How to say no in a tactful way
By mayrah
@mayrah (1144)
United States
November 10, 2010 12:29am CST
They said that a polite no is better than a rude yes, however I just want to ask, Is there really a way to say no tactfully. This is my problem before, learning to say no in a tactful way. Every time my friends or someone I know ask me to do a favor, even IF I didn't like that I was persuaded to say yes, just because it's hard for me to refuse, so most of the time I was doing things I didn't really like. Maybe I was just afraid of seeing their reaction once I turned them down. Even when somebody is courting me I can't say no personally even if I didn't like the guy, I can say it on text because I won't see their reaction,what I will do is just ignore him or change the topic when he insisted to ask me, and I think it wasn't the right thing to do. How about you? How do you say no tactfully? Can we really say no in a non-hurting manner? How?
7 responses
@beeh13u (1038)
• Philippines
10 Nov 10
This is very interesting. I don't like to turn down an offer from friends because it may offend them. So every time that happens, I first give a positive introduction like "wow that's nice, I heard about that/I really love to come...", then the BUT word comes after. I don't like their reaction when being rejected. That's why I add an apology and explain further about the reason.
When turning down a guy, I make myself the reason so that they wont think there's a problem with them. LOL. Then I try to cheer them up. It's hard to look at their faces. :(
@redberry (178)
• Philippines
10 Nov 10
haha! We're the same. I am very tactless, but when it comes to turning down and offer or request from a friend I become tactful in a snap! LOL. I treasure my friends and they are importance to me. I'm always careful not to hurt they're feelings and always give them an explaing as why I declined or refuse. I just want to be sure that they understand me and that they know that I don't want to offend them.
1 person likes this
@TheAdvocate (2392)
• Philippines
11 Nov 10
If you find out, give me a shoutout. That's my problem too - probably because we do not want to hurt the ones we love with a no. Sometimes what I do is just keep silent until the person asking gets the hint. Unless I am unfortunate enough to meet someone insensitive, and will take my silence to be yes.
@ace_dasma (22)
• Philippines
10 Nov 10
well,it is hard to say most of the time...hmm, sometimes i said to them "how about this,is it ok?" or " ya, your right...What?NO"
@holesworth (220)
• Australia
11 Nov 10
I used to be quite hesitant about saying no to people because I always felt that I would let them down. And then I realised that I was doing so much for everybody else that I had no time for myself. As a consequence, I now say no more often; particularly if I am legitimately unable to help them.
The key to saying no - in my opinion - is as simple as being honest. For instance, if you say no because you do not have the time, then advise them of this fact. Most people are understanding; especially if they are a family member or friend. If someone keeps hounding you once you have said no, then it is time to question their motive and ponder just how much respect they actually have for you.
Sure, people do not like hearing 'no'; but it always advisable to ask yourself - would this particular friend do me the same favour if I requested it? If the answer is consistently 'no, they would not', then it is time to analyse the one-sided aspect of the friendship and make an informed decision based on that.
@toniganzon (72285)
• Philippines
11 Nov 10
I usually start it with saying: I'd love to do it or I'd love to join you, but my schedule doesn't allow it or me to do so. And would continue saying, I know you'll understand and I hope to say yes next time.
@vangie26 (445)
• Philippines
10 Nov 10
Yes, we can say no in a nice way. My way of saying it is always followed by the word "my apology but no, i can't...". It's as simple as that rather than compromise yourself on things that you said yes but deep inside you are struggling. Better be truthful and honest than put yourself in a situation that you don't want to. Have a good day!
