Letters to my mother
By taface412
@taface412 (3175)
United States
March 6, 2011 8:38pm CST
I began writing letters to my mother three days ago. One week ago yesterday my family and I celebrated her life at her wake. One week ago Thursday my father and I stood beside her as she took her last breath. Many thoughts have been swirling through my brain and heart. But for the most part I know she is no longer in pain. And through our talks over the years she had prepared me how I will move on from this pain.
If I am handling this as strong as everyone says I am then I know I get my strength from her. My whole life she had been a brittle diabetic. So from the time I could talk and realize mom wasn't right I had been basically trained to keep an eye out for her. Even though she had many rough patches with her diabetes she still was the best mother any little girl could have and the best cheerleading mom any boys who played ball could have.
I know going into this second week it is only beginning to dawn on me she is gone. I know life does move on. And I know that if I had children and a family of my own I would have distractions. It's just hard to realize now when I make a decision about something as simple as stopping somewhere after work I don't have to call home to make sure she is okay or needs anything. And that hurts deeply.
But I need to get into the habit she had been in for many years. I would watch her as she readied herself for the day. She would make her coffee, put her face on and make sure she dressed up. Mind you the woman was a housewife, but she always dressed as if she was about to go somehwere other than her kitchen. She had the grace of Hepburn, the allure of Monroe, the class of Jackie O, and the warmth of Donna Reed. There will not be a day she will be missed.
So as a way to help ease the grieving process I am writing letters to my mother everyday. I may not ever read them again. I don't intend anyone else to read them, as they are between she and I. But I would just like to say to everyone hug your mom, she deserves it whether you think she does or not. Because with a simple breath we can lose a lot.
2 responses
@send2noel (140)
• Saudi Arabia
7 Mar 11
i do express my love to my mother while she is still alive. i also let her feel she is loved and wanted. she is already 87 and my only prayer is to keep her for many more years. i love her so dearly.
@taface412 (3175)
• United States
7 Mar 11
87 years old, I must say I am impressed and happy you still have her with you. I can only imagine the stories about life she has to share. And it is good that she knows she is appreciated and loved, as all our elder generations should feel. After all they are our legacies, histories and blueprints. Take care of her and remember she is always in your heart forever, moms are good like that.
@send2noel (140)
• Saudi Arabia
8 Mar 11
oh yes, i certainly do love her. i'm working outside the country and distance doesn't really matter. i send her email letters through my niece who will read or print it in big letters for her to read. send her allowance, so that she has something to give to her grandchildren, and she would be happy doing just that. she can still cook, clean the kitchen, wash her own underwears and does a lot of personal things on her own. i have planned for her birthday celebration this 23rd march. it will be like a family reunion as all members of the family, including her great grandchildren will be present. i will call her on this day to greet.
@toniganzon (72279)
• Philippines
7 Mar 11
I am touched with what you have written. Sometimes i would write to my mom too even though she wouldn't be able to read it anymore in this life. I lost both of my parents when i was only 13 and they were murdered three days after my birthday. IN fact it was the last day that i saw them and hugged them was on my 13th birthday. It is painful not to have them beside me as i was growing up as a teenager, but nevertheless, what they have taught me lingered on my mind and i kept my promise to them and what they dreamed of me to become. I have fulfilled my father's wish but i would love them to see me as i am now in this lifetime.
You are right, let's not waste time to say i love you to our parents or give them a hug and a kiss everyday for we don't know when life would end.
@taface412 (3175)
• United States
7 Mar 11
I am so sorry for you losing your parents so young and in such a horrible way. And writing is a form of therapy. And you arfe right it feels like a huge gaping hole at times, and I know the numbness may wear off eventually, but I doubt the loneliness will. Sometimes I feel like it is just one of those bad dreams I would have and I would wake up and she would reassure me it was all okay.
I am glad you kept your promise and fulfilled your dreams. And I hope to do the things I promised my mother as well as soon as I get out of my funk. I just wish she could be here beside me to help talk me through it.
