Friends or lovers?

@jharia20 (365)
Philippines
October 26, 2010 8:17pm CST
I always keep it on my mind, is it really bad to fall for a friend? I always end up loving a friend, the last time i was so in love with my friend. but unfortunately he found out about my feelings and our friendship was ruined. I thought it will never come back but now we are again friends. My Friends told me that i must not do that again, i must not fall for a friend because it is bad. For you?do you really think that falling for a friend is really bad?
3 people like this
21 responses
@sid556 (30987)
• United States
27 Oct 10
Hi Jharia, Well, as long as the friend is single then I see nothing at all wrong with it. It doesn't have to ruin the friendship if you keep your head about it. If you decide to tell a friend that you have feelings for him then of course you have to be prepared of the possibility that he may not feel the same way toward you. Then again, you may find out that he does. You won't know unless you talk it over. I think some great relationships have started from great friendships. Nothing wrong with that at all.
• United Arab Emirates
27 Oct 10
Most relationships started with friendship. And it really helps since you really know each other completely.
1 person likes this
@sid556 (30987)
• United States
27 Oct 10
Yes, you don't go through that awkwardness and knowing the person and being friends then you already know that you like him and I think that's so important.
@jharia20 (365)
• Philippines
28 Oct 10
You both are correct as they say Best friends make best lovers :) thank you for sharing it really help me a lot
@rog0322 (2832)
• Cagayan De Oro, Philippines
27 Oct 10
They say that "Friends can be lovers but lovers can never be friends." If this is true, then we in for some real trouble here. For love to prosper, it must be based on the basic tenets of good human relationship and friendship is one of them. To go the opposite way is the sure way to breakups, divorce, and heartaches. Falling for a friend is good if it meets the basic criteria for human relationship. It is just a bit too complicated but some managed to do it in a natural way. One moment they are friends, another moment they're in bed. Isn't that wonderful? Anyways, one has to define the boundaries sometimes to preserve mutual respect and happiness in a relationship. Just what is friendship for you? For the other person? For all the other persons around? Then what is love... It would be a very sad story if you and that significant other person cannot reconcile them.
@jharia20 (365)
• Philippines
27 Oct 10
You have a really nice response there it would be nice to raed your response you will learn a lot from here.
@rog0322 (2832)
• Cagayan De Oro, Philippines
27 Oct 10
Well, thanks that you find my comment helpful. I'm just speaking from previous experiences and believe me, they're true. I have flings with strangers and I have serious relationships but the one that really made an impression were those that I have befriended before we became lovers. I wish you a happy and friendly love life in the days ahead.
@jharia20 (365)
• Philippines
27 Oct 10
Thank you. I also wish you the best :)
@donsky14 (5960)
• Philippines
27 Oct 10
Well, its not good if your friend doesn't feel the same way. Like what happened with you. But I remembered one of my mentor's back in highschool saying that the best boyfriend/girlfriend you could have is a friend. Because you already know each other and stuff. But it is risky, as it may ruin friendships. So just be careful and cautious with your feelings next time. Its not wrong to love a friend...just make sure that your friend would feel the same.
@jharia20 (365)
• Philippines
27 Oct 10
Your right the problem between the two of us is that he love a friend of mine, i thought it was me so i fall for him, it is really difficult but now we are good friends although there are awkward feelings when the topic opened up again, thank you for sharing
@donsky14 (5960)
• Philippines
27 Oct 10
Its good that you guys are doing okay now. And goodluck in finding your "one".
@tonyllenium (6259)
• Italy
27 Oct 10
i think yes because a friend is a total different status than lover..so in mnay cases when you start as friend and afterthat become lover may be things changes because even the relationship changes and so in some cases all these changes are not positive...i think is a thing normally deisred by girls to be friend and afterthat lovers..normally guys like to be or friend or lovers...it is true that girls are always confused..what can we do about this fact?nothing..
