I am afraid of being rejected...ugh...
By jennyze
@jennyze (7029)
Indonesia
March 14, 2011 11:07pm CST
When joining this site I told myself that I will not bother with sending 'add friend' requests. I got many 'add friend' requests that made me content. Along the way, I interact with some members who are witty and have good views on life that I want them to be in my friend list. Most of them are old mylotters with so much points that they may not need to send another 'add friend' requests as I am sure they have a lot. So, it is now my turn to send 'add friend' requests to them, but surprisingly I found myself hesitated and did not do anything about it.
A couple of days ago, I got a request from an old mylotter and I was happy that he looked for friend from under his level (if there is any level here). And today I found out why I did not send the requests... I am afraid of being rejected! Ugh... Help...
10 people like this
24 responses
@dpk262006 (58675)
• Delhi, India
15 Mar 11
Hi Jenn!
You see for me there are no levels. If I find a user's discussion/response/comment 'interesting' and 'witty', I do not mind sending him/her a request, even if s/he is a newcomer or less number of posts under his/her belt. Some of the users, I find write, exceptionally well and their writings touch me deeply, I do not hesitate to send them requests. I do not mind being rejected.
. In my view, you should also not hesistate to send request, most of the users accept the requests for add and am sure you will not face 'rejection'.
You see for me there are no levels. If I find a user's discussion/response/comment 'interesting' and 'witty', I do not mind sending him/her a request, even if s/he is a newcomer or less number of posts under his/her belt. Some of the users, I find write, exceptionally well and their writings touch me deeply, I do not hesitate to send them requests. I do not mind being rejected.. In my view, you should also not hesistate to send request, most of the users accept the requests for add and am sure you will not face 'rejection'.3 people like this
@dpk262006 (58675)
• Delhi, India
15 Mar 11
You are most welcome Jen!
. Yes, you are a witty and intelligent, am sure. 
If you feel like, you can always send requests to an old mylotters. In my view, most of them 'accept' the request for add (provided they are active). However, before adding a newcomer, you may check his/her profile to access - whether his/her interests match with yours and whether s/he starts discussions on such topics which encourage you to share your views.
Don't worry about the Stars and big numbers, if you remain active, one day, you will also have such numbers against your name.
. Yes, you are a witty and intelligent, am sure.
If you feel like, you can always send requests to an old mylotters. In my view, most of them 'accept' the request for add (provided they are active). However, before adding a newcomer, you may check his/her profile to access - whether his/her interests match with yours and whether s/he starts discussions on such topics which encourage you to share your views.
Don't worry about the Stars and big numbers, if you remain active, one day, you will also have such numbers against your name.2 people like this
@jennyze (7029)
• Indonesia
15 Mar 11
Deepak, you proved that by adding me, so that got me thinking of sending my own requests to the old MyLotters. Yes, many newcomers write well so I should not stop with adding the old members only. Did you say I got wit?
I guess I see the stars and the points counts as a level thus sometimes very daunting.
I guess I see the stars and the points counts as a level thus sometimes very daunting.1 person likes this
@jennyze (7029)
• Indonesia
15 Mar 11
Ah, I just realized it now that I need to check whether their interests match mine. Yes, that's reasonable because I don't want to end up with discussions I cannot respond to. Thanks Deepak.
I think I am more crazy most of the time than witty.
But it's okay. I like being what I am.
I think I am more crazy most of the time than witty. But it's okay. I like being what I am.1 person likes this
@Sreekala (34312)
• India
15 Mar 11
Hi jenny,
I think rejection is better than deletion
. I am facing the second problem now. Earlier too some added me and later they deleted me. Last week also I find one more adding and deleting and I just can’t understand the reason for this. I never rejected any request and I am respecting and considering all members equally. The only problem is I can’t respond to all of the topics as I am busy with my offline work too. It is really hurting after having a nice interaction with a person then came to know the cut off from his/her list. Then why he/she added me? No idea.
You just don’t worry it is all a part of mylot and we have to face it.
. I am facing the second problem now. Earlier too some added me and later they deleted me. Last week also I find one more adding and deleting and I just can’t understand the reason for this. I never rejected any request and I am respecting and considering all members equally. The only problem is I can’t respond to all of the topics as I am busy with my offline work too. It is really hurting after having a nice interaction with a person then came to know the cut off from his/her list. Then why he/she added me? No idea.
