So hurt the innocent... oh I can't stand them...
@OpinionatedLady (5966)
United States
April 12, 2011 1:58pm CST
Oh how I cannot stand my in laws any more. Anyone who reads my posts know we have a lot of family issues on my husbands side at the moment with his brother and parents. If you don't go back in my postings you'll find plenty. Basically though we do not agree with what his brother is doing to his family, be it the abandoning of his wife and three kids, shuffling and leaving of the fourth child anywhere and everywhere, quitting his job not to pay child support and so on and so forth. Now his parents who blindly support everything he does now have told my older three children that they will not come to their dance recital until my husband apologizes for not supporting his dead beat brother in doing all of these things. They believe my husband should blindly support his brother and not have anything to do with our sister in law or our nieces and nephews because the Dead beat no longer wishes to consider them family. Now we will never stop talking to our nieces and nephews as long as we are allowed by their mothers (Dead beat does things all the time to stop this why I am not sure) and I am so upset that my in laws would just throw away their other grandchildren like that. Now they are willing to hurt their relationship with my children to support this horrible person. I cannot even put into words how upsetting this all is and they don't even think they are wrong. My husband is to the point of not speaking to his parents at all and it is hurting him so bad because let's face it who wants to cut their parents out of their lives but we just cannot support this. Now he is hurt and angry that they would try to black mail him with his own children's feelings. Their attempt has back fired. Their grand daughters are so mad and hurt as to not want them there at all. My husband is so mad and hurt he has made it clear they are not to be apart of our lives any more if this is how they will be. Oh my stomach hurts with the insanity of it. I just don't understand....
3 people like this
4 responses
@sid556 (30960)
• United States
13 Apr 11
Hi there OpinionatedLady,
I remember some of the trouble you've had in the past with his family. I 'm sorry you all are going through this and I know it hurts. Still, your husband is handling it right. Your in-laws are running right in to a lose-lose situation by taking sides and being so involved in their son's personal choices. Even if he had good cause to leave the mother of his children, that is an issue between the two of them. All they are accomplishing by taking sides and meddling is to alienate their other grandchildren. By trying to push you all to take sides, they are also alienating your family including their other grandchildren. Your husband and you are right to not buy into it. When my younger brother and his wife got divorced, she was cheating on him and truthfully, I couldn't stand the girl. I still remained civil with her. Why? She did not personally hurt me and the issues were between her and my brother. I mean I was angry that she hurt my brother but my role in all that was to console him and be there for him...not start my own personal war with her. Also, I wanted to remain a part of my nephew's life and that was easier to do if I kept things civil between her and I. The kids always are the ones to get hurt in family battles like this. 
@OpinionatedLady (5966)
• United States
14 Apr 11
Thank you and we are tyring to remain civil with everyone but his own family is making that hard. Our sister in law is so thankful to have some on this side not bashing her left and right she is easy to be civil with. Also my husband grew up with her since they where ten years old. I knew her from when he and I started dating 14 years ago. All this years before her and my brother in law started dating. We love our nieces and nephew and are trying not to lose them especially for our kids who seem to be losing family members no matter what we do. The more we try to stay back the worse it gets.
1 person likes this
@sid556 (30960)
• United States
15 Apr 11
You know in your heart what is right. It is sad that your kids are losing out on their grandparents but really that is not their fault. That is the choice of the grandparents and if they are willing to sacrifice a relationship with your children then they deserve all that they get. Unfortunately the children don't deserve it but in time they will see them for who they are. I have to think that with grandparents like this that maybe the kids are better off not having them too closely involved in their lives.
@snyderblog (82)
• United States
13 Apr 11
I am so sorry to hear about your family troubles, yet again, I know somewhat about this. I am not an active member of my family but I do have to say, no matter how much it hurts now, the time is right to do right by your own little family. What will come, will come and you have to protect your kids and husband now. I understand that it is easier said than done. My motto is less drama in life happier life. It will be really hard to distance yourself from them and it will be hard for a long time especially when there are children involved. But you do have to put your household family first. My concern was always that I didn't want my kids to think that the way my family was, was normal. I always wanted them the have the morals and values of family even though I can't provide that with my family. At least my husbands family is very loving and understanding. You're family can make up where his leaves off.
I have faith in your little family and you. You will get through this as well.
@OpinionatedLady (5966)
• United States
14 Apr 11
We actually just had a talk with our kids about morals and his side of the family. We talked about how what they do hurts everyone and that is the reason we have morals, to keep harmony in our lives with out causing damage to those we love. My kids feel bad for themselves but no where near as bad as they feel for their cousins who they where close to (it's hard now they are so far away) and hearing them talk about it breaks all of our hearts.
@Hatley (163781)
• Garden Grove, California
13 Apr 11
hi opinionatedlady thats just horrible to want to write their grandchildren out of their lives not to mention how it hurts
you and your husband. How awful I cannot have ever imagined
my mom and dad doing something like that. They were so thrilled
when I made them grandparents. My dad did not live very long after
my son was about two. but while he was alive my son was the apple
of his eye and my mom and sis doted on my two children. I am so
hoping something can be done to mend this rift. how can they condone
a son who will not support his children? this is so sad. hope eventually
a happier ending can be suppllied.
@OpinionatedLady (5966)
• United States
14 Apr 11
I hope and pray that things will get better as they did once before, but as this is a slap in the face to them making things better last time I don't think it will be happening any time soon. I have a fear that it has gone too far this time. My 11 and 9 year old could careless any more and my 5 year old never cared much as they haven't spent much time with her ever. They haven't even seen the baby since she was 5 months old.
@terryt52 (243)
• United States
12 Apr 11
Good for your daughters and husband. It is so refreshing to hear people still have moral values. My family is so dysfunctional about nine months ago I could not take any more and I walked away and never looked back I love all my siblings but I will not be part of the continued abuse and improper actions.
@OpinionatedLady (5966)
• United States
12 Apr 11
That's pretty much where we are again. We had let them all back into our lives about 3 years ago and things had been better but yet again the leopards show their spots and I don't know if there will ever really be another chance.
