Is It Possible To Have Two Lovers

@AishaBR (345)
United States
June 24, 2011 10:03am CST
So I have a friend that already has a boyfriend that she is suppose to be getting married too but she is talking to this next guy as well. I told her that she needs to the the other guy that she is getting married but she says its to hard. I told her she needs to do something about it because she can't be playing with peoples emotions like that. She says that she loves both of them. If one was to find out they would say she never really loved him if she would do that to them. So if you really and truely love someone can you love someone else? I know I couldn't...
1 person likes this
21 responses
@SkyeHi (84)
• India
24 Jun 11
Your friend's in a tricky situation. It's difficult to say when you're in her shoes i guess. But to me, there's always just one guy and one girl in true love. Others can be best friends, well wishers or anything. But not more than that. Maybe she loves one of them as a lover should and to the other, she's just being affectionate. Maybe she's unable to see that and confused. Just tell her that she can love both of them but one is her life partner and the other is a friend.
@AishaBR (345)
• United States
24 Jun 11
And the other guy is a guy that broke up with her when they were in high school. He has been so mean to her for years and years. She just couldn't get over him and was always trying to get back with him but he wouldn't even speak to her. Now all of a sudden he is talking to her wishing that they said together and she says her feels for him is coming back. He tells her that they are going to end up together again. She says she can't tell him that she is suppose to be getting married today. The last thing she told him was that her fiance and her was on a break. They talk everyday. I don't know what to tell her she asks me what she should do.
• United States
24 Jun 11
I think she should just tell her fiance. I was in her same shoes too back in October. I am married to my husband I met this guy when I started working, not knowingly or purposely we started talking and somehow I started to grow feeling for this guy.And i barely even knew him but it felt as if we were meant to be. He listend to my problems and he was so nice he'd tellme things that any girl would like to hear. Then later i found myself really wanting to be with him. I also wanted to leave my husband for this. But then when my husband found out it tore him apart. He started changing his ways and he actually showed me the love that I had been wanting to feel and see from him. I had felt as if he didnt care about me anymore.But i told him and everything about what happened and how i felt. I am so glad that he wanted to still be with me and we worked our problems out and now I am happier than ever. My advice to you , just tell your friend she said really tell her fiance and if he really loves her then he'd forgive and forget.I wish them both the best of luck . But it is a hard thing to do.
@AishaBR (345)
• United States
24 Jun 11
I talked to her and he's no longer her fiance now he is her husband they just got married at 2:00.. She just told me she is not going to speak to the other guy anymore. So I'll just support her decision since she is my best friend.
• United States
25 Jun 11
I could not and have not been in love with two men at the same time. I am wondering though is it caring for one and truly loving the other that your friend might be experiencing. She does need to do something as she cannot marry one and still be in love with the other, I do hope she can get this figured out as she will be miserable if she does not figure it out. At worse they both can find out on their own and she will end up with none. Do continue to speak to your friend so she can truly figure out her emotions.
@AishaBR (345)
• United States
25 Jun 11
Yes we are still speaking of the situation. she got married yesterday. she told me she is just going to ignore the other guy that she just liked the attention that he gave to her. so hopefully everything will work out right for her.
• United States
26 Jun 11
Thank you for the update. I wish her well in her new marriage. I am glad she decided to ignore and I do wish her lots of happiness.
@ebuscat (5945)
• Philippines
25 Jun 11
For me yes it is if you not content about your wife and a lover but Jehovah God would make happy in you if you follow him only one wife.
@AishaBR (345)
• United States
25 Jun 11
Please explain to me how you can be In Love with two people at the same time I don't see how you can do that. If your wife doesn't make you happy you can't really be truely in love with her.
25 Jun 11
yes and No...it is not exactly possible........however.Its doable.......as long as both of these "lovers'are oblivious to the situation then its ok...but i'm not an expert...So..what do I know?
@AishaBR (345)
• United States
25 Jun 11
I don' think it's doable if you really and truely love someone you wouldn't want to do anything that can hurt them in such a way. to have two lovers at the same time is just crazy you an't really be in love with them. at least thats what I think.
• Philippines
25 Jun 11
She's confused right now. For sure, no one can love a person in the same level. We are just so selfish at times that we don't want to let go of someone. I know it is hard to decide but try to find some time alone and ask yourself who's more important, I am sure she'll find the right answer.
@AishaBR (345)
• United States
25 Jun 11
I think that is what i'll do. Hopefully she has made the right decision to marry one of the guys. I think he is the one she truely loves and wants to be with.
• India
24 Jun 11
This is weird situation if your friend loves two person at the same time.I think the person with whom she is getting married might not be her dream person or is not what she wants.She feels satisfied with the other guy she talks too.Again I think it is just attraction towards another guy that she is having. You cannot love two person at same time and if you do I doubt you love any of them.It is mere infatuation.
@Zaphan (710)
• Philippines
1 Jul 11
I agree with you, you can't love two person at the same time, the other one is infatuation and the other one will be true love. maybe it's just a lust towards that ex-boyfriend, she can't get over with because maybe she thinks of him all the time even though she's with her fiance. That's a big trouble in her part if she can't fight that feeling both of them will be lost and she will have regrets at the end. just give her an advice or guidance to think of solution she will do to make things right.
