I dont want to remain FRIENDS anymore, i want to move step further.
By vikrantrox
@vikrantrox (220)
India
April 26, 2011 12:33pm CST
Hello friends,
I would like to share my feeling with you all, might be i might get some way out from discussions. Actually thing is that i love a girl, i know her since last 4 years. Its been only last year when i said her about my feelings and she neither refused nor accepted. She said the relation which has no future should not be thought about, but she still talks to me in flirty manner till late night.
We call each other by pet names too. She says me that i am her best friend. The problem which i feel is that she and i are from different caste. she is really very cute and sweet girl and i can do anything for her. Infact i have done many a times some crazy things for her which she got amazed and appreciated too.
Dont know what will be the conclusion to my this relation. I dont want to remain friends, i want to move ahead of it. I propose her almost everyday but this goes back to friendship only.
3 people like this
9 responses
@fragilewings (316)
• Philippines
26 Apr 11
I understand how you feel because I've been in the same situation before. I used to love my best friend who never turned his heart on me. I waited for him for 6 long years but he can not love me. I decided to accept the fact that we can only be friends. I give up my feelings for him and started moving on with my life. At first, it was really hard because he was my first love. We shared a lot of common things and we've shared a lot of good memories as friends. Eventually, time healed my broken heart. Three years ago, I met a man who loved me and accepted me for who I am. At first, I really don't like him at all but with his sincere love and perseverance made me fall in love with him and become my husband. I am thankful that I've given up my first love because I found my true love.
1 person likes this
@fragilewings (316)
• Philippines
26 Apr 11
By the way, did she tell you the real reason why she can't pursue a relationship with you? Do you think, she's inlove with you as well? I'm actually wondering what's your real score with her. If he doesn't love, I think you have to let her go and move on. Maybe there's another woman meant for you or maybe there's another woman waiting for you to love her back.
You mentioned about caste- that you don't belong on the same caste. We don't have Caste system in our country that is why we don't have big issues when it comes to status in the society. I'm not sure if Caste has a big role in choosing the person you have to love. If that is the issue, maybe maybe she's afraid to fall for you because you're not on the same caste.
In a relationship, there should be mutual understanding between two people. If you are insistent to pursue a relationship with her and she's not, how would you make that relationship last? If you still want to give it a try, maybe you can try talking to her for the last time. If she finally accepted your proposal, then that's great. However, if she busted you again, then maybe it's time for you to give her up and move on. Maybe she's really not the right woman for you.
@vikrantrox (220)
• India
27 Apr 11
Thank you for a great concerned reply.
Actually she never busted me. She is very dependent on me for everything. For studies, for family issues and everything. She says that if i would not be in her life then she would be very lonely and in mess.
She likes me and this she confessed once only, but never after that. I am confused, dont know what i should do.
@fragilewings (316)
• Philippines
27 Apr 11
I do understand where you're coming from. You've been pursuing this girl for quite a long time now. I'm seeing that you're really inlove with this girl and that you're serious about having an intimate relationship with you. For how long are you willing to wait for her? What if it takes forever?
You mentioned that she confessed once that she likes you but that never happened again. Does she "likes" you or "loves" you? There's a difference between the two. You're confused because you're girl is also confusing. I'm sorry. You have to make up your mind. I would suggest talking to her again and ask her what she really wants.
@gingerberrie (191)
• Philippines
27 Apr 11
Hi vikrantrox, I understand your feeling. Your situation is very much similar to my husband when he was my classmate. He always do things that makes me happy but I really really don't like him. He courted me and I said NO... many times. He's cute but, I do not have any feelings of love for him. He never give up, he's always there to save me and give everything that I need. I can't forget when I had this duty for a month in the home for the abandoned children. Since I am one of the volunteer, we have to eat what they have and I can't really take it. Till I got sick on my second week and I sent a message to his phone and I am not even expecting that he will come. I just told him that I'm not feeling well and I cannot perform my duties. I was really touch that he'd brought some medicines, vitamins, and can gods for me. I'm about to cry then he hug me, he told me that I am strong person and I can do it. And that was the start. I hang my "yes" for a year but my feelings starts to grow for him. After two years, we got married. Thanks God for I made the right choice.
I would say that in our case "Perseverance" is the key....
Good luck and God Bless!
1 person likes this
@dawnald (85130)
• Shingle Springs, California
26 Apr 11
I think she's been clear with you that there's no future, but she enjoys the flirting and the friendship. Instead of assuming that something more can happen, why not assume that nothing more will happen. At least that way you won't be disappointed.
@dawnald (85130)
• Shingle Springs, California
27 Apr 11
Well whatever happens, I hope you find somebody who is right for you...
