Have I Jinxed Myself?
By dismalgrin
@dismalgrin (2604)
United States
April 4, 2011 12:13am CST
I was just perusing another website that I like when I ran across the topic of single girls trying on wedding dresses. The comments flew about how a single girl should never do that, she would jinx her chance of ever getting married. And then another girl threw out that she would never wear a ring on her engagement ring finger either. And this got me to thinking... I'm 27 years old and I've never been married. I don't think that in and of itself is a big deal, but the closer I get to 30 more scary the prospect of never actually tying the knot seems to me. My boyfriend has been married once before so he is not really keen on the idea of doing that again, although he says he has committed himself to me and never plans on leaving. In his eyes, we are married, we just don't have a paper to prove it. He says that maybe someday in the future he will change his mind and marry me, but he really doubts that he could bring himself to do that again. (About a year ago he had told me that he wanted to marry me for real, but he just doesn't find it necessary anymore now) I know that he is totally faithful to me so any idea that he won't marry me so he can cheat on me is not even in the picture. I think he is honestly afraid of jinxing our relationship.
Okay, but see, I was engaged once before and my ex fiance insisted that I wear not only the engagement ring, but also the wedding band 'so that I wouldn't lose it' turns out that just 2 weeks after we purchased the marriage license he went and married another woman. I wore the rings on a necklace for a little while after that because it hurt too much to just toss them. But, within a few months I sold them to a neighbor for 5 dollars to just get rid of them. On my last birthday my current boyfriend bought me a beautiful gold and diamond ring (I knew it wasn't an engagement ring because he has always said if he did get me an engagement ring it would be a 'heart's on fire' diamond which is apparently shaped like a heart.) So, I wore this ring on my right hand for about 4 months. Then my sister decided to try to start a fight with me and she injured that hand so badly that I ended up having to have that ring cut off. For Christmas my boyfriend repaired in and had it sized up one size because the swelling hadn't gone down yet. But when we picked it up, it STILL wouldn't fit on that finger. And I tried it on all my fingers and the only one it would fit was my engagement ring finger. I told him I wasn't comfortable wearing it on that hand but he told me that he really didn't care what other people think so it is still on that hand... and yes, I'm getting really tired of explaining to people that it is not an engagement ring. Grrrr.
But, now I'm wondering if I'm jinxing myself here. I have already gone through one really rough break up following the improper wearing of engagement/wedding rings. And I don't want something like that to happen again. I really would like to get married, but I don't want to whine and b**** my way into it, ideally my boyfriend would realize that it is something that would make me happy and choose to go for it just to make me happy. I mean if he considers us the same as married anyhow, what's the big deal about making it official and pleasing me at the same time? I don't get it.
But, what do you think? Can a person jinx themselves in this manner? Do you think it's weird to wear an engagement looking ring on your engagement ring finger and not be engaged?
1 response
@moondancer (7431)
• United States
4 Apr 11
I don't think that you are being jinxed by wearing your ring on your ring finger. However if you think this is a possibility then maybe you should have it enlarged to fit another finger and wear it on another one. It would also stop the questions others ask of it being an engagement ring.
Trying on wedding dresses is not a jinx either. That is a girl thing. I wore a wedding ring on ring finger so guys would think I was married and they would not ask me out and it did not jinx me when I was ready to and wanted to go out with someone. I just explained why I was wearing the ring and it was understood.
My oldest son and his lady are together and they have been for going on 14 years and they did not get married. They love each other dearly and everyone knows it. They say being married is nothing but a piece of paper. They have 2 beautiful boys. Everything they own, a house, several vehicles and all is in both of their names. They are both happy. They talk about getting married sometimes but only because if something happens to one of them so that the other one gets all they have. But as long as all they have is in both of their names that will happen anyway. The only thing is the children. He would have to worry about getting the children if her family had a problem with him having them. I don't think they would. They love my son and they know he loves his boys.
He is not an absentee father. He is very active in his boys lives.
So if you two are the same way as my son and his lady then you two have nothing to worry about and have no need to have a paper between you. Unless you want it and that would be what would make you happy. If that is what would make you happiest then you two really need to have a talk and he needs to respect your wishes if he wants to be with you.
@dismalgrin (2604)
• United States
5 Apr 11
That is a beautiful thing your son and his girlfriend have together. My boyfriend and I haven't worked out all those particulars yet. Since he lives with his mother as her caregiver. She is in very poor health and he has mentioned that when she passes he would like to live with me. But, that is where I'm kind of reluctant to jump into that because of legalities. If something were to happen to him because we would not be married I would be pretty much SOL and I would be helping him pay bills and pay for upkeep of the house and all of that if we lived together (he is part owner on the house he lives with his mother in) but if something happened I don't think that the fact would be recognized and I have been homeless once already. I don't think that I could bare being homeless again. Perhaps it's morbid to think of these things. And it sounds more like politics than love. But, we already have the love. There are just bigger and scarier things to think about in this world, unfortunately.
@moondancer (7431)
• United States
5 Apr 11
Actually you are not being morbid or wrong in any way to think about these things in any way. It's only right for you to think about your future and what it has in store for you especially with what the past has had for you.
You do have to look out for your future. You must plan for it. In this case if you were to move in with him I don't know how it is there but here what is his or yours before you get together remains so if you split up. But what you get after that has to be split equally.
If anything happens to one of you if both of your names are on the ownership of the property papers then it becomes the survivers. But if say your name is not added to the house ownership papers then his other family will get it and not you. But if you keep any receipts that you put money into to upkeep of the home or any anything that was done to the house to remodel it or anything then they would have to repay that back to you.
You would have to take them to court for it for I'm sure they would not want to pay it.
But you make sure you get what is due to you.
The thing to do though if he loves you is for him to put the home in your name as well or for you and him to have a prenup. A paper drawn up that says what you and he will have if something happens between you and he if it does not work out between you and him. You need to make sure that it is very specific to about what you get and don't get.
If he loves you and he is not worried that you will break up he will sign it. This is something that protects you.
If you move into his home it is crazy for him to think that you would not be putting money into his home. It would be crazy for him to expect you to leave with nothing if you left too. You must look out for yourself in case this were to happen. This is self preservation. It is common sense. In a way it's what he is doing for himself by saying he is staying in his own home and not moving in with you.
He has his home. You must look out for you!
You are being smart. Keep thinking smart!
