is it okay to ask about your boyfriend/girlfriend's previous relationships?

@chiyosan (30184)
Philippines
July 30, 2011 11:51pm CST
i am curious.. i mean we all are curious right? we often spend time with our partners and sometimes we think about askingg questions about their previous relationships.. do you think it is normal??? i mean or rather acceptable to be asking or should it remain as it is.. his/ her past?
7 people like this
36 responses
@dpk262006 (58673)
• Delhi, India
31 Jul 11
Hi I think it is of no use to ask about our Girl/boy friend's past because past is over. We can do nothing about the past. Past is history. There is no need to know about the history. There is saying - "curiosity kills the cat", so we should keep our curiosity under the wrap.
2 people like this
@chiyosan (30184)
• Philippines
15 Jan 13
i am not comfortable to ask such personal questions as well but there are those that i ask just so i would know. i hate to be left in the dark so i do ask pertinent questions. I sure hope everything is well with you. =) thanks for taking time to respond in the discussion, that is appreciated. Best Regards! See you Around! Happy mylotting.
@adhyz82 (36249)
• Indonesia
31 Jul 11
i like it...past is history, now is our life, tomorrow is our dream
2 people like this
@besthope44 (12123)
• India
31 Jul 11
Its true..I personally don't like to ask such questions, because when asked it creates a cause of uneasiness and can even spoil relationship. And it will spoil if the person has no relationships and it would hurt them by asking about it as a part of trust!
1 person likes this
@se7enthbird (8307)
• Philippines
31 Jul 11
yes that is normal, of course we really dont care about much of the past but of course we are interested of what happened with their life during those days when we are not around yet. but sometimes the reaction is what as we expect. like my wife, she knows everything about my past and i know everything about her previous relationship. but sometimes she will open it up and be jealous or accusing me of maybe i still like that person. that freaks me out. har har har. there was a time when i met one of his ex-BF and when we reached home i told her that person is handsome, he looks good. and she was expecting i am a starting on something. sometimes the reaction is weird... women har har har.
@chiyosan (30184)
• Philippines
15 Jan 13
I sure hope everything is well with you. =) thanks for taking time to respond in the discussion, that is appreciated. Best Regards! See you Around and Happy mylotting.
@secretbear (19448)
• Philippines
31 Jul 11
Hi chiyosan! I think it's perfectly alright to ask a partner about his previous relationship. Me for example, I think it is my right to know about his past experiences. But if he doesn't wanna tell me, it's okay for me. I may feel it's probably my right but I will also respect his privacy if he doesn't wanna tell me. It's just that, it's good to learn about past experiences because we can learn from that. We can use it to improve the current relationship and avoid the mistakes of the past. If I were asked by my partner about my previous relationships, I will gladly tell him. Probably not everything, but most of it as long as it can help our relationship.
1 person likes this
@chiyosan (30184)
• Philippines
15 Jan 13
oh it does not bother me as much.. i do ask them, i try to get to know all of them and everything i need to know, connect the dots so to speak. I sure hope everything is well with you. =) thanks for taking time to respond in the discussion, that is appreciated. Best Regards! See you Around! Happy mylotting.
@adhyz82 (36249)
• Indonesia
31 Jul 11
I think it depends on every individual There are people who are open to talk about their past or previous relation, but there is also a feeling of the past is something that should be forgotten and must not be spoken anymore
1 person likes this
@chiyosan (30184)
• Philippines
15 Jan 13
I sure hope everything is well with you. =) thanks for taking time to respond in the discussion, that is appreciated. Best Regards! See you Around! Happy mylotting.
@pringu (151)
• India
31 Jul 11
Hi chiyosan, in my opinion, it is always better to stay from such kind of talks since, enquiring about past relations and all just brings that thought of that gone relation into the mind of your partner. So, it's always better off to stay from such talks rather indulge in talks where you both could feel so much at ease. Especially, when you look at girls and the way they are, they mostly don't like reminiscing of the past relations or memories since, they might get emotional and gloomy all of a sudden, when they think of their past. And most probably, that entire day of both of yours would be spoiled just because of this! There isn't any issue asking about the past and all but then, those are the weeds in a current relation. So, better stay from them as much as you can.
@chiyosan (30184)
• Philippines
15 Jan 13
I think it is okay and try to be open about anything to your partners. they shouldn't be discovering new things about you sometime later during your relationship. I sure hope everything is well with you. =) thanks for taking time to respond in the discussion, that is appreciated. Best Regards! See you Around! Happy mylotting.
@cathzuya (187)
• Philippines
31 Jul 11
well i guess that is okay. but for me, i don;t want to be questioned about my past. i don;t know, i just dont want to talk about past relationships. and me asking? is a no no. i have a not so confident attitude and even i dont like this kind of me, i cant change it. so i don;t really want to asked bout his past relationship. i might be depressed or whatever and started comparing from his ex.
1 person likes this
@chiyosan (30184)
• Philippines
15 Jan 13
i do not want unwelcomed questions as well.. but when it would only mean that i would clarify everything that could be bothering my partner, i would answer them (not too much information of course). I sure hope everything is well with you. =) thanks for taking time to respond in the discussion, that is appreciated. Best Regards! See you Around! Happy mylotting.
