making mistakes and learning from them

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as a human we all makes mistakes. Sometimes we learn from them and sometimes we dont. I have made some mistakes that i wish i could take back but the reality of it all is this: dont worry about the past or the future. worry about what's in front of u. Like I wish I could take back what I did to my father. the only person i knew my WHOLE life. Something happened to me as a child and growing up. something bad. Beacuse of that my mother had to raise us by herself. she did the best she could and later on with others' help. For many many years I blammed myself for what happened to him and to this day my mom doesn't know the burden im holding on my sholders. I know a lot of ppl this happened to and they are still together and it pains me so to know about that. I ask myself if i hadn't done that we would all still be one family. together. My sister who was 8mo then was just a baby when he was locked up ashe didn't even get to know him and i blame myself for that. My family was torn apart that day and ever sence then it's been disfunctional. I have been thru counceling all thru school but i feel that nothing has changed in me. I forgive him...but have i? truely forgiven him? I dont think i have because everytime i think about the situation i break down and cry like a baby. Like I am right now. Im gonna do what my mom told me to do. Im gonna give it to the LORD GOD. He's gonna take all the pain away and my burden will be no more.