How Far do you Go for Friends

@dorannmwin (36698)
United States
October 14, 2010 1:06pm CST
I've always tried to be a good friend to those people that I consider to be my friends. I have come close to offering the shirt off of my back for the people that I care about. That said, I would offer my roof to keep a roof over a friend's head and I would feed them if they were hungry. However, I don't think that I would ever be able to give away money to a friend. You see, we aren't rich people and we don't have a lot so I would do what I could, but I wouldn't put our family's lifestyle in jeopardy to be able to help a friend. How about you, what things would you do for a friend and why.
7 people like this
30 responses
@cynthiann (18618)
• Jamaica
14 Oct 10
I have lent money and never got it back. Somehow they think that thy do not have to repay me. Not good. I too am struggling as in a country of about 3 million people over half a million are unemployed and they have no benefits when they are not working. So they lose their home eventually and move into their parents' homes or friends. Really awful.I try to give food or buy a medication on their prescription like the med for high blood pressure. But now I have wondered off the discussion! However, my friends are beautiful and my life would have been lacking in joy if they were not around. My friends are there for me (even te two I kent money too) So the moral of the story is do what you can but do not lend money. It would have to be a gift as I don't think that you would get it back
1 person likes this
@dorannmwin (36698)
• United States
19 Oct 10
That is pretty much the same way that I am. I have learned to not give money to friends, but I don't mind doing what I am able to do.
• United States
14 Oct 10
Dora- I cannot give monies to friends because we are a single income family and are on a very limited and tight budget. I do however try to find resources for friends as well as be there for them to listen. It's about all I can do at this point in life. If I had extra monies though I would certainly help out if needed. Namaste-Anora
1 person likes this
@dorannmwin (36698)
• United States
19 Oct 10
I too would probably help out financially if we could, but right now that is something that we really can't afford to do.
15 Oct 10
i would do all i can for my friends, just as they will for me, aslong as the respect is there and it isn't something that is illegal then we will always help eachother out in any way we can.
@dorannmwin (36698)
• United States
19 Oct 10
That is another wonderful point. I would never do something for a friend that I either knew or felt was illegal.
20 Oct 10
A real friend would not expect you to do anything illegal for them. I would in any other way help a friend out as much as i can though, that is part of the reason that they are friends. Like now, i need help on some things and luckily i have got friends that i am able to turn to and they will help me out. That is what i call good friends and also a true friendship. Great that we all have that.
@dorannmwin (36698)
• United States
22 Oct 10
You are right that a true friend wouldn't ask you to do something that is illegal. I will stand by a friend that ends up in trouble, however, if they tell me that they didn't do what they've been accused of doing.
• United States
15 Oct 10
You may remember I loaned tim $300 and regina $700 and they both dropped me like a bad habit. I would never loan a friend a dime in life again. If they need and I have than I will give. I have let my friends stay with me and all but,cash will not be in it ever again. Your right for feeling that way trust me.
@dorannmwin (36698)
• United States
19 Oct 10
Never in the past when I did loan money to a friend was it that big of a sum of money, however, it was the detriment of friendships and that is why I will never mix money in the equation of friendship again in my life.
• United States
19 Oct 10
As you well know i have learned my lesson with this one. I can't loan money out to friends again.
@dorannmwin (36698)
• United States
22 Oct 10
You are absolutely right. It isn't a fun lesson to learn, but it is something that we have to learn none the less.
@gdesjardin (1938)
• United States
15 Oct 10
I am like you Dora...I will give my friends the shirt off my back if they needed it. However, like you I do have a family, and finances are tight. I do the best that I can without putting my family in jeopardy (financially speaking). I feel the best that I can do for a friend in need is to be there for them. I will help out as much as I possibly can. If I can't help out financially, I will find someone that can. There are a lot of resources out there and I will do my very best to find help for a friend.
@dorannmwin (36698)
• United States
19 Oct 10
That is a great idea to try to find someone that will be able to help out someone financially. I've never thought about doing that but in the future that will be something that I will think about.
1 person likes this
• United States
20 Oct 10
Sometimes people just need a friend to be with them while they go through there bad times. I had a friend that was trying to get on disability. She just wasn't getting the help she needed to try to fill out all the lengthy paperwork. I tried to research as much as I could on how to apply for disability (and actually get approved the first time around). I did everything I could to help her out...oh, and she did get approved for disability. I can't always help out financially, but I can devote my time for people.
@dorannmwin (36698)
• United States
22 Oct 10
Time is the main resource that I have as well. I've been staying at home with my children since my son was born four years ago and that has put a lot of hassle on our finances. However, it does mean that I have the opportunity to be the mother that I want to be and it also means that I have time that I can devote to my friends.
