Meddling with other people's affair
By jazel_juan
@jazel_juan (15747)
Philippines
April 14, 2011 8:45pm CST
We just recently find out about my fathers extra marital affairs and it created conflicts betwen him and my mom and we also found out about his other children, who are alike the same as as my son and daughter, 4 and 7 respectively. It is mind boggling right now, but since i have a family on my on i do not interfere anymore. But just last night i was talking to my mom and she is really stressed out because the other woman is really asking for attention and it is pissing her off and pissing me off because i could see it is causing stress. I do not know about what solutions they have decided but i tried helping..i asked for the number of the other woman, i texted her and telling her to lay off, she could receive financial assistance but that is all she could get and i do not know what came into me but i told her i hate women like her. Women who go after someone else's husband. I am kinda feeling guilty right now, i do not know if it is good or what. But i just do not like hurting other people but that is just how i feel about her. She is hurting my mom too. But then i am having this feeling of uneasiness and i know i should not have meddle or talked to her that way, she might be also having a hart time. But then mom called me and asked what that lady texted me and that women did send me messages, she was like asking for mercy and wanting us to pity her. I did forward that to my mom and for some reasons my mom was mad at me!!! She said, i might be going to her side! and i was like, hell no, why would i do that? i even told her bad words and i never intented to go to her side. Actually i am confused, i do not want to take side because i don't want to hurt anyone, plus i might be creating bigger issues. And it might hurt my father too. I am honestly not at ease right now. i should have not have interfered 
3 people like this
8 responses
@OpinionatedLady (5966)
• United States
15 Apr 11
We have similar issues with my brother in law. I understand wanting to speak up yet trying to stay out of it. All the while staying out of it is taken by this person or that person the wrong way. Actually I wouldn't worry about your Dad's feelings as this is his mess and any hurt feelings from any of you are a consequence of his misdeeds. I am not fond of people who knowingly court a married person. She too needs to take what comes to her. She has to take her responsibility for her part in this mess. For your own sake I would get all of your emotions out and let them know what you think. It might hurt some feelings but in the end clearing the air and everyone knowing right where you stand will in the end make it easier for you. These things are never easy and you just stand by the person you feel is in the right or closest to it.
@jazel_juan (15747)
• Philippines
15 Apr 11
I really do not know if i this would sink in or if wt will sink in, i do not know when. Right now, i am also confused but then i know my mom is in greater pain and it is her that is our priority. But i know she does not want to be separated from my father. I do know that she can accept the two kids given that woman will get the hell out of their lives..which complicates more because no motther would easily give up their children.
1 person likes this
@jazel_juan (15747)
• Philippines
6 May 11
yes i am now in a point where i am starting to accept them, when i made this point i was feeling rebellious. But now everything seems open to me.
@OpinionatedLady (5966)
• United States
18 Apr 11
But there are children and they and her will be apart of their and your life as they are his children and hos responsibility. They are your siblings and please remember that to them those is all very scary and messed up too. He has made quite a mess and now has to find away to be with the woman he really wants to be with and to be a good father to multiple family's of children. Those poor kids, you said they are near your kids age, imagine how confused your kids would be in this situation. I hope all remember them and you. You are still a child of his and the pain is OK to have and to spill.
1 person likes this
@fireblaze (52)
• Philippines
15 Apr 11
hi, jazel!yes, you are right, meddling in others' affair, most of the time, makes the situation more complicated. but,i understand your initial actions. i mean, i think, most people might do the same thing like what you did. i know that, you did that sort because you wanted to protect not just your mom but your entire family.don't feel guilty. as a daughter, you have the right to act that way, i mean, nobody wants to have a family ruined by outsiders.
@jazel_juan (15747)
• Philippines
15 Apr 11
yes i know, i was never the one who voices out what i feel, i always try to keep it a secret so as no one will get hurt but in this case it is already getting into my nerves plus i do not want to see my mother hurt
1 person likes this
@KrauseHome (36448)
• United States
17 Apr 11
Well, to me, this is a hard call and I could see where it might be a little upsetting and making you not sure which way you should go, or should have gone. Personally if this woman is still wanting something from your Dad, but married to your Mom maybe it could just be trying to use him, or it could be legit, but personally this is something that needs to be worked out. I can understand your Mom being upset by all of this. I think it is only right. But in reality not sure what would be the right answer on this at all.
@jazel_juan (15747)
• Philippines
6 May 11
Till now my mom is so upset, just this morning she was crying because they had arguments again. I also do not know which way to go, but the thought of those other kids are quite open to me now. But i know my mom is still very upset and i know my dad is too. It is hard to know what their decisions are.
@CatsandDogs (13963)
• United States
15 Apr 11
The first and foremost, this is your dad's fault because he knew he was married and yet he choose to cheat on your mom. Shame on him! This other woman may not have known he was married. But there again, she may have and didn't care. It all depends on what your dad has told her. For him to have one child and then ANOTHER? That shows a huge lack of respect for your mother.
