would you stop your friend from marrying the girl you know he doesnt deserve...
By p3ks626
@p3ks626 (6538)
Philippines
April 3, 2011 6:54am CST
My friend is getting married really soon and I just dont think that he deserves the girl he is marrying. She is the kind of girl who is out of his league. And I feel like the guy is just pressured by the girl to get married for reasons I am not sure of but the girl wanted to prove to her ex that she can also be married. The thing is, I am not really happy about this marriage cause I know my friend will still find someone worthy of him and someone he can be proud of.
Of course I feel like I cant stop the wedding but I am not sure if I should tell him why he should not marry that girl. I just know too much about that girl and knowing that my friend is going to marry her makes me really worried. What would you do guys?
3 people like this
20 responses
@frunyon1 (7)
• United States
3 Apr 11
Are you afraid your friend isn't good enough for this girl or that the girl is just going to hurt him? Either way, If your friend really loves this girl and you try to prevent him from marrying her, that's only going to cause him to feel resentful and may cost you his friendship. My suggestion is to keep silent and wish him the best. Just be there for him if and/or when she hurts him. Be a friend but allow him to make his own decisions.
@p3ks626 (6538)
• Philippines
4 Apr 11
Its the girl who isnt good enough for the guy. I am also afraid that she is just going to hurt him in the future. I just dont trust the girl cause I know her and I know what she does. But you are right about what you said in letting him make his own decisions and that I should just be happy for him and hope that everything will be okay.
@p3ks626 (6538)
• Philippines
6 Apr 11
You are right about that too. I think its the time I gave him after telling everything to him is not adequate enough to think about it but perhaps it will help. I think its just better that I tell him even if he still pursue that marriage at least I wont have to be bothered by my conscience if anything happens in the future.
@sid556 (30960)
• United States
4 Apr 11
hi p3ks,
Well it sounds as if you and this guy are close enough that you should be able to talk straight with him. The problem is in how to approach the subject. You say that you know things about this girl. I think that I would at least tell him the things that I know so that he can make an informed decision or maybe even wait a little longer. If you tell him all that you know about the girl and then he still marries her, then all you can do is be supportive, pray for his happiness and be there for him if things don't work out.
@chipesterkhan (2925)
• Philippines
4 Apr 11
i tried
but failed badly
my best friend married a woman that doesn't really deserve him
but i respect his decision and moved out of the way
@p3ks626 (6538)
• Philippines
4 Apr 11
It will also depend on how you said that's going to make it go wrong for you in the future...I guess I am not the only one who is concerned about our friends marrying the person they dont deserve. Its just bothering to see your friend marry someone he shouldnt be with cause you know for yourself that he is a good man and definitely deserves the best.
@omentheduck (84)
• United States
4 Apr 11
If it is not meant to be then it will not last, I would not have tried to stop him, it will only fall on you when things go wrong
@mythociate (21437)
• Oklahoma City, Oklahoma
4 Apr 11
No one can decide who is good for anyone else except those two people themselves. And even then, it's a stupid prejudice that marks one as 'wrong' for the other. Take me: because I opted-out of the social-inhibitions people have ingrained into them by training-since-birth, people are uncomfortable around me ... to the point that they stay away from me.
That's one of the main reasons I'm still single. Because no girl whom I would deem worthy of me (the right age, etc.) would dare 'see how deep this rabbit-hole goes'.
@mythociate (21437)
• Oklahoma City, Oklahoma
6 Apr 11
In that case, step into your friends' shoes and walk them through the thoughts about what they're doing. Then help them step into you 'friend of the pre-married friend'-shoes, and help them walk through YOUR thoughts about the situation. 
@maunesrockford92078 (305)
• Philippines
3 Apr 11
Your friend has its own reason to decide and I think that's his decision and never yours infact you have to be very careful not to create any kind of scenario that might trigger inconsistencies on your part, just hope for the best for them although you cannot blame your self but things must go on, they have there God given will to realized.
@p3ks626 (6538)
• Philippines
4 Apr 11
Well, I am not that kind of person who would create a scene. 
I am planning to talk to him in private in a way that I can have a heart to heart to with him. I really dont worry about what his reactions are gonna be cause I know him and he knows me and he knows that I am only saying this cause I am concerned about him.