@jaiho2009 (38994)
• Philippines
14 Oct 10
Hello dora, Yes,i can do same thing like you do. Offer a roof and food when it is needed. But money is another thing. I can lend money for a small amount but not a big one enough to start for a business or capital. I am not rich besides,proving friendship is not all about money. It's how we loved and care for them and never leave them in times of troubles.
• China
15 Oct 10
Yes, I also could do anything I can to help my friend, but just help not give. Because we are equal individual, and we are friend means we are equal, even I am a beggar and you are the president. If he really need money to though out dificulty, I will lend them money, but not give. Of course, for my friend, I'd like to take some gift for them, if I thought he will be happy have it :)
@dorannmwin (36698)
• United States
19 Oct 10
I definitely don't think that friendship is about money. In fact, I could really care less whether my friends have money or not and I think that the same goes for how my friends feel about me.
@mauie0918 (339)
• Philippines
2 Nov 10
When it comes to friends, I am a helper if they need my help. Financially if I have but of course not to abuse them. Letting them stay in the house and to give them food. It's my nature and maybe I am kind when it comes to friends but always with limitations.
@dorannmwin (36698)
• United States
4 Nov 10
That is exactly the same way that I am. There are times that it is frustrating when I'm not able to do as much as I would like to for a friend, but overall, I really like knowing that I am able to help my friends.
@vicky30 (4775)
• India
1 Nov 10
Even i too have the same nature as you.I would give money to my friend but i would keep something safe for myself also.If my friend didn't have a house,with my parents consent i would give him shelter in my house.I would not give him cash as he would waste the money somewhere.I would give him clothes if he was poor and i would give him the basic food to survive for the day.
@dorannmwin (36698)
• United States
1 Nov 10
It was very much a lesson that I learned the hard way that I would not be able to loan money to a friend if I ever wanted to see it again.
@bounce58 (17522)
• Canada
20 Oct 10
Same here. I would also do anything for a friend, except money. I would even give a day working for a friend, and I wouldn't expect anything. Just this weekend, I helped a friend move. He wanted to save on movers so I offered to help. I think it was the hardest I've worked on a weekend! But he knows that he wouldn't hear a peep from me.
@dorannmwin (36698)
• United States
22 Oct 10
I've helped friends move in the past. In fact, when we first bought our house I offered to let a friend of mine use a couple of rooms for storing his things while he was between houses. It worked out well for all of us in that he ended up leaving a desk and a chair for us that wouldn't fit into his new apartment. I tried to pay him for those things but he simply wouldn't accept it.
@cortney09 (1346)
• United States
16 Oct 10
I agree with you 100%. I would do whatever I could to help a friend. I would not give money, since I do not have it. I think if I had money and it would not hurt me to give it to a friend who needed it I would.
@dorannmwin (36698)
• United States
19 Oct 10
I too think that my stance on money might be different if I had money. However, we are just a family that is struggling to get by like the majority of other people in the world right now.
@pokumon (647)
• United States
15 Oct 10
I have written a letter to help a friend before and it worked. It was to the Dean at my school to let her attend a party. I would offer my room, housing or food if they really needed it. My friends have really been there for me at times. They offered me a place to stay when I was on medical leave from school. They came and visited me in the hospital which meant a lot to me. Money is trickier because I'm a broke college student. I did move in with my boyfriend when he needed a roommate to help pay the rent even though I was staying somewhere else for 167 dollars cheaper a month. Then we broke up about a month later after I was hospitalized again. My mom thinks it was a bad idea to move in with him, but it was fun while it lasted. I could have paid more of the rent, but I felt like 500 was enough and that I had to save for my education. I then went to stay with my sister in New York and gave her 2500 dollars because I wanted to get on SSI (Social Security Supplemental Security Income) and I had too much money in the bank account. I don't think I'll ever see that money again because she's a broke actor/comedian who is really struggling with a lot of debt. I only get a measly 114 dollars from SSI a month so it's not really worth it. Plus I have to fly to New York to verify my bank account statements to make sure they are not too much. I think next time I just won't go because the flights are over 300 dollars.
@dorannmwin (36698)
• United States
19 Oct 10
It really does mean a lot that your friends were able to take away from their busy schedules to come visit you when you were in the hospital. I really hate to hear of the difficulties that you've had to go through in your life.
