Wanting to expand fam, but not able
By tink91879
@tink91879 (742)
United States
April 21, 2011 5:30pm CST
We have two children. 3 years ago we decided we wanted a third. From a young child I always wanted 5 kids. So we started trying. After 6 months, nothing happend. I talked my doc who said to give it a year. Getting close to be 30 I really wanted to get checked out. After two years my doc decided to send me to fertility. I had seen women I know become pregnant and have their child. It was upsetting seeing this and attending babyshowers. I had two and yet my family didnt feel complete. I noticed ppl didnt really understand and had little sympathy for my feelings since I alreayd have two. It was always, well your blessed with two a boy and girl. not to big of a deal. I went to the fertility doc and told him, like I told my other doc, i dont believe Im ovulating. So I went through two months of ovulation predictor kits. Of course nothing. He than had me do blood test and use the basal temp. Once again nothing. What i thought was happening was now proven true. I wasnt ovulating. Thanks for wasting 3 months there. I was put on a low dose of clomid and got nothing but a cyst. I did ovulate though. I went through three doses and no baby. I heard story after story when i came in after so and so first dose of clomid and pregnant with twins or triplets. It was heart breaking. More friends having babies. My sister in-law was on her fourth and her baby wasnt even a year yet. My doc decided he wanted to put me on BC for 3 months and than give me clomid again for another 3 months. I decided against this. we got news we would moving and I decided having a third child was not what God wanted. AI felt like I had been deemed a bad mother. I am not on any fertility treatments and my doc was wrong that if I didnt go on BC I would get cyst. I havent gotten anymore cyst since stopping BC. Has anyone else gone through second hand fertility and just feeling like no one understand?
3 responses
@maximax8 (31053)
• United Kingdom
22 Apr 11
You already have two children so maybe it is stress that is preventing you getting pregnant. I don't think that the clomid did all that good for you. I know a lady and she had her first infertility meeting. Then amazingly she got pregnant naturally do phoned to cancel her appointment. I know another lady that tried for 8 years to get pregnant and then she got pregnant when she had given up trying. She was pregnant with twin boys surprisingly enough.
My sister had her first baby and then it took ages to get pregnant with her second baby. I think stress affected her. She has got pregnant on special events like her birthday, Valentines Day and her anniversary. I wonder if you could stop trying to get pregnant and it might happen for you. Perhaps you could adopt a baby or child. Sometimes a sibling group are given up for adoption. So you might be able to adopt three children to make your five kids that you want to have.
@tink91879 (742)
• United States
24 Apr 11
I had a lot of ppl say the same thing and with things changing in our life we will see. I wld be fine if it happend later as a surprise. Got to where you think I cant have any more and than surprise, pregnant. I do think I wont have anymore, Gods plan, but we will see. Thank you. Adoption is an option for us just a little later.
@elaidha (95)
• Philippines
21 Apr 11
I admire you for wanting to have more kids. I am the fourth in a family of seven (7) children (I am from the Philippines) in a country where large families are common. Having a large family has its advantages and disadvantages,but all things considered, I think you should wait and have patience rather than try treatment that might put your health at risk. I know of many couple who have no children at all. So yours is quite a blessing. You're still young and there's still plenty of time to make those three babies.
In the meantime, enjoy raising your two children. Cheers!
@tink91879 (742)
• United States
22 Apr 11
My two are a blessing. I am now fine with just having two, even though a piece of me still wants number three and possibly four. I know there are plenty who have none and I feel for them. Second hand fertility is still just as upsetting. When you long for a child it hurts just as much if you have two, one or none. I think a lot of ppl think it dosent hurt as much, but unfortunatly it does. Hopefully some day we will be able to add another member. Until than Im appriciating the two I have and enjoying each stage of their life.
@Linzeyloo85 (32)
• United States
21 Apr 11
Have you considered adoption? There far too many children out there that need loving homes and caring parents to raise them.
@tink91879 (742)
• United States
22 Apr 11
I have considered adoption, also doing foster care. My aunt has done foster for years and it is something I would like. I do not believe my children to be old enough though to understand the fostering of a child. My aunt adopted three the oldest is 10,9 and 8. They have a hard time with it. Wondering why they have to go back? Why their mom didnt want them? Also if they will have to leave even though they are clearly the fam. I have thought of looking more into adoption though. Thank you. I do agree many children need good, loving homes.
