Ugh, so a little depressed by what my boyfriend just told me
By courtknee525
@courtknee525 (3742)
United States
August 13, 2011 3:11pm CST
Right now my boyfriend's parents are in the process of separating. His mom, sister, and him would all live together in a house that they own but are currently renting out. But, today my boyfriend told me that his grandparents said he could go out there and stay for 6 months or even just live there in Utah.
I would be absolutely devastated if this happened. We wouldn't be breaking up but just knowing my boyfriend is on the other side of the country would just tear me apart. I was somewhat relieved when I found out they were separating, just because his dad is beyond awful. I feel bad for his mom and I'm sad to see her go through this and in so much pain. But now, with my boyfriend telling me about Utah, I got brought back down to sadness again. Hopefully, he'll stay here and decide not to leave, I would be heartbroken without him.
What would you do if the one you loved moved to a different state, across the country, or even to another country?
13 responses
@purplealabaster (22094)
• United States
13 Aug 11
That is a really tough situation. I would hope that I would want what was best for him, but I also understand that a long distance relationship is very tough, especially if you can't see one another on a regular basis. I have been in a relationship where I was separated from him for several months, and it was difficult. We were fine at first, but after a while we began to fight ... probably due to the fact that we missed each other and could not do anything about our situation.
I know that some long distance relationships work out, especially if the separation is for a specific amount of time, and I hope that if it comes to your boyfriend moving to Utah you would be in this category. If you permanently live in a different state or different country, on the other hand, I am not sure how well that would work out no matter how much you might care for each other.
@courtknee525 (3742)
• United States
14 Aug 11
It may or may not be permanent. His grandparents offered 6 months but they also said he could live there. Right now, this is just one of many options, although it's my least favorite. I think we would both survive a long distance relationship but it would definitely be very hard. I want him to be in the best situation possible for him and if he would be best in Utah, we'd find a way to work out. He even told me he would bring me, but I still have school and I'm not sure how my parents would feel about me going to live in Utah with my boyfriend at age 19
1 person likes this
@purplealabaster (22094)
• United States
14 Aug 11
For some reason I thought that you were younger than 19. How old is your boyfriend? If you are both over eighteen years old, then it might work out better, because you are able to choose for yourselves what you want to do and do not necessarily have to go with whatever your parents want you to do, although staying in school is definitely a major priority.
If he does have to go to Utah to live with his grandparents for six months, then it will be difficult on both of you, but it might turn out better in the end. He could get a job and save up money, so when he moves back to wherever you are living he could get a place of his own and another job. Does he also go to college?
@courtknee525 (3742)
• United States
14 Aug 11
My boyfriend is almost 19 too and he also goes to a school nearby. I think if he left he would just work and then I guess come back here and go to school again. I'm not entirely sure why he needs to go out there and what exactly he would be doing. Utah was just one of a few options so hopefully we'll be able to work something out so he can stay here. Not only do I need him, but I think his mom is also going to need him especially after separating from the dad. So right now I just take it one step at a time and hope that my boyfriend doesn't have to go anywhere.
1 person likes this
@hardworkinggurl (37063)
• United States
13 Aug 11
I am sorry to hear that you are experiencing this. Love if strong will find it's way to one another. There are many ways to communicate and I won't say it is easy as I too would find it way too tough for me.
Discuss with him the several ways you and he can communicate prior to his leaving so that this way you have something to look forward to.
If it was to happen to me, which almost did I would be equally as devastated as you as I would feel left. But because of the strong love I would try all means to keep the communication going.
@hardworkinggurl (37063)
• United States
14 Aug 11
Oh yes sounds though and I do know how you feel as I would have felt the same. See recently due to some offline issues I was the one moving to Arkansas and not my boyfriend so I was anticipating the separation deal between us. So I will hope he does no leave you and things work out for the best. I know you need him near, as it would be the same feeling for me. 
@courtknee525 (3742)
• United States
14 Aug 11
We would definitely be able to talk all the time and probably video chat or something. It's just the fact that he would be so far away. We're not even totally sure that he'll even go, he just told me that it was an option and his grandparents offered. He also told me to come with him so we could be together. The only this is that I'm only 19 and still have school and I'm not sure how my parents would feel about me just up and moving to Utah.
@courtknee525 (3742)
• United States
14 Aug 11
It's way too hard to be away from him, he's such an important person in my life. I've already been far away from him once when I went away to college and I hated it so much that I came back to go to school close to home so I could be near him. Now we have a deal that if we move, it's together. We both know we're going to get married to each other one day so it's not like we don't have a serious relationship that's not going anywhere. I think that no matter the distance, we'll still stay together, it'll just be a lot harder if it's long distance. I never realized how important one guy could be until I met him. He's absolutely amazing and I couldn't live without him. The Utah thing is one of many options right now. Hopefully we'll talk it over and we'll find a situation where we can both be in the same place
@flpoolbum (2978)
• United States
14 Aug 11
When I read your discussion, I immediately that of that song recorder by Gladys Knight and the Pips. The lyrics that I thought from this one song are, "I'd rather live with him in his world, then live without him in mine". (Midnight Train to Georgia)
If your vocation is one where you could find work in Utah and there is nothing else to make you stay where you are and you really want to be together, then go. There are things that can effect your decision either way. Try getting a piece of paper, put a line down the middle and make two columns, "Pros" and "Cons". This doesn't work all of the time, but sometimes it can be helpful. Most people say, trust your gut!