@thatgirl13 (7304)
• South Korea
24 Jun 11
I don't know. I mean I have never been in that situation but there was this girl in our school and she had 3 boyfriends at the same time . Really, to be honest, then I was having problem with the one and only boyriend I had, I don't know how she manages to take care of all it at once.
@AishaBR (345)
• United States
24 Jun 11
lol I know right one boyfriend is hard enough well at least if you really love them
@swtpareek (651)
• United States
24 Jun 11
I was thinking about the same thing today in office when I saw one of my friends flirting around with a guy in office. And the friend I am talking about here is committed since last 5 years. People sometimes want all the attention of the world and they do this. They want to take advantage of people around them and then ultimately end up in huge trouble. Your friend is doing the exact same thing and I doubt she will be in trouble soon.
@SkyeHi (84)
• India
24 Jun 11
Same thing just happened in my class. And the girl did end up in deep trouble. Her boyfriend was upset with her. The new guy was behind her every minute. She's so deep in trouble she won't even come to classes these days.
@dpk262006 (56708)
• Delhi, India
25 Aug 11
I also feel that your friend is not doing the right thing. Loving two persons at the same time could be dangerous and if she is caught, she may lose both of them.
@goldeneagle (6773)
• United States
24 Aug 11
If you were spending time with both people intimately, it is certainly possible to love both of them. I was in this very situation myself several years ago. In order to tell this story, I have to admit that I was cheating on a lover with another woman, but that was years ago when I was very young, and both women have since forgiven me for my infidelity. Unfortunately, however, I did not end up marrying either of them. LOL At the time, though, I must say that I loved both women, which made the pain of losing both of them at the same time that much harder to bear. It took me a long time to get over this situation. I met another woman a couple of years after this happened. I married her and stayed with her for ten years. During this time, I never cheated on my wife, but we recently separated for other reasons. During the time we were married, I often thought of how things would have been different if I had ended up marrying one of these other women instead, even though it has been close to fourteen years since this happened. Even though I loved another woman faithfully for over ten years, I have never forgotten these other two women, so apparently, it is also possible to have LASTING feelings for two lovers at one timeā€¦
@nurseclare (2209)
• Philippines
15 Jul 11
Two lovers to people who aren't faithful eith their partner.We only one heart so I believe we must love only one. :)
@ShinSy (7)
• Malaysia
6 Jul 11
of course it is possible to have two lovers. but this is not a right and good thing to be done. It's like cheating on two ppl that love you. It is impossible for us to love two guys at the same time, at least for me, it is impossible. Maybe she just dun feel like letting go any of them since they love her. Sometimes ppl are just too greedy, even though we already have a partner, we still think of getting a better one or making others to love her or him so that his or her partner will get jealous. Frankly speaking, i will consider them as players. Dun play with love, it is the most precious feeling in human. Without it, the world may be horrible.
@samafayla33 (1856)
• United States
26 Jun 11
There is a show on TLC called SisterWives. The polygamist is on live television with all of his wives and children. Eventhough it's permissable to him, some don't like it!
@nezavisima (7411)
• Bulgaria
26 Jun 11
very complex situation. You know you love and like two people is very difficult. But to just one may be just a fad to another love. must understand who loves strong and true. This situation is quite common. Whenever you face a difficult choice to find the right solution, so good luck. Have a nice day!
• United States
25 Jun 11
Sh needs to make up her mind who she wants to BE with. If she is just talking to another guy and not getting involved with him that is one thing. But if she is sleeping with both she needs to quit playing with their emotions and just choose one.
• United States
25 Jun 11
Unfortunately for your friend, it sounds like she's using some amount of logical fallacy to justify her belief. While it is entirely possible to love more than one person in the context of a romantic setting, most people are too worried about social mores and taboos. There are communities around the web (may be NSFW, be advised, due to the more open-minded nature of the subject and about any other mores and taboos that are frequently broken) about polyamory. Polyamory, meaning love for more than one person, is something that can be successful, but it requires an open level of honesty and trust that most people cannot successfully manage.
• United States
25 Jun 11
I personally think it is not possible to be "IN Love" with two people at the same time. I feel that when you are truly in love with someone, that person becomes the center of your life and that is all you want to be with is them, when you just love someone you dont feel that way. I do believe you can have love and care for more than one person at a time. I hope she knows that the truth always comes to light and she is the only one who is going to lose in the end.
@gleness1 (20)
• Philippines
25 Jun 11
I truly believe that when u feel what true love is, when you have that kind of relationship already then that's the time you stop looking for someone else. Personally, I could not afford to being close with another man if I'm having an exclusive relationship, esp. with her situation that she's about to get married. I just wish she can settle it up and clear her mind and heart and able to choose who's really the one for her.
• India
25 Jun 11
Ya sure it is possible
@willingk (27)
• China
25 Jun 11
People can, of course, and fall in love with 2 people, but you don't go to try to have at the same time two people, it will only make you more pain. When you fall in love with two people at the same time, can only choose to give up one of them, I think you love and families more important to you!