Worried about a Child
By GreenMoo
@GreenMoo (11834)
July 25, 2011 2:20am CST
We have a family staying with us at the moment who are very pleasant, but they have a small child with them who's safety I'm concerned about. The child is not yet two years old, but they let him wander around our farm at will with no supervision. There are so many dangers for an unsupervised child here that, in my opinion, they are guilty of neglect. We have an unfenced 124,000 litre water tank, a small river running the length of the property, numerous building projects on the go, a road running alongside the unfenced field, our cooking fire ... the list goes on. Yesterday I removed him from scaffolding twice, took tools away from him numerous times, and returned him to his parents more times than I can remember. I also stopped him from throwing rocks at one of our dogs, and took away from the goats. The dog is a family pet who is used to children, but any dog will react if you tease it enough and it can't escape (he was tethered). The goats are liable to panic, and the poor little mite wasn't even wearing shoes. I know from experience what it feels like to collide by a horned goat who weighs in at not much less than me, and a two year old would be knocked flying. He is also naked most of the time, which I have no issue with from a modesty point of view, but I'm concerned about him burning.
Both my partner and I, and other guests, have tried pointing all these dangers out to the parents, but their response is that they want the kid to learn from experience. I'm all for kids learning from experience, and I'm certainly not an overprotective parent myself, but if the kid drowns or kills himself falling from scaffolding he really won't learn much from the experience!
Now I don't like imposing my own parenting ideas on other people, but I'm seriously worried about this child. I haven't got time to watch him every second myself, but if something happened to him I would feel responsible.
How should I bring the dangers home to this family, who seem like sane and intelligent people in every other respect?
2 people like this
14 responses
@tuhkatriinu (283)
• Finland
25 Jul 11
What kind of parents are those?! I have 3 years old boy and i still try to follow him in every second saying no to this or no to that. So young baby's they are so active, just want to go everywhere and see everything. This doesn't seem logic for me that they are not looking after the child in this kind of big place like you have.
1 person likes this
@tuhkatriinu (283)
• Finland
26 Jul 11
Yea thats my baby, hes 3 years now and i have baby girl also soon to be one year old. I have to follow them like detective..now they do crimes together if im not looking..then i just hear weird laughing from other room-thats the sign that something is going on.
@changjiangzhibin89 (16531)
• China
25 Jul 11
The parents are too negligent in taking care of their son.They knew well that their son was in danger at any time and let him alone.What is ridiculous is that they called it by the fine-sounding name of "they want the kid to learn from experience".How old their son was? only on the right side of 2.That the parent have done isn't different from trying to help the shoots grow by pulling them upward.
1 person likes this
@changjiangzhibin89 (16531)
• China
26 Jul 11
You are right! or else,it will be no end of trouble for the future.
@smacksman (6053)
•
25 Jul 11
I think it is a simple question of 'house rules' - if you are a guest in a house you obey the rules of the house. Simple.
You have solved the problem now but earlier I would have sudgested fencing off a paddock for the wee lad to roam in and eat worms and get dirty like a normal kid and give you some peace of mind.
Poor you - you must have been frantic. A farm is a wonderful place to bring up children but also has to be the most potentially dangerous environment.
@smacksman (6053)
•
26 Jul 11
Haha! No offense taken from your !!!
And my comment about putting the little animal in a paddock was very much tongue in cheek 
I have brought up 2 year olds and I know exactly what the little darlings are like at that age.
I am on your side.
I have brought up 2 year olds and I know exactly what the little darlings are like at that age.
I am on your side.@GreenMoo (11834)
•
26 Jul 11
You would have suggested that I fenced off a paddock? With all the expense and disruption that would cause? And just so that his parents could escape the responsibility of looking after their own child?
!!!!!!!
Sorry if I sound incredulous, but the responsibility for looking after this child rests firmly with his parents, not with me. On a site like this there are numerous places that a child can eat worms and get grubby safely, providing the parents keep an eye to ensure that he doesn't wander off. I was giving the mother work to do which kept her in the 'safe' parts just so she could do exactly that. But she would remain in the safe part enjoying the sun and a bit of peace, whilst I'd be rescuing her child from whatever danger he'd found next. It was driving me nuts!
I didn't fence anywhere for my own kids, because they had rules to abide by and eyes watching them. Everyone's parenting style is different, but I'm so happy this family are now on their way.
Thanks for contributing, and please don't take my exclamation marks negatively :-)
@BarBaraPrz (45476)
• St. Catharines, Ontario
25 Jul 11
Smack 'em upside the head?
You need to stress the safety and liability obligations you are under, and that if they don't comply, you will have no other recourse but to ask them to leave.
(Or, you could notify the authorities about the parents' lack of concern... but that might implicate you as well.)
@GreenMoo (11834)
•
25 Jul 11
That's exactly what I felt like last night, having returned the child to them for the millionth time. My stress levels were rising, and it wasn't the fault of the kid.
I'm going to ask them to leave. Enough is enough. Writing the discussion and dealing with them this morning has convinced me.
