Wedding - budget or later?

@drasnian (548)
July 5, 2011 9:05am CST
Okay, so my boyfriend and I were always agreed that we didn't want a long engagement, but we can't afford a wedding any time soon, so my boyfriend asked if I would be okay if he didn't propose yet, maybe leaving it a year or so so that we can build some savings. I said yes, but now I'm thinking about it and realising we're still going to struggle to raise the money in time. My question is - would you rather have a smaller wedding, on a smaller budget, or would you rather wait longer to get married and have the fairytale wedding? I just can't decide whether we're better off having a budget wedding soon, or the wedding of our dreams later. We're both students, so no one will exactly be expecting an extravagant event, but at the same time...you only get married once (hopefully) so maybe we should wait until it can be perfect? On the other hand, I don't want to wait forever, and we're 20 year old students with no savings, so I'm not sure how much we could save even if we waited longer. We have uni fees to cover, as well as a house deposit to start saving for. What do you guys think? I'd really love to know what you would decide and why, since my head is going around in circles at the minute!
1 person likes this
13 responses
@mantis36 (4219)
• Philippines
6 Jul 11
if you plan for a wedding, soon you'll get pregnant... whether you want it or not.... therefore, a big possibility of a baby will come.... for me, i rather put the budget to the milk of the baby or the future emergency hospitalization of the baby as a defensive....
@drasnian (548)
6 Jul 11
I'm sorry but "if you plan for a wedding, soon you'll get pregnant...whether you want it or not" is the most ridiculous response I've had all day. There's this thing, it's called contraception, and we're both fully capable of using it. I have no intention of having children any time soon, and as I live in the UK, we don't pay for hospitals anyways.
@drasnian (548)
6 Jul 11
Yes, things are different here I guess. We don't want to start married life in debt, so thats why we're torn between having a smaller wedding or marrying later, since we'll be paying for it all up front.
@mantis36 (4219)
• Philippines
6 Jul 11
so the situations is very different, you are living in one of the progressive country... here in our province, most of the people here do apply for a big loan just to show off their wedding in a big budget, a lot of visitors... but in fact, they don't have left anything to their child's milk (food) and education....
@SIMPLYD (90727)
• Philippines
6 Jul 11
20 year old and still studying and yet both of you are thinking of getting married? It would be best if both of you should finish college first and have jobs of your own. When you have jobs, you can start saving for your dream wedding.
@drasnian (548)
6 Jul 11
Yes, but by the time we've saved the money, we'll have finished uni. Our objection to that is, our dream wedding, is not an extravagant £20000 event, and we have student loan money coming in that we'll end up spending either way, so why not put it towards something useful and get the wedding we both want?
@SIMPLYD (90727)
• Philippines
6 Jul 11
I was wondering if after the wedding would you be prepared to sustain a family already? Or you just want to be married but not have a family for the time being that you are just students?
@drasnian (548)
6 Jul 11
No plans for a family any time soon, just the wedding and commitment to each other.
@jillhill (37354)
• United States
6 Jul 11
I think big expensive wedding are beautiful....but just think...all the money that is spent and in just a couple of hours the whole thing is over....the money could be better spent on a house...or fees for the uni...you can have just a very beautiful wedding on a shoestring as sometimes less is actually more....simple beauty. You are young yet...so if you are really in love your love will see you through so in a couple of years you can maybe afford both...a beautiful wedding and down payment for a house....give it some time and everything will come together.
@drasnian (548)
11 Jul 11
That's what I'm thinking - a smaller wedding and spend the money on something more lasting, like the house. After all, the house should hopefully last a long time, but spending more money on a wedding ceremony doesn't increase your chances of a happy marriage (especially not if you have to get into debt to do so!). We're now debating maybe getting married abroad, as the average cost of getting married here is £20,000 but the average cost of a ceremony abroad is £6500. I know that's only an estimate and there'll be a big difference between cost in gettting married somewhere near, like Spain, compared to somewhere far away like the Maldives, but the fact is, that average is 1/3 the UK average. We're not convinced though, because we do want at least close family and friends there, and it feels mean to ask them to pay so much to come. Plus, lots of our friends probably wouldn't be able to afford it. We're definitely still at the thinking about things stage!
• Philippines
5 Jul 11
It's okay for me either way. A grand wedding might cost too much but it would make my girlfriend happy so it's okay with me. Of course, I prefer a budgeted wedding, I'm a cheapskate. As for your case, I don't think you have a choice. Both of you have to wait til you have enough money for a wedding. I'm sure it'll be worth the wait.
