Parenthood Adjustments ...

@babyEj (1523)
Philippines
May 9, 2011 8:24pm CST
I am dealing with a long time issue in our becoming parents. When I had given birth to my only son my husband always given moral support but not in rearing our son. I remembered when I got a 12 hours job my mind was always at home thinking if my son was doing well. My husband doesn't even know how to carry appropriately a baby, he doesn't know how to deal with them when the child seeks comfort... hmmm he is insensitive most of the time. Maybe... It is because of his character. He does not show his feelings usually. He keeps himself reserve to anyone.I have talked to him about this, yet progress is very slow. How can I teach him to be a good , sensitive and helpful father...He is good as a husband but quite struggling to become a father..
1 person likes this
7 responses
@momof3kids (1903)
• Singapore
10 May 11
My husband sounds like your husband. But now he is crazy about our kids. What I did is to tell him what the cute things the kids do. He loves to hear about them. There are complaints too but mostly good 'reports'.
• Singapore
10 May 11
I forgot to add that i think most endearing to him is to hear that his children say nice things about him. Since yours is still a baby, says things like,'hey how come he does do this with you and not with me?' It will be slow but dun give up. This kind of investing is one of the best kinds.
@shibham (17019)
• India
10 May 11
I think you have done the proper job. I think i will be the same as your husband. Have a nice day.
@babyEj (1523)
• Philippines
11 May 11
To Momo: Yeah, though it is really hard then but I won't give up. Yes I am telling him how my son asks his presence whenever he's out to work, that my son boasts to people that he looks like his father than me. :) TO Shibham: Oh no! Please don't be, you'll surely be a pain in your wife's neck. kidding! Achieve to be a good father and husband as well.
@tlb0822 (1412)
• United States
10 May 11
I think that all men sort of go through this. Some men take naturally to being a parent, and for others it takes a little bit. My friends husband is the same way. She thinks that he is being insensitve because he doesn't like holding the baby or being alone with him, but truthfully he is nervous. I think that with some more encouragement and support your hubby will get there. I have noticed also with my own husband that he has his own way of handling the girls then I do. I take on the majority of responsibilites with our girls, and he works. So when he is home he tries to spend time with them and sometimes he just doesn't know what to do with them. Espcially our 3 month old. He is a little bit akward and unsure, but is really awesome with her and I think that he doesn't even no it. I think as mothers we think that our way is the right way, but we need to be open to the way our spouses do things, and give them a the benefit of the doubt that they can do it. I would try giving him small task that may help him become closer with the baby, like changing a diaper, or holding the baby while you cook dinner. A little encouragement can be helpful to. I have noticed that if you hound them about everything they are doing wrong then it makes them, not want to help out at all. So just drop little hints here and there but try to be more supportive then anything. Hope that helps. Good luck.
@babyEj (1523)
• Philippines
11 May 11
Oh.. yeah I think so! I'm just curious when your husband go through with it is he open enough to tell you that he's nervous or whatever? My husband seldom opens his mind with me. Thanks God I have my mother-in-law helping me taking care of my son.
@tlb0822 (1412)
• United States
11 May 11
My husband didn't actually open up and tell me until I had my second daughter. I had wanted to go back to work and he was really resistant to it. Finally I asked him why, and he said that he his nervous with the baby, and just unsure of what to do. So it ended up that I haven't gone back to work. It is nice having a mom in law to help you out. I had my mom, my sister in law, and my mom in law when I had my first daughter and second. But it is nice to have that support from your husband. Best wishes.
@sunny5u (2072)
• India
10 May 11
Hi babyEj, i can't give you a solution, because i'm not aware of it, but all i can is, your discussion made me think that in future i shouldn't be such father who is painful for my wife, and have to be understanding and sensitive :)
@babyEj (1523)
• Philippines
11 May 11
It's nice to hear that . Be your wife's comfort always...
@ludyvel04 (311)
• Philippines
10 May 11
maybe its bacause he's not yet really ready to become a father yet. Is he still young? well, you can pray for him and he will soon learn the instinct of becoming a parent to his child...
@babyEj (1523)
• Philippines
11 May 11
Thank you ... He is 26. I think it's not because he's not ready to be a father. He's actually the most happy person when she brought me to OBGYN for a pregnancy check up. According to his parents and friends he changes a lot, he becomes more motivated and determined. Yes you're right prayers will surely help us to become a good parents. Happy mylotting!
@SIMPLYD (89880)
• Philippines
10 May 11
When you have the time, teach him how to do all the taking care of the baby. Under your eyes, let him do them himself, so you can gauge if he more or less learned from what you taught. Gently coach him that the least that he could do to help you, is to do them, whenever he can and you are not there to do it.
@babyEj (1523)
• Philippines
11 May 11
hi simplyd... Well, yes I do teach him gently.... I don't know if it was gentle at all... I'm quite impatient teaching him same routine all the time but I am trying.Somehow he's doing well with few things in take care a baby.
@nimsaj28 (32)
• Philippines
12 May 11
yes, you're right. Some guys are like that even when they become a father. they're sensitive and sometimes you feel that they don't even care! I think you have to tell him what you feel and make him understand why you felt that. Me too, I still have issues about my husband, but we're working on that beside we're just married last year.. ( we got married when i was 8 months pregnant.. :D )
@mansha (6301)
• India
10 May 11
Men are like that I have rarely seen a father take interest in kids except those in the movies, mine was also like that, I don't know may be there are men who show their love so openly. My hubby has now started communicating with my son when he is around 12 and takes interest in sports and mainly they connect due to sports. While he comes to me for all his troubles and whats happening in his life and his friends I wonder if I was not their may be they would communicate only about what game is on and whats the score.