• United States
31 Jul 11
I think this is perfectly fine, but just not in the early dates. You should wait to ask until you are both comfortable enough with each other, and until both of you are secure in the relationship. This is something that often comes up in conversation in relationships, so it wouldn't surprise your boyfriend/girlfriend if it was brought up.
1 person likes this
@eurekafemme (5877)
• Philippines
1 Aug 11
We are all curious and it is ok to satisfy that curiosity once in a while. When my husband and I were just sweethearts, I often ask him about his exes. I wanted to know who he was and what he was as a partner, not because I wanted to spy and find fault in him. But,the thing was, he told me stuff that seem not true when it comes to details and he had me curious and confused the more. I guess ,men are really bad when it comes to remembering about details and things about their exes especially those whom they want to forget.;-) So, better not to ask if you are not ready to hear what seems true and yet not.Anyways, those exes are part of his past and you are his present. That's what most important there.
1 person likes this
@free_man (7330)
• United States
31 Jul 11
Hi Chiyosan. I don't think it is improper to ask about our partners past. But I don't think we should judge who they are by what they done in the past. I think it is a normal question that is on some peoples mind. Myself I don't give a hoot about my husbands past relationships. He tells me what he wants me to know and I tell him what I want him to know. If he asks me a specific question I will answer him to the best of my knowledge. But what he did or I did in the past relationships is our business and it don't bother me about his past.
@besthope44 (12123)
• India
31 Jul 11
Its true that it would be curious. But by asking previous relationships, if they had bad experience, it might hurt them which they tried to forget. Or if they had no relations, they may find this question as susceptable. This is what i feel. But you can ask them friendly making sure they are not hurted in anyways!
1 person likes this
@QeeGood (1213)
• Sweden
31 Jul 11
I think it is important to know about your partner or your spouse past relationships or marriage. Do they have children it comes natural to know of their ex men/women. You can learn from you past relationships or marriage.
1 person likes this
@catof1 (683)
• United States
31 Jul 11
I think that it is your right to know if you are in a serious relationship with the person. Especialy if you are having relations with that person. You need to know how many people they hung around and the type then how many boyfriend/girlfriends they had and how many of them they um well you know. Were they one night stands or more meaningfull. Was there protection involved. Then once you got all of THOSE questions you are going to want to know if they are good in a relationship by how their others went. Perhaps they will have learned perhaps not. I my self did not have to ask; they just told me and I told them
1 person likes this
@chiyosan (30184)
• Philippines
15 Jan 13
i have never tried to ask the details myself and they have told me about them. perhaps i have thought that they did tell me somehow so they can boast about it as well and see if i can be jealous. hehe I sure hope everything is well with you. =) thanks for taking time to respond in the discussion, that is appreciated. Best Regards! See you Around! Happy mylotting.
31 Jul 11
I think there's nothing wrong to ask about ex's as long as it will not cause to ruin your relationships with that person.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
31 Jul 11
Its not really bad to talk about it as long as you don't fight about it. I have read an article on MSN about maintaining a healthy relationship and the rule of thumb is, don't talk or ask about an ex. For me that would actually depend on how you can take it in, I am sure that some feelings will be out in the open once you talk about an ex or ask about an ex. Its not a guarantee that you won't get hurt or feel that your partner still cares about his/her previous relationship but if you can take this all in as a couple, then ask away.
1 person likes this
@urbandekay (18278)
31 Jul 11
No, on no account ask this. Let the past be gone all the best urban
1 person likes this
@mods196621 (3652)
• Philippines
31 Jul 11
Yes it is alright and i think it will okay coz i did it always and he answer me good and clear. We will not sometimes get easy to ask this question to them but we never feel quite if we didnt ask this thing to them. We feel that there is something lack in our relationship if we didnt know their past relationship. For me i always ask this thing to him. As long as he is in the mood to tell every thing to himself i continue asking him all the things i like to know. Because not at all time they will tell the truth about their past. Most of men are moody when it comes telling the truth about their past, they don;t want to remember those things that is past already. Especially with their girls. Its a lucky day for us if they tell the truth and this is the awaiting moments of us. Meaning grab the chance!
1 person likes this
• Philippines
31 Jul 11
Yes fro me it is very normal. i believe we have the right to know the prevoius relationship of our partners. But sometimes we have to limit the asking cause it may lead to argument.
1 person likes this
@APSC_girl (118)
• Philippines
31 Jul 11
It is just normal! I think everyone asks their partness about their previous relationships. There's nothing wrong about it. As long as you don't take it too seriously. We all get curious. Just ask him/her, but don't go too deep into the personal details. Just ask what's her/his name and how long they've dated but I think it's weird if you'll ask how was it like to date him/her blah blah. Just make it casual.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
31 Jul 11
I think it depends on both of you. But personally, it is okay for me. It will be a sort of guide as to why the past relationship didn't work out. It may help you both adjust to that mistake once committed.
1 person likes this
31 Jul 11
I don't care about such stuff but why it shouldn't be normal i mean you have the right to know how have they lived and i am sure they will like to tell you so if you want ask them it's not a problem it's normal so ... you decide
1 person likes this