Dealing with an incurable disease.
By Pose123
@Pose123 (21635)
Canada
September 23, 2010 9:19am CST
A good friend of mine whom I've known since childhood, was diagnosed with Cancer three months ago today, and told that he had but a short time to live. In actual fact, he was not expected to live as long as he has. He has been released from hospital and is living in a personal care home and is on no medication except oxygen which he must have 24/7. Although unable to walk, he is able to use a wheel chair and is in good spirits. He is fortunate to have family and friends who visit with him every day. I talk with him often and visit him whenever I can. Since we are the same age, it naturally brings to mind thoughts of my own mortality as I'm sure it also does to all his friends,siblings and children
I realize many people consider any talk of facing an incurable illness and death to be a morbid topic, and one that most don't like to think about. The fact is however, that all of us, have to face it at some point in our lives. Some do it with great courage and integrity, while others need great help and support. Most of us do not know which way it will be for us until we actually face it ourselves. What is important is the relationship that exists between the person in crisis and those who are privileged to be their closest friends. Sometimes, there is one person in particular who, more than anyone else, is the trusted confident. It may be a priest or pastor or just a good and trusted friend. There are no quick fixes in such situations, but only long term relationships and growing understandings.
Fortunate indeed, is the one who can find a trusted friend or a skillful pastor who can walk with him or her into this critical moment in life. Ultimately, each of us enters this world and departs from it alone, but those born into a loving and caring family can often walk with loved ones up to the moment of death. We are blessed when a loving family receives us at birth and when loving friends, partners, spouses or family can walk the last mile with us. Does anyone care to comment?
3 people like this
8 responses
@allknowing (130066)
• India
24 Sep 10
It is not always that bed ridden patients want visitors. They may not comment but for some it is an ordeal when they have to pretend to be happy seeing them. Many may just want to be left alone but the world thinks otherwise - the more the visitors the happier a patient will be - wrong! When someone is terminally ill the best companion for them would be God. Who can impart strength solace and comfort in those last days better than God himself? Would it not be better that the patient is given time for that? The only visitors who would be welcome are those that serve the patient in a tender loving way.
2 people like this
@Pose123 (21635)
• Canada
24 Sep 10
Hi allknowing, Thank you for commenting and I know that some people prefer to be alone, but most have plenty of time for that. The great majority of those that I've known want visitors and are often sad that certain friends and family don't visit. I usually visit my friend when he has none or few visitors as I feel that too many visitors are the same time is not at all helpful. Most people do not want to die alone and the human touch is important as we set out into the unknown. Blessings.
1 person likes this
@allknowing (130066)
• India
25 Sep 10
There is no denying that visitors do play a positive role provided they do. Not all visitors do that and nor do the patients complain but bear it all in silence. I have known a case where a dialysis patient was told how sad it was that she no longer could eat fruits considering their garden had so many countless fruit trees! There would be more such visitors than those who as you say 'make the day' for the patient.
@LaurenInLA (2270)
• United States
24 Sep 10
One of the individuals that I most admire is Randy Pausch who when he learned he had pancreatic cancer which is virtually always terminal continued to live out his life with as much gusto as I have ever seen anyone live it. Read the "Last Lecture" if you are interested in his story. He was a professor and ostensibly the last lecture was the final lecture of the school season at the college he taught at but in actuality it was a life lesson for the children that he was going to leave behind. I've never looked at dying in the same way after watching the lecture.
2 people like this
@Pose123 (21635)
• Canada
24 Sep 10
Hi jha, Thank you for responding but I am just a friend and you probably have more true friends than you think. When you have been friends with someone all your life, it comes natural to vitit them. We must be there for our friends in good times and bad. Blessings.
1 person likes this
@vrosado845 (82)
• United States
23 Sep 10
I'm so sorry to hear about your friend. You made me think a lot of an uncle of mine who passed away 8 years due to complications from having AIDS. Even though all this time has passed, it still hurts when I think about him. He was a great person. He was like a father figure to me when my own father wasn't there for me. I can't even begin to explain the pain my family and I felt watchin him wither away. It's hard when you see someone you love so much, go through so much pain. My mother told me that when he was diagnosed he promised her that he would spend the rest of his life with his nieces and nephews, which are my siblings and I, and he stayed true to his promise. We love him still and miss him everyday. To me, it's important to keep the persons memory alive. My uncle did exist, he did live, he gave love, and he was loved. I can only hope and pray for your friend. I hope he is surrounded by people who love him and by good friends like you. When you visit him, keep him in a good mood. Make him laugh. Make him smile. Those moments are the one that you will remember forever. Treasure them.
@Pose123 (21635)
• Canada
24 Sep 10
Hi vrosado, Thank you for responding and for sharing the story about your uncle, it's clear that you loved him very much. You are right,it is very important to keep his memory alive and he does life on in the lives of you and your siblings. My friend is very fortunate to have a loving and caring family as well. I know that this life is short and we realize that more as we get older, and none of us came here to stay. This life is but one stage in a journey that in reality we know little about. Thank you too for your thoughts and I will remember your suggestion to keep him smiling. Blessing.
1 person likes this
@cynthia2010 (35)
• Philippines
24 Sep 10
So sorry to hear about your friend. Its so sad to hear about it. I will always
include him in my prayer.what is important is your relationship with God and the your family .
1 person likes this
@Grandmaof2 (7579)
• Canada
23 Sep 10
All I have in regards to a comment is that it's too bad when my time arrives you won't be there obviously as we have never met. Your post made me feel and think like I need a friend as you are in my everyday walk in life. Thank you AND Prayers said for your dear friend.
1 person likes this
@bagputza (504)
• Belgium
23 Sep 10
Good day dear Pose123 , first of all i am really sorry to hear that your friend has a terminal disease , and i guess that this must come even harder to him , knowing that he will die , and he probably been young he din't get to taste of the life side too much , i cann undertand what you are going trough , because when i had fifteen years old , also my best friend ( we knew eachother from kindergarden , and we used to be togheter all the time ) was diagnosed with a Leuchemie , off course that this was treatable , but he need it a transplat made in Germany , and the operation costed wayy to much for anyone from he's familly or he's close friends familly toa fford it , we managed to gather toghettter from the people we knew just a quarter of the money he need it , and i personally was running a helping box ; and i used to travel with the metro and had a photo of him that i've attached on a big carton , and noted also on the carton the ilness that he has and that he needs a certain amount of monney , i have practically begged for him , i've done this for three hole months and almost manage to gather half of the fund that was need it , and one night when i went back to he's place to see how he's doing and to give the parents the money that i've mannaged to gather , i saw both of them parents with tears in theire eyes , the mother was shaking and then i knew it , and started crying and getting angry . It is painfull to loose someone dear , specially when you know that there might be a small chance for him to recover and live well again.
I can't talk about this any longer , because i remembered and now i feel sad again.
I really hope that you will get to spend as much time as possibile with your friend , because he needs that , and also you need it , so you wont regret later the fact that you were not there , when he was gone.
I wish you and your friend all the best.
Florin
1 person likes this
@Pose123 (21635)
• Canada
24 Sep 10
Hi Florin, Your story is such a very sad one and yet you did everything that a friend could do to help. I can understand too that you would find it difficult to talk about this but thank you for sharing it here. My friend is not young as your friend was, yet we've known each other since childhood and it's never easy to lose someone. I feel certain that you have nothing to regret, you did your best. Thank you too for the best wishes. Blessings.