I am planning to talk to him in private in a way that I can have a heart to heart to with him. I really dont worry about what his reactions are gonna be cause I know him and he knows me and he knows that I am only saying this cause I am concerned about him.@maunesrockford92078 (305)
• Philippines
4 Apr 11
Yes! that's the spirit it always begin by clarifying things in an open table and talking making a conversation, and oh!how I like to have a friend like you...It would be very interesting a true friend, such a concern then.
@jazel_juan (15747)
• Philippines
4 Apr 11
Try to be precise on why you don't think they should be married. For one, if you will go straight and talk to him you should be sure what your reasons are. It is hard since you might become the antagonist in this picture. Be careful, people might get hurt.
@p3ks626 (6538)
• Philippines
5 Apr 11
There were already many times that I would look like an antagonist in my friends lives but it never turned out that way. I guess they know that when I say something, its proven and I wouldnt say things that really doesnt make sense. I think that's also an advantage for me here.
@Angelgirl16 (2171)
• United States
3 Apr 11
I hope your friend did not decide to marry this girl after knowing her for a short period of time. In other words, he should have had plenty of time to really get to know the character of this girl. It is really up to him and not his friends to decide whether this girl is for him or not.
Friends always have good intention when it comes to protecting their friends hearts, but some friends don't want to be told that their mate are not qualified to be with them. In fact, you may do more harm than good. I will suggest that,if you feel this strongly against your friend marrying this girl,you should express your feelings, then wish him well in his married life.
@Angelgirl16 (2171)
• United States
13 Apr 11
I think you have made a wise choice to just tell him what you know about his bride to be and let the chips fall where they may. In other words, what happens next is up to your friend.
@p3ks626 (6538)
• Philippines
4 Apr 11
You are also right about that. They have been dating for only a short period of time and they were in a long distance relationship. He really doesnt know what the girl is doing especially when he is away. I guess I really cant stop him from marrying this girl but at least I got to tell him what I know and whatever happens in the future, at least I already warned him or something.
@sunnycool (12714)
• India
4 Apr 11
I would talk to him about this girl ... and leave the rest to him.If he really loves her and he believes in himself then he should choose the right way.As a good friend i would prefer to suggest him than to influence him over my opinion.Great day.
@Cutie18f (9551)
• Philippines
4 Apr 11
The best thing to do is to tell your friend everything you think about this girl. You have to sort of warn him so that if something happens in the future he won't say you didn't tell him. You really care about your friend so please tell him the truth.
@p3ks626 (6538)
• Philippines
4 Apr 11
Yeah! I am thinking about that too. If I dont tell him now and tell him in the future then maybe it will be too late. At least if I got to tell him now then its up to him if he is going to give in or not and it would now depend on how he is going to handle things.
@infatuatedbby (94921)
• United States
4 Apr 11
Care to share a little more information.. like how long have they known each other or dated prior to marriage.
If you feel that your friend doesn't deserve her because it seems like she's just trying to make her ex jealous then if you and him a good friends you should tell him how you feel and that he should maybe postpone the marriage and see how his future wife reacts to it.. to test her to see if she really loved him. If he doesn't listen to you then I guess he will figure out after..
@p3ks626 (6538)
• Philippines
4 Apr 11
Having a test would be a good idea. The girl cant hold her horses anymore when it comes to the marriage thing. I dont know what's with her. it seems like she is into something but I am not sure what it is.
They really dont know each other very well. They are in a long distance relationship and the guy doesnt know what the girl was doing when he is not around. Of course she does crazy things that and she couldnt be trusted.
@sashakiddo (1102)
• United States
4 Apr 11
If you really can't help feeling that way, write the guy a note or something. People make bad decisions all the time, it's a learning process. Whatever you do, don't try to control the situation. We must learn that we can't control everything even when we know what is best. At least if things go wrong, the guy will see what you were saying and he will come to you with more trust and appreciation.
@loversarm (1)
• United States
3 Apr 11
Are you really afraid that your friend will marry the woman she doesn't deserve because you care for him or you're scared that once he got married, you will be out of his life?
