so sad . . .

@zapatee (477)
Philippines
February 5, 2011 7:27am CST
why do some people believe that in romantic relationships, one has the right to act as if his/her partner is a "property" and less of a person who has an independent mind, heart, and needs too? i've always believed that partners should still give each other individual freedom. as long as there is trust, honesty, open communication, and respect, and the relationship will not be ruined by something like cheating, physical, emotional, and mental abuse, etc. they should also help and support each other to grow as persons. how about you, what's your take on relationships?
2 people like this
13 responses
@JenInTN (27545)
• United States
7 Feb 11
I feel the same way. It's sad that there are people that think they have to lose themselves for love. I think that there is a great need to allow a person to continue to grow even though they are in a relationship. I think the strongest relationships are those that have supportive and caring partners.
1 person likes this
@zapatee (477)
• Philippines
8 Feb 11
hi, jenintn. yup, often the passion and excitement is really high at the beginning of every relationship. i agree with your grandfather that "liking" the person you are with can boost the chances of having a successful relationship. mutual respect is also very important because couples may not agree on some things but it does not mean that they can't work it out (compromise or negotiate). @ nieljohnson-- i believe lifetime fidelity is possible. i know many couples who had this. my grandparents, my parents, and many others. i'm not familiar with the common causes for divorce in the US and other western countries since i'm from asia. but abusive behaviors are also common causes of broken marriages/unhappy relationships here in our country. thanks for the comments!
• United States
5 Feb 11
I think I agree with you Zap! I even think that each party needs a certain amount of "mad money." It's money that they put in their pocket and can spend any way they desire. They are not quesitoned about how they spend it (or save it). It's their own money that is separate from the household budget!
@zapatee (477)
• Philippines
6 Feb 11
i like that idea, macdingolinger! "mad money" for one's personal spending or savings, that's great. i think it would even be fun because i can sure use some of it to buy my partner surprise presents too . thanks for responding!
1 person likes this
• United States
6 Feb 11
Yep, it's great because the other is not "allowed" to ask you about your mad money - it's your money separate from the household budget! You can spend it all on m&ms if you want!
@Lakota12 (42678)
• United States
5 Feb 11
partner thats the word . you work TOGETHR to male life together and be happy neither one should act like the other is prperty but I see alot do sad sighhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
1 person likes this
@zapatee (477)
• Philippines
6 Feb 11
that's exactly why i opened up this discussion, lakota. i keep seeing couples, married, young or old, who argue so much about how one is supposed to "behave" as a wife/husband or girlfriend/boyfriend commonly triggered by too much jealousy, possessiveness, or simply being too controlling. an example is a young couple i know where the husband wouldn't allow his wife to get a job she has been offered by a friend of hers and which she's good at. she said the money would really come in handy when they finally have children. she's also barred from seeing her friends since he insists that being married now she should only attend to his needs and do household chores.
@Lakota12 (42678)
• United States
7 Feb 11
No thats not right of him he is off working and seeing epeople talking to them am sure he has friends she also need friends if his continues it will only end up in divorce or her going grazy for all the controling heis doing!
@debbie_19 (228)
• Las Pinas City, Philippines
6 Feb 11
Sometimes, being possessive is not good in a relationship when it is not appropriate. When two people are having trouble with their relationship, it is best to talk about it so you would understand each other, your limitations and goals as individuals and as a couple... :)
1 person likes this
@zapatee (477)
• Philippines
6 Feb 11
yup, debbie, communication is really important as much as honesty, trust, and acceptance. often, misunderstandings happen because we don't talk with our partners when we should. well, it's part of making the relationship grow and mature and knowing each other's goals and limitations as individuals and as a couple, like you said. thanks for the response!.
@dreamnishu (1253)
• China
6 Feb 11
hello friend! yes in a relation every one should give freedom each other otherwise it will be like a jail.i think every partner have to give respect each other.now a days some people think relationship means only physical relation.but it is a sick person's thinking.a relationship means to do respect,believe,understand,and give freedom each other.i want a person who knows what is a relationship. thanks a lot.
1 person likes this
@zapatee (477)
• Philippines
6 Feb 11
yes, being "jailed" or imprisoned is wrong in a relationship. freedom as an individual should still be respected and partners are supposed to make each other grow as individuals and as a partner in a relationship. thanks for responding!
• United States
6 Feb 11
I think a relationship should be a mutual thing. You should both appreciate your partner. They are not "property" that's just disgusting. How can we own someone else? That means that the person is such a controler that there is no freedom or peace to simply live.
