Older woman, younger man

Philippines
April 22, 2011 8:18am CST
Hello myLotters! I hope this discussion will be an open one and a fun one. I've recently read a fictional book about a 21-year old man falling in love with a woman 20 years older than him. It was legitimate LOVE, and in the end, they continued the relationship with a few people knowing of their affair. It sparked my interest because we see shows on TV similar to this story. Personally, I don't think it's a bad thing. Love is love after all. And besides, we see men marrying women 20-30 years younger than him, and they are not as castrated as women who date men "young enough to be her son". Shouldn't it be the same thing with women? I also think it's kind of empowering for a woman. My questions are, what is your take on this kind of relationship? What if someone close to you decides to have this kind of relationship? Why do you think they would be involved in this kind of relationship?
4 people like this
22 responses
@LeighB (700)
• Thailand
22 Apr 11
About 10 years ago older woman/younger men was frowned upon and the woman given a hard time. It was quite ok for the man to be doing it but NOT a woman! At last, society seems to have realised tat age is just a number on a birth certificate or the number of candles on a cake, and shouldn't come into question when affairs of the heart are at play. Nowadays, these females are called cougars and there seem to be a lot more around as the stigma is beginning to die out. For me personally, either way - older man/younger girl or older woman/younger lad -is ok, as long as the older partner is not manipulating the situation, the younger partner is of age and both parties are on an equal footing and it is not a psychological power game.
1 person likes this
@ratyz5 (7829)
• Philippines
8 May 11
Well, this thing actually happens, mostly on relationships wherein the man is already old enough to be a father of the woman he wants to marry. However, if it's really love that they feel for one another, then I really have no objections about it. Some people, mostly those who are still conservative, would look at this kind of situation as very improper. They would get to speculate about any reason, which mostly leans towards negativity. For money, a sick tendency for those who are older or younger, and so on with other reasons that would 'explain' why such a thing is happening. There are times that these reasons are indeed plausible, but if it's real love, a romantic kind that does not adhere to what is expected by society, then we just have to let them be. Others may ask "What about their children?" or "Will they still have children?" perhaps "They would probably adopt, but how would the child grow up?" but after all, that's not our problem, right? If a close friend or family gets into a situation like that, I wouldn't really have any disapproval. I'll just congratulate them I suppose. For reasons, I guess I can ask them about it or have my own assumptions which would eventually be clarified once I get to confirm such ideas with the couple in question.
• Philippines
8 May 11
If the guy is 16 I think he's old enough to be a father, which would have bad implications indeed! haha. But I see what you mean. This reminds me, though, that there are boundaries. A woman shouldn' date a minor! Very much like a man shouldn't date a minor either! xD
1 person likes this
@ratyz5 (7829)
• Philippines
8 May 11
Now if your actually considering the social norms that a particular group follows, it can really be different in comparison with other groups of society. I think there was this documentary about arranged marriages wherein the bride and the groom were really young to even understand the concept of marriage. They'll probably work that out, they have been doing that for a long time anyway. In law, yeah, there are minors and an older person having a suspicious relationship with them can be punishable in court. That's why if their affection for each other is really genuine, they would probably use their brains and wait for the minor to be of age so that they won't be breaking any laws and the only thing that they have to confront would be the disapproval of the conservative part of the society that they live in.
• Philippines
8 May 11
Yes, it just reminded me of age norms. I cant believe it hasn't crossed my mind yet. Normally, we would accept that the age for getting married is 18. And there are cultures which allow children to marry. (I actually hope they don't continue that practice, but what can we do?) It's good that you brought up that part in the last paragraph. Indeed, if the relationship involved a minor and a woman-of-age, then I think they should wait until the minor himself is of age. I'd like to think that we should all be mature that way. :)
1 person likes this
@sashakiddo (1104)
• United States
23 Apr 11
Some men are mature enough to have an older woman. I guess every one knows about the celebrity couple, Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore, for example. At first I thought it was silly, but then after I heard about Kutcher's life I started to understand how the relationship might work. He seems to be quite mature for his age despite being a silly character in many of his movies. Having a disabled brother, and being very protective of him, I am sure that he would have these feelings for anyone close to him especially his partner. I was just watching a video of them on an interview, and they seemed really cozy and cutesy if you know what I mean.. doing cute little things that cute couples do.. Demi said that they leave each other sticky notes around the house saying what they like about each other. I guess Kutcher might like this kind of thing.. who knows. Maybe they are different in their private life.
• Philippines
23 Apr 11
Hello there! Demi and Ashton are an adorable pair. It amazes me how they're still together for more than 5 years. At first I was also apprehensive of their relationship, but I got used to it. I saw them in a CNN show promoting anti-s*x trade and human-trafficking. I think they are really good for each other after all. Thank you for this!
• United States
23 Apr 11
Oh I did not know that, that's very good of them. I think they're good together too, I would feel so bad if they broke up, and I don't usually even care about celebrity couples.