@jharia20 (365)
• Philippines
27 Oct 10
Not only girls are confuse, i think guys are more confused than girls all the time, when they fall for a friend they are not sure if they really love the girl right?they are being sweet sometimes rude, so confusing! :)
• Italy
27 Oct 10
i don't know..may be it can happen to some people as well!!Normally i know if i would like that a girl should be only a friend or lover almost instantly...heh
• Canada
28 Oct 10
NO!!! If you love someone you cant control it... And im glad people out there still fall for friends instead of complete strangers. And a second thing, if someone is your true friend they will not stop talking to you because you love them. I have never done that and now have great friends because i stuck it out with them the entire way always reminding them that i did care about them just not intimately.... If you want to love a friend than goodlucki wish you the best because love deserves a chance
@jharia20 (365)
• Philippines
28 Oct 10
Thank you theduke247 :) Love really deserves a chance :) it really help a lot
@areximut (87)
• Indonesia
27 Oct 10
for me it not bad but you must try to know about your friend before you tell that falling to his
@jharia20 (365)
• Philippines
28 Oct 10
Yes and i must know whether he feels the same way right?:)
@mira91 (986)
• Singapore
27 Oct 10
Oh my! Something similar happened to me as well. I didn't really fall for this friend of mine, but i had this huge crush on him and he was a casual friend and also one of my project team mate and we always seem to argue about silly things. It was like arguing was our form of communication and i don't know why, i just couldn't stop it. However, something happened, and i am quite positive he knows how i felt and we completely do not talk to each other now and i don't really care because i am over the crush. But at one point of time, i really thought we were going to get together because i could feel that he felt the same way about me until someone had to go and ruin things for us. But i am okay now because i have found someone else who is making me laugh so much, it hurts and he treats me like a princess. Falling for a friend can sometimes ruin things for you but it can also be a very good thing for you and that is if you guys get together. So it cannot be predicted how it's going to turn out. This guy and me weren't close friends anyway, so it was okay for me that we aren't really talking as much as we used to. :)
@jharia20 (365)
• Philippines
27 Oct 10
Yes that's was really the same thing :) we also argue as a form of communication :) That' good to hear that you found the one :) as for me i will keep on looking :)
• Philippines
27 Oct 10
hello jharia20! the heart knows what the mind can't conceive..or so they say. That is why, it's not really bad if you fall for a friend, unless you really voluntarily fall for your friend. Love does not appear in a split of a second. It usually develops from constant companionship, sweet carings which only a close friend could give (if you don't have a special someone yet). what's bad however is if you will insist your love, even if your friend is not reciprocating the feeling.
@jharia20 (365)
• Philippines
27 Oct 10
Yes that is really bad Thank you for sharing :)
@Pyroo8 (121)
• United States
27 Oct 10
i only got a couple of words my best friend is my lover...Homie lover and Friend there u go babs
@jharia20 (365)
• Philippines
27 Oct 10
Wow that's nice i really dream of my best friend is my lover.. Good luck :)
@Sanitary (3968)
• Singapore
27 Oct 10
Falling for a friend is a good thing if it's allowed to be taken to the next level, together. It's especially the case when it comes to friendships dating decades back because both of u have known each other so well, being there for each other and supporting in times of need. With all that, feelings are developed and naturally ending up together. When it comes to one sided love for our friends, we might not necessarily fail in our attempts because we won't know what the other party is thinking til we let known our feelings. Love is a gamble and expressing our feelings is just the start. Be brave and express it. Though u might lose a few friends on the way, no worries because u will be making new ones again. Old friends won't fall out with u over such matters.
@jharia20 (365)
• Philippines
27 Oct 10
Yeah and base on my experience, at first i hesitated to tell him. But when i am confused what is his real feelings i must do it for my own good. yes our friendship was ruined but after that it came back and be much better Thank you for sharing :)
1 person likes this
• China
27 Oct 10
I dont think so. i think that is great news for him. That will make him to think that how attractive he is.
@jharia20 (365)
• Philippines
27 Oct 10
I think his head will get bigger when he will think of that ^^,
@tincabzh (173)
• Philippines
27 Oct 10
Its not bad because we cant really control our feelings, but come to think of this, friends can last forever! and friends can be lovers and lovers cant be friends! so sometimes before falling try to think which is important, your friendship or the feelings you have for him?
