What does love physically feel like after you've been with someone for so long?

United States
February 24, 2011 1:53pm CST
Ok, so I've been with my boyfriend for a little over 5 years off and on. We are both 21 and we started dating when we were 16. The first 4 years were kind of all over the place but mellowed out into a very strong, dedicated relationship. It wasn't always easy but he and I seemed to get through the hard stuff okay and it seemed to make us stronger as a couple. Well last year, a lot of issues that really could have been solved had we tried harder (counseling, actually talking and listening to each other, etc)became too overwhelming and we broke up. It was a really difficult time for both of us. He was overly stressed trying to deal with my 'negative feelings' and I felt like I was being hurt or validated... it was a mess. It came down to him saying he won't take me back until I changed, whereas I felt like it was HIM that needed to change. After 2 weeks of me begging him to take meback and him saying no I finally took a week to myself pretty much in forfiet. But I was really weak and hurt and stupidly jumped into another relationship. The guy I dated also happened to be a friend of my ex so there was drama and I was hurt and angry so I spent pretty much the next 2 months (in the new relationship) bashing on my ex in various ways. Although in between the anger I was hurting and missing him and still completely in love with him. Anyways I broke up with the new guy I dated after I saw how stupid the whole thing was and tried to just move forward on my own. Only, I had to see my ex. And pretty much since then (august) my ex and I have been dating off and on since. Right now he and I have been steady for about 2 1/2 months without any breakups or intended breakups in between. Things are good, the only thing is my THOUGHTS arent. When I'm with him its like an escape from my negative thoughts most of the time. I love him, I'm happy we have our unshakable connection. But when I'm not with him I question about whether or not I LOVE him like I used too. Before he and I broke up a year ago I was so sure of what love was, what it felt like, what it meant. But after the breakup and dating that guy for 2 months I feel all out of wack. I dont know what love is anymore. I keep wanting that beginning overwhelming feeling that I felt when I was 16-19. Its come and gone since then but it isn't there as powerfully. And before my boyfriend and I broke up a year ago I was ok with that and understood that love (and as long as he and I have been together) changes and isnt all about that firework feeling. But I guess I'm most confused because I'm ranging my 'feelings' based on whatever feeling is in my chest when I'm with him. Because in the beginning of a relationship, at least with me, I would have that heart fluttery feeling and now I just feel nothing (in my chest)... but yet I tell myself that I know I love him. but I question because that old 'feeling' is gone. And these questions and doubts are there 24/7. I just want them to be gone so I can be happy. but in the last month all I do (even sometimes with him) is question in that moment, based on how I'm 'feeling' if I really love him. Or if I'm really happy with him in that moment I try and pinpoint where the love is in that feeling. I've never felt this confused or lost in my life. I keep wishing he and I new broke up in the first place so I could feel that security and sureness I used to have. But I knw I cant go back so what do I do now? In your opinion what does love feel like? physically? And I'm not talking about the beginning of a relationship. I mean, when you have dated and/or been married for at least 3-4 years and up.
1 response
@tarazi (29)
• Israel
24 Feb 11
i think many changes will happend after they will have there first kid All focus will be for that kid and that sure will make some changes that were not found on there first life have anice day