• Philippines
23 Apr 11
I don't care much for celebrity couples either. But I was browsing through the channels one day and saw them. It was very good of them, and it was the only time it struck me that Ashton was a serious character.
@lady1993 (21826)
• Philippines
23 Apr 11
I have seen some people like that on tv, and it really is real love between them. There is nothing wrong with that at all, since love has no boundaries, I just hope society doesn't ridicule it anymore- since as you've said, even old guys marry women in their 20s or 30s, why can't women do the same?
• Philippines
23 Apr 11
hello! i think society is becoming more accepting of this kind of relationship, which I am happy about. I would like to live in a more open-minded society, even if I am not in this kind of relationship myself.
@lady1993 (21826)
• Philippines
26 Apr 11
Well then, that is good. I think society should really accept changes in these modern times and stop dwelling in the past.. Maybe i would even date with a much younger man too.
• Philippines
30 Apr 11
I think I would do that too! There's something about younger men...n______n
• Philippines
22 Apr 11
I, personally, am in this kind of relationship wherein I am with a younger man, although he is only 3 years younger than me - not like the example cited her. But at some level, we have managed to make it work and figure out our differences and overcome them. In fact, we are entering our 5th year together and it is quite a feat because never for once has age difference become an issue. I think our differences has helped to cultivate this relationship and make it last the way it did.
• Philippines
23 Apr 11
Hello! It's nice to hear of your relationship! Truly, age doesn't matter. My teacher also married a man 4 years younger than him, and they are very happy. My brother even is dating a girl 2 years older than him, which we don't think a problem. They've been steady for 4 years now. I think it's somehow easier to keep a relationship with a little age gap. But what if the age gap was 10, 15, 20 years? It would be more difficult. What do you think?
• Philippines
24 Apr 11
I think so too. With our case, 2-4 years of difference is not so much because you can basically relate to each other still. But 10, 15, 20 years of age difference is a lot I guess and this is where misunderstanding could arise. Rather more difficult to maintain than our case, though.
@gloryacam (5541)
• Philippines
22 Apr 11
Funny, last night, I was watching this TV show with a segment on "cougars" - women who date men much younger than they are. And there are a lot of them. And the people they interviewed - the men seemed sincere. It's starting to get accepted the fact that younger men fall in love with older women and vice versa. The reasons I heard was "older women are more mature", "they're more understanding", "they're more stable", "younger men are more fun", etc... I had an aunt once who had a relationship with a much younger man. Things worked out, and the thing that broke them? Religion - nobody wanted to yield to the other's belief. Other than that, the man sincerely loved my aunt.
• Philippines
22 Apr 11
Hello gloryacam! True, there's even a TV show called "CougarTown" which I enjoy. I remember reading an article which stated the same reasons you said. Younger men prefer mature women because they are more stable. What's more, with mature women, the younger man doesn't need to win over her friends. With young women, you have to literally "court" her friends for approval too. your aunt was very lucky to have someone love her, but I'm sorry to hear about their break-up.
@gloryacam (5541)
• Philippines
22 Apr 11
Well, that was a long time ago, so I think they've both moved on, though my aunt has remained single until now. I wish I could watch that series, but I don't know whether it's shown in the local channels.
@Cannonball (3634)
• France
8 May 11
Oh well, they would do like so just because they felt like so so if they both feel and want it no problem with that, I would certainly agree with this if they both agree with it. My problem would be if one doesn't want it, if both deeply want it then let's go for it, life's short. Plus, I think it's good if one of the pair is more experienced, so this one can show the right way to the younger. He/She would understand him or her better because of his/her own experience. The younger one would just get richer from it.
• Philippines
8 May 11
Well, let's just say that they both want it. It would be a good relationship indeed if they are both willing to make it work. Why not, right? I think not only the younger one will benefit from it, but also the older woman. Thanks for responding! :)
@naija4real (1292)
30 Apr 11
If I had the opportunity of meeting an older woman with whom I share things of common interest. I will certainly date her irrespective of the fact that she is much more older than myself. I think what is most important in a relationship is true love between the man and the women. The age is just a number and it does not really affect a loving relationship. If someone close to me decide to have this kind of relationship I will certainly support the person if I find out that there is true love between my person and the woman he loves. I think most woman go for this kind of relationship to enable them feel much younger. If they date a younger man they tend to look much younger despite their age. Most men go for this kind of relationship to enable them get money from the woman,business contract,employment and above all some nice love from a matured mind.
• Philippines
30 Apr 11
Woah, finally a man's perspective! welcome to the discussion naija! True, love is important in the realtionship. If you love that person, you would do everything to make it work, in my opinion. I think it's a little cynical to say that young men only go to women for their money, but sadly that is the case in some relationships. But then, some young men ARE attracted to the woman's matured mind. :)
• Philippines
27 Apr 11
I have been married over 7 years to a man who is 12 years younger than I am. We are both happy to this day because we both have put the Lord Jesus at the center of our relationship. We met at a fitness gym and he did not think that I was that much older than him. I was initially hesitant to be involved with him but then as I prayed about our relationship, we both realized that God had indeed brought the two of us together. We both aim to glorify our God in our marriage believing that if God is on our side, who can be against us.
