Is it right to take back everything you’ve given to your partner upon break up?

@djmarion (4900)
Philippines
March 26, 2011 6:13am CST
I have a friend and that’s her case, when her partner broke her up the man called her up demanding to take back everything he’d given her. My friend though in despair really freak out so she put everything her boyfriend has given her (including slippers, mugs, blouses) in a paper bag and drop it at his place. As a woman I think what her partner did to her is very degrading and insulting, her boyfriend’s action is immature and irresponsible and frankly speaking I don’t think I could take a person like that as a lover. A gift is a gift and it has been given not requested so I don’t think a person should take back anything he’s given freely to someone – be it a friend or a lover. In your opinion, is it right to take back anything you’ve given to someone just because your relationship did not end well?
12 people like this
39 responses
@ajk111 (2526)
26 Mar 11
I have had 2 serious relationships before i got married and when they ended i walked away with a suitcase of clothes each time. One was my fault the other was my partners. you have to make a clean break and leave with your head held high. If you have no material possessions at least you have your dignity.
1 person likes this
@djmarion (4900)
• Philippines
27 Mar 11
Perhaps you are right, but it should be a voluntary case of giving back what’s been given to you right? Not taking it back.
@shia88 (4578)
• Malaysia
26 Mar 11
Hi, I am a girl and if this kind of situation happened to me, I may consider to return back all the things that my boyfriend has given me before if he demanded for it. Or else, I will just keep them as a memories. However,from my point of view, as a man, I don't think you should ask back from your ex for all the things you have given to ber before. A man should be more open-minded thinking and be it whether the ex-girlfriend cheated him or other scenarios,whatever things he has given her before,Just leave it there. I don't see the point why he should ask back for the things. A gift is still a gift and it should not be taken back again.
1 person likes this
@djmarion (4900)
• Philippines
26 Mar 11
thanks you Shia for a good response, we have the same opinion regarding this thing because i am also against what happened.
• Philippines
10 Apr 11
You don't have to take what has been already given. It's so immature of the guy.At least you have known him earlier that he is not worth loving for. A man like that is horrible. Even the relationship didn't work out right, we should at least learn to maintain the friendship in a way.
1 person likes this
@cream97 (29151)
• United States
6 Apr 11
Hi. djmarion. I think that her boyfriend was being very mean to do her like this. If it is over then it is over! Why humiliate her any longer? What is the purpose of him taking back the gifts that he has given to her. They are used gifts and she has worn and used them as well. I do think that his actions was indeed selfish and silly! If I have given my ex any gifts while we were together, I would not take them back at all. It is theirs to keep. If they throw it away, then that is their choice. It would be wrong, but the gifts are now theirs. When I was in high school, I used to wear my ex boyfriend's jacket all of the time. When we broke up, I gave it back to him. I can't remember how I did it, but it was not in a mean way at all. This guy should not take back a gift that he had given to her. It sounds to me as if this gift was not given from the heart then, for him to want to take it all back. She should free herself from him. He is no good! I would not want to ever keep something from a guy as immature and stupid as he is anyway. It is a good thing that she gave back every last thing that he has given to her. She should remove every love that she has for him anyhow!
1 person likes this
@gaiza12 (4885)
• Philippines
31 Mar 11
I agree with you. The guy acted so immaturely. That's why it's called gift because you have given it freely. The girl didn't ask him to give it to her so she should not give it back to him. The girl should not give the gift back because she already owns it. No matter what the guy has to say, she has the right to do whatever it is she wants with the gifts. She may even throw it if she doesn't want to remember the guy anymore.
1 person likes this
@aerous (13457)
• Philippines
28 Mar 11
As far in my side is concern. I don't take back anything that I give to someone after break up...It's a matter of memories those things to her in anyways
1 person likes this
@Ritchelle (3795)
• Philippines
28 Mar 11
i don't think i can even take back anything i've given an ex since it's either am scared of the bad aura those things already have or am so pissed off with the breakup that he can have those things if that means not ever seeing him again.
@jdyrj777 (6541)
• United States
28 Mar 11
I bleive when you give something to someone it should remain theirs. What is he gonna do with her blouse anyway??? It was meant for that person recieving. I one=ce had a friend that we would break up alot. Everytime he would give things back. I didnt ask. Soon i just got so i never gave him anything. I also realized he never gave me things.