1 person likes this
@p1kef1sh (45681)
•
25 Jul 11
That's a poser. Usually it's the other way around and parents are over-protective. Frankly I would come right out and say that you are unhappy for the child to be outside beyond the (fenced?) garden unsupervised. Explain that you are a business and that your insurance will be void if he injures himself. Accidents DO happen and the nicest people WILL prosecute YOU! You might also explain that you are completely in agreement with their view that childen should learn by their own mistakes, but that does not include knowingly allowing them to stray into harm's way. In a very real legal sense you would share culpability with the parents if the child came to harm on your property. You might also point out that even goats are essentially wild animals and that their reactions to any situation, especially one where they are being tormented, cannot be known. On a practical level you might also point out how far you are from the nearest Dr, hospital, ambulance etc. If the family is British they may well anticipate a British style response to any emergency. I suspect that in rural Portugal things are not quite the same! Good luck.
1 person likes this
@GreenMoo (11834)
•
25 Jul 11
They're out. I've decided!
This morning the mother said to me that it was 'a good job my youngest was around to offer hers some boundaries'. If she thinks that my UNDER FIVE is an acceptable childminder she can do it elsewhere!
Really, they are lovely people in every other respect. It's such a shame.
1 person likes this
@Janey1966 (24170)
• Carlisle, England
25 Jul 11
I can't be doing with these liberal parents that let their kids do what they like. The youngest next door to us has a t-shirt which reads "I may be little but I'm the Boss" and he's only about 2. Sounds like the parents would get on swimmingly with those you mention in your discussion.
It is a tough one from your point of view but I'd actually threaten the parents with 1) the police and 2) social services..in that order! If that doesn't work, well, I'd be amazed!
Intelligence doesn't always mean they've got oodles of common-sense. Please bear this in mind.
@jillhill (37354)
• United States
25 Jul 11
Sounds like you already did and they rejected your concerns.....I agree with you one hundred percent about them needing to start acting like responsible parents..Hopefully if something happens to the little tyke you won't be held responsible....and that might be a point you would like to make to them....that you wash your hands of any responsibility if something bad should happen....
@sid556 (30960)
• United States
26 Jul 11
You have to be very very firm and frank with them because you won't just feel responsible...you will actually BE responsible if I'm understanding this correctly. You own the property? If so then you are liable for this child that you are allowing here. There is no question at all...the parents are being negligent. I'm all for allowing a child to be a free spirit but they still need parents and guidance. I'm all for letting kids learn from experience but as parents we are supposed to guide them in that experience and be there to stop them when they are going to do something that could end their experience for good. A two yr old should never ever ever be left unsupervised. that's just ignorant. you need to stand up and ask them to leave if they will not watch their child. He is going to get hurt one way or another eventually. Their parenting skills are scary at best.
@anex08 (868)
• Philippines
26 Jul 11
I think you have your part, making the family know the dangers that might harm their child is someone's responsibility but then it is for the parents care to keep their children safe at all times. A year older should be supervise most of the time and should not be left alone when playing even when they are sleeping. they should be left alone.. We, parents should be more responsible to that, children can't think on their own and they cannot take care of themselves also, that action making the child learn from its own is a sign of negligence from the parents alone..
@jazel_juan (15747)
• Philippines
26 Jul 11
aw that is a dangerous. If you already pointed it out to the parents and they still do not listen report them or something... or knock their head. You already did you part, i mean i as a parent gets concerned on stuff like that and i always make sure my children are safe. I also believe in experiences but those are not easy experiences i mean what if the child gets seriously hurt?
@ebuscat (5935)
• Philippines
25 Jul 11
For me yes it is a big case to be with so be good to your child so that they can be good student and good man ever after they got old.
@bounce58 (17387)
• Canada
28 Jul 11
That's a very difficult situation!
You would think that because of the numerous times that you've brought the kid to their attention, they would finally realize that he is far too young, and unsafe to be roaming around by himself.
I don't think there is much you can do, except to bring it to their attention everytime the kid gets into trouble.
@naija4real (1291)
•
26 Jul 11
You are such a nice person to show so much concern about the safety and welfare of a young child. Most parents are just good breeder of children but they never care about the well being of that child. They live the child to wander about with watching the movement of the child. It is a bad habit that all parents must correct. they must live up to their responsibility
@SilverVixen (284)
• United States
25 Jul 11
That poor child. I don't understand how parents could let him run free. I have a 2 year old, on a farm, and I make sure he is within 20 feet of me at all times. Granted he knows better than to go where the cows are and knows he isn't allowed past a certain point in the yard, he's still a baby and is curious. I'm with your decision to make them leave. It sounds like the only way the parents will teach their child limitations is if he gets seriously hurt. And that really bothers me. I'm scared and feel like I should've been right beside my son when he falls and gets scraped or a bruise so I don't know how they can let him climb on scaffolding. I do let my son play with garden tools when I garden or with screwdrivers when I use them, but I am always right beside him teaching how we use them and what's right and wrong so if he does find one randomly he's not going to run with it or throw it at an animal or something. That's just horrible though.
@GreenMoo (11834)
•
25 Jul 11
I feel far happier now I've made the decision to ask them to leave, just disturbed that it doesn't seem to have sunk in how concerned I am. Perhaps at the next place they roll up at there won't be someone else around to keep an eye on little one on their behalf.
