should we tell him he has 2 months to live?
By nikramos
@nikramos (698)
Philippines
April 25, 2011 10:56pm CST
my grandfather is on his 11th day in the hospital now. he had been having difficulties breathing and his coughing was too severe, we all thought it was just PTB. days ago his x-ray revealed he has almost 3liters of fluid in his right lung so doctors had to suction everything out to ease his breathing. so it worked for a day or two but he still complained of breathing difficulties. another x-ray was done and this time it showed his right lung almost collapsed already. while awaiting two more test results, last night my mom and my uncle were having a phone conference with other immediate relatives informing them of the current status of my lolo's health. i had a grasp of some words from where i was few feet apart from them... cancer... advanced stage... no cure... more or less 2months...
so my dad came up to me and asked me, "what do you think, should we tell lolo or not?"
i love lolo but not as much as i love my lola. but that doesnt mean i dont care a lot for him. seeing him in pain while we were taking turns looking after him was emotionally weakening for me. there's no way im telling him. Lolo is 86 years old. what for does he need to know about it? i dont want life to be sad for him for the next months. i dont want him to see people crying beside him. all of thess will only make him more weak.
what would make you tell the sick he has few months to live?
2 people like this
13 responses
@misc11 (384)
• United States
26 Apr 11
That is a very hard situation, and I wish all of you the best. At least you guys got to spend 86 years with him...that is fantastic. Only all of you, his family, know him and what he want and if he would want to know. If he is confined to the hospital and will not be able to leave and go outside and enjoy his last couple of months, i honestly would probably not tell him until the doctors said a few days were left. Knowing you have such little time left is very heartbreaking and that could make his last couple months sad and not joyous. The reason I said tell him when he has a couple days is so he can say his goodbyes and pass away in peace knowing he said what he wants and needs to say and knowing he is surrounded by his beloved family. I feel like more than a couple days could be very depressing to him because all he has is time to think and that could make him very sad. I wish your family the best and hope you are all at peace with the decisions you make.
@nikramos (698)
• Philippines
26 Apr 11
doctors dont anymore opt for him to stay in the hospital as there's nothing more we can do to cure him, all is made just for his relief, but thats about it. he's going home in 2 days. i can hardly imagine how the next days will be. thanks for the encouragement.
@Hatley (163781)
• Garden Grove, California
27 Apr 11
hi nikramos He is a year older than I am and very ill.no I wou ld not tell him as he probably already knows deep in his heart that his days ae numbered. Let him live in peace for as long as he will live.I think you
are right. He does not need any more stress at this stage.Of course you love him and and care for him. I feel it wo uld only be cruel and if there were any chance he migh ge better will good otherwise its ust a waiting game.Ithink like you do let him relish what time he has left. this is sad and I feel for all of uou.
@macdingolinger (10386)
• United States
26 Apr 11
I am sure since he is a very wise man, that he probably already suspects it. I would tell him so that he can prepare himself. There may be a couple of things he wants to do or say to someone (including you) before he leaves this life. It's only fair that he knows...
@hardworkinggurl (37063)
• United States
27 Apr 11
I am so sorry to hear about lolo, my sincerest to all of you and him during this heartfelt time.
This is really difficult to say yes tell him so that he is aware but then will that make him even more sick and loose his will to continue further and get weaker by the day.
I truly feel that he has to feel in his heart that he will not be around too much longer, however at the same time why not just make him as comfortable as possible and allow him to ask if he and when he ever does. Maybe not knowing may gain him some strength and it may be a bit longer then the 2 months.
So my personal thoughts is that unless he is asking maybe hold off and continue to try and enjoy as much as time with him as possible.
I am truly sorry to hear this and know my prayers will be there for you, your family and lolo. 
my friend you all need and deserve them.
my friend you all need and deserve them. 
@Kirinx (1688)
• United States
27 Apr 11
Thats a tough decision but I agree with you and wouldn't tell him.I mean
telling someone that type of thing will more or likely just make them
miserable.I think anyone's last days should be peaceful not traumatic.
Best of luck to your grandfather I pray he heals from head to toe.
@BarBaraPrz (45558)
• St. Catharines, Ontario
26 Apr 11
Your lolo probably already knows deep inside himself that he doesn't have much longer.
@Sreekala (34312)
• India
26 Apr 11
Hello nikramos,
Yes I too think the way you think. Why the need to inform him and make him sad. Most probably old people get an intuition about their health, so he may aware about his bad health. Then also make him happy and feel him comfortable and be with him. It is really painful to watch the pain suffer by him. However, gather the courage and face the reality and pray for him. I do join with your prayers for your lovely grandfather. 
@bingskee (5234)
• Philippines
26 Apr 11
i do not think there is a need to tell. with his age, there aren't a lot that he can do to be able to do the things he wanted to do if he knows he only has 2 months to live. it could just give him stress and pain and fear. give him love and care, if that is the case.
@misterMR (796)
• Philippines
26 Apr 11
A hard situation indeed. And if your grandfather is feeling all that, I know he knows that's it's almost time. Sometimes, life is unfair but I guess time is the only enemy here. You could tell him but I guess he knows it already. The best thing to do is to pray for him and encourage him to go to the Lord almighty for guidance. Tell him to release all the grudges he had from the past and forgive all those who your granddad still have bad thoughts about. Have the courage and action to tell him everything that he needs to know. Go seek the Lord, Jesus Christ, and He will definitely listen to you and your grandfather.
@Jlyn10 (11966)
• Malaysia
26 Apr 11
Your grandfather probably already know that his time is almost up. But I don't see why you need to confirm that for him. It would surely make him feel more sad.
The best thing to do right now is to make him feel comfortable at home with all his family around him. That at least would cheer him up a bit.
P/s I heard from someone that vinegar can cure cancer.
@dellahappy (260)
• China
26 Apr 11
well...i am sorry to hear your story and sincerely wish your grandfather be happy with the rest of his life...i lost my grandmother without warning last year and i know the painful feeling of losing family member,how i wish my grandma could live with us longer and we could filial to her,she is amiable and a great person of 11 children.
so if i were you i could not bear to tell him the days left,we just treat him better and do not put pressure on him,i will spend more time with him and do stuffs he particularly want to do with him.Try everything to make him happy.Comfort him that he is perfectly healthy and can still do a lot of things but not poor eating habits.I think there maybe a lie,but just a white lie.Coz good mood tend to make him live longer...relax and sunshine and some more fresh air is good for him.God bless...
@laicram2951 (5)
• Philippines
26 Apr 11
life is so short for us humans so to speak,we can not endure to to live our life at the age more than 90 years.At 86 years old your lolo live his life to the fullest with his families.Telling or not is a hard decision to make especially the doctor has given him 2 months to live.For me don't tell him about his condition,and if you tell him that he will live for two months might make him sad and eventually weaken him.That is instead of prolonging his last days in this earth his stay will be shorter if you tell him his condition.Stay with him try to comfort him,talk to him about his adventures in this world.Tell him he is a great lolo to all your siblings and cousins,in that way maybe miracle happen and his suffering will be less painful .Hope you handle this situation of yours.
