which is more hurting, the one you loved hurt you or you hurt someone you love

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a lot of times i ask this question to myself and i always end up of having the answer of "i'll rather be hurt than to hurt someone i love". but in reality though a lot of times i dont meant it but i tend to hurt someone i love and i felt really bad afterwards. the question is not only applicable to couples but to every realationships weather family, friends relationship. i guess sometimes we cant avoid to hurt someone we love because there are things that cannot be controlled by us and sometimes weather we admit or not we tend to be selfish because we avoid ourselves to get hurt w/0 deeply realizing we already hurt someone we love. i guess it is true what one of christina aguilera's song is right. "and i have hurt myself by hurting you"....