when you just can't..
@chicksdigscars (5483)
August 9, 2011 6:18am CST
be bothered.. don't get me wrong, i understand that i am not alone, and no one likes working, but most people can tolerate their job just fine. and so can i! in actual fact i quite like it most of the time, and as you can see i'm pretty much allowed to do my own thing, considering i'm sitting here typing away on mylot.
but somedays, i can't be bothered. i don't know if its that i can't be bothered with work.. or with the day in general. i don't really have an option to work out which one it is because i HAVE to be in work.. so i don't have a chance to get out and see if i'm bothered doing other things or not.
to be honest i probably wouldn't be.. i feel really down today, and just can't be bothered with anything. i don't have the desire to do any work. and even typing this on mylot seems like such a struggle. i can feel tears pressing behind my eyes like i'm just about to burst into tears.. i know i'm in a fight with my partner at the minute, but that, surprisingly, doesnt ave anything to do with it. i'm not even thinking about the fight..
i'm worrying about money, and bills, and stuff like that. my head actually hurts. i feel like i'm constantly on edge all the time, and always looking over my shoulder or watching my back. i can't seem to settle.
i trust and love my partner, friends and family.. and i know none of them would ever do anything to hurt me, well nothing deliberate.. and nothing they know for sure would hurt me. i know people slip up, accidents happen, and people can hurt you without realising, or doing or saying something they didnt think would hurt you but it does etc.. but i know they would never do anything deliberatly on me or anything, but i just have this really overwhelming feeling of dread. like a real paranoia.
i suffer from bi-polar disorder and i know fine rightly in my head and my heart that this is just merely one of my "mood-swings" or my "downs" and that in a day or two i'll snap out of it, but it doesn't make it any less easier now at the time.
does anyone ever feel like they just cannot be bothered?
2 responses
@verolop29 (1096)
• United States
10 Aug 11
I do get that way sometimes! actually i get that way 75% of the time. But i give it all my problems to GOD. except i worry does my husband still love me.is my dad still alive? How much longer can i deal with my older husband. and y this and that. My kids...they are the reason i live. My life evolves around them. When i start to feel myself go down that road i think of them. I have my own ways of dealing with everyday things..from the cleaning to raising our girls, I have my ways to dealing with stress and lifes' curveballs! I always ALWAYS count my blessing and i say to myself it could be a lot worse. my daughter...could have cancer....GOD FORBOD...I could have cancer....but its not like that. Im just saying it could be soo much worse. I mean this with the most repect i have for u!
I understand that everyone has their ways of dealing with everyday things and its ok! Life goes on! It'll be ok babygirl! Did u know that someone...somwhere....is feeling/thinking just the way u are right now?! Amazing, isn't it?!
@chicksdigscars (5483)
•
11 Aug 11
i guess you're right.. i guess no matter what happens to me, or whether the weight of the world is pressing down on my shoulders, it could always be worse, and someone else always feels the same as i do.. or has it worse. i should try to be more positive :)
@Flash2 (347)
• United States
12 Aug 11
When you are having a bout of depression or paranoia, it's hard to shake some times. I have days like this all the time. Even before my burns I think I was pobably depressed.
We just have to be stronger that our disorder...I know that sounds tough, but when I start feeling cr@ppy, I just tell myself that I'm tougher than some mental cr@p and fight through it. It gives me something to focus on instead of those sh!tty feelings.
Hope you feel better today.
@chicksdigscars (5483)
•
12 Aug 11
i do feel better.. after that day i went home and had a full on tantrum, kicking, screaming, cursing, sobbing, crying. i nearly made myself physically sick. not by choice, i mean my mood took over me, and i wasn't .. me? anymore.. and all that happened, then i exhausted myself and fell asleep, then i was off work on wednesday and mainly slept.. and now i'm ok. i'm still not fine, but i'm ok. and danielle was great. she left me alone to cry and let me call her names, and she fought back a bit to let me get more het up etc and get it all out.. so yeah.. i'm ok now. i don't mind my downs.. they usually only last 2 days or so.. they are starting to work on me from about a week before and i get worse and worse, but when it hits, its only about 2 days or so.. although every month or two since i was 13.. it's a long time to have this "thing" haha! .. i hope you are good too!! you should never be depressedm especially about your scars.. chicks dig them remember :)