@drasnian (548)
5 Jul 11
I'm a bit of a cheapskate too, so we'll definitely be adopting some of the budget wedding tips found online, like designing our own stationery, getting a friend to sort out the cake etc. There's no doubt we'll have to wait a while, but it's trying to decide whether we'd rather get married in a £1000 ceremony in a year, or a £20000 ceremony in 10 years (okay, not quite that extreme, but you know what I mean!) I don't doubt it'll be worth the wait either way, i'm just trying to decide what's best for us :)
• Philippines
5 Jul 11
Oh, you're already fixed on stuff. Well, that's great news, then. Just inform me when the wedding will be, I'll be glad to attend it. I'll be buffet area.
• Philippines
6 Jul 11
hello dransnian, I can understand your feelings everyone wants their wedding to be unforgettable but be practical if you really wanted to marry each other then go for what your budget can besides the most important is you are both going to take the vow and make this relationship lasts. I am 26 and still single don't you think you are both to young oh well if you are both responsible enough and can handle the marriage life wish you all the best. happy mylotting
@drasnian (548)
6 Jul 11
Yeah, the most important thing is the commitment, honestly we're not fussed about having something big but we definitely still want it to be special. We've been together for three years, and were friends for much longer than that, plus my family marry young so it won't be a big shock to anyone. Plus, we've so far survived a year long distance, and are living together next year, so there's no doubting the commitment. Thanks for your well wishes :)
5 Jul 11
marrying at 20? are you insane? i'm 24 and have been engaged for a year and a half, and i still want to wait another year!! atleast!! i adore my partner! and i can't wait to get married.. but i will wait lol! when most people get married they have bought a house together, or atleast already rent a house together! even if they don't live in it yet, until after the wedding for example if your traditional or religious, they have that. then you have student debts to pay off, you've exams to study for, you have graduation, you might want to travel after studying for so long, you could ask for money as graduation presnts and that could go toward the wedding, and when you leave uni, and both start working, you'll have piles of money coming in to save! i reckon you don't have much now, with being students, imagine if you were both working, you could live off one wage and save the other! theres nothing wrong with a long engagement. getting engaged proves your commitment to each other, and it proves your both headed in the same direction. i reckon, you should get engaged, and have a big engagement party, like a mini wedding, to celebrate your love for each other..then start planning your dream wedding. even make it fun! say, ok we're getting married in a year and a half on such and such a date.. we should have x amount saved by the next 2 months.. GO! lol kind of thing! :) .. work at mylot and put your mylot earnings toward the wedding. join microworkers and try that :).. good luck with whatever you choose tho, and i hope i've helped :)
@drasnian (548)
5 Jul 11
Thanks for your comments. We're not talking at marrying at 20 though, we're 20 NOW and talking about when to get married, and whether to have a longer engagement, or push our engagement back further to nearer the wedding. I agree you're probably right that we should have a long engagement, but both our families are suggesting large-ish presents for our 21st's and so we were thinking maybe instead of big presents, they could contribute towards the wedding/honeymoon whatever. haha, I joined microworkers this morning! we've both got a savings plan in place, but I think realistically it's going to have to be a later wedding than we'd originally planned.
18 Jul 11
hi i only just realised you replied! sorrrrry! my mistake about the whole not marrying at 20 thing lol! i hope it all goes well for you! sell clothes and shoes on ebay to add to the fund!!
@cutepenguin (6431)
• Canada
6 Jul 11
We got married when I was 26 and had a moderate wedding - nothing too fancy, but we were able to spend more on things that we really wanted. I'd wait a bit so that it's not too much of a struggle. It was nice to be able to just plan the wedding I wanted and not have to spend the whole time trying to make sure I got the most economical option. we didn't have a very big budget, but we had enough.
@drasnian (548)
6 Jul 11
Thanks for your response. That's sort of what I'm thinking - neither of us wants a huge posh wedding, but it'd be nice to not have to stress about money so much, trying to do everything on the budget.
@LadyDulce (830)
• United States
5 Jul 11
I also got married at 20, but I didn't have a wedding. It was just my husband, me, and the judge. It's much faster, cheaper, and convenient. If you do want to go ahead and have a wedding, then I'd definitely advise a budget affair. It's no good to start out your married life neck-deep in debt. It's just setting yourself up for a whole lot of hard times and that first year is hard enough as it is. Good luck
@drasnian (548)
5 Jul 11
Hi LadyDulce - I totally agree. Whether we marry in a week or a decade, on a budget of £100 or £10000, there's no way we're spending money we haven't got on this wedding. Starting off in debt guarantees that we'll fight, we'll have a very hard first few years (instead of the "honeymoon period") and eventually we'll end up resenting the fact that we married too early/spent too much/didn't save enough and by extension, resenting the other person. Thanks for your advice, and the luck!