• Philippines
27 Apr 11
hi! i pray that you will have a long and happy marriage! thanks for sharing this. :)
@surekharathi (14134)
• India
23 Apr 11
Hhhhhh nice discussion you know Sachin Tandulkar's wife is 5 years older than Sachin so no problem and my friend everyone knows loves not seen age, caste, money source, family background etc. they know only they love to each other and they live to each other.
• Philippines
30 Apr 11
it's nice to hear about your friend surekharathi! it's nice to know that that couple lives for each other. It's what's important to a relationship, and I think one of the keys to make it last. :)
@mylabn (38)
• Philippines
23 Apr 11
Well, I had a relationship with a man 11 years younger than I am. In fact, relationship lasted for 3 years or so. I could say, in that time, i could feel that he loved me. Unfortunately, a lot of reasons are there, so we broke up. He was the father of my kid. During the relationship, I am somewhat ashamed to tell my friends and nobody from my relatives knew how much younger he was than I am. But it's not about the age gap reason why we broke up. So I still believe in this kind of relationship. There were lots of stories like that in true life.
• Philippines
23 Apr 11
Hello there! It's nice to hear about real-life relationships like that. It's understandable that you would want to hide your age gap. Even in my hometown, it's frowned upon. But I hope your baby is doing well, and you too.
• Philippines
23 Apr 11
I believe that such a relationship can work if there is genuine love. However, there are young men who take advantage of older women especially when they have money. But I am not too cynical when it comes to May-December relationships when the older party is the woman. I know some couples who have made it work. I would be flattered and thrilled if a younger man were to go for me. As long as he has a good character and a good heart, I could fall in love with him. Yes, there is absolutely nothing wrong with an older woman being with a younger man as long as they truly love each other.
• Philippines
23 Apr 11
hello! I have seen on TV wherein there's a younger man supporting the needs of the older woman(15 years older than him). I thought, he must really love this woman! I would also be flattered if a younger man fell in love me. A part of me also wants to be a cougar when I grow up! haha
@maharlikah (1045)
• Philippines
22 Apr 11
Age doesn't matter as what an old saying goes... :-)My classmate in high school married a woman who is 10 years older than him but they are happy and contented in their life with their children. Although soame of our batchmates could not imagine how it happenend. But I think it's love that brought them together. :-)
• Philippines
22 Apr 11
That is very nice to hear about your classmate. I hear very few things like that in my hometown, mostly because it is a small town and most are traditional thinkers. I think if something like that happen, they would hide it! But love comes in many forms, and so there's nothing much to stop that. Unless, of course, if it crosses certain boundaries.
@jdyrj777 (6547)
• United States
25 Apr 11
I think if it doent bother the 2 that are in the relationship its really nobodies business.
@bellis716 (4805)
• United States
24 Apr 11
As you said, it is nothing unusual for a man to marry a woman (girl) 20 or 30 years younger than he. In fact, he's usually envied by his peers. On the other hand, if he marries a mature woman several years older than he, he is considered to either have amother fixation or to have married for money. I think that frequentl y too muh is made of calendar age witho ut considering maturity (or the lack thereof).
• Philippines
23 Apr 11
I wouldn't really mind if a woman dated a man who was 20 years younger than she was as long as it is really true love. However, it's kind of weird when you think about it this way: At the time the woman had graduated college, the man wasn't even born yet! :)
@ofabiania (421)
• Philippines
23 Apr 11
i think that we have nothing to do if to people are together and inlove regardless of their age gap as long as they are both single.. it is their right to be happy and who are we to judge or persecute them just because they have a difference in age.. as what they would say, love does not know any color, race as well as age.. as long as they truly love each other, they should not let age stop them.. that's my opinion.. :)
@Sanitary (3969)
• Singapore
23 Apr 11
I don't see anything wrong with these relationships. I have encountered many of such unusual relationships whereby their bfs are much younger than the woman by at least 15 years or more. When man can be seeing woman young enough to be their grandchildren, i don't see why woman can't see a young man. The world is fair and love is blind. Much as parents and relatives disagree, it's their life after all. Let them learn and experience their way of life.
@sender621 (14953)
• United States
23 Apr 11
Age and love go hand in hand. no limitations or boundaries should be set. Love conquers all and should have no barrier to deter a loving relationship.
@ivane07 (76)
• Philippines
22 Apr 11
For me, when it comes to love, age doesn't really matter. As long as both of you can handle a relationship in a mature way, there is nothing wrong with that. Besides, if they share mutual feelings, I'm sure that they can make their relationship work.