You just don’t worry it is all a part of mylot and we have to face it.
2 people like this
@Sreekala (34312)
• India
15 Mar 11
I really don't know the exact reason for deletion dear, that is my guessing only, as the person started many topics when I was away in mylot for two weeks and on return my inbox flooded with notifications, how can do justice to everyone, I will look on the current topics then. Anyway it is ok as I have so many nice friends here then why should I worry about those who don't need me, am I right?
Thank you so much for the add.
1 person likes this
@jennyze (7029)
• Indonesia
15 Mar 11
Sreekala, that is not nice when someone added us and expected us to respond on all their discussions. I will not respond any discussions I am not comfortable with or do not know the answer, whether it is from friend or not friend. I would only respond and comment on a discussion that I know how to answer. Like you, I have my offline job, too. Don't worry, they do not worth it.
Yes, however weird it is, it is part of being in mylot.
Yes, however weird it is, it is part of being in mylot.2 people like this
Thanks for adding me, I guess. This is nice, not a rejection.
Yeah, there are thousands here who we can add and who knows we can be real friends when we've a chance to meet offline.
@krajibg (11923)
• Guwahati, India
15 Mar 11
Hi jennyze,
When I joined mylot my new friends asked me to send 'add friend' request and I did and I was accepted by almost all. Actually I did not think of rejection. Even if I had been rejected what difference it would make? Now I have 624 friends in the the list. But so many of them are inactive for years.
If I feel I should I still send requests. No problem.
2 people like this
@dpk262006 (58675)
• Delhi, India
15 Mar 11
It does not hold true here on mylot - " The more the merrier" because at a given point of time only 5 to 10% remain active.
because at a given point of time only 5 to 10% remain active.
@topffer (42156)
• France
15 Mar 11
What a drama, Jennyze !
With your rating and star I do not think that any old member would reject you.
Or a pervert ? I have my own perv "friend" : this member made 3 friends request under 3 accounts, deleted me after a week from the list of the first account, made the second request just before closing the account, and deleted me after a day from the last account. And you know what ? I am ready to accept the next request.
Courage, make your requests, come on
.
.
Courage, make your requests, come on.2 people like this
@topffer (42156)
• France
15 Mar 11
The guy is a gal and the three accounts have been created and deleted successively, according to the rules. The third has quite the same user name than the first -- it was the first for me, but not the first at myLot --, and I learned all successive user names of this member in a discussion.
Nothing strange, except the behavior of some members.
1 person likes this
@jennyze (7029)
• Indonesia
15 Mar 11
@Topffer, You got stalker! Do you think she is your 'old' flame? Now why do I say that, I guess you left many hearts bleed in your way. For sure, I hope not to find this kind of member in my friend list.
Sometimes, courage is what I lack in this life that made me stay where I am. If I'm pushed I can do miracles but often I do not know if I should use that kind of talent for this kind of thing.
Now why do I say that, I guess you left many hearts bleed in your way. For sure, I hope not to find this kind of member in my friend list.
Sometimes, courage is what I lack in this life that made me stay where I am. If I'm pushed I can do miracles but often I do not know if I should use that kind of talent for this kind of thing.3 people like this
@hardworkinggurl (37063)
• United States
15 Mar 11
I understand that some have preferences and or maybe have too many they cannot continue to add. This should not preclude you from asking, especially if it is a member who you have interacted with already.
So maybe you get rejected, it would not be the end of the world, really and I only say this because I have seen discussions that some have their reasons. If by chance someone does not accept you do not worry there will several more along the way, would be my guess.
Best of luck and remember it would not determine your loyalty to myLot in any way! 
2 people like this
@jennyze (7029)
• Indonesia
15 Mar 11
@hardworkinggurl,
Now let me add you as the first one after this discussion.
Yes, I guess I am being silly over this issue. Thinking back I have been acting silly for little things that at the end it got me stuck and whew... failed.
Yes, Echo, I should try now.
Yes, I guess I am being silly over this issue. Thinking back I have been acting silly for little things that at the end it got me stuck and whew... failed.
Yes, Echo, I should try now.
@okgoodmarket (83)
• China
15 Mar 11
hardworkinggurl is so hardworking on mylot. she nearly leave a message in most disccusions.admiring...
