A ribbon for participation?
By bounce58
@bounce58 (17387)
Canada
May 23, 2011 10:10am CST
I was with a few friends yesterday and we were discussing kids and sports participation. My kids recently attended a taekwondo sparring tournament, and although some kids were beaten during the matches, at the end of the day, they still got ribbons, and were called in the center floor to receive ribbons.
I came from a culture where emphasis was given to competition. As kids, we worked so hard at whatever field we were into, to beat competition, and win tournaments. Although most of mine growing up where writing contests, and math competitions, I still worked hard to win. And when I lost, I didn't get anything.
I am just wondering at the change in approach as I see my kids joining these events. They join sports events and they get some recognition even if they fail miserably. I honestly don't know what to think of it. Is this good for my kids? Or is this another attempt to justify mediocrity?
I really would appreciate your views.
1 person likes this
11 responses
@sarahruthbeth22 (43143)
• United States
23 May 11
" Winning Is Everything" was the moto for so long. and along the way , many saw kids and adults think they are total failures if they lose. so in the 90's, I think it started in the 90's, many wanted kids to Just be kids , not winning or bust little machines. So now it is " Everybody wins" activities. I think this is great when kids are 4-9 years of age. But by 10 , or Little League age, they should learn you can bust your butt and still lose. But losing a game Does not mean You are a loser. But have Everyone get a ribbon does send the wrong message. It Does say , do as little as you can because you will get a ribbon anyway. This means kids won't have the pride of going their best And have it be the best of all others that day. Or learn from the pain of , Damn I Couldn't get this perfect today! This is sad.
1 person likes this
@bounce58 (17387)
• Canada
24 May 11
I think 10 is a good age to start changing the approach to competition with kids. I think that by then, they have gotten a better understanding of the activity (sports, game, etc). And I think that losing can even be a good motivator for them to do better next time. That if they keep at it, they'd have their day.
Thanks Sarah.
1 person likes this
@katsmeow1213 (28717)
• United States
24 May 11
Hmm.. I never thought of it that way. You make a good point. This generation of kids are never allowed to have their feelings hurt. If they lose it's always "That's okay, as long as you had fun." Not that they should be scorned for losing.. we don't want them to be extremely competitive either... but you're right. When they hit adult hood they will not get employee of the month if they aren't the best. They will not get promotions and raises if they aren't the best. So why aren't we motivating them to be the best they can...
However!! How do you handle it when they lose? You can't make them feel bad for losing, you know. I tell my kids things like "You can't win them all" "It's okay because you tried your best" and other such stuff.
Perhaps if these sports things gave ribbons for participation.. but then small trophies for those who actually won? That way no kids are left out but they see that winning is important too.
1 person likes this
@bounce58 (17387)
• Canada
25 May 11
I think this is the common theme for all the sensible response here in this discussion. That there should be a distinction between what a participant gets, and what is for the winners. I think this would help instill the competitive spirit within kids. However young they are.
Thanks.
@cynthiann (18602)
• Jamaica
23 May 11
No, not to justify mediocrity but not to kill their self esteem. Having said that I do not believe it to be the way to go after kindergarten. Children have to learn to compete and there is only one winner but they must learn to accept this graciously. To me - it s a valuable life lesson to be learned. However, all children should be congratulated for participating by their parents and team mates as this helps with self esteem. They must also congratulate the winner too.
@bounce58 (17387)
• Canada
24 May 11
I guess you're right. To help their self esteem when they've competed, and given it their all.
But you bring a good point. That the winner, whoever it is, must also be recognized and congratulate. I think this would help the kids appreciate the competition even more. And make them strive to be the winners next time around.
Thanks cynthiann.
@cynthiann (18602)
• Jamaica
24 May 11
I do not think that they should receive a ribbon for participation after the age of about seven years old though. Just for the younger kids to make them feel good about themselves. Even if a kid comes last he should be congratulated for participating AND for being a good sport.
every kid is good at something and it is just to find out what they like and are good at and will excel with hard work.
My daughter came in last in every race right almost the end of High School until it was discovered that she had a natural talent for high jump.
every kid is good at something and it is just to find out what they like and are good at and will excel with hard work.
My daughter came in last in every race right almost the end of High School until it was discovered that she had a natural talent for high jump.1 person likes this
@JenInTN (27514)
• United States
24 May 11
It was different when I was little too. The losers never got rewarded. I think it's a nice way of saying great effort by giving a ribbon, but I think that winners should get something extra special. That gives the other kids something to work towards the next time too.
