Do I keep my last name or go back to maiden name???

United States
February 14, 2011 8:32am CST
Well it's finally happened. After almost a year of trying to work things out I told my husband I wanted a divorce. We have been together almost 10 years and married for 7. Problems have been there from the start but I just didn't want to see them,and when I did tell him there were things he needed to fix,he admittedly hoped for it to just blow over and did nothing. Well I'm done being unhappy and treated poorly so now I wonder if I should go back to my maiden name or keep the married name. I have a child and she has his last name,but I don't want to be a "" anymore ya know. I kinda want to go back to my name but I am sure there are some things to consider first,so lay it on me. Are you going threw a divorce or been threw one? What are the pros and cons of keeping the last name of your ex? I am really at a loss here.
2 people like this
10 responses
@owlwings (42600)
• Cambridge, England
14 Feb 11
You will doubtless have numerous accounts and documents in your married name. Finding and changing all of these could be a headache. Otherwise, changing your name is really 'cosmetic' (though I perfectly understand why you would want to). I know a number of divorced people. Some of them have kept their married name (until they have changed it by marrying again), others have reverted to their maiden name. I think it's your choice but perhaps a matter you should discuss with your attourney/solicitor.
2 people like this
• United States
14 Feb 11
Yes it might be a headache,but I did forget to mention he has two prior divorces before me,both which kept his last name,one has remarried but the other has not. I just don't want to be another former Mrs."" that to me just bothers me so much. I will chat with the person helping me and see what they think would be best.
1 person likes this
• United States
14 Feb 11
Owl has a very good point here. It is a hassle to change all the documents in your married name back to your maiden name. Also, if you forget to change one or two, then it can become a problem later on. Of course, it can be corrected and the name changed, but it can also hold up certain processes depending upon what you forget to change, especially if money is involved, such as life insurance policies or other things where they have to verify your identity before payment can be processed.
1 person likes this
• United States
14 Feb 11
Yep yep and yep looks like it might be better to stick with the exes last name even if I loathe it!
@gabs8513 (48710)
• United Kingdom
14 Feb 11
Sweetie I am really sorry to hear this I kept my married Name but that was more for the Children as they did not want me to have a different Name to them, at the end of the Day Sweet, it is only a Name Again only keep it if you feel comfortable with it Big Hugs Sweetie and I am sorry it has come to this
1 person likes this
• United States
14 Feb 11
Thanks Gabs,yea I am so ok with it,once I started opening my eyes to things it all seemed like he only married me and stayed with me more for convenience than love and I am 31 and deserve so much better.
@sid556 (30987)
• United States
15 Feb 11
Gabs is right. It really is just a name. My oldest daughter got married when my other girls were still very young as I was married twice. I had gone back to my maiden name. We all got different names. A nurse once asked us if we got confused. Um...no we are on a first name basis...other people get confused.
1 person likes this
• United States
15 Feb 11
sid this is true,I'm still not 100% sure what I am going to do yet,one minute I think I will keep it and the next I don't want it.
@sid556 (30987)
• United States
15 Feb 11
Well, i've been married twice. The first time, I kept my married name. Why? So it'd be the same as my daughters'. Well, that didn't work because I got remarried and went on to have more children. When I divorced for the 2nd time I decided to go back my maiden name. Now none of us had the same last name but we all had our original birth name. I figured that when I took his last name it signified that we were married. Taking his name is a part of getting married so dropping it would be a part of getting divorced. on the flip side...it is also a royal pain in the butt to change your name and all your legal documents. No one can tell you what to do...just one of those things.
1 person likes this
• United States
15 Feb 11
See the hassle of changing it back is what runs threw my mind the most,but really it wouldn't be that big of a deal. I mean I just don't want to be another one of his exes with the last name,I guess I just hate the thought of that.
1 person likes this
@sid556 (30987)
• United States
15 Feb 11
That's pretty much how I felt about it too. It was really worth the hassle.
@alindobre (148)
• Romania
14 Feb 11
Pros: Less paperwork (you haave to change your IDs, cards and everything with the name on it, if you change the name). Cons: It reminds you of the person all the time, but then again you can't forget him, because you have a child together, and the child is there :).
1 person likes this
• United States
14 Feb 11
This is true for both pros and cons...just the thought of being ANOTHER EX with his last name drives me BATTY! But it might be the best option,until or if I remarry.
• Romania
14 Feb 11
I wish you the best of luck in dealing with these difficult times. It's important to stay positive though :)
1 person likes this
• United States
14 Feb 11
I am sorry to hear that it has come to this. I know that it was a hassle having a different last name from my daughter when she went to school, and I was married to her father but I opted to keep my maiden name after marriage. I decided to change to my married name to make it easier for everyone, especially things related to her schooling. It makes it easier with doctors as well, especially if you have to see a new one for some reason, because they assume that a mother should have the same last name as her child, so if you have a different last name, then they want to verify that you are her parent.
1 person likes this
@zralte (4184)
• India
14 Feb 11
Now that you mention it, I wonder if I should start using my married name...questions, questions..... The same problem that owlwings said though. I have to go through changing it on everything. And in my case, it is even more complicated as our business is in my maiden name and everything to do with it, and believe me, that's a lot. It hasn't been a problem so far, but now you are making me think.
1 person likes this
• United States
14 Feb 11
PURPLE!!!! Oh I have missed you. I do understand that part too and since a move to a different state might be in order and also my daughter gets SSI it could be easier just to stick with what I have for now.
@ebuscat (5945)
• Philippines
15 Feb 11
For me if you are in good married and not separated to your husband and don't have annulment process for divorce why not to do or use to your last name or else you are still single?.
• United States
15 Feb 11
We are starting the divorce process so when it is over I think I will return to my maiden name. I see both sides of this but in the end i think I should do what is best for me. I am sure my daughter will understand in time.
@staria (2781)
• Philippines
15 Feb 11
If you want him out of your life, I think you would want to have his last name out of your name too :)
1 person likes this
• United States
15 Feb 11
I agree with that statement and I think that in the end will be the driving force that makes em decide. Do I really want to keep the name of a person whom destroyed me so?
• Bangladesh
14 Feb 11
baby,after u get divorce........i think u shouldn't keep his last name after u........b caz my mom was divorced by my father.....she didn't keep his name .........?????so,u shouldn't...
1 person likes this
• United States
15 Feb 11
You do make sense,it's just so hard to decide. but I am hoping in time I will figure it all out.
@dreamnishu (1253)
• China
14 Feb 11
hello friend! i think you should go for your maiden name it gives you new life.if you stay with your last name them you will remember him every moment and i know that you do not want to remember him for a second.if i am right then you have to go with your maiden name and start a new and fresh life with your child.best of luck for your new life.and be always happy it is good for you and your child. thanks a lot.
1 person likes this
• United States
14 Feb 11
Thank you and yes I need to be happy for me and my daughter,which is why this whole thing started. I was so unhappy for so many years and now that it is over I am learning how to be happy again and enjoy my daughter and life.
@sender621 (14934)
• United States
14 Feb 11
You were married and took his name. You should be allowed to keep it if that is what you want. going back to your maiden name caan give you a fresh start. it will not erase the past you had before the parting.
• United States
14 Feb 11
This is true. I am looking for a fresh start,I might be moving out of state as well,of course I have made sure he will still be able to see his child and he is ok with the move. I just don't want to be another one of his ex wives that kept his name. He has 2 prior divorces before me and both kept his last name. The second one has since remarried but the first still has it. I just don't want to be another former "" ya know.