What Would You Do?
By Amanda81587
@Amanda81587 (3042)
United States
July 28, 2011 9:51am CST
My boyfriend has these two little girl cousins one of them is 10 and the other is 14. They live in New Jersey and they only come to Ohio about twice a year in a good year. Just the past time they came down they were hanging all over my boyfriend (their cousin) and would not let go every time they seen him. He did not say anything because he did not want to hurt their feelings. Well they got his number and stalked him for months on end taking up all his texts which he would barely respond to. First the 14 year old came to his grandparent (where we have been camping)with her mom and she was hugging all over him and when we went swimming he did not get a chance to swim with me or our daughter because she would not get off his back in the water. Which this irritated me a little but i shrugged it off. Then a couple days after that she started to slow down on the hanging thing but instead she said your my boyfriend (which my boyfriend told me later he thought was weird but did not say anything) This girl is 14 she should know better. (but again i shrugged it off because she never gets to see him) Then last night the 10 year old came over from NJ and once that 10 year old came over they leached on him like they were dying. So he has one in one arm and the other in the other arm. HE could not even move but he still did not say anything! Every five seconds they were not in his arms it was I love you I love you I love you and he would just say it back. Well finally I was irritated because these girls might not understand that they are related, so i just went in the camper and started to watch a movie! He came in the camper a little later asking me what my problem was and do not even say that I am jealous over his cousins (which is not the case it is just annoying when you have a family to attend to and I can not even find him without pealing the girls off of him) Then he went back outside to his groupies. Then later it was about 12:30 am and I went outside to ask when he was coming to bed and he is sitting in his car listening to music and the little 10 year old girl is sitting on his lap! WTF! I think he needs to express that they need to chill out. And why the hell is their moms letting their little girls bombard a 22 year old weither he is their cousin or not? Am I going crazy or what?
2 people like this
10 responses
@bounce58 (17380)
• Canada
1 Aug 11
I think it's a little bit weird considering that he's their cousin, but I think they are just at the age where they want attention from boys. I think they don't even realize how inappropriate their actions are.
Maybe it's coming from being close in the past, and only getting to see him once or twice a year, that they 'leech' on him.
I commend you for staying cool, but I think their parents should say something!
@Amanda81587 (3042)
• United States
2 Aug 11
Her mom yells at her everyday but she still does it.
Now I am having more of a problem with the 11 year old not so much the 14 year old. The 11 year old now lies and tells me that my boyfriend said he is going to take her mudding in our truck all by themselves because he took everyone else (all at once) I told my boyfriend and he said heck no he did not say that. Thats not going to happen. So she just ticks me off. 
She tried to come into our camper whenever she wants and now my boyfriend got aggravated and kicked her out the other day. She trys to hang on him and he tells her to get off of him. So there are little things my boyfriend is handling differently but now she sits at the picnic table and stares at us through our screen door giving me dirty looks. 
Now I am having more of a problem with the 11 year old not so much the 14 year old. The 11 year old now lies and tells me that my boyfriend said he is going to take her mudding in our truck all by themselves because he took everyone else (all at once) I told my boyfriend and he said heck no he did not say that. Thats not going to happen. So she just ticks me off. She tried to come into our camper whenever she wants and now my boyfriend got aggravated and kicked her out the other day. She trys to hang on him and he tells her to get off of him. So there are little things my boyfriend is handling differently but now she sits at the picnic table and stares at us through our screen door giving me dirty looks. 1 person likes this
@thinkingoutloud (6127)
• Canada
28 Jul 11
I hope you won't be offended by my thoughts on this, Amanda, but I don't think their behavior is weird at all. I actually think it's very normal for girls of their ages. Your boyfriend is 22 years old, probably attractive (?) and they are at the age where they want to be noticed by boys. Problem is, they aren't very selective about which boys ... or what age they are or whether they are relatives ... they want to be the center of attention, no matter what, because it makes them feel special and "grown up."
Here's an example -- when I was about 13, my parents took us on a road trip to stay with some old friends of theirs. They had a son who was about 19 at that time and I just crushed on that guy SOOOO hard. We went swimming in their pool and we did some day trips and, believe me, I did everything I could to be near him and to hold his attention. I thought he was so cute. I never thought that my parents might think it was inappropriate for me to be around their friends' son. I glorified it in my mind that he was interested in me too - and of COURSE he wasn't. He had a girlfriend of his own 
I hate to admit that I took a photo of him from one of the family's albums that they had showed us during our stay so I could keep it and have it once I got home. I know that it was really wrong but, back then, I was driven by the crush. After I got home, it wore off... just as it does with these two cousins you describe. The novelty wears off until the next time they see him.
