What if you found out that your boyfriend/girlfriend already has a child?

@Harold_ks (1673)
March 18, 2011 1:40am CST
You found out that the little girl who pretended to be your boyfriend/girlfriend's sister is not really his/her sister but a daughter. Would you still continue your relationship with him/her or you will suddenly break up with him/her? It's really not a good news and hard to accept. What would you do? Would you still accept him/her? Do you think your relationship will still run smoothly if you continue? Kindly share your view about this. Well I just come up with this topic because I have watched one telenovela with that scenario. If I were on that situation, yes I will be hurt so badly but since I love her so much, I will still accept her since that was happened way before we entered into a relationship. Well I guess, it will all depends on how much you love the person. How about you, what would you do?
4 people like this
39 responses
• United States
18 Mar 11
I have a baby and am alone so I would not hide my baby in the risk that I was jeopardizing a maybe relationship. I love my daughter and feel I would not hide her, I mean I would not introduce her until I knew for sure he was right but I would be honest upfront because the person who will be with me needs to know that I have baggage and same rule applies to me if the shoe was reversed. I would need to know also because a relationship is built on trust and if a baby is hidden what else can be hidden is my thinking.
• United States
19 Mar 11
I do not want to duplicate my response and find that this is as close as mine would be so I too agree here with marigiggles that it would lead me to believe something else can be hidden and if not now maybe later also. This is a great discussion.
@tessa9 (1085)
• Philippines
18 Mar 11
I don't know but I think it will be hard for me to be in any kind of relationship with him if that happens. It's a form of betrayal. The most hurtful part is not really him having a child but him not telling me about it. Why is his purpose? Does he not trust me? Does he thinks I am open to it? There are a lot of questions that will come to my mind if that will happen. One of the worst situation that comes to my mind when thinking about it is that he thought that we will not be in a long term relationship so he did not think it was necessary for him to tell me.
@Harold_ks (1673)
18 Mar 11
Maybe that child was a product of a wrong relationship before and he and his family just decided to just treat her as his sibling so that he can still live like a normal single guy. Maybe he will also plan to tell you in the future but what happened was you found it out earlier. Maybe he really didn't intend to hurt you but it happened, i agree with you, it's really hard to continue the relationship after the revelation since it's so painful. But if you can forgive him and if love will still prevail, then I guess continuing the relationship will not be impossible. Thank you for your response.
• United States
18 Mar 11
I would end the relationship immediately. I personally have absolutely no interest in any children ever. I don't want to have kids and I don't want to be with anyone who has or wants them.
@Harold_ks (1673)
18 Mar 11
I wonder why you don't like to have kids, well maybe you don't like to be pregnant, the stages that needed to be experienced for it, and the delivery as well. Well, I respect your opinion, and the situation will really make you end the relationship. Thank you for your response.
• United States
19 Mar 11
I don't want anything to do with any part of it. I don't have any tolerance or patience for kids at all and I think pregnancy is utterly disgusting.
@Hatley (164154)
• Garden Grove, California
18 Mar 11
harold hi well I can see that would be a shock but if you and the girl or guy really love each other this can be surmounted providing you both love children. the child is there so you have only two choices, accept the child or break up and go your separate ways.I think if I really loved the man that much I could accept his child.
• United States
19 Mar 11
Valid point Miss Hatley! Accepting the mom means accepting both, because they do come as a full package.
@annapplez (208)
• Australia
18 Mar 11
No way, it's a lie and it's a huge one. I might be ok if I found out they had a child, but not if they had come up with this whole sister scenario. Although I suppose if I had been in the relationship for a long time, I might find it hard to walk away, but if you stayed in the relationship, you would always be wondering what other things your partner has been dishonest about.
• United States
18 Mar 11
Oh you and I said the same. I think it is best to know upfront because mom and baby is like a package.
3 people like this
@nikramos (698)
• Philippines
18 Mar 11
i would because i already have done so. i even knew of it from his friend because i had the gut feel that something is wrong and i have to know for myself. by the time i confronted him of it, he gave me the freedom if ever i would choose to leave him because of the lie. then i had to do a lot of crying and thinking for weeks. i let go of all the hurt and finally decided to stay. i will treat the kid as my own, no buts no ifs.
@Harold_ks (1673)
21 Mar 11
Hi! I'm glad that you have responded here. It's good to read what you were saying since you have already experience it. Actually what you have done is really similar to the telenovela that I have watched. He also can't accept it at first, and suffering so much, but later on, he also realized that he really love the girl and they live happily after. Forgiveness and acceptance is really important in a relationship. Thank you for sharing us your story.
@n_ich3 (73)
• Philippines
18 Mar 11
I think you better discuss it with your boyfriend/girlfriend why is it so and so. Surely, she/he hides from the truth because of love that's why it's very important to talk about it. It's not easy if we found it because there would be some questions that may possibly running in the head. But, if there's a true love between them, love will surely win...
@Harold_ks (1673)
21 Mar 11
Yes, it's better to know his/her reason why he have done that that's why you two really need to talk. And once proven that he/she had a good reason for doing it, it hurts but you can forgive him since you really love each other so much. Thank you for your response.
@xien2xien (1383)
• Philippines
18 Mar 11
i don't know if i knew the story before we have a relationship then i guess i accept their baby that's why i still accept him... but if he keep it as secret maybe i'll be mad and angry, but still it depends upon the situation and depending on my feelings for him
@Harold_ks (1673)
21 Mar 11
Yes, it's normal to get mad and angry and you really need some time to think and if you realize that you can really accept the situation and you really love him, then relationship will be continued. Thank you for your response.