@jharia20 (365)
• Philippines
27 Oct 10
Yeah we can say that easily, but when the feelings come, it is do confusing. Right?don't know what to do because the feeling just over whelmed.
@stylewaves (1062)
• India
27 Oct 10
If you ask a Question friends or Lovers , i`ll go for Friends Only !
@jharia20 (365)
• Philippines
27 Oct 10
Thank you, friends are really the best :)
• Philippines
27 Oct 10
Hi there! I think you shouldn't fall in love with your friend,not that because it's bad but it's much happier to have friends than losing one. Friends and lovers are totally way too different from each other. More often,it's better to keep the friendship that ruin it because of some silly feeling. Well,with some cases falling in love with their friends does them good, but I think in your case,it wouldn't work out. Keep the friendship.
@jharia20 (365)
• Philippines
27 Oct 10
Yeah i agree with you if your friend doesn't feel the same way better yet to save the friendship rather than to insist your feeling. Thank you :)
• Philippines
27 Oct 10
No! It is never our fault if we fall for our friends. It usually happens because as friends, of course you have a lot of time together, therefore you also share a lot of things together. You know almost everything about him or her, in short you know the real hem or her, no pretensions, what you see is what you get! I also experienced the same thing, and it's really a difficult situation as I also want to keep the friendship because I believe it is forever, unlike if we decided to have a romantic relationship and then do not end up together, of course, you cannot bring the friendship back :(
@jharia20 (365)
• Philippines
27 Oct 10
That's true. I think the best lovers are best friends because they knew each other very well but what can we choose? Friendship or love? It is not a too way road that has a U-turn if you broke as lovers it is hard to turn for friendship again..isn't?
@exx007 (167)
• Philippines
27 Oct 10
not bad, i think falling to one friend is a good start
@jharia20 (365)
• Philippines
27 Oct 10
yeah, i also thought of that too :)
• Canada
27 Oct 10
I think sometimes this situation can turn out well, and sometimes not. Just like some people can actually be friends after a relationship ends, some people can turn a friendship into a love relationship. Not everyone can handle it, but you usually don't know if you can until you try!
@jharia20 (365)
• Philippines
27 Oct 10
yes that's right there is no harm in trying, not all friends to lovers relationship turn out so wrong
• United States
27 Oct 10
Everyone says that best friends make the best lovers, but I do not believe this is true. I look to my friends in a totally different way than I do those who I fall in love with. When I think of falling in love with one of my male friends, it is almost a turn off to me, for I do not see them as that. Also, if I fell in love with a man while he was my friend, I would often be weary of them becoming 'friends' with other women, for they could form a loving relationship as we did.
@jharia20 (365)
• Philippines
27 Oct 10
i agree with your first statement, best friends make the best lovers. Isn't that as best friend you will know each other very well?why are you going to stop what you feel right?
@beeh13u (1038)
• Philippines
27 Oct 10
It depends if your friends like you or not. If a friend sees you as a friend and only that, don't fall in love with him/her. It will ruin your friendship. But if you feel the same way with each other, then why not? My friend fell in love with his best friend. And they ignored each other ever since he confessed to her. It is sad because they are no longer friends. So I think don't do the same because sometimes people just like to consider someone as a friend. Friends last forever.
@jharia20 (365)
• Philippines
27 Oct 10
That's the exact thing that happened to me, that was really sad. if the other doesn't like you don't pursue to tell your feelings your be hurt more right? thank you for sharing..
• Philippines
27 Oct 10
Hi jharia20! For me, falling for a friend isn't really bad because you can't control your feelings whether you fall or not. The real weird things is when you didn't even know that you are falling for a friend. In this case, it will lead on too much frustrations and sometimes it may broke your relationship as a friend. If you know your feelings you can control it on a way that you know to stop or continue it. You must also know the feelings of the person you may encounter with. :)
@jharia20 (365)
• Philippines
27 Oct 10
Yeah you're right, i think we think the same way but it is really hard for me to control my feelings. Oh well, thank you for your beautiful response