@vikrantrox (220)
• India
27 Apr 11
"Instead of assuming that something more can happen, why not assume that nothing more will happen"...it touched my heart. You are true. I should be only friends with her. This way no disappointments.
1 person likes this
@jaiho2009 (39142)
• Philippines
27 Apr 11
If she loves you,4 years is enough to prove that.
If she keeps declining your proposal,then maybe it's time that you need to moved on.
Maybe she's not in love with you,she just sees you a friend and you must accept that thu it hurts.
I am not here to judge you or her feelings,you know better than anyone among us here.
We are here to express our views and i hope this can help you finding out solution to your weary heart.
I know it's not easy to decide and 4 years is not a short time.
Make the final step,if she still declines your proposal the last time...then,move on and start finding in your heart how to accept that she's not meant for you.
have a good day
@fragilewings (316)
• Philippines
28 Apr 11
Vikrantrox, if you'll move on, it doesn't mean that you'll be leaving her. Probably things might change once you started moving on. I understand that she's totally dependent on you however, she needs to learn to handle things or situation in her life on her own. You were not born just to help her forever; she needs to be mature and learn to be independent. That's for her own good and character growth. She needs to be dependent on God alone not with you. Please don't get me wrong with what I'm saying. You don't need to be there always whenever she needs you, you're not her husband anyway and you also have a life to deal with. I believe you also have a family and other friends who might be needing your help as well. If you'll focus on helping her all the time, it'll be difficult for you to move on. I hope and pray that you will be able to overcome this struggle. I understand how hard it is but I know that you can make it.
@vikrantrox (220)
• India
27 Apr 11
I know u not judging me or her. You are true. 4 years us more to prove anything. Actually i cant leave her too, as she is dependent on me for almost everything. Dont want to leave her mid-way also. Lot of confusion. ufff god help me.
@Alan70pct (171)
• China
27 Apr 11
Hi,Vikrantrox. I know how you are feeling right now since I have a friend who is now struggling between friendship and love with a girl,too. I can figure it out from his words that he is really upset...In my opinion, when a girl really loves you ,she will not refuse it. However, if she just want to let this relationship remain as it is, I think she has a strong desire for possession. Neither does she wants to be with you, nor to lose a good friend. So if I were you, I would have pointed it out in front of her.
1 person likes this
@lustylou60 (48)
• United States
27 Apr 11
I am a woman and my advice to you is stop giving her compliments, stop proposing to her, stop the pet names, stop the late nite talking, she knows that you are there but if you show her different she will come around is it one thing women dont like rejection, good luck
@vikrantrox (220)
• India
27 Apr 11
I have tried this and she sense it every time i do this. She asks me that what happened...i think i only need to do something now. Either accept the fact or keep hurting myself.
@lustylou60 (48)
• United States
29 Apr 11
its not worth hurting your self, if you keep letting it happen you only going to let her walk all over you, sometimes a person has to learn for them self, no one can tell you what to do only just give you advice its up to you if you want to accept it, i wish you luck and just remember you deserve one who want you for you.
@youless (112100)
• Guangzhou, China
27 Apr 11
I think if you love her so much, you should let her know and ask her to be your girlfriend one more time. I know you may have your worries. If you hesitate to say it and let it be, sooner or later this girl can become other's girlfriend. Good luck!
I love China
@raviteja_ravi84 (2620)
• India
26 Apr 11
Well i guess then the girl likes you as a very close friend and his could be very dangerous for both of you. I would suggest that you just be casual friends or better even to break up. You are proposing here everyday but seem she is liking the following but she doesn't want to accept you? I just don't get that at all!
It would be unwise for you to continue with her now that you have grown so close to her already!
Cheers!
@vikrantrox (220)
• India
27 Apr 11
I think after reading so many replies, i have to settle with her as friends only. Although i didnt wanted to but i have as i have no other option.
@sweetme329 (500)
• Australia
27 Apr 11
Hey Vikrant, i can totally sense your dilemma. I guess its been a long time that you guys decide as to which way your relation should be heading! If you really want her in your life then tell her that you don't care about all the cast difference thing. Try to convince her that your relationship is not impossible (that's what she thinks). Convey your intentions to her and tell her it's tough for you to just remain friends with her.
I can see that your girl is not ready to be in relation with you... If you fail in convincing her then i think you should move on. Stay friends with her but think about serious relationship with somebody else (at least that's what your girl wants). Good Luck!
@vikrantrox (220)
• India
27 Apr 11
So true. You have given me some courage to try for last time. I will try this..It it works good for me.