If you just really care for him, just be there and support him. You can tell him your opinion bout that woman but that's his life. His old enough to know what is right and wrong.
@p3ks626 (6538)
• Philippines
4 Apr 11
i am not really thinking about that like I would be out of his life already cause I am already married myself and I know how its going to be like when someone gets married.
You are also right about him being old enough and he already knows what he is doing. I just hope that it wont get him into trouble later on.
You are also right about him being old enough and he already knows what he is doing. I just hope that it wont get him into trouble later on.
@abrarpredit (1)
•
4 Apr 11
everyone deserves to marry the girl they want I wont stop him if I do I will feel guilty always
@p3ks626 (6538)
• Philippines
5 Apr 11
But I think it will only make me feel guiltier if I know something and didnt tell my friend about it. Like you know that something could happen in the future but you just said you yourself that its going to be okay since its his life but for me, being a good friend means you have to make sure that your friend is in good hands.
@r0ck_r0ck (1952)
• India
3 Apr 11
If i were you, i would go straight to him and tell him exactly how i feel and im sure if he finds out any truth he will be thanking me in the long run.. You should do the same, this aint a matter of joke. If your friendship is any serious, go tell him, afterall a girl can understand another girl better than a guy.
@sudiptacallingu (10879)
• India
4 Apr 11
As you yourself say, there is very little you can actually do in this situation… the marriage has to go on and you can only hope for the best. Maybe the girl has something in her which your friend likes or maybe, he knows and understands her better than you think… I’m sure you must have had several talks with your friend on this, yet you could not persuade him to change his decision. So now, the only option you have is to watch the marriage unfold and if your friend ever needs any advice, be there to help him out. Only thing is, you too should try to understand the girl since she is going to become your friend’s wife, otherwise, your opinion of her will forever be biased and wont help you friend at all.
@bounce58 (17387)
• Canada
7 Apr 11
Contrary to the beliefs of some people, I don't think marriage is the end of the world. I don't think your friend's life would cease to exist even if he gets married. Specially, being a guy.
I say let him be. As a friend, you should stand by him even if you know that he is not making the wisest of decisions. Who knows? It might just work out.
And if it doesn't, just make sure that you're by his side too.
@hardworkinggurl (37063)
• United States
7 Apr 11
I understand why you feel you should say something to your friend. As friends we would want to know if something is not quite right for us.
However, after saying something to your friend, ultimately your friend will make the decision and if he opts to continuing with the marriage assure your friend that you will be by his side as a friend. That you will always be there and give your friend the reason why you feel it is not right for them.
Also let your friend know that what ever happens you can be counted on to be their always as a friend.
@ThePTCDiary (94)
• United States
3 Apr 11
You need facts. You can not just tell your friend that he does not deserve the girl because of what "I feel" and "for reasons I am not sure of but".
Your friend deserves to know what you have to say when you have the facts. He does not need to take any actions. He just needs to know. I hope it will not cause your friendship.
In the end, it will still be your friend who'll decide whether he deserves her or not.
@p3ks626 (6538)
• Philippines
4 Apr 11
Of course I know facts! I wouldnt be saying anything about this if I dont know anything, would I? 
I know my friend and I think whatever I am going to say to him, he is going to accept it in a way that's constructive. We have been friends for a long time and shared almost everything. lol
I know my friend and I think whatever I am going to say to him, he is going to accept it in a way that's constructive. We have been friends for a long time and shared almost everything. lol
@neenie (343)
• United States
3 Apr 11
That's kind of rough to say that you don't think he deserves her. When I first read your post, I thought you were saying that she doesn't deserve him. Most people don't rush into marriage just to prove something... maybe she really loves him and he really loves her. You don't know what goes on in their relationship and how it really works.
If you really want to talk to your friend, go ahead. I would be a little hesitant to come right out and say he doesn't deserve this girl though. I would tell him your worries about her ex if you feel the need to.
@p3ks626 (6538)
• Philippines
4 Apr 11
I really dont think he doesnt deserve her cause she's really something. I dont want to say stuff about her but the bottom line is that she not the girl he should be spending the rest of his life with. You say I dont know what's going on with their relationship but I actually do. I just hope that my friend's decision will turn out okay in the end especially that marriage is not a very easy thing.
