Has Anyone Out There Had Help With A Gambling Addiction?
By Janey1966
@Janey1966 (24170)
Carlisle, England
January 5, 2011 11:37am CST
At the moment I don't know what to do. Years ago I lived with a guy who lied to me on a regular basis and it got to the stage where I couldn't distinguish the truth from the lies, so I left him. All that was over financies and other things but NOT gambling on his part.
Once I left "Blobby" I was determined to find someone as honest as me. For example, John (hubby) knows exactly what my financial situation is because I choose to tell him. He knows that I have a nil balance on my credit card.
Upon tidying up after putting the Christmas tree/decorations away I found (not hidden) a load of NatWest bank envelopes that hadn't been opened. This annoys me at the best of times. I'm not proud of this but I decided to open them. Now, John had told me when he bought this computer that it was on his credit card BUT he was "in credit by quite a lot" so £349.99 would become a £150 debt instead. Well, after reading his statements this is a downright lie. Yes, he was in debit by about £2 only 2 months ago but now his balance has shot right up to over 600 POUNDS! That's BEFORE the computer balance has been added onto it, so call it a grand come February that he owes. The gloss of using this new computer has now disappeared.
I know that I need to find a job to help him out BUT what gets me is that, even if I did, I'm now convinced he would carry on gambling. According to his credit card statements most of the transactions concerning giving Sky Bet £50 here, £100 there via the internet. He has paid £50 off his balance, which is over his minimum amount but his gambling habit will soon take over again, which makes me feel sick thinking about it. His own computer is slowing down so my guess is that he's gambling using his mobile phone, where he can access the internet whenever he likes.
I really feel like leaving him over this, more for his dishonesty than anything else. It's like history is repeating itself and I'm sick of it. The fact is, his earnings aren't enough for all his outgoings, as he has one of those Offset Mortgages that he's only paying interest on. It will take him years to pay it and this place is a dump, it's not as though we have anything to show for all his "hard work." He needs a rise and fast, I'm sick of him not asking for one.
Would you confront him about it? I think I will because he's not likely to confide in me anytime soon, and this credit card debt will get larger. He had been denied credit so stopped using it a few months ago but he didn't cut the thing up which rang alarm bells at the time. I know I haven't cut mine up but there again, I haven't been using it either so why couldn't he have the same restraint?
I've just spoken to him on the phone and he knows I'm not happy. No doubt he will lie a bit more when I confront him about his debts.
I know that I need to find a job to help him out BUT what gets me is that, even if I did, I'm now convinced he would carry on gambling. According to his credit card statements most of the transactions concerning giving Sky Bet £50 here, £100 there via the internet. He has paid £50 off his balance, which is over his minimum amount but his gambling habit will soon take over again, which makes me feel sick thinking about it. His own computer is slowing down so my guess is that he's gambling using his mobile phone, where he can access the internet whenever he likes.
I really feel like leaving him over this, more for his dishonesty than anything else. It's like history is repeating itself and I'm sick of it. The fact is, his earnings aren't enough for all his outgoings, as he has one of those Offset Mortgages that he's only paying interest on. It will take him years to pay it and this place is a dump, it's not as though we have anything to show for all his "hard work." He needs a rise and fast, I'm sick of him not asking for one.
Would you confront him about it? I think I will because he's not likely to confide in me anytime soon, and this credit card debt will get larger. He had been denied credit so stopped using it a few months ago but he didn't cut the thing up which rang alarm bells at the time. I know I haven't cut mine up but there again, I haven't been using it either so why couldn't he have the same restraint?
I've just spoken to him on the phone and he knows I'm not happy. No doubt he will lie a bit more when I confront him about his debts.2 people like this
4 responses
@hofferp (4734)
• United States
5 Jan 11
Janey, I'm so sorry to hear about John's gambling habit. It's certainly a hard habit to break, but not impossible either. I would sit down with him and let him know that I found his statements and that his continued gambling is unacceptable. I would suggest professional help if he can't quit on his own. I think I'd also let him know that he has a serious choice to make gambling or me.
Asking for a raise, you going to back to work, etc. to bring more money in won't solve the problem...he'd just spend more gambling... It's the gambling problem that needs to be addressed, stopping the outflow. At some future time, you can focus on the inflow...
Before I talked to him I think I'd do some research online for gambling, support groups, etc. Know as much as you can before you start the discussion.
Good luck, and if you need support, you know we're here...