I know it's annoying you but please try not to overreact. You say these girls are around maybe twice in a year. That is likely another reason that they act the way they do. It's a trip for them... a vacation... it's not everyday life and it's not "real." You have all the rest of the year with your boyfriend. He doesn't seem too bothered by the girls... he probably finds it amusing.
I hate to admit that I took a photo of him from one of the family's albums that they had showed us during our stay so I could keep it and have it once I got home. I know that it was really wrong but, back then, I was driven by the crush. After I got home, it wore off... just as it does with these two cousins you describe. The novelty wears off until the next time they see him.
I know it's annoying you but please try not to overreact. You say these girls are around maybe twice in a year. That is likely another reason that they act the way they do. It's a trip for them... a vacation... it's not everyday life and it's not "real." You have all the rest of the year with your boyfriend. He doesn't seem too bothered by the girls... he probably finds it amusing.2 people like this
@Amanda81587 (3042)
• United States
29 Jul 11
Thank you very much I feel better. Growing up this did not happen in my family so I was kinda of weirder out by it. I actually went home last night with our kids and stayed there without him. Then this morning when he got up he called me and then came home to get me to go back over there. Today was not that bad actually. They were not as clingy. They did however try staying in his car all day and sleeping in there in this horrible heat until their moms yelled at them to get out of the car. The one thing that did actually make me mad was when I called him last night he answered but then when I called him back he did not answer all night. Then come to find out by those little girls he stayed up til six in the morning with them. My boyfriends grandpa is sick that's why they are all up here and they are they are staying for a couple of weeks. Hopefully they will grow bored of him. They are so childish it's funny. They are all like I'm not talking to you then one minute later they are like oh my gosh I can do that it's so hard. Then today they were showing me all the pictures they took of him. The one on the ten year olds iPod said love him under is picture. I was like oh my goodness. I wonder why they crave that much attention though iwas not like that growing up !
2 people like this
@thinkingoutloud (6127)
• Canada
29 Jul 11
I had a friend that was allowed to behave like those girls. Whenever her parents had guests, she was allowed to sit at the table or wherever they were and she would listen to their entire conversation and such. She stayed up as late as the adults and, a lot of the time, they would have some kind of food late at night before everyone went home. She would be right in there, having whatever the adults had. It really wasn't necessary and it really bothered the other adults because they felt like they had to "monitor" their conversation so as not to say anything inappropriate for a child.
It sounds like the girls' mothers only deal with certain behavior. Staying in the hot car was dangerous to them so they made them stop. They don't view the "flirting" with your boyfriend as dangerous or harmful... probably don't even notice how much of it is going on. And, yes, of course they are childish... they're young kids ;) 10 and 14 is not as old as the girls themselves would like to believe.
Kids in that age bracket now are so different than even a generation earlier. They are exposed to so much more. My niece is turning 13 this year. She and her friends have all been on Facebook for quite some time (even though you are "supposed to be" 13 before you can have an account -- I blame the parents for allowing it because some of the parents create the accounts for them or they encourage them to lie about their birth dates). My sister tightly supervises my niece's online activities -- she logs in and reads her FB page every day, she checks her text messages, etc. She told me that, one night, my niece was on MSN chatting with friends. She noticed that one of the girls had her status message set for a boy in their class (this was 6th grade) - it said "Ryan I f***in love you!!" My sister was horrified. Unfortunately, these young girls have a ton of influences from older siblings to the internet to all forms of media. They seem to be doing everything they can to grow up ahead of their time 
The caption on your boyfriend's photo shows that, I think.
I agree with you that they will grow bored of your boyfriend and they will shift their attention to the next male that appeals to them. Hopefully sooner than later 
Thank you so much for the BR, too! That was really kind of you 
The caption on your boyfriend's photo shows that, I think.
I agree with you that they will grow bored of your boyfriend and they will shift their attention to the next male that appeals to them. Hopefully sooner than later Thank you so much for the BR, too! That was really kind of you 1 person likes this
@kingparker (9673)
• United States
29 Jul 11
Honestly, after reading your post, it was a little bit weird about these 2 girls. Come on, they are young I understood, and they are innocent, and ignorance. But sticking with their cousin second by second and won't let go of him. They need to know something about incest, or relationship. Their parents should know better about this. You should also tell your boyfriend and have a serious talk with both girls.
@LovingMyBabies (85923)
• Valdosta, Georgia
28 Jul 11
I understand where your coming from and I find it a little weird, okay a lot weird. At 14 she should definitely understand that they are COUSINS! They should not be allowed by the parents to be all over him like that. Where is the supervision??
