can you help me analyze? what should i do, should i give it a try?

March 7, 2011 7:38am CST
almost a year ago i have been physically abused by someone i thought was my best friend. we were friends for almost 21 years, we were classmates in highschool. 7 yrs after highschool we saw each other and after 2yrs we were romantically involved. in 8 months i broke up w/ him w/o any valid reason. feeling guilty of hurting my best friend, i tried twice to keep in touch w/ him and apologize for what i've caused him. he replied once but i can feel the coldness and anger in his words. 3 or 4yrs after, i caught him online on yahoo messenger. he was surprised, asked me if im already married and a few months after he came back to see me and slightly gave a hint that he wants to get married but i declined bcoz my main concern was that he has a girl friend. i just cant find the courage to ask and clarify things to him including my feelings for him even after we parted that night. to make the story short, i had one serious relationship after my best friend and when i broke up w/ my current bf that time i sought my best friends help and company w/o realizing that i could fall for him again. he still has a gf at that time, but trying to convince me that we are destined for each other but i didn't hear him say that he loves me. i was still hesitant to tell him again that i love him(i sent him a msg). because i was too afraid to destroy a relationship and see another girl in pain because of me...but my best friend, instead of clearing things up w/ his girl friend to be totally free so we can be together. he opted to flirt w/ other girls and made sure that i know what he's doing...i know he wants me to be jealous but not to the extent of beating me up in front of his new girlfriend(this time the other gf broke up w/ him bcoz she found out about the new girl)... after 2 months i left and few days after i left. it was 2wks before my birthday, someone started sending inspiring msgs on my cellphone, after a few months of communicating i have a very strong hint and feeling that he is my ex-bestfriend. he's not using his real name and profile though he gives me hints that he is who i think he is...he tells me that he's afraid to see me bcoz he will miss me for sure and he might decide to stay w/ me and abandon his job which is i also think is not right. he says that 'he knows what he is doing,asks me to trust him and he wants me to be a little patient. i'm sooo confused, afraid that he would hurt me again if i'll give it a try. afraid that maybe what he's feeling is guilt not love...i hope you can help me analyze my problem and help me find the right decision...thank you in advance mylotter's ^_^
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