She Finally Said "YES" to Him...

She may hurt herself again - Falling in love is the sweetest thing a person can feel, but just like a two edged sword, it cuts deep when it the relationship doesn't work.
Philippines
March 21, 2011 2:04am CST
She is married to the man she loves so much but due to a lot of factors, such love waned as time passed by. She went abroad to work as a DH to give her son (only child) and probably herself, too, a better future. Her son's living with her parents. For more than 4 years now, she barely saw him. She went back to studying and pursue an MBA through online.She said she is happy with what she is and how she is living her life now. Abroad she met a persistent suitor, showering her with love and material things. The guy knows about her situation but still continue loving her. I am happy for her but I am also afraid for her knowing that she has an unfinished business with her husband.Plus, she keeps posting updates about her relationship in her fb that might have already reached her husband's knowledge. She is stirring the pot... Please share some insights. I think she badly needs it. All the best to everybody....
3 people like this
19 responses
@jaiho2009 (39142)
• Philippines
21 Mar 11
She needs to clear thing between her and her husband first before she ever jumps into another serious relationship. We can not blame her,she has all the rights for her happiness. But there are things that she has to do..legally,in order for her to have freedom and decide what's best for her. Only a lawyer can give her legal advice and can give her better solution on this matter.
1 person likes this
@saphrina (31552)
• South Africa
21 Mar 11
Hi sweetie. Love don't ask questions, but we need to think what is good or bad for us. She just have to let go. he cannot have both and cannot hurt both. What was she thinking?
• Philippines
21 Mar 11
Hi, Saphy. You are right we need to think what is good or bad for US, but does that include the people who care for us ,too? Honestly, I'm not sure what she's really thinking. She might not really taking the guy seriously and she's just trying to enjoy but, still eventually ,someone will get hurt. I do not see any goodness to this.
• Philippines
22 Mar 11
Yes, Saphy. Sadly.... This reminds me of my Mom...and even if she;s hurting so much, she still supports me whenever I need her to...
@saphrina (31552)
• South Africa
21 Mar 11
Sweetie, those who get hurt the most are those who really care for us. Unfortunately.
@ellanick (191)
• Philippines
22 Mar 11
ohh, so right now she is still legally married to her husband. She is in a big trouble now unless her ex husband has already move on and have a new family. As a friend you can talk to her and advise her to end her marriage to his husband so she can legally married again to the man that she seeing right now and to resolve also the conflict. Since she already move on with her life away from her husband and her kid, she should also start doing the right thing in terms of her relationship with her ex hubby and the kid. Just talk to her and advise her, i think she will listen to you cause she is your friend. Goodluck!
• Philippines
27 Mar 11
Hello, Ellanick. I have been telling her to not to get into such trouble but she is just so stubborn and did it anyway. I do not think that she has plans of divorcing her husband. She is concentrating on finding ways to make her son and her future brighter thus, the possibility of being legally separated with hubby is next to impossible. | do not also believe that she has moved on but rather she is just running away form the real situation. Now that she is abroad, she has the freedom to do it. But, when she comes back here, it'll be more complicated...
@sid556 (30960)
• United States
21 Mar 11
Well, all the insights are a bit late at this point if I'm understanding this right. She has already hooked up with this other guy? I think in all fairness that her husband should have been informed of her decision before all the people on facebook and now here on Mylot. I would think that coming back home and connecting with her son would be a top priority. Also, her husband deserves to know so that he too can move on with his life. Is she at least financially supporting her son? My own thinking is so different than this woman's that I really can't relate and I don't want to judge her.
@neildc (17239)
• Lapu-Lapu City, Philippines
22 Mar 11
i can only suggest to her to limit her updates about her new found relationship. what i don't want to happen is for them to settle in court with criminal liabilities involved. she should really finish first what she had left for we never know, justice has wheels now.