@sy0712 (155)
• China
15 Mar 11
I think you need not so afraid of be rejected this affair,as long as your request is from the heart,and as long as you fully express your enthusiasm and sincere,I believe that everyone is able to feel,they will use the same attitude to return you,so come on!
@jennyze (7029)
• Indonesia
15 Mar 11
You are right, SY. If I request something it is from my heart, but MyLot here does not have another column for me to elaborate to the member why I want them to be my friend. So they cannot know that my request is from the heart, can they?
Thank you, I am having so much support here, so I will start for sure.
Thank you, I am having so much support here, so I will start for sure.1 person likes this
@CynergyDiva (805)
• Canada
13 Apr 11
Hey Jennyze,
I started a similar discussion a while back about whether or not people will add friends or wait to be added.
I'm like you, I don't like rejection, so I tend to be more likely to wait for an invitation than to go looking to add more friends. I used to belong to another social site where I had over 400 friends, and only about 3 of them I asked for myself; all the rest asked me.
Here on MyLot, I only have 30 or so friends. Do you suppose they're all shy like us, or is it the nature of MyLotters not to be bothered asking for friends? Maybe we just need to push ourselves out of the boat, because if no one makes the first move, there won't be many friendships made, eh?
xoxo
Cyne
@CynergyDiva (805)
• Canada
15 Apr 11
That's how I usually find discussions; by searching for them. Usually, I come across interesting stuff by looking at the profiles of the people who are participating in discussions. If I like what they have to say in a topic, I'll look at the profile and see what other discussions he or she has started or responded to.
xoxo
Cyne
@jennyze (7029)
• Indonesia
14 Apr 11
Th old Mylotters already have hundreds of friends in their list, so I guess they don't bother to add more. I got many friends requests from newbies where most of them are not active anyway. So, now I send friend requests to the older members who has the same interest as me. You could try it, too. As having a small number of friends here would limit discussions that you can respond, unless you are very diligent and look through every discussions here...
@jennyze (7029)
• Indonesia
15 Apr 11
I see you are a very diligent one. I had to relay on discussions by my friends (only the interesting ones) to respond to. The rest of the time I would just busy re-commenting on people comments on my comments in the discussions. I think I am confusing myself now.
@maezee (41997)
• United States
15 Mar 11
Well you shouldn't be worried about that here of all places! I worry sometimes about rejection when it comes to 'IN REAL LIFE' stuff like dating..But the best part about anything online and MyLot is that... that pressure should be off of you. Don't worry if some stranger doesn't add you back. Who cares?! Does it hurt your ego that much? Keep in mind that these people are not rejecting you for who you are.. We are in a huge online community. And we're all pretty much anonymous, except for the little infomration we give out in our profiles and in our discussions. So don't worry about it so much!
2 people like this
@jennyze (7029)
• Indonesia
15 Mar 11
Wow, that is a serious matter to be rejected in a dating. You are right, we don't really know who these people are, so I should not be worried about being rejected. Looking at the way they responded or commented on a discussion I guess they are kind enough to add anyone who wants em as friends. Fingers cross.
Fingers cross.1 person likes this
grhh.
Jenny, my sweetheart... This voldi is all yours.... 
@annavi23 (6522)
• Philippines
9 May 12
That's the reason why people are afraid of trying new things or things they haven't tried before. They are afraid that they can get hurt...being rejected is one of those.
SOmetimes we have to try something new to feel the pain and the pain will cause us and makes us realize how are things done and how are we when we didn't even tried to do these things...
We have to suffer and experience pain for us to learn things we never thought of experiencing before... Don't be afraid. Sometimes, it's just in the mind.
Don't say you can't,you can! It's just that you just don't want to...
@annavi23 (6522)
• Philippines
10 May 12
yes, sometimes even if we don't want to try things, we can avoid it but then there will come a time we have to face it no matter what...
By trying new things, we learn to know how much our capacity and limitations...
We'll realize how much we'll survive doing new things ahead of us.
@lexirose7350 (459)
• Philippines
15 Apr 11
Like you i also feared of being rejected but i tried to send requests friends and luckily they were nice enough to accept my requests but i have not reached the hundred spot yet.