You did what most people would do..... maybe even less than that. Most people would go after their dad and the girl. I'm glad you didn't or you'd be in big trouble. You don't want or need that.
As for those two kids, don't blame them. They didn't ask for your dad to 'mate' with this woman and they certainly didn't ask to be born or be born in the situation that they're in. They're completely innocent of the whole thing. Be nice to them because it's not their fault.
You need to have a talk with your dad and lay out your feelings. Get it all out. Then your dad has to decide if he wants to stay with your mother or get a divorce. Then your mom has to decide if she wants to stay with him and make the marriage work. Either way he has a responsibilty now for those two kids since they are his.
Now, if he stays with your mom, can she ever trust him again? Probably not but that's her choice either way it goes. Be there for your mom for she really needs you now more than ever!
@CatsandDogs (13963)
• United States
7 May 11
The point I was trying to make is, did she know your father was married when she met him or before they began an affair? Or even did she know soon afterwards? If she did then she's as much at fault as your father is. However, the kids aren't at fault at all. They had nothing to do with what your father and this woman had done except for being concieved which they had no control over that. So don't be mean to them because it's not their fault. They are your half sibilings. Treat them with decentcy that they deserve.
@jazel_juan (15747)
• Philippines
6 May 11
Actually the woman knows about my dad being married yet she still entertained him
Yes i tried my best to be there for my mom and i know how hard it is for her to trust him again..
Yes i tried my best to be there for my mom and i know how hard it is for her to trust him again..1 person likes this
@cream97 (29087)
• United States
17 Apr 11
Hi. jazel_juan. I don't think that your mom has any reason to think that you are on this other woman's side. Why would she think that anyway? I don't see any indication that you are on this woman's side. I can understand you being upset with someone hurting your own mother. I know that you feel guilty over what you have done, but what happened, has happened. If you don't tell this woman about yourself then someone else may will. I am really sorry that your father has committed an adultery affair while he was married to your mom. If he did not ever do this, then things would not be the way that they are now. He has got you all into this mess, and if you curse this woman out, it would be all of his fault!
@jazel_juan (15747)
• Philippines
6 May 11
True. i am still so upset because the family that i thought was perfect just broke infront of my eyes and we are all messed up, even my brother is so tired of this mess and it is getting in all of our nerves.
@JenInTN (27514)
• United States
17 Apr 11
This is not just their affairs..this is yours too. I can not imagine how confused you must be because on one hand you have been taught to act respectfully, but on the other you are being disrespescted in every way. Under these conditioned..it's ok to be confused...you are..your mom is..there is no easy answer. The only side you need to take at this point is yours..oh..and comfort your mom..she had been truely wronged here. That's just my opinion..but women have to stick together..the ones that go after husbands are breaking a code. You understand it..I understand it..and so does every other woman in the world. If the other woman is hurt...she knew what she was getting into right fron the start.
@jazel_juan (15747)
• Philippines
6 May 11
Yes it is really wrong to be deceived and it happened for sooo many years and my mom still now keeps on thinking what she had done wrong and i kept on telling her she did nothing wrong and she was a great mother and wife..she is just so sad right now i do not know how to comfort her anymore.
@choybel (5042)
• Philippines
15 Apr 11
I know how it feels, and I feel sorry for you. At least you are in an age where you have other better things to worry about, like your own family. I found out about my mom's other affair in high school and, although I didn't really overreact about it, it became part of the reason of how I lived my life right now. Anyway, I do understand your points on not meddling, but I guess that you have reacted naturally. It would probably be best to support your mom right now because she must be the one who really needs it right now. There's no real need to make a big fuss of it, just be there to comfort your mom. I wish you good luck on this matter.
@jazel_juan (15747)
• Philippines
6 May 11
wow your situation is another way around.. and that is a young age where you will get more troubled. It is still not ok till now but i am still praying it will be settled,
@bunnybon7 (50973)
• Holiday, Florida
15 Apr 11
i know some of it is that womans fault but do you know for sure she knew he was married? and if she did, did he tell her his wife was unloving and he would leave her? why are you blaming the woman? your dad is the culprit here. im not sure id ever speak to him again. 
also ive read some of your other comments about him even trying to blame you? !!!thats just another cop out. and to try and blame his daughter for his nasty azz!! hes the worst father ever. id be concerned that this low life dad would walk out from everyone. anyone that would blame their daughter for their own nastiness is the lowest. 
@jazel_juan (15747)
• Philippines
16 Apr 11
That other woman admitted that she knew.. and that there were seeing each other for quite some time already! it is frustrating to think that it happened because all these years i thought my dad was perfect..or he portrays that he is. As a father, he is one that pampered me A LOT but then i realized as a husband he really failed
it is frustrating to think that it happened because all these years i thought my dad was perfect..or he portrays that he is. As a father, he is one that pampered me A LOT but then i realized as a husband he really failed 