I think you need to calmly speak to him about it and just let him know that it makes you really uncomfortable with the way they are acting. Tell him your not jealous of them but its a little weird that cousins are acting in that manner. Also, I would let him know that he does have a family that he needs to be worrying about too.
@Hatley (163772)
• Garden Grove, California
29 Jul 11
amanda where are those two little girl's parents while they are all over a young male cousin? I think their behavior is a bit queried.
You need to talk to your boyfriend about his part in this behavior
as it seemed a bit like incest and incest is illegal. He has got to cool it with those young kid cousins.they are too young and too bratty perhaps to know better but at 22 your boyfriend needs to check this behavior at once,and tell them not to be climbing all over him that way. their parents need to step in and stop this before your boyfriend succumbs to the older one and risks being jailed for a pedophile.
as it seemed a bit like incest and incest is illegal. He has got to cool it with those young kid cousins.they are too young and too bratty perhaps to know better but at 22 your boyfriend needs to check this behavior at once,and tell them not to be climbing all over him that way. their parents need to step in and stop this before your boyfriend succumbs to the older one and risks being jailed for a pedophile.1 person likes this
@Hatley (163772)
• Garden Grove, California
29 Jul 11
h then he was just bring overwhelmed and pretty he didn't know quite what to do. I think the mom did not realize just how it looked to someone outside that family. I am glad she talked to them herself.what she said was a bit of what I was thinking. they sound rather precocious for acting like that at their ages wow.
1 person likes this
@Amanda81587 (3042)
• United States
29 Jul 11
no he understands that they are his cousins and they agravate him now that it is day 3. I talked to their moms last night and they were like wow i did not realize that it was that bad and the one who sat on his lap her mom was pissed she hammered her hard for it and told them they need to stop it at once. so now they are not that clingy and the mom told my boyfriend as well not to let them do that because they look like little hoes! I was surprised their mom said come to them and let them know if i see something inappropriate!
1 person likes this
@Hatley (163772)
• Garden Grove, California
7 Oct 12
amanda when you say the ten year old was sitting on his lap it
sounds to me like your boyfriend allowed that.,this is bordering on incestual and I am surprised that their mom would want them on his lap nor want him holding her on his lap ,NO you are not crazy
but i feel he is starting to be a bit too physical with his cousins,they are little kids but at 22 he is a grown man and'
should not be allowing them to be all over him.If he gets any
more physical it could be called contributing to the delinquency
of a minor.
@fabsprecious (1565)
• United States
10 Aug 11
Wow, I am telling kids now a days. You have every right to be upset and/or irritated. Your boyfriend should talk to them, explain that they are related and that type of closeness/relationship that they are having is unacceptable. I mean I could understand once a day, they say I love and they want to hang out, but never every freaken minute of the day. What upsets me the most is that they mother isn't doing a damn thing. It is the mother's responsiblity to let these girls know that this type of behavior is unappropriate and if the mother doesn't then as a man your boyfriend should tell them to back off.
Luckily this behavior is with their cousin, but if they play that type of game with any other man, it could be dangerous, apparently they don't have any boundaries on how far to go because it has never been explained or told to them, but now a days that type of behavior could be dangerous.
1 person likes this
@Amanda81587 (3042)
• United States
10 Aug 11
Well I had a talk with her mom and she talked to her about it. She has backed off but she still does it in her little ways. She knows it aggravates me so I think she try's to be sneaky about it but makes sure I am paying attention. when I talk to my boyfriend about it he just says I'm being stupid and jealous over his cousin which is stupid and weird for me to do. The little girls mother had to actually tell him no I'm am not and that her daughters behavior is rediculious and hoeish. She told him that he would not want his daughter to do it so don't let her daughter do it. 
he is just starting to try and ignore the whole her liking him thing. To me it does not look right and he does not want to come to terms with it. 
when I talk to my boyfriend about it he just says I'm being stupid and jealous over his cousin which is stupid and weird for me to do. The little girls mother had to actually tell him no I'm am not and that her daughters behavior is rediculious and hoeish. She told him that he would not want his daughter to do it so don't let her daughter do it. he is just starting to try and ignore the whole her liking him thing. To me it does not look right and he does not want to come to terms with it. 
@ravisivan (14082)
• India
28 Jul 11
Your feelings are quite genuine. any girl will get such a feeling. You talk to your boyfriend when he is alone -- calmly -- that it is good for him to keep the girls at a distance because they are grown up and not babies--normally babies are only kept on one's lap. This u must be able to do without making him get anger. Or stay along with him and the girls along with your children and distract him frequently. anyhow they will be going in two or three days. one way is to tolerate it. practical problem. handle it carefully.
2 people like this