@Janey1966 (24170)
• Carlisle, England
5 Jan 11
Thanks so much for your support. I confessed to John at tea-time that I'd read his credit card statements and he told me it was genuine that he'd had a "big win" which enabled him to pay off most of his bill. He said he'd done this after the last statement came in. The "big win" scenario is what he told me in the car when I confronted him about the Mastercard receipt after buying this computer a few days ago.
He also told me that he isn't living off his overdraft to which I replied, "well, why use your credit card to gamble then?" and he said, "I don't know." I told him he had a gambling problem that needed to be addressed and that I left a guy before who used to lie to me a lot about money. John then got his credit card out and cut it up in front of me, so I've done the same with mine.
What annoys me the most is that NatWest (his bank) stopped his last credit card once it was paid off as it got a bit out of hand, then sent him a new one when the dates ran out. I suspect John requested it, I don't actually believe him when he said they just sent him a new one out of the blue.
At least I've made it harder for him to gamble now. He didn't seem that concerned that I'd opened up his mail which surprised me somewhat. I thought he'd go ballistic to be honest.
So, to sum up, his credit card bill isn't as high as I think it is but I must be honest and say I'll be tempted to open up his next statement as this will show if he's telling the truth or not. He doesn't open them so I'll have to do it for him!!
@Janey1966 (24170)
• Carlisle, England
6 Jan 11
The post comes when he's at work so I'll be on the lookout for his next credit card statement. If he's telling the truth, the balance will be less than what I think it is.
@dawnald (85137)
• Shingle Springs, California
2 Mar 11
Here comes Dawn, 2 months late...
So how is it now? Has he realized that it's a problem, and stopped doing it. It's one thing if something like this happens once, but more than once, you have a real problem.
@Janey1966 (24170)
• Carlisle, England
2 Mar 11
Hi Dawn, better late than never lol.
Many thanks for asking me about this...as far as I'm aware John isn't gambling or if he is he's being extremely secretive about it.
Having said that, since we've done the Ceremonial Cutting Of Our Credit Cards he does seem a lot happier in himself, especially since he found out last week about his impending wage rise come April.
I know he must've paid his credit card off as he doesn't recieve statements anymore. The same happened with me. No good sending me a statement with a nil balance on it every month!
Many thanks for asking me about this...as far as I'm aware John isn't gambling or if he is he's being extremely secretive about it.
Having said that, since we've done the Ceremonial Cutting Of Our Credit Cards he does seem a lot happier in himself, especially since he found out last week about his impending wage rise come April.
I know he must've paid his credit card off as he doesn't recieve statements anymore. The same happened with me. No good sending me a statement with a nil balance on it every month!
@skysuccess (8857)
• Singapore
6 Jan 11
Janey1966,
I believe you've arrested the problem at an early stage and as such I would not really want to call John a gambling addict, yet.
It is really admirable that you've both sat down and confronted the issue. Now, I think you may be able to take this a step further where I believe you can put an injunction on your credit cards to reject any payments to online betting sites. You may want to check with your card issuing bank about this.
I hope that your husband will stop dreaming of that big win when 9 out of 10 punters actually loose. Gambling can never earn anyone money other than the bookies or casino owners because if I am wrong then I am sure Vegas would have gone bust long time ago.
@Janey1966 (24170)
• Carlisle, England
6 Jan 11
Been there, done that lol. Many thanks for your support, it's much appreciated.
1 person likes this
@margerydaw14 (735)
•
5 Jan 11
i am really sad to hear this, my friend was married to a gambler and he went so far to gamble every thing away, including their home. it was only her hard work that kept their heads above water. she turned everything around and they have their own home again, but she had to threaten divorce before he would see what damage he was doing to their relationship. I am not saying for one minute you should threaten your hubby like that, but he does need help.
@Janey1966 (24170)
• Carlisle, England
6 Jan 11
The problem with John is his face is very difficult to read (deadpan) so I can't tell if he's lying or not. I've always known about his gambling but it's the amount he's gambling with that frighten me. If I had those amounts in my account it would like winning the lottery but he's not even using real money is he?
At least he has cut the credit card up (and I've done the same with mine) so that's a start. He told me that he's a lot better off than this time last year which I believe because he was extremely depressed over his financial situation and sorted it out with his bank. I do know that he pays his mortgage religiously as a roof over our heads is his priority. Therein lies the problem because (even though this place is a dump) he has to pay well over £300 mortgage every month, and that's before the Council Tax and such-like kick in.
I shall keep an eye on the situation!