• Philippines
15 Oct 10
Maybe the best answer that I can give out is by helping them with all my efforts, and in my own way. Just like you, I'll offer to them what they need. In terms of finance/money problems, I will still give them especially if it's necessary. I'm a type of friend who does everything for my friends' happiness, especially my closest friend or what we call our own "best friend". But as what you've said, I'll not put my family into any risk, in return for my friend's happiness. I'd rather choose myself to suffer instead of them.
@dorannmwin (36698)
• United States
19 Oct 10
I don't at all mind to let myself suffer to a certain degree. However, I would never want to make my children suffer because of something that I've done for a friend.
@bingskee (5237)
• Philippines
15 Oct 10
i could lend but not on a frequent basis. there is a saying that friendship is ruined when money is involved.
@dorannmwin (36698)
• United States
19 Oct 10
I have heard that saying before and I honestly think that there is a lot of truth to it. That is why I try to keep money and friendship completely separate from one another.
@sender621 (14956)
• United States
15 Oct 10
I would do whatever I could to help a friend in need. i wouldn't sacrifice my life or commit a criminal act, but I would do what i could to help them. In return, I ould hope they would do the same thing for me.
@dorannmwin (36698)
• United States
19 Oct 10
In the deepest part of my heart I believe that my friends would do the same for me as I would do for them.
@wongchoiyee (7477)
• Malaysia
15 Oct 10
I know I am silly because I give money to help a friend in need. To me, helping my friend in trouble I can be very happy and contented.
@dorannmwin (36698)
• United States
19 Oct 10
No, that doesn't make you silly at all. I think that all people are different and just because I won't give money to a friend doesn't mean that I would think badly of someone that would give to a friend.
@carolbee (16233)
• United States
15 Oct 10
I would do anything a friend needed except loan them money. I would give them money or buy groceries if the friend needed them. I found out the hard way, more than once, that loaning money to a friend is a huge disaster. It ruined two friendships but looking back, don't think they were true friends. I was used and irritated as a result. These kinds of friends I can do without!
@dorannmwin (36698)
• United States
19 Oct 10
For myself as well I've lost friendships in the past because of money and that is the reason that I will never again make a loan to a friend. Now, if I had the money to give away, I would be more than happy to do it but if it is something that I will probably need, then I just can't make myself do it.
15 Oct 10
I have lots of friends especially in my work because we have a big company. Sometimes I offer them things that I have and then let them borrow it. But I have my limitations considering that I have past experience that was really bad. I have close friends but they are only few of them. If they will ask for help then I will try my best to help them as much as i can but with limitations again.
@dorannmwin (36698)
• United States
19 Oct 10
I too am quite limited on the number of close friends that I have. However, I really value those close friends that I have because they are the people that I know will always be a part of my life.
@rdm001 (69)
• Philippines
15 Oct 10
Hahahah, you are just like me, I'd do anything for my friends, especially the ones Ive been with for a long time and I have trusted with my darkest secrets. I'd give them food, shelter, I'd even lend them my underwear if needed and then there's this money talk, hahaha, in my circle of friends, I could never lend them money or give them money because we, them, me tend to forget to pay up, hahaha, it's been like that for us, when it's money talk we aint friends, that's just how our friendship is.
@dorannmwin (36698)
• United States
19 Oct 10
Well, lending my underwear might just be taking things a little bit too far, but I've never been and will never be ashamed to help out a friend when they are going through a tough period in their life.
@Hatley (164338)
• Garden Grove, California
15 Oct 10
dorannwin as I am on a very small income as the retirement center takes all most all of my social security and Ssi checks each month for rent and food, such as that is, I have just one hundred twenty five dollars for my own use each month. so I cannot not give my friends money but I can suggest ways to help if they are in need of financial help and lend an ear or a shoulder to lean on or cry on.Why would I do this because I love my friends and want to do what I can to help. i am having low blood sugar so have to go.take care now.bye.
@dorannmwin (36698)
• United States
19 Oct 10
I think that when it all comes down to it, lending that shoulder to lean on when a friend is going through a difficult period in their life is one of the best things that we can possibly do.
• Philippines
15 Oct 10
I could be a very, very good friend to real friends! But I could also be mean to those who are not true friends to me. Like you, I could give shelter, feed them, treat them as my family, I can do that. Money is not an issue for me, as long as I can afford it, and as long as I can see that a friend really needs it. If I can lend some, why not. I am very open to that. Just be honest to me... But never, betray me. I could not handle a betrayal from a friend. If that happens, it really and end to friendship, no matter what we may have gone through in the past.
@dorannmwin (36698)
• United States
19 Oct 10
You are quite right about betrayal. It has been betrayals that have led to the detriment of some friendships in the past. However, as long as you are loyal to me I will be loyal to you and we can all be part of the bigger family in our lives.