I think that it is harder to fail miserably in front of everyone than it is to win first place..lol. It was for me..that ribbon would have been nice
The trophies rocked too though.
The trophies rocked too though.
@dorannmwin (36392)
• United States
26 May 11
On the one hand, I think that it is a good thing to recognize all of the children that make attempts in various competitions. On the other hand, I think that it isn't a good thing to always recognize all participants because when that is done, it doesn't teach children how to handle defeat and that is something that I feel is very important to do.
My daughter had a piece of artwork that was chosen for the school calendar exhibit (with a chance of being featured in our county's school calendar for next year). We were thrilled that she was selected for this and we were just as proud of her for that accomplishment as we would have been had her piece of art been selected for the calendar. While we were at the exhibit, however, there was actually a child a little bit older than Kathryn (who is eight) crying because her piece of artwork hadn't been selected for the calendar either. I feel like this kind of thing is unacceptable.
@ravisivan (14079)
• India
24 May 11
Participation in events can be signified by ribbons. Not all the people can win in competitions. It is nice of organisers to give recognition of participation by giving ribbons or certificates. have a good day.
@bounce58 (17387)
• Canada
25 May 11
As grown ups, yes we see this as a good thing. That we get recognition for participation. But, I want kids to learn competition. Because I think they get ahead in life more, if they always did their best.
I think giving the same ribbon to winners and non-winners sends out the wrong message.
@mikeyr6000le (2123)
• United States
24 May 11
I don't see a problem with kids getting a ribbon, as long as it's for what they did. If they came in 10th place then it should be a 10th place ribbon. Everyone getting something for just being there isn't right. It takes away from the actual winners. Maybe if the kid didn't get anything it would make them try harder for next time.
@bounce58 (17387)
• Canada
24 May 11
I appreciate the thought about not hurting anyone's feelings. Specially with kids.
But my question would be, would this practice be beneficial to kids in the long run? I know that some kids have it in them to be very competitive, but my worry are for those that think that just participating is good enough.
Thanks.
@StephanieAnnC (4274)
• United States
23 May 11
I like your discussion! And that's a hard question to answer.
The thin is, competition is needed and the world and if we keep babying the children, they're never going to learn to stand on their own two feed and be successful. Just like you said, they'll assume that mediocrity is okay and it'll get them far in life, in which it won't. They should be able to strive for something and get it and be proud of that instead of falling short and being proud of failure.
But on the other hand, you must also remember that they're children. They et easily upset and might never compete again in that said subject. So, why shoot them down? I guess there's two sides to every story, right?
@bounce58 (17387)
• Canada
24 May 11
I guess that's the most difficult thing about it. Trying to figure out which kids you could push, and which ones need a little more encouragement. But seeing most activities for kids are standardized, it just makes it easier for organizers to just not 'shoot them down'. Which is not really healthy if it is multipied to all the activities that kids do all over the country.
Thanks.
@hardworkinggurl (37063)
• United States
24 May 11
After first grade they really need a motivation to try and strive to win. I personally do not see why they all should have gotten a ribbon even if they do not do well. To me it is like if one of them did not feel like giving it their all then it is okay because they will still win the prize.
Perhaps a participation certificate for the rest and the ribbons for the winners would have been a better route.
@bounce58 (17387)
• Canada
25 May 11
I seem to get this from this discussion.
That there should have been a distinction between what winners get, and what were given to participants. I think this would have help instill the competitive spirit with the kids. Which in the long run, is good for them.
Thanks HWG.
@stary1 (6612)
• United States
23 May 11
I understand why some are wanting to give ribbons for participation, but I really think they need to take several things into consideration. For very young children it is appropriate to encourage and give them self-confidence, so a ribbon for participating is fine but a different ribbon or trophy for a win is also good.
As kids are older they need to compete and know not everyone 'wins' The way of life is you are rewarded when you succeed, so they need to learn that lesson. Nothing is free and just an attempt is not going to give rewards. It is the persistence and finally achieving something that is rewarded.
Too many are too concerned with self esteem they go to an extreme. Self confidence is important and has to be earned.
@bounce58 (17387)
• Canada
24 May 11
I think you are right that this tough lesson has to be learned in life, that not everybody wins. That life is tough.
And although I agree that importance should be given to young kid's self esteem, I also believe that a line should be drawn somewhere to appreciate winners, and differenciate just participation with real competing.
Thanks.