• Philippines
27 Mar 11
Hi, Neil. Musta? You are indeed right, Neil. It is sad that she is not worried about the consequences of what she is doing. I do not understand why she has to complicate things.. Even if she is just playing around but other people who are reading her posts will think differently, and they will only believe what they read. That's all that matter to them. . I doubt, though, that there'll ever be a court case re this situation but I am pretty and absolutely sure that once this news reached his husband it will surely let all hell break loose, and that is what I'm worried about... I wish, she has the same mind set as you have over this issue...
@bounce58 (17387)
• Canada
26 Mar 11
Even if her old relationship is in the past, the mere fact that it isn't done or tidy'd up, I think she shouldn't be jumping into this new relationship. There may be no feelings anymore, but things like these could certainly haunt her in the future. Maybe she should finalize a divorce first, before moving on.
• Philippines
27 Mar 11
Hello, bounce. How are you? It has been a while since the last time I heard from you. I hope all is well with you, dear. Yes, you are right, I must agree. She might be facing a greater consequence in the long run if she will not do the right thing ASAP. This I have told her several times but she is just so stubborn to listen to me. It is clear that she can not move on unless she put an end to the other chapter of her life before starting another... I can only wish and pray that, when the time comes that she has to finally decide, it will not come as devastating as I fear it will be...
@bounce58 (17387)
• Canada
28 Mar 11
Hope everything is fine with you too eurekafemme. I know it's easy to get caught up in all of the feelings of a new relationship. But I hope she understands that in order for a new one to survive, the last one must be ended. Goodluck to her!
@jazel_juan (15747)
• Philippines
21 Mar 11
so you mean the way they both parted, her and first husband was not good? well if she does not want any trouble then she must talk fisrt with the first husband and clear thigns so as to avoid any problems.
• Philippines
21 Mar 11
When she left the country to work abroad, she and her hubby we not separated nor divorced or anything to that effect. They both agreed that she seek a greener pasture. But, they were having issues already, financial, mainly before she left. That's what I want her to do. To talk to her husband first before jumping into another relationship with another man... But, I'm not sure if she'll ever do that...
@julise (494)
• Indonesia
21 Mar 11
wow. its though. girls, woman, we are more in emotion. we need to feel loved, cared, mentally and physically. which is why long distance relationship like hers and her husband is really difficult. she has to go back to her husband and child. if she still love him (the husband), she needs to stay with him. or just meet up with the husband first. discuss bout everything. consider what the husband feel too. even if in the end they cant stay together, atleast its clear after the discussion. then both of them can continue with their life.
• Philippines
14 Apr 11
Hello, Julise. My apology for this very late reply. Anyways, that's what I told her. I even posted this link on her fb wall so that she will get insights from people not being biased about the situation. But until this very minute she has not made a move yet to talk to her husband. I'm not sure what she is thinking but I do agree with what you said. She has to settle things first with her husband before taking further step with another man...
@agrim94 (3805)
• India
21 Mar 11
Hi eurekafemme, First of all you didnt tell about her relationship with her husband, you did say the love waned with time but did they officially seprate or not. If not then ofcourse what she is doing is totally wrong as she can not be married to one guy and yet have relationship with other guy. So either she take divorce from her husband or leave the second man. As far as i think, i think the girl is materlistic which the new guy has recognised and he is giving her all materialistic things, just to get in to her pants, and dont love her much.
@shibham (16977)
• India
21 Mar 11
Hi eureka.. As far i have understood the matter... i think she needs some support and perhaps she is gaining all these from that guy. But i am not sure is he concerned about her past life totally. I mean he is married but not divorced. If it is so, and she has no plan to live with her husband again.. then i think there is nothing wrong in this relationship. But she should study the guy before taking some steps so that not to get hurt again. Have a nice day.
• Philippines
21 Mar 11
Hello, Shibham. She is married and have not divorced her husband yet. There's no way she's gonna do it. The only way she can pursue her new love interest is to not to go back in our country which is also impossible because she loves her son so much. I'm not sure how serious her new love is to her,too. I'm not comfortable with it...Though the guy seems nice and stable, but things are still complicated. One way or another someone will get hurt eventually...