1 person likes this
@toniganzon (59714)
• Philippines
27 Mar 11
That person is such an a hole. If i were his ex girlfriend I'll shove up everything in his a*s. Forgive me for my words but I really can't help reacting this way. If I were his girlfriend I wouldn't wait for him to ask me to return everything. I would gladly give it back because I don't want any reminders from him. If he won't take it back then I'll give it away or burn it down. I really can't understand that guy. He really is so immature and such a b*tch for a man. I pity his next girlfriend.
1 person likes this
@gelayagui98 (1337)
• Australia
27 Mar 11
In my own opinion, yes it is very humiliated to taking back what ever present that was already given to you or vice versa. If I am into it, I'd rather won't mind returning, I might just leave it to serve as remembrance of our sad and happy memories instead.
@msvenzon (424)
• Philippines
26 Mar 11
Hi djmarion! I think this is a very interesting topic to talk about nowadays. Especially now that we live in a complex world where the impossible is possible. I think when two person enters a relationship, it involves a commitment of loving each other beyond materials things. These gifts that they give each other only symbolizes how much they love each other, it is not to measure the love they have. If love is only based on materials things, then richer people would have an advantage. Back to your question... no matter how big or small the gift is, I think it is inappropriate for both to even ask for their things back. In the first place, a gift is something you give voluntarily. It means the other person didn't ask for it or requested it. Now the reason why you gave the gift is one thing. If a person gives a gift just so he/she wants something in return, then that is a questionable act. Maybe he/she doesn't know the essence of gift giving. So when the reason behind giving is not genuine, it ends up exactly how you illustrated in your friends situation. When everything goes wrong, this is where the situation would end.
@chiyosan (30213)
• Philippines
26 Mar 11
hmm no.. i don't think so. i mean when you give people things.. it means that you already have no right over those things, you have freely given up your right on that material thing... so why take it back.. when its given its already not yours...
1 person likes this
• Philippines
26 Mar 11
i also think it is not proper asking for things you have given to your partner even after you broke up. because as you said, a gift is a gift and it was given to the partner freely and with love during the time when they are still in a relationship. as partners, we shouldnt count everything that we give and even after we break up. it only shows that the guy is very bitter over the breakup and this also proves how immature her bf. maybe breaking up with him is the right decision and hope she can find somebody more matured and better who can love her wholly and unselfishly.
@sender621 (14933)
• United States
26 Mar 11
When you give something to a partner, it should be a gift given from the heart. it should not have conditions attached to the giving. Just because the relationship did not last is not a sufficient reason to take something back. If something was given to a partner as a gift, i think it should remain theirs,. we should not ask to take it back because feelings between us have changed.
@jennbart (1330)
• Philippines
26 Mar 11
nope, its not proper. Just like what you said, a gift is a gift and that if the guy has given those things, he shouldnt take it back, otherwise, he should have not given anything if he will ask for it back.
@djmarion (4900)
• Philippines
10 Apr 11
thanks jenn! God Bless
@shaggin (55388)
• United States
24 Apr 11
I think it was petty and cruel of him to call her up and ask for everything back that he had given her. If he gave her the things and said I want this back if we split up then ok I understand her having to give it back but if he just gave her gifts while they were together then it was for her to keep.
@johndur (3048)
• Pasig, Philippines
6 Apr 11
i think it is much better if you wait for the partner to return everything and dont demand for it since you already gave it to him or her....
@MsTickle (25136)
• Australia
30 Mar 11
Did the guy return all the gifts that she gave to him? I think not. My second husband expected to get back all the money he had spent while we were together...no matter that he had lived with me and paid no rent or board. He even wanted the money it cost him for fuel to come visit me. Such an idiot.
@cerebellum (3869)
• United States
29 Mar 11
I don't think you should have to return anything. Most items are gifts and should be kept. The last guy I broke up with had gotten me a motorized wheelchair for my birthday. We kept it at his house for convenience. When we broke up he didn't give it to me. I thought he should as it was a birthday present. I offered to give him back stuff he had left here by letter. I even told him I would make sure I wasn't here if I knew when he was coming. I never got any response from him.
@sweet_pea (3323)
• Philippines
29 Mar 11
I really don't take back anything that I have given as a gift. I think getting it back is a way of saying that you are so bitter about what happened. I think it is rude. I have a friend who was given a laptop by her boyfriend and when they broke up the guy demanded to have the laptop back. I think my friend didn't give it back although she can afford to buy one. It is silly really. It was already given to you so it means it is already yours. If someone did that to me, I wouldn't mind giving it back to him. Because I really don't want anything to remind me of him. I might see myself even throwing it to the trash if he doesn't take it back. But I might have second thoughts if I was given a laptop!