boyfriend persistent on getting married

Philippines
March 23, 2011 1:32am CST
My boyfriend and I have been together for almost six months already. He is currently 27 years old and I am 22. My dilemma right now is that he wants us to get married. However, I am not yet ready because I am still young and I need to get a job. I still want to prove to my family that I can stand on my own especially that me and my family are so attached with each other. Moreover, my boyfriend is so persistent for marriage because as he say he is already old. He wants to start a family as early as now so that our future will be secured. What should I do? I do really need some advice.
5 people like this
33 responses
@nikramos (698)
• Philippines
23 Mar 11
tell him what you wish to do in life, maybe he'll understand. but a relationship at 6 months can still take a lot of turns, believe me. every time i have a boyfriend, i always believed and felt im gona marry him but it never happened. if he wants you to be his wife, he will wait until you're ready and he will support you whatever you want to achieve.
1 person likes this
@betty110 (66)
• China
1 Apr 11
I face the same situation as you. But a little complicated than you. I think if you two love each other,you can start a family right now. After marriage, you can still go to work and do something you like. Or maybe you two can do some business together, it will be good.
• Philippines
28 Mar 11
Don't be pressured by what he wants, for your marriage to be successful, you need to want it too. You should both be ready with the responsibilities that go along with it and should also be ready to give up certain things that you used to do when you are single. You are only 22 and I suspect that you just got out of the university trying to find a job that would at least reward you for the handwork you have done studying. It's only now that you are going to start a career and to earn your own money so I guess this phase is important to you. Talk to your bf and explain to him why you can't give up you singlehood just now. I'm sure he'll understand if he loves you that much. A few years for you to grow and let you spread your wings will not be that of a long wait for someone who really does love you an would want what it is that would make you happy. Besides, his biological clock ain't ticking yet. I would probably understand him more if he is a girl. Anyway, marriage is something that cannot be forced upon you. If you'll give in to te pressure, I would say that you are starting your married life on the wrong foot.
@MsTickle (25136)
• Australia
28 Mar 11
You are young and you see a full life ahead of you and you are not yet ready for marriage and settling down to have babies. Babies are hard work and you HAVE to be committed for at least 18 years. Your boyfriend sounds like a bit of a bore. He worries too much and he also sounds rather bossy. Does he even consider your thoughts on the subject?? He's not that old and he should be wanting some fun and adventure before he thinks of settling down. Or he might even want to establish a wonderful career.
@jenzai (389)
• Philippines
27 Mar 11
In my point of view you really have to stand for what you believe in. Marriage is not a guarantee for starting a family that would secure your future. The future is full of uncertainties. You have to talk it out with him and see your point of views, love make us understand beyond the painful choices. Emotional preparedness in my opinion is also important in marriage. Pray also for God's discernment.God bless you.
@cream97 (29152)
• United States
26 Mar 11
Hi. areshstarfreak. I think that if he really, really loves you, he will accept the fact that you are not ready to get married just yet. Just tell him that you have many goals that you want to see conquered and obtained. If he really loves you like he says that he does, then he will give you time to get "you" together, before he pursue a marriage with you.
@aeiou78 (3455)
• Malaysia
25 Mar 11
Knowing 6 months and planning for marriage? I am sure both of you have done something wrong that against your culture. This might be the reason your boyfriend urge for marriage. In my opinion, it might be a bit fast. 6 months do not know enough for each other. Many people just knew for a short while and married, but many of their marriage couldn't last for long. However, there should be some exemption too. Not everyone can be the same. Judge by yourself. No one can decide for you.
@aerous (13457)
• Philippines
25 Mar 11
If you think your future husband is capable, has an stable job and ready to start a family. I think you need to decide on that offer. But depend on you to decide. Because no one can tell the best for someone else but you... Have a great day!
@mythociate (17022)
• Oklahoma City, Oklahoma
24 Mar 11
First, think about what you're going to get whether you want it or not ... a long rest in the grave, and whatever you leave behind. What would you rather leave behind: the life of a woman with a secure place in her family (the kind of place marriage gives you), or the life of some girl? I mean; there are people who don't get married until their thirties & upwards, but you still never know how many 'tomorrows' you have left (even if you've had tens-of-thousands before). This is where we need a little reality---while it seems that people go into marriages for their spouses' sakes, they really go into it for their own sakes (in a sense 'choosing' the person that will receive the overflow of the good they get for themselves). It is gracious of him to have 'chosen' you, and -of you to have 'chosen' him; but are you sure you would still 'choose' him if given all possible options? When other people see the two of you together, do THEY know you are a couple?
@jdyrj777 (6541)
• United States
24 Mar 11
Just explain all that to him. If he really does love you he will give you the time you need to do that. Although i do understand his view too. Age isnt as much a problem for a male when it comes to having children. He can wait.
@34momma (13891)
• United States
24 Mar 11
the best advice i can give you is not to do anything you don't want to do. 27 is not old. if he can't respect the fact that you want to wait until you have a job and feel more secure then maybe he is not the person for you. it's only been 6 months.
@andy77e (5161)
• United States
24 Mar 11
Are you living with, or sleeping with him already?
@Ritchelle (3795)
• Philippines
24 Mar 11
marriage is a big, big thing. so big that one's invitation to it can spell the doom or the beginning of something more beautiful. the moment one doubts one's answer to a marriage proposal is already a sign that more bad things are bound to come. no matter how beautiful one's current relationship is the prospect of having second thoughts to a marriage proposal means there's something more beautiful in store for both people.
• India
24 Mar 11
Yes, at 22 you are definitely young to get married and have kids. Your bf is 27, not very old either…you both can easily get married when he’s 30 and start the family when he’s 33/34…that is not late at all. Also getting a job and looking at life in your own way, is very important. Economic independence is vital for women these days and you want to help your family too, which is perfectly justified. Your bf is pressurizing you unnecessarily but I think you should stick to your point.
@besthope44 (12135)
• India
24 Mar 11
Nice to hear how responsible you are and also your boy friend sincere in his love. For you atleast 24 is best age, where your mind will be ready to take up marriage. Guys can marry at 28 or 29, so talk to him. If he is adament, just talk to him for 2 years. And you use up this 2 years to fulfil your goals. And 29 is right age for him and that is right age to start family. And also tell him, you are not physically or mentally right age to take up family life. If 24 and he 29 both are fully secured to take up. I appreciate you both are very responsible
@adezan (36)
• Indonesia
24 Mar 11
First whether your mentally ready to get married.Second whether you have convinced that your man suitable as husband.Third whether your economics ready to married.
• Australia
24 Mar 11
Hi there, I am certain that both of you love and adore each other. I think six months isn't enough time to think about a serious relationship. On the other hand, you have you career in front of you. If you get married with him, you will have so many other commitments that your career will take a steady pace. Try to convince your guy he'll never be too old for you. Tell him that you have to secure your career first so that you can be independent and contribute to your family. All the Best!
• China
24 Mar 11
you know you get together with you BF only six months,it;s not long time.please ask yourself whether you know him very much or not ,are you sure to marry him whatever happens?if all these are yes,then tell him what;s your opinion, you want to have a career to earn,if he really loves you ,i think he will understand you.the key is to communicate by you and your bf.
@sender621 (14933)
• United States
24 Mar 11
Nobody should feel that they are pushed or forced into a relationship such as marriage. If you are ready for it , it can truly be one of the greatest experiences in life. When we are ready in can end in disaster. Try talking the situation over with your boyfriend and let him know how you feel. This is not a decision you can make lightly.
• United States
24 Mar 11
tell him how you feel 22 is a very young age to marry.