1 person likes this
@zapatee (477)
• Philippines
6 Feb 11
that's what i think too, macdolinger. well, "controlling" people do exist and they seem to like having that certain sadistic power over their partners and that's just sad. these people use different forms of "owning" or "controlling" their partners like physical, emotional, or mental abuse. culture also plays a role in some countries. while some practice the "those who holds the purse, wields the power" mantra. really sad.
@tiffnkeat (1678)
• Singapore
6 Feb 11
Relationships is meant to give of oneself and not take from the other. It is to relate, not to own, otherwise it would have been called ownership. you are right that Trust is very important. Responsibility too.
1 person likes this
@zapatee (477)
• Philippines
6 Feb 11
yup, tiffnkeat, a relationships is not about ownership and there is responsibility. each one must work to make the whole thing succeed, not just one or the other. trust is very important too as it is one of the basic ingredients that make it work, like honesty and communication. thanks for responding!
• Finland
5 Feb 11
I have to disagree with you. I am not very sensitible man myself, and I think that romantic relationships are waste of time. I prefer one night ralationships.
1 person likes this
@zapatee (477)
• Philippines
6 Feb 11
oh, okay, jete. well, methinks one-night stands are not relationships in the real sense of the word. relationships cannot be built in one night or a few days even. in my book at least, they take time--months or years and i don't think they are a waste of time. there's emotional investments there and in the real world it happens and many couples are happy at having one. thanks for responding!
• United States
5 Feb 11
what's your take on relationships? For me while in a relationship one must always remember the reason why they are together in the first place. Meaning that if we could all remember the joy, and love that got us together in the first place we could continue to strive for that forever. Unfortunately sometimes many forget that and it goes downhill. I have been in a wonderful, thus far successful five year relationship and each time I can remember how much I love him helps me to continue to further do so for many years to come.
1 person likes this
@zapatee (477)
• Philippines
6 Feb 11
i completely agree with you on that, hardworkinggurl. often we let even the smallest or silliest things get in the way of making our relationships work. we also forget about the "partnership" thing, the give-and-take that binds two different people together. great to know you're on your fifth year now with your partner, gurl. relationships do need work and understanding. cheers to many more years for you both and thanks for responding!
1 person likes this
• Philippines
5 Feb 11
I agree with you that even if you are in a relationship your partner not your property. Even if you two are married. Each of you must have freedom to do things your way. As long that your decisions or your doings won't affect your married life or your love life. Respect and Trust should go hand in hand in a relationship.
@zapatee (477)
• Philippines
6 Feb 11
yup, markroderick. one of the biggest things i really appreciate about couples who have been together for many years is how they try to give each other enough space to pursue other things outside of their relationship or marriage. i think that alone helps to make a relationship healthy and strong. thanks for responding!
@lhenpaule (497)
• Philippines
5 Feb 11
See your partner as you see yourself...realizing and accepting that although you two are two-different individuals, you are united as one. Each individual uniqueness will be a basis and foundation for both of you to be a better person and as partner.
1 person likes this
@zapatee (477)
• Philippines
5 Feb 11
you got that right, lhenpaule. supporting each other's dreams and interests while maintaining your relationship is great. while we may not understand some of our partner's individual needs or wants, as long as there is respect, trust, and some freedom given, i don't see why a relationship should be negatively affected. often, individual interests even add some spark and beauty to a relationship which leads to better understanding and mutual acceptance.
• Philippines
5 Feb 11
I have always believed in the saying that "no one owns anyone".And yes I strong agree with you that we should give each other individual freedom. Treating your partners as your possession is unpleasant. We are not like pets where we are told what to so. We have our own minds and we are entitled to our decisions.
1 person likes this
@zapatee (477)
• Philippines
5 Feb 11
i agree, gambamarcela. each one of us should still strive to maintain our individualities and independence while keeping our relationships. i know many couples who have stayed for 20, 30, more years in their marriage, happy and with no lack of respect for each other's personal capacities and successful careers. in contrast, trying to curtail a partner's personal and professional growth through emotional and mental abuse is simply horrible. physical abuse is similarly demeaning and terrible.
@dorannmwin (36648)
• United States
8 Feb 11
I feel like when you are in a relationship with someone that your life is not excluesively shared. What I mean is that no matter how much time you are in a relationship with someone, there will always be some aspects of your life that are yours alone and this will also be the case for your significant other as well. However, there will also be a lot of things about your lives that you will share. If you were to share everything about your lives, then you wouldn't really be a very happy couple.
1 person likes this