Do parents have the right to demand?
By christine888
@christine888 (303)
Philippines
April 27, 2011 12:35am CST
I had a huge fight with my mom that lasted for about 3 months. When I had my first salary from my first work my mom is acting weird but I know what's in her mind though. She always accused me that I am selfish when it comes to money. She never listens to every explanation I have. My point was, I only have a 6 months contractual work, that was my first ever work experience which pays me around 8-10 thousand pesos a month. Since then I never asked a single centavo from them for my expenses but I always buy foods for the entire family and sometimes I also gave her money for the electric bills and other bills. But then she wasn't satisfied of what I have done. She even told my relatives and her friends that I am very selfish even with my own family. It hurts so bad that I just heard those unkind words from my mom. I just want to know how it felt spending money from my own sweat. I saved the some money, I bought things for my own and I even bought my brother a new cellphone, I traveled after the contract ended and until then I decided not to go home. I stayed in my aunt for about 2 months, I took care of her kid as well as doing the household chores and sometimes I am in charge of their business and my aunt will gave me a money then. For almost a year I felt very unfortunate to have a unemployed parents, I felt bad that things will really changed when I am the only one working and I only earned a little and the sad thing is that all of those will have to spend it for the entire family's need. Huh! Where is the justice then.
How about my own needs? Do you think it was my fault? Am I really selfish and bad daughter at all?
1 person likes this
11 responses
@astryfernandy (66)
• Philippines
27 Apr 11
hi Christine,
it is really weird the way your momma act towards you. But she is your mother, and no matter what, i think if you are having a fight with her for months, i don't think it's right anymore.
I am agree that you must feel irritate by what she is doing to you, but apart from that may be you just have to have a nice talk with her about it. you should explain to her again and again (and i know it's tiring) about your situation and your plans for your future.
some parents are like that, they think that they have raised us well and now it's time for us to do the same to them, but a little they know that our life has problems too, and they seems to take our problems as a small one compare to what the have done to us and all the problem they had to face when raising us, their kids.
just be patient with your mother, i believe she is also facing a financial problem and doesn't know how to overcome it, and to blame others are harder so she put it on you.
keep struggling and praying and i believe she'll come around.
I hope this post will help you somehow.
@christine888 (303)
• Philippines
27 Apr 11
Thank you astry. Yeah I know no matter what happen she's still my mom. I already asked for an apology to my mom and she accepted it but still the pain and disappointed is still there. I hope this feeling would vanish in time.
@twilightstar (4)
• Maldives
28 Apr 11
i do agree with astry. Some parents are like that. They think after raising their child in difficulties the money and all the benefit the child holds is deserve to them. But i don't think it's a good idea to abandon your mother. Go to your mother talk to her , support her and explain your situation.
@christine888 (303)
• Philippines
27 Apr 11
Exactly dmar we are not used to open up to our feelings. Ohh except my mom, cause she has this very irritating mouth that nags us all the time. But me, I don't want too, I would rather want to stay away from any trouble cause I am afraid I might explode and I may hurt them and then it might result to cardiac arrest and chest pain. I don't want it to happen. I'll just keep it to my self.
@dmar24 (60)
• Philippines
27 Apr 11
i think all of it will heal at the right time and place.
so don't worry with it and continue to appreciate life =)
i think your an outgoing person, fun and kindhearted one and
so funny =) cardiac arrest and chestpain., do you really
felt that when you get angry?
@lingli_78 (12822)
• Australia
28 Apr 11
to a certain extent, yes... i believe that they have the right to do that because they are the one who gave birth and raised me up... but of course they can't be too demanding as well... i can perfectly understand where they are coming from... but at the same time, there has to be a limit to their demand as well... in this case, i can see that you had done all you can and you are not a bad and selfish daughter at all according to my opinion... take care and have a nice day...
@cieldz (709)
• Indonesia
27 Apr 11
Hello christine888 :)
i have the same experience with you... my parents especially my mom always angry if i dont give her money... since last march i stop to give money, and i dont talk with my parents until now... i gave my money to my mom, dad, and my older sister for her college needs, but they always judge me if i gave all my money to another person.. im tired with all the yell and bad words from their mouth so i stop give them money and stop talking too...
@hardworkinggurl (37063)
• United States
28 Apr 11
Awwh sorry to hear about the misunderstanding and quarrels with your mother and no I don't find that you are selfish and or at fault here at all.
I suppose what happened is that because your salary was new to the home she had high expectations because somehow she felt that she had done so much for you while you were growing up. Not entirely wrong but not quite right to have this expectation either because your salary is small and at least you have helped as much as you could.
It really only has to do with letting go, see us mothers are not ever prepared to fully let go. But as life has in stored we must and remember that our children are growing up and do have their own responsibilities.
I do hope all gets resolved and she can understand that no matter what you will always be her daughter.
Wish you well.
@lustylou60 (48)
• United States
27 Apr 11
your not a bad daughter maybe they felt a little frighten by seeing you being dependent, remember as children we grew up depending on our parents and now that we are growing up we dont depend on them anymore but we always will need them, they just feel that we selfish because we dont ask for much as before once we start working,so you are not a bad daughter, they just afraid of loosing you to the real world which is called (SHE ALL GROWNED UP) but they will never tell you.
so relax it will be ok....
@cream97 (29087)
• United States
27 Apr 11
Hi. christine888. I don't think that you are selfish and is a bad daughter at all. Your mom should be very grateful that you are helping her out with paying bills, providing food on the table, doing household chores, and keeping her kid. You are already doing enough as it is already. I know some children will not even do anything while staying with their parents. They expect for their parents to provide for them. But you are not even doing this, instead you are being very responsible for doing all that you can to help out. If anything, your mom is very selfish, she is being totally unfair to you and that is not right at all! She can't expect you to take care of all of the bills for her. If this does not get any better, then you will have to move out of your parents house and get a place of your own. It is obvious that all of your generous help is not being appreciated one bit.
@Zer0Stats (1147)
• India
27 Apr 11
Hmmm you're not but I think your parents might be expecting you to spend more money for family.Their behaviour against you is clearly saying they don't understand your needs.You need to have a talk with your parents and tell them what you feel about it.
@kheydia (882)
• Philippines
27 Apr 11
Hi christine, hope you don't feel so bad about your mom, whatever they did they are still your parents and you owe them your life but that is not enough reason that they will need you to support them of their needs, of course you will have your own needs to attain to. I think your parents does not understand their responsibility to you. It is not your fault when you cannot give them money or support them financially, in fact you've been good to them for giving them food to eat and money.
@mohdaamir786 (14)
• India
27 Apr 11
hi dear...you are write bt mom is mom and you will always remain her daughter dear she worry about you this is the only thing you have to understand and pls go back to your home.your parents nedd you and you should support them because if you are independent thats cos of your parents and now they need you and you should act like a good and carimg daughter.money does not matter it will go and come in wholelife bt family is family.