@lexirose7350 (459)
• Philippines
18 Apr 11
I am semi-active coz I have other work to take care of so when i have my free time, i log in and participate in discussions. :-)
@kwylima (451)
• United States
15 Mar 11
Don't be afraid everybody here wants to make new friends and I don't think that just because we are new ( I am more than you) doesn't mean that they are going to say no for us. Well it is what. Think and I am send reques to everybody who I think could be good friend. I got some requests to and I think if the send me is because the saw something I terest in my responses your my profile!
Well let's make some more friends! Hahahha
@mrgpk63 (444)
• United States
15 Mar 11
We need to Send and Receive Friend Request. Nobody should Reject Anybody as We are All the Same. Members Looking to Participate and Earn at My Lot. Never Feel Rejected
if a Member Rejects You or be Afraid of Rejection.
@KrauseHome (36448)
• United States
15 Apr 11
As an old timer here myself, who has now been here 4 1/2 yrs. I for one am not afraid to add Newer people to my friends list, and have met many wonderful people here this way. Personally I find nothing wrong with adding others to my friends list, and if I end up not seeing eye to eye with them, or them to me, they can also choose to remove me anytime as well. I feel the best way to learn about each other is thru interaction and that is a Good thing for sure.
@jennyze (7029)
• Indonesia
18 Apr 11
Thank you for your assurance as one of the old mylotters. Yes, like you I approved all friend requests that came to me and if later on they have an issue with the way I respond or comment, then I would understand if they remove me form their friend list. We just cannot satisfy everyone...
@sunny5u (2069)
• India
16 Mar 11
HI jenny, first of all don't start viewing the negative points, what if if some one rejects, then no problem, go and some other person, mylot has 226,388 members in it, why to worry jenny, and if some one rejects you , then just think that they are not that lucky to have you as a friend, feel proud of yourself jenny.
@shaggin (71659)
• United States
16 Mar 11
Aww dont feel that way. You shouldnt be afraid of being rejected on mylot. The worst that can happen is they will deny the friend request. I doubt anyone on here would send you a message saying something nasty because you sent them a friend request. I love getting new friends. Usually others are the ones who send me friend requests but once in awhile I do send friend requests as well if I see there is someone whose around here a lot and I like the things they write.
@jennyze (7029)
• Indonesia
16 Mar 11
Yes, that is my reason to want to add them, because I like their responses and want to know more of their comments and discussions. I did around 5 at the beginning then I just accepting any friend requests coming my way. Now I want to do the second batch, and hope for them to accept me.
@eurekafemme (5877)
• Philippines
16 Mar 11
Hi, Jennyze.:)
I guess, we all have that kind of fear. Who wouldn't get hurt of being rejected. Rejection is the worst thing that could happened to a person. 
But, don't take it seriously, though. They may have their own reasons why they rejected you (if ever you will get rejected) and it has nothing to do with you.
For me, there is no reason why a friend request coming from you must be rejected.So, there is no really valid reason for such fear, dear. I'm pretty sure that anyone you'd want to befriend here will gladly accommodate you. 
But, don't take it seriously, though. They may have their own reasons why they rejected you (if ever you will get rejected) and it has nothing to do with you.
For me, there is no reason why a friend request coming from you must be rejected.So, there is no really valid reason for such fear, dear. I'm pretty sure that anyone you'd want to befriend here will gladly accommodate you. @abitosunshine (765)
• United States
16 Mar 11
I can understand how you would feel hesitant and even concerned about being rejected. But look at it this way, if you find someone whose comments on posts here you like and appreciate, then send the friend request. If they don't befriend you, for whatever reason, it is their reason and probably has little, if anything, to do with you. My advice is to not pass up a chance at a new friendship (online or off) and maybe miss making a very good friend.
@katie0 (5203)
• Japan
17 Mar 11
But it is tough being rejected. I think also it's more difficult never being rejected cause one doesn't have the feeling, once we are we learn how to deal with it.
It's good to add friends, it makes our life more rich but also you can always let them make the first move.
@jennyze (7029)
• Indonesia
17 Mar 11
Yes, adding friends certainly will enrich our life. It just seems scary when you do not face them directly. At least in a real life, we will know straight away when a rejection is coming our way, but not online. I guess I am afraid of not knowing what they would thin of my invitation.
