A Question For Married People - When Do You Know?

United States
February 25, 2011 6:08pm CST
Is it meant to be? Last year on 10/10/10, I jokingly went around and asked my friends and family what they were doing on 11/11/11. When they asked me, "Why?", I responded, "Because I'm getting married on that day. Will you be able to make it to my wedding?" It was in fact, a joke, but what are the odds that it could possible happen? I haven't dated a man in over 2 years and last month, out of the blue I found a man that I used to work with on facebook and I added him as a friend. We were always good friends when we worked together. He accepted my request and the next day, he asked me out. We've been together for a month and talk of getting married has already started. Too early? Is it ever too early? He says that he's loved me since he met me, which was 11 years ago. There we go with that number 11. So, when he asked me what day I would want to get married if we did, I responded with 11/11/11. Coincidence? Now, he says that he can't wait to marry me on 11/11/11. Although, the question hasn't officially been asked because I told him if we were still together on my birthday in May then he could ask me, I feel really strong about it but in the same sense, I'm scared that it's too soon. So how and when do you know that it is right? When did you know that you were meant to be with your spouse?
2 people like this
12 responses
@jbrooks0127 (2324)
• United States
26 Feb 11
Here is a man that has told you he has loved you since you first met, 11 years ago. You sound very excited about the possibility of your marriage. I have to ask you...how in the world could it ever be too soon when you have known each other for that long. Of course you were not together all that time but you have history. There are people that meet and marry within just a few months because they know it is right for them. Please....what ever you do....do not let fear and uncertainty cause you problems. It can and it would be a shame if it did. Be positive...learn all you can possibly know of each other between now and then and you will be just fine. You have just proven that none of us know what the future holds for us. And isn't that so exciting when we think of the possibilities and not dwell on the bad things. Good luck to you both. I think he has found his sweetheart. :-) And so have you!
1 person likes this
• United States
26 Feb 11
It is funny how our perspective changes as we grow older. When I was young it seemed that if only you could find that one special someone you could live your life out with that one true love, for life. Some are fortunate to make that happen but, anymore, it is rare. What I have learned however is that what I once took for granted was not true. It is possible for all of us to love many people. Having lost one, no matter the reason, does not mean we can never find another. We just have to be willing to look and understand that we all have a need to both love and to be loved. That is a very fundamental part of being human. Often the place we find love is the very last place we have thought we could find it. I have indeed learned this the hard way. I lost my first wife, of 37 years, to another man. She was so infatuated with him she could not see what she was loosing. Mr. wonderful turned out not to be so great and she lives alone today. We divorced and, in time, I found another, on the Internet of all places. We married and I loved her dearly. Unfortunately within about four and a half years she passed away from complications of diabetes. To have loved and lost in such a short time was devastating because she had not left me of her own free will. I knew in my heart however that I could not give up. My first wife was not an option even though I could see some interest on her part. I could no longer trust her. It would have been so easy to just live out my life with my memories but something deep inside me said that is not at all what I wanted or needed. Once I had come to grips with that loss I turned to the Internet again. My original intent was not to find a wife but simply to find a very good friend to do things with. Well I soon found that women do not go to the Internet simply looking for a friend. :-) Within a month I found someone that I really liked and she seemed to like me pretty well also. I am very happy to say we are married and she is the true love of my life. It does not detract from the other relationships...it only adds to them. We can, or should, never forget, but we also must look forward, not backward, for as long as we live. The loss of my second wife taught me that even though we loose someone dear we are still here and we must insure we do not let that loss destroy us. So happy for you singlemommy and I do hope this works out as it sounds like it will. I do not know you but I am very happy for you. My very best to you!
• United States
26 Feb 11
Awe, thank you so much. Your words made me tear up! We have known each other for a very long time. It makes me wonder why we didn't jump on this a long time ago. Well, I know it is because I was with my daughter's father and then when I split from him, he was with his kids' mother, but now they haven't been together in years. It is weird how we had both bumped into eachother many times through the years and we both knew something was there but it just never worked out until now.
26 Feb 11
You know when they are taken away from you. It will hurt so much you would give anything to have that person back. Don't marry the person that you think you can live with, marry the one you know you cannot live without."
1 person likes this
• United States
26 Feb 11
Excellent advice. At this point, I don't think I could live without him.