@obe212003 (2300)
• Philippines
18 Mar 11
to love is to accept no matter what, though it would hurt knowing the truth then. lying on the matter probably has good valid reason and it's up to you if it is really worth holding on to the relationship, but it would be more better realizing the truth directly from her rather than knowing it from others.
@Harold_ks (1673)
21 Mar 11
Yes, it really hurts but if love is really deep enough then it will still prevail. If you can still forgive her and can really accept the child, then continuing the relationship is really possible. Thank you for your response.
• Philippines
18 Mar 11
Me, I will accept her but it still depends on the situation, If I really love her, I will continue our relationship and also it depends to her explanation, maybe she had a good explanation to me. But, if our relationship is "on the rock" it's the time to say "the end". From the beginning you trusted her and suddenly, wow she has a kid, what a surprise. It hurts, the pain is there but our life must go on. Smoothly, maybe? Because the damage was done, the wound still there. Both of you should adjust after that son/daughter arrival.
@Harold_ks (1673)
18 Mar 11
First of all, I have mistakenly thought that you were a girl because of your username but when I visit your profile I found out that you are a male. Sorry for that, I'm sure that name is the name of a girl who is very special to you. Well yeah, even the relationship will continue, it may not be the the same as before. But with love, nothing is really impossible, as they said, it conquers all, so it's really also possible that it can still be continued smoothly. But for it to be continued, the love must really be deep enough coz if not, then like what you said, it must be the end. Thank you for your response.
@puccagirl (7306)
• Israel
18 Mar 11
If I really liked the person, I would not care. It's not good that they hid that fact, sure, but maybe they had a good reason to? It depends on the circumstances and my feelings for that person, really.
@Harold_ks (1673)
18 Mar 11
Yes, it's not good to hide something because once it gets revealed, it may cause a real trouble. Perhaps most people cannot accept it but if you really like the person, like what you said, then there's really a possibility that you can still accept him. Thank you for your response.
@SViswan (12065)
• India
23 Apr 11
This very same situation has happened to my cousin. He fell in love with a Filipino lady who he met online. She even came to India and stayed with his for a month. They were so much in love ...that they would Skype everyday and send mails and call each other every day. She had mentioned to him that she was married earlier for a brief period of time. But she didn't mention that the child he saw in her home was her son. She said he was a relative who was poor and living with her. Since she is a Filipino and also because she is 3 years older than he is, my cousin had a hard time convincing the rest of the family that they were truly in love. By the time his parents had agreed to the wedding, his older brother managed to find out that the child was her son and not her relative. My cousin was devastated and they broke up. But then they are back together now...and we also get to know that she isn't legally divorced though she says she has no contact with her 'husband' for the past 9 years! I don't know how they plan to take this further. But in this case, I still think there's a certain amount of cheating because she got lots of chances to tell my cousin about her child and she hid it from him. He should have known earlier and not by his brother finding out. Knowing my cousin, I know for sure that he wouldn't have deserted her if she had told him earlier...and he would even have covered up for her. I know she probably didn't know that would be his step....but how did she plan to hide this fact if they had got married. That was a wrong choice....and if I were in my cousin's shoes, I would have got out of the relationship not because the boyfriend/girlfriend has a child from a previous relationship...but because he/she kept the fact from me.
@TheCatLady (4695)
• Israel
22 Mar 11
I worked with a woman who had a child at a very young age and it was raised as her sister. Things happen.
@junrapmian (2170)
• Philippines
21 Mar 11
If that happens to me, I think I will weigh my feelings for my boyfriend if I love him enough to accept his child of his previous relationship. This is not the first time, in fact, it can happen everywhere. I guess, there would never be a problem as long as I love him, I can understand the situation and accept all that he loves even the wicked mother in law! LOL!
@jdyrj777 (6538)
• United States
20 Mar 11
It really wouldnt be about the fact that he already has a child. It would be about the fact that he LIED. When going into a relation ship honesty is the best policy. Once the trust is broke it can be very hard to regain. Think about how the child would feel about being denied too.
@katie0 (5208)
• Japan
20 Mar 11
I think when someone have a child the first thing they should do is to tell the next potential partner. I don't know if I can forgive, I wouldn't but only if he had a real good reason, but it would be lying so i can't think in any good reason to keep this from me. If he tell me in two weeks tops fine, otherwise I think the person could be a liar and would be hard to trust in the future.
@bellis716 (4804)
• United States
20 Mar 11
I'd want to know more about the situation, such as who has custody of the child and why she/he lied about the parenty of him/her. The existence of the child wouldn't bother me as much as the lie.
@andy77e (5161)
• United States
20 Mar 11
What?!?! So... your girl friend, coached her daughter, to lie that she was her sister, to deceive you into thinking she was a virgin? Or that she didn't have any kids? Oh... yeah. That would be a relationship end-er for sure. She tried to deceive me? No relationship is built on lies. And if she lies when I'm just her boyfriend, she'll lie when I'm her husband. No no no no.... Not doing that. I'll find a more honest person.
@raj7shot (842)
• India
19 Mar 11
Still i will accept her due to love and care on her and love and care she had on me...
19 Mar 11
well i would be angry with him for lying to me and not trust me by telling me the truth. i dont think i would break up with them as there are many people that have children. i wouldnt lie about my kids and would make sure they knew straight away. to me there is nothing wrong in a single man or woman with kids and i dont see why it would put people off.