• Philippines
21 Mar 11
hello eurekafemme, Sometimes we think we are in love to someone else because we of the lack of love and happiness to our partner,is she really love this persistent suitor then she need to be legally separated with her husband but consider her child reaction regarding this matter especially if her child is still young. Hope she will come out with a good decision later on that she will not regret at the end. happy mylotting
• Philippines
21 Mar 11
Hello, Bhaby:) Yes, I know. It could be lonely living a life far from your loved ones especially a son. She maybe nored or homesick, but judging from her fb posts, she is far from that. What I can see is that she needs some loving and some caring. The thing is, it is very difficult to file a divorce or even tell her parents that she is no lnoger in love with her husband and had found someone else. Also, the husband will not give up his right over their son. So, it is more complicated really...
@prabu03 (175)
• India
30 Mar 11
ya she has married she loves so much becuase lot of factors the love goes to time pass
@flookie (31)
• Philippines
21 Mar 11
She should talk to her husband and try to talk about the situation. She should think about her son too. There is a child involved so I guess they need to consider their son's future.
• Israel
21 Mar 11
i think she is trying to make him jealous and going back to love her
@rsa101 (37905)
• Philippines
21 Mar 11
I just do not know if the marriage when she left is already on the rocks. I am saddened to know that she has fallen into a forbidden love affair of some sorts. I guess if she is happy where she is right now then I guess it is safe to stay there for as long as she knows she is safe there. I also am concerned about what her husband might do in case he knows about this. I think she should as much as she could make amicable settlement with the husband as much as he could.
@dpk262006 (58673)
• Delhi, India
21 Mar 11
Hi Eureka! You did not mention how the person called 'she' in the post is connected with you?. I think what is doing is inappropirate and unfair to her husband and son. She apparently landing herself in deep trouble, however, it is difficult for me to guess what 'her' husband thinks about her affair with another guy at a new place. Most probably her husband is not likely to approve her extra maritial affair and the way she got attracted to other guy will make her more unreliable and unfaithful and her husband may leave her one day. It is also possible that the new guy may also ditch her saying that - "if you cannot be loyal and faithful to your husband', one day you may cheat 'me' too" and the new guy may also leave her one day. I believe that if one's character gets a stain then that stain can not be washed away easily. May God her give her some sense of 'right' and 'wrong', this is what could be prayed.
@se7enthbird (8307)
• Philippines
21 Mar 11
what does barely saw him... means. does the father visits his son, does your friend and her husband has no communications? there are things that needs some clarifications here. my suggestion is your friend needs to make sure what is happening with her husband. if the husband has moved on already and has his own life then its okay for her to start his life as well. but if her husband is still waiting then this is not a good move. if the guys move using the law or filling a case on her then she will have a head ache on this one. specially that she is posting it on her FB account. this is one way of proving things that she has a relationship even she is still married with the father of his son. this is complicated and it gets more complicated if your friend does not plan. sometimes people say i dont care anymore, because they are inlove... but when reality sets in, problems will file up and it gets more complicated. goodluck. i wish all the best for yur friend. but being inlove does not answer everything. she also needs to be sure before falling in love again. goodluck
• Philippines
21 Mar 11
Hello Eureka, That's a bad move she just made. though, it can be understandable since she is away from her hubby, but having another one there is an absolutely NO NO. unless the hubby was cheating too, i think it's unfair for her to do it. this is one of the disadvantages of people working abroad leaving their spouses behind just to ran out of their feelings and look for another
@xien2xien (1382)
• Philippines
21 Mar 11
she may hurt not only herself and her husband but mostly her child, what was she thinking of striving so hard to gain everything she has now but she left her child. can she take the risk of having a rebel child while she gain everything she's been wanted for herself how could she be so selfless and not to think about her child's situation