well worth it.
Good luck to you hon, may I suggest you slowly start preparing your mind into a stronger direction whereas one day if ever you have to make the choice that you be strong to combat the battles of life.
God bless.
@figurativeme (1089)
• Philippines
19 Sep 10
OMG! This is so sad. No woman deserves to be treated like dirt and no woman should put up with this. If you do think of the children, think what this kind of environment would do to them?
I dare not say more and I do feel for you. But you also have to think of yourself. I do pray you will be guided in your decision.
@jenny1015 (13366)
• Philippines
19 Sep 10
thanks!! i appreciate your kind words. mylot family is such a very supportive group.thanks a lot guys!!!!
@dollarbill28 (16)
• United States
19 Sep 10
I've been married for 8 years and I have had these feelings on many occasions and I have separated from my husband many times and while its important to consider your childrens feelings you have to do what is best for them.
@jenny1015 (13366)
• Philippines
19 Sep 10
it is really hard to just jump into any decision coz the children are caught in the middle.
@carmelanirel (20942)
• United States
19 Sep 10
I understand jenny, I too have a son and am not treated well. Besides money, my faith are the two things he likes to put me down for. This is why I am getting a college education as well as trying to get a job. I think because I only have high school learning and have not been in the field of work for so many years, it's very hard to get a foot in the door..Once I do and he still treats me bad, I am taking my son and I am out of here...
@crysontherocks77 (1273)
• United States
19 Sep 10
It sounds like to me that you have already got your mind made up about leaving him. my suggestion would be to talk to your kids about how you are feeling about your husband and let them know from the get go that this has nothing to do with them and that they will still be loved by you both. Theres no good way to tell them, but being honest about the situation will help and will save you a lot of heartache in the long run.
@Angelgirl16 (2171)
• United States
19 Sep 10
Hi Jenny1015,
You should not have to live like this. I know you are concerned about your children's welfare, but they are suffering anyway if they hear and see you and your husband fighting. If they see him disrespecting you they will possibly grow up thinking this is the way things are suppose to be in a family.
Only you can really decide what you should do. Should you stay there and take the abuse? Are can you get yourself together and plan a better life for you and the children? I, for one would not take abuse from anyone, especially if they claim to love me.
You have heard, I am sure, about women who stay in abusive relationship because they have low self esteem and feel that they can't make a life on their own. Those women should have known about all the resources out there for abused women and their children.
If your husband is an approachable person, you could try to talk to him about his style of communicating with you. If he doesn't seem to care or he is not willing to change, then you have a serious decision to may. Or you willing to live a long-term life of this kind of abuse or are you willing to try to make it on your own.
Good Luck
@sender621 (14894)
• United States
19 Sep 10
Married or not, people should treat each other with respect. You should not let anyone treat you like dirt or put you down. Stand up for yourself and let them see you are a special person in this world. You will not take their abuse any longer. If people think they can walk all over you, they will.
@babyEj (1522)
• Philippines
20 Sep 10
Why prolonged the agony? You can make a choice. If you have said that it's hurting you whenever he shows disrespect. I wonder if there's a root cause of his misbehavior? If you had talk over with then better explain to your children the situation and end up your agony.
@Kojigirl (188)
•
19 Sep 10
Don't you think it hurts your kids to see how Daddy treats Mommy? And do you think your kids should grow up thinking that this is how a man treats the woman he's supposed to love? Because if you have daughters, they are going to think that men should treat their women like dirt, and they'll find men who treat them that way because that's how Daddy treated Mommy and to them it's normal. If you have sons, they will learn that you can treat your woman worse than you'd treat your dogs and they'll still hang around because they're too scared to be out there on their own. To the boys, you obviously are too weak to stand up to him, so all the women in their lives will be treated badly because Mommy took it. This is not the sort of a lesson children need to learn. If you're in a relationship that isn't showing you respect, don't be surprised that when your children are old enough they start treating you like dirt. That's what Daddy did, so that must be what Mommy is. Stand up to him. If that doesn't work, stand up and walk out. My mom finally left Dad, thank God, and then turned around and chose someone worse because in her day women couldn't be trusted to take care of themselves. Be a woman, not a doormat.
