When we are in love.......

I can relate to what u are saying , Zandi. I tried for years to make a relationship work & it just wouldn't so i got out of it &. HAVE NEVER BEEN SORRY I DI. i AM SORRY IT COULDN'T BE WORKED OUT BUT IT TAKES TWO TO DO THAT & IT WAS JUST ME. i'M SORRY U ARE IN THAT SITUATION, LIFE IS TOO SHORT TO LIVE LIKE THAT.

hi zandi so many go into marriage happy joyjoy without a clue about the other person. first they base love on expectations he will always be tall, dark and hansome, but the real person belches and burps and often leaves the toilet seat up.or she will always be slim and smell of french perfume but she gets plump with haveing a baby and often smello of baby burps, this is not what he wanted, she was a poster girl, this is a real live woman instead. What we do not do and we all should is love ujnconditonally, take a person as he or she really is, the real person who burps and maybe farts and sometimes spills something on his or her clothes. He and she are real people not celebs on a poster picture perfect. we are imperfect as we are human beings.When you love unconditionally you take each other as you are, you do mot put conditions on them as I w ill marry you when you lose ten pounds, or I will marry you when you learn not to b urp; we expect perfection and thats silly a w we know we are not perfect.Look at the marriage vows,.for better or worse, they knew we are not perfect as we are real live human beings.

When we initially ‘fall in love’ we are truly blind to any faults the person we’ve fallen for may have and, after a while together the veil is somehow lifted and we begin to see our partner for the human being that he is full of imperfections just like us! These faults sometimes create glitches in our relationship that we may find difficult to live with. There are some things that are deal breakers but other things we learn to co-exist with. One of the lessons I have learned during my journey is not to expect anything from others so what they do or do not do should not upset me so much. I have learned not to rely too much on my partner and to show him compassion and forgiveness whenever I can manage it and when things get too hard I take some time out and come back when I feel better. Marriage can be tough and hard work and the trick is to look for its gifts even if they come in the form of hard to take lessons such as the fact that only we can make ourselves happy!

Hi zandi yours it's a very difficult position to be in I know...been there done that, but if you wish to go on accept it and be patient as you are already doing. This is part of my speech at my son's wedding[ cheer each others accomplishment and success have compassion and understanding for each others weakness] if one can still have that in a marriage then it's worth working on it!

i agree with you^^ we always expect a lot from the person we love and sometimes the person isnt like we think. like we think he will be so sweet and so caring and so romantic and makes us feel so happy and then the person isnt so sweet like we thought. sometimes we want to receive the same amount of love that we give to that person but that doesnt happen always. and then we get sad and disappointed. i agree that sometimes we cant see the reality. and we rather live in a dreamy land thinking the person might change.

yes,i don't like myself because when i'm in love i always blind, i don't see what is bad or negative. but if you are always love your partner you will be happy. because love can change the world. love make me happy. felling good to love other.

It is a very very difficult situation Zandi, be it between spouses and oneself, mother/father and oneself, children and oneself.We tend to get emotionally attached to certain people and our level of involvement gets very high. Here there needs to be absolute priority in loyalty.As Cordelia pointed out, we married women owe our first loyalty to our husbands especially if he has been a reasonable person. Sometime we are more emotionally inclined towards children or parents in some rare situations if especially, this person needs us more than our husbands. Similarly, when our duties keep us chained to our husbands , the other party wh o have been the beneficiaries of our attention [when there was no conflict of interest] earlier, find it difficult to adjust to the new situation.If the conflict is between one's parents and husband there is no worse thing than this because child becomes the husband's /wife's but parents become one's exclusive emotional bond which the spouse would not tolerate. THe case viceversa also operates like that. HOw do we keep our peace? We do our best in balancing both. We cannot expect anyone with all answers because we ourselves would fail miserably if the other person expects it from us.So, we would only have to learn to think things form another person's point of view[if we really love the person] and get on with no expectations and counting our blessings.

I am in a midst of confusion right now my friend and your discussion is so relevant with what I am going through. I hate letting people know about it, but sometimes, releasing it is one way of relief. I am in love and still in love with the man I thought I could be with for the rest of these coming days. I did not expect him to be like somebody else nor ask him to be like this and like that. I have accepted his flaws and tried my very best to please him. I kept quiet for a year trying to cover all his misbehaviors. Despite everything, I gave him all the chances thinking that he will realize my worth. Unfortunately, I was mistaken. I think in situations where you cannot see the expectations, just accept it. Acceptance is your relief to be happy. Now, I cannot still stay happy because I am waiting for answers.

Kind of works both ways. When you're in love you also tend to overlook traits that you end up not being able to live with.

Stop! Go back and see what it was that attracted you in the first place. People are never what you first see in them. But also what you saw still has value. It is totally unfair to make another responsible for your happiness. You and you alone hold that responsibility. You need to develope your own strength and not keep searching for someone else to supply your emotional needs. If you can come to that point, your present situation will either come to an end or resolve it's self into a much better place. If it's at all possible you need to communicate with each other, make lists of expectations, hopes and dreams then compare these goals and see what you have in common. Treat this like a business relationship, you each want something and are willing to pay for that. Get the emotions out of the mix and see if you can handle it this way. Blessings

Hello Zandi, I am having a hard time making myself happy since I've become almost overwhelmingly selfish,arrogant and short fuse. so, If i have problem with myself how much more when sharing with lives with some one. Relationship meant about sharing lives with some one, including you're attitudes, good and bad.personally, at my age, I am sorry but i haven't reach that level of maturity in terms of handling a relationship Ijust had to live with it being single i guess.