Pregnant and Expecting number 3

I too wanted to make sure that we were able to support our own family before we had children of our own. Now, our daughter was definitely not a planned pregnancy, however, we did pay rent for the time that we spent living at my mother's house and then we were able to buy our own house three years ago. We've been here ever since.

Having kids usually doesn't ever come at the 'perfect' or 'right' time, even if you do sort of plan them. Even so, people should be expected (and helped out by tough love) to be on their own when they get to the point where they are considered legal adults and having kids. I don't think her mom should allow them to live there and not pay rent - I personally don't think they need to be living there at ALL unless they are paying her rent - that she very well may turn around and give BACK to them as a deposit on an apartment when they move out. That would be a very judicious way for them to put aside the deposit for an apartment or a down on a house. Mom needs to help them do this of course, and also stipulate they cannot just live there forever while they continue growing their family. That really is taking advantage. It sounds like they really have no plans to move out, they aren't putting aside or saving any money to become independent, and it just makes me cringe. I know there are other societies and cultures that all live together, generations of them, but that kind of icks me out too. I wouldn't want several generations of mine and his family nosing into anything we decided to do or did as a family. That would so get on my last nerve and I'd have to hope it was MY house so I could say 'out!' lol! I DO think it's wonderful that they are having another baby but I just so wish they had their own place and were not being more of a burden on someone else who loves them and probably feels obligated. Don't they have any pride?

Well that's the thing... when we raise kids, we raise them by teaching them how to do for themselves and also expecting them to do for themselves. They begin doing that with us as a safety net, but as they head toward adulthood, we as parents should provide less and less of a safety net and more and more support and cheering on for them to do it all on their own, from internal motivation to the end game, making their goals and taking each step on their own to get there. This isn't to say we don't help, but we should be reasonably sure they are doing EVERYTHING they can before we help, know what I mean? My suggestion about having them pay rent to your mom and then having her put that aside - perhaps without telling them - for later is something they should do, it would be a great way for them to get used to paying that amount on time every month for the privelage - not the right - of living there, but later on it will help them get on their feet when they eventually do move out. If either of my grown kids had to move back home, that is something I would do. I would NOT allow them to just live here free, I will tell you that much. They'd have to pay some sort of regular rent, even if it was very small, like $100, and they would have to pay for their own extras, such as their own cell phone and bill, their own car/car payment/ins and gas, their own clothing, personal care items, and extra food if they wanted something specific or whatnot.

I'm not ridiculing them for having another child. In fact, I am excited to have the opportunity to be an aunt again since I won't be having any more children of my own. I think that the aspect that I have a problem with is the fact that they are pretty much living life off of someone else's hard work and that is what bothers me the most. Tom and I did live with my mother for several years after Kathryn was born to make sure that we weren't going to have too many struggles in life. However, during each and every one of the months that we lived with her, we paid her rent because that was the only right thing to do in my opinion.

I'm still trying to figure out where they are going to put the baby. The house has four bedrooms. My mother has a bedroom and my sister has a bedroom (my sister is the youngest and not married and unable to find a job right now so I understand why she lives at home still). My brother and sister-in-law share a room and their two daughters share a room. There is definitely not room for a crib in Lilliana and Kaylen's room and I'm not sure if there is room for one in the parent's bedroom either.

What does your mom think of this? If they have to freeload in order to buy the car, they didn't need to buy the car.. JMO.

I don't think that she is too happy about it. However, I don't talk to her as often as I used to because everything about this situation is straining our relationship.

I don't know what possesses them to continue to build their family either. I mean, it would be one thing if they were at least paying some sort of rent so that they would have pride in their space. But freeloading, in my opinion, is something that is never acceptable. That said, they have bought their own car (first one three years ago and the second less than a week ago). I personally think that having my own roof over my head is far more important than having a flashy car.

I tend to think that for them it will be something that will be virtually impossible. The reason that I think this will be the case is that they both continually have holes burned in their pockets when they have money. I think that if they were to learn to be less intent on spending all of the money that they have that they would really find themselves to be in a much better situation.

I can say this much for me. My doors are always open for my nieces.

It makes me afraid what will happen to them when they finally live on their own. Afraid for the kids.

Oh, I'm definitely happy that I will be having a new niece or nephew. I just wish that they would be able to get the rest of their lives together.

My own house was something that I dreamt about for a long time before I actually had it. However, before my husband and myself were lucky enough to buy our own house, we did pay rent to have our own space. That was space that I took a lot of pride in as well because it was my space.

I will admit that there have been times that my mother has helped us out. However, we view it as a matter of what goes around comes around. She has helped us, but we've also helped her. I think that is what family is for, but I honestly don't know if my brother and sister-in-law would ever help Mom if she went through another tough time in her life.

Now that it is too late to do this for them, I've suggested that they check with a credit counselor to see if they might be able to help them get their budget figured out. I don't know if they will listen to my advice, but all I can do is try.

I'm sure that they will be okay. I just wish that they would start to get all of the other aspects of their lives together.

My brother does work hard, that is really the thing that gets me. He works at least six days a week usually and sometimes he ends up working all seven days in the week. He has really good weekly paychecks and I don't understand why they aren't able to save at least a little bit of money, but that seems to be something that is impossible for them to do.

I know that I would be embarrased. I mean we were paying rent when I was pregnant with my second one. However, I felt like I'd somehow fallen short because we didn't have a house yet when Paul was born.

I am excited about the baby. However, I'm not so excited about the rest of the situation involved with this.

Though the support in the future would be something that could serve some kind of reassurance in the future for me. I don't think that I would be able to live with myself if I knew that I was raising my children because of someone else's hard earned money.