• United States
26 Feb 11
It seems like just yesterday. And here the world has turned, very positive vibrations are coming from your finger tips. Good luck, Peace and Blessings, Sincerely, Gary
• United States
26 Feb 11
Well, I don't exactly believe in "meant to be". Long-term relationships are not all hearts and stardust. It's about compatibility, communication and compromise and knowing yourself and your partner well enough to know it could work. I absolutely do not believe you can know someone well enough to make a decision like marriage within only a mere few months. Especially since the first part any relationship runs on infatuation and excitement which makes it seem like everything is perfect just because of the hormones and chemicals in your body altering your perception. The infatuation phase can last as long as 18 months. Maybe it's just me, but I don't trust any decisions made during that phase. I personally waited two years to get engaged and then stayed engaged for another two years. I knew I wanted to be with him the moment I saw him and that I would work my best to make it work, but I was also aware that relationships take time to build and I kept my patience.
1 person likes this
@2004cqui (2813)
• United States
26 Feb 11
I've been married 27 years but I am one of those very careful people that have to think for a very long time about important decisions. HE asked me the first time months after meeting. I insisted on a two year engagement. I had been through two relationships before, the first one he called off after 6 months and the second after about a year and a half I called it off. He was a nice guy, smart but inept. I ended up finally marrying (mister can do just about anything) three years after meeting him. So I guess the question you ask can only be answered by you. Good luck because there is an unbelievable amount of that as well that goes into a successful marriage.
• Philippines
26 Feb 11
For me, I reached the point when not seeing him hurts like hell. When I wish I could wake up and his face is the first thing I'd see. When I thought that he'd be a great father of my future children, that's when I knew. I hope some married couples or even those who are into a relationship would realize that even in the absence of material things, there are more important aspects in love that should be appreciated more. It's when your husband takes care of you, protects you from being sick, remains faithful are simple acts of love that are priceless... :)
1 person likes this
• United States
26 Feb 11
My boyfriend is a good hearted man and probably the best boyfriend that I've ever had. He is a hard worker which is a total plus! I've never had a boyfriend who wanted to work. Whenever I've spent the night with him or he has spent the night with me, I can't tell you how it feels to have him next to me. Then when he gets up the next morning for work and kisses me good-bye, I can just feel love in every kiss. It's crazy how I feel about him.
@flowerchilde (12530)
• United States
26 Feb 11
Good luck to you! I hope it works out! I never did know, but now it all seems fated.. Met my hubby of 30+ years when I was 18 and he was 17.. He was crazy about me and I was take it or leave it.. maybe that's why he liked me so much! But now of course I'm crazy about him too! I was a little messed up for a while so didn't know what I wanted coming from a very rough childhood.. but I got myself straightened out (inner healing) and then I knew.. didn't take very long until we were an item, a couple, though..
@jillhill (37361)
• United States
26 Feb 11
I am not married but I can tell you that you know right away....and so did both my daughters and my son. Now my marriage failed...but all my kids are pretty much happily married....all of them were engaged just months after meeting their mr or miss right. Good luck with that!
@savypat (20217)
• United States
26 Feb 11
Nothing is for sure in life. You have known each other a long time and life is very short. Go ahead give it a chance. ll/ll/ll sounds great to me, or sooner if needed. Blessings
@jaiho2009 (39174)
• Philippines
26 Feb 11
hello singlemom, That's really great,might be coincidental or might be destiny. 11/11/11 is still months to go..just wait what will gonna happen next. If your relationship works and went smooth...then maybe you need to worry about anything. Some whirlwind affairs become much successful than those of long engagement (we can never tell) It depends on the two concern people to make a relationship last...or be broken. Have a great weekend
26 Feb 11
WIth me, it was love at first sight. We talked online for fie years and in a twist of fate ended up getting married three days after we met, and we have been married happily i might add for over six years./
@rona07 (1651)
• Philippines
26 Feb 11
Well, me and my husband just come to a point that we decided that we are ready to get married. although, i guess he was also afraid of the fact to leave me and work abroad without marrying me first. :) anyway, my advice.. if there is a single doubt in your heart and in your mind that he is the one, then don't rush it. For me, being sure that you can't live without him, that you can live and well, sort of love or like his not so lovable character, oh you know what i mean... then go for it! godbless