Am I in love or just comfortable with him?
By phoenix1344
@phoenix1344 (698)
United States
November 3, 2010 12:12pm CST
Ok so I've been dating him since we were both 16 and we are no 21. He and I have seen a lot of ups and downs and have always pulled through together. Around May this year we broke up and have only just gotten back together about 3 weeks ago.
Now I am questioning whether or not I ever loved him and whether I still love him now? I have a lot of fears and anxieties and I don't know if its the fears and anxieties creating these negative thoughts or if there is a true reason I am feeling this way?
I guess... I dont have that 'in love' feeling anymore. And even before when we were together I didn't but I still most of the time had no doubts I loved him. At the time I just believed love was a deeper, quieter feeling then the 'in love' feeling.
Because I know that after years of being together that spark isn't always there. It coems and goes but thats not what makes teh relationship.
But lately Ive been so confused. I want to be in love with him.. is it just a matter of changing my thinking?
Or am I just to comfortable with him to leave? Because leaving him seems impossible.
Anyways any help please.. thanks..
3 people like this
14 responses
@GloomCookieLex (6073)
• United States
3 Nov 10
I do believe that love is a deeper, quieter feeling, but it still undeniably love. If find yourself thinking things like "I want to love him" then I'd venture that you probably don't and it's time for you to move on. If after several months apart and three weeks together you still have no idea how you feel, I think it's best to just move on. If you loved him, you'd know.
I would just like to add that I met my first and only partner when I was 16 as well and I married him when I was 21. I had a bit of a crisis of faith, so to speak, myself. However for me I questioned whether I should love him, but I always knew I did.
@22katie22 (93)
• Mauritius
4 Nov 10
I so agree with what you're saying!!!!
when i was 15 i started dating a guy who worshipped me, he was really tender and caring and affectionate and accepted me as i was.. after 3 years of dating, we got married and it didn't work out. and thinking back, i think i didn't really love him, i was comfortable with him and loved him in an affectionate way but not the "in love" way!
@GloomCookieLex (6073)
• United States
5 Nov 10
Yeah, that's why I don't agree with getting married so young. You don't know what it's like to be in an adult relationship and most of the time it doesn't work out.
@sender621 (14894)
• United States
4 Nov 10
it's easy to fall into a comfort zone with someone. If the relationship is too comfortable and the passion is fading, the love may not be what it was. When you truly love someone, you will feel it in your heart.
@smacksman (6053)
•
4 Nov 10
I think you have spelt out the perfect relationship for a long and happy marriage.
The magazine/Hollywwod/chic-lit specification for LOVE is pretty rare in practice and I think it is most unwise to pass over a steady and stable relationship with a basically nice person in the quest for perfection.
I'm pleased you are back together. My case rests, m'lud.
@pogi253 (1596)
• Philippines
4 Nov 10
Love doesn't fade. It surrounds and flows like the ocean. Sometimes you'll find yourself caught up in the day-to-day forge and you'll forget that you're sharing that monotony with the most incredible person on the planet... it's easy to forget sometimes. It's also easy to remember, love is something that you have to nuture and care for as you would any living, breathing thing. If left alone to idle, it will die... but it doesn't just fade away.
@katie0 (5203)
• Japan
4 Nov 10
I think your question's answer lies on "most of the time I feel I loved him". Of course we don't love someone every second but if you love him and you are sure about it most of the time, than you love him.
And hey...you are very lucky to know him so early. There are many disappoints you didn't meet going out looking for love, he was there with you the whole time lucky girl.
@yanyanyow (326)
• Philippines
4 Nov 10
i have also asked myself if i love my 2yrs bf or im just used to be with him thats why i dont wanna ever leave him. i just think that i found myself happy whenever im with him and feel so safe with someone i can always trust maybe thats how love really works.
@irisheyes (4370)
• United States
3 Nov 10
You are so young. The person you are now is not the person you will be in another 5 or 10 years and it's not the person you were 6 years ago either. Maybe, this should be a time of searching for the right person but you have to find yourself first. Just listen to your own heart and gut and go with it. Explore your doubts and be honest with yourself. You have plenty of time. Maybe he's the one and maybe he's not but the answer can only come from you and it sounds like you're on the right track. Just don't expect an easy fix. You're growing up and that's never easy.
@YoungTay (83)
• United States
3 Nov 10
Its hard to say because you might feel comfortable withh him so you dont wanna leave him you dont know if yo brain trickin you to be with just because this is who your comfortable with or is it real love an the doubting is just messing with your head its so complicated man i know an im only 16 shake my head.
@his0yir (258)
•
4 Nov 10
I can't remember where I read this sentence: 'Love is not love; love is conditional.'
There are many kinds of love. You may love someone in one way and when you fall in love with another person, you love him/her in another way. A couple got married because they think they love each other. But as time goes by, love evolves; it transfers and brings you different feelings. It may stay the same for some people, but more often it changes throughout time. What happens during relationship also makes impact on love itself. If a couple has prospect to be together for long term, they should have this in mind that their relationship needs to develop constantly in order to face the changes around (or inside) them. Since everyone changes, love changes too.
However, I think the most important is to ask yourself what is the meaning of being with this person, and what you seek in this relationship. Whether it is pure and passionate love, or tranquil and comfortable lifestyle? How you define love and what is your role in this relationship? Finding the answers may not help you to make the decision but you can feel more certain when facing the other person.
@lakerfanster (2577)
•
4 Nov 10
If you have been with someone for five years and don't know if you are in love then there's something wrong with the relationship.
@cerkeevans (134)
• China
4 Nov 10
If u wanna love, just love ,,but if ur not sure u can live with him or not,, just do not go that far ,, it wasn't easy 4 two people live together..
@toniganzon (72281)
• Philippines
4 Nov 10
When you broke up before, how did you feel about it. Were you too depressed or did it even matter to you that much? Why did you get back to him anyway?
I have almost the same experience with you and we got back together because he begged and was crying at that time. So my reason was pity. I pitied him but didn't love him that much, but I was also too comfortable to leave him anyway. Given the chance that I found another person to love at that time, I wouldn't have get back with him.
I hope you'll be able to sort out your feelings soon. Good luck!
@INCEPTION4U (44)
• India
3 Nov 10
love is not like some kind of shaky experience or ecstasy that hits you when u r taking more tequila shots.frankly its so mild n its the greatest emotion u can never ever sense that u r filled with it too much and only starts to sense it when its spilling coz u r full of it.
see this in ur way.u r comfortble with him n only him even though many wants you n you can get many around you?rite?then y only him?why bcoz mind knows it that u r full n dnt need anything so it doesn't even remembered you to find someone.u r into him so much that u urself dnt know abt this.my opinion is true bell doesn't ring bells in ur mind or play a loud rock music when you are in it.its like romantic violin music playin so smooth n makes u wanna listen to it as many times as you can n cant know this till u cant hear.
hope that you will find love in what you think is true n i wish that it shd be really true in ur matter.thanx for reading.be my friend...?hahaha kiddin