@becdmd (704)
• Philippines
6 Jul 11
I think that you're considering both sides and its really hard to decide especially when you're not at the right age and at the right time, In my opinion you should not be in a rush and be stressed to think about marriage now, since both of you still have a lot of time to save when you are already working. Marriage is the second most important decision to make and having a family is a much bigger responsibility. Just enjoy your singlehood and wait perfectly on God's timing. Do things one at a time and based from a book I read it says, "Desperation only leads to destruction".
@drasnian (548)
6 Jul 11
It is really hard to decide, there are pros and cons to both sides, and at the minute my head is just going round in circles. I don't agree that we're "not at the right age and at the right time" though - surely that's something specific to each couple, and frankly I think myself, my partner, and my family, are better judges of that than anyone reading this one post online which doesn't even discuss our relationship. We're not stressed to think about marriage - we're excited and trying to work out when is most feasible. I understand that marriage is an important decision, but there's no doubt it's the right decision for us.
@ebuscat (5935)
• Philippines
6 Jul 11
For me be practical small weeding is good the important is you got married because if you noticed in the states there weeding is just a simple thing then why you would not do it in your married.
@drasnian (548)
6 Jul 11
I think small is definitely more practical, and it's likely to be what we go with. Thanks for your comment.
@munyosz (110)
5 Jul 11
Marrying at 20 is a bit early in my honest opinion. Finish university first... You could also take out a small loan or ask family members to help you out financially, I can't see why they wouldn't help you out. It's a big thing for them too. You could also just do get 'married' at the civil registry and then later when you have money throw a 'fairytale' celebration or even a marriage ceremony. I think you should just ask your family to help you out financially. You wouldn't have to pay back as much as you would with a bank loan. Another thing I want to say, and this might sound creepy, your boyfriend might not want to propose to you at all but doesn't want to hurt your feelings so he just postponed the proposal . I mean, I don't know him or you so I can't really say that, but i just wanted to let that out.
@drasnian (548)
5 Jul 11
We're not talking about getting married until the end of our third year in all likelihood, but we're not really 100% sure on timings. The idea of having something smaller now and something larger later is a good one - my other half is keen on going abroad somewhere, just us and family, and throwing a big party or something when we get back. Our families probably will help out, but I don't know how much, and I don't want to take whatever they can contribute for granted. It's one thing for us to have the money and for them to say "we'll contribute x amount so you have some savings left" but another thing entirely to not have the money and to expect them to make up the difference. Well we've been together three years, we've signed a contract to live together next year, and HE keeps pointing out rings, so I think we're set lol.
@puccagirl (7294)
• Israel
5 Jul 11
Well, it is a highly personal choice. My cousin waited a really long time before she got married, because it was really important for her to have her dream wedding. For her, the actual wedding was worth the wait, but I chose to go for a medium wedding instead, because I could not justify spending tons of money on one night only. So it is all about your priorities, and nothing else, since you are the one getting married after all. So follow your heart!
@drasnian (548)
6 Jul 11
Thank you for your help (and for not being one of the people who were all "married at 20?!" without even reading the question...) Anyways, I'm more inclined to agree with you than your cousin - for us, we're not that bothered about the wedding itself, because like you said, it's one night only. The honeymoon and the house deposit are more important to us, so I think we'll be having a small budget wedding.
@Jelminrie (358)
• Philippines
6 Jul 11
Your 20, a Student, Graduating may be, can i ask do you already have a child that's why you are thinking about this things this early? If you do not have a child yet, better not think about those things and rush. I am 24, with 5 yr relationship,we both have our own jobs.Planning to get married but not now or soon. If i were both of you guys, i will think it a thousand times, I will ask myself if I am already prepared for it, are you sure do you want to get married soon?
@drasnian (548)
6 Jul 11
No children, no rush for any reason than that we both want it. I respect your opinion, but what's right for your relationship isn't necessarily right for mine - for one thing, the majority of my family married young, so it's not seen as a "rushed" decision here, they respect the idea that actually yes we can know what we want and if we're ready for it. For us, during university is one of the best chances we'll have to save - anything left over from our loans is money we don't have to work for, and physically can't pay back even if we wanted to. If we don't put it towards something big, I know we'd spend it anyway, so why not get the most benefit out of it? Not to mention, as students, no one will expect an extravagant wedding, whereas once we're settled with jobs, a budget partially DIY wedding is not what people will be expecting - but it IS what we want. Similarly, once we finish university we'll have to cover a house deposit, a mortgage, car fees...all things we don't have to worry about now.