@bebe44 (6)
•
19 Sep 10
dear jenny
im realy sorry bcoz you suffer like your kides too buy you have to be strong all mens are same but each one of thim have key so you have to know what your husband weeak spot and take your move on it ...coz i think the women have to be claver about how you should trat your husbend and im sure he will trun over and become another man if you know how to make him love you and alwayes need you dont be wake you look agreat person to know jenny...
best wishes
@Kalyni2011 (3496)
• India
3 Feb 11
Sorry to hear this, this really hurts, this is because your country has no provision for divorce and getting annulment costs a lot, situation here in india is totally different, one can take shelter of court of law always
thank you so much for sharing, happy posting.
kalyani
@yomy1984 (177)
• United States
19 Sep 10
It's really hard to put up that kind of relationship, this kind of situation happends to everybody, your not just alone. You feel like you need to talked to someone for you to feel better and it is also hard to voice this out. You always care and think about your kids, well that's how mother is, but my advice is that, take it easy, even though your husband doesn't care about you, but for your kids sake, you need to do something. You should talk to your husband alone, just you and your husband, you need to tell him how and what you feel. Even though it's really hard, you need to try. And then think what it's the best for all of you. So. think about it and be happy.
@teamrose (1492)
• United States
19 Sep 10
Remember these words. Will serve you well once they sink in. "PEOPLE TREAT YOU LIKE YOU LET THEM, NO BETTER, NO WORSE."
If your husband is not treating you with respect it is because he does not respect you. If this is the way he treats everyone, then he has personal problems that probably need professional help in addressing. However, if this lack of respect is only directed at you...
Examine your life. What do you do that causes him to not have respect for you? How do you respond to his behavior? What message are you teaching your children?
@eurekafemme (5877)
• Philippines
19 Sep 10
Welcome to my world, Jenny.:(
We are almost in the same situation. More often than not, my husband would treat me as if I am not his wife, but, he did say already that he isn't sure what a wife is anyway....
Yup, there were so many times that I wanted out but the kids are the reasons why I am still with him, suffering in silence....
Here's one word I can give you, though. IGNORE him. It seems that he doesn't need you (I feel that way whenever my husband is treating me like $hit).Just focus on the kids because they need you. It is pointless to keep on insisting that our husbands will respect us when they don't see our value.
At first, it is going to be a painful process but slowly you will learn to accept and eventually let go. I used to care so much about him and I realized that it is my feelings for him that makes it more painful so I decided to let go. I channeled my love and energy to my kids. Though, I couldn't totally ignore him ,but, at least, I am teaching myself to not to love him that much anymore.
The fact remains that he is still the father of my kids. And I don't want my kids to disrespect him ,either that's why I am making this sacrifice. I don't know if he'll ever change or will never be, but for as long as I can, I will hold on for my kids' sake.
As for you, get a life outside your husband's world. Do not let him put you down and whatever negative things you hear from him, do not sulk and wallow to those words. You are a better person, you know that. Love yourself a little than you did. Go out, meet other people, get a new hobby or something. IGNORE him and you will see the difference.
Goodluck to you and I pray to God that you will remain strong in your faith to God despite of all the pains you are going through. YOU ARE NOT ALONE in this.:)
@kingparker (9673)
• United States
19 Sep 10
Hmm, that is a tough question in regarding to someone's domestic problem. I would very much to say, if you can gain your financial independence from your husband, and you feel like you are happier if you leave him. Follow your heart, and do whatever is best for yourself and your kids.
@misheli (552)
• Philippines
19 Sep 10
I'm so sorry for that. I can't imagine a husband treating his wife like that. If he doesn't love you anymore at least show some respect. You should think of yourself now because if he's not respecting you anymore it means he doesn't care about you. I'm not saying that you leave your husband but I think you have to talk to him and ask him why he is acting like that on you. I'm so thankful that my husband love and respect me. We may not be a perfect couple but we love and respect each other.