I hope this helps.
@courtknee525 (3742)
• United States
14 Aug 11
Yeah, I always tell my boyfriend to think of the pros and cons and I do the same. My major is psychology but I wanted to get my masters in speech pathology because that's what kind of job I want. I don't think I can really do much with just a bachelor's in psych.
Him moving is just an option right now, I don't think it's something he's definitely going to go through with. He really doesn't want to leave but he's not sure what he's going to do now that his parents are splitting up. I think we'll be able to work out a way somehow for him to stay here though
@Shar19 (8231)
• United States
14 Aug 11
That is a tough thing to go through. Right now you have to think about what is best for your boyfriend and his family. If your relationship is meant to be then it will all work out. If not then your life has better plans for you. If I were in your shoes and had a boyfriend that was moving very far away I would probably have to end the relationship since I know most long distance relationships do not work out. Sure it would be hard at first to move on with life and I would be sad but eventually someone else would come along and I'd be happy again. So stay strong, things will work out the way they're supposed to. You'll be just fine.
@courtknee525 (3742)
• United States
14 Aug 11
Thank you, I think things will work out for us to stay together. I don't think my boyfriend really wants to leave. He said if he went, he would take me with him. I just hope there's a way for him to stay here so we don't have to go anywhere for right now.
@Fragab (128)
• Philippines
14 Aug 11
I feel your pain and I am sorry that you have to go through that. However, things happens the way they did and crying over it may ease the pain but not at all take it away. The only thing you can do is to accept it and pray that things go well with your boyfriend and his family. The truth is, this is more about them rather than you. However, that does not discount the fact that you are hurting, too. I hope that your love, both you and your bf, is strong enough to get you through this. Otherwise, it is always true that if it is not meant to be, it will never be. Be ready for the things that might happen and pray hard. I hope you get through this well.
@courtknee525 (3742)
• United States
15 Aug 11
Thank you so much. Now it turns out the dad probably isn't moving out which sucks for all of us. It may sound horrible, but trust me, if you knew this man and how completely awful he is, you'd be disappointed too that he wasn't leaving. My boyfriend doesn't even want to live at that house if his dad is there so I think he's going to end up going in the military. I'll go with him if he gets stationed in another state. I honestly don't mind leaving home anymore just because my parents are so unsupportive. My mom basically tells me I"m miserable and that these are the best years of my life and this is not the way to spend them. Well, it's not her life and I love this boy more than anything in the world and I'm willing to put up with his terrible dad if it means that eventually my boyfriend and I will be able to live together and finally be happy. So right now I'm taking it day by day and trying to find as much happiness as I can from the time I spend with my boyfriend. I just want this all to be over with because his dad is absolutely unbearable.
@jessica3290 (5)
• Canada
14 Aug 11
Aw that's not a good situation at all. I'd like to say a long distance relationship is a good option, but personal experience was that it's just way too hard. There's trust issues, you're always wondering, waiting to hear from them, and then sometimes you end up just growing apart. Sorry to be negative it's just what happened to me. But if you say you guys are serious & have talked about marriage, then is it not an option for him to just move out on his own? Or the two of you together? I don't see how his only option would be to move across the country. There must be something else.
@courtknee525 (3742)
• United States
14 Aug 11
This isn't his only option, it's just one of the few he has right now. He doesn't want to move and he said that if he did, he would take me with him. I think we'll be able to find a solution where he can stay here and not have to leave at all.
@jessica3290 (5)
• Canada
14 Aug 11
Well best of luck I really hope it all works out for you two. Love is always worth it!
@kingparker (9673)
• United States
14 Aug 11
Sorry to hear that your boyfriend have told you he is leaving. Well, why not ask your boyfriend not to leave, and stay for you? Would he do it? Or giving him a couple of months of time, and let him settle with his family, then let him decide whether or not he should come back for you. Or you both move in together would be a better solution for it. You hate to separate from him right?
@courtknee525 (3742)
• United States
14 Aug 11
Yeah he doesn't really want to leave. Moving is just one of the few options he has right now. I don't think he'll actually leave and if he did he would take me with him. I have to talk to him more about to find out what he plans on doing.
@besthope44 (12123)
• India
14 Aug 11
Its really painful when we have our loved ones travelling far of distance and we need to stay without them together. I feel this when my hubby goes on business travel, but we still stay in touch through video chat for more hours that give me a feel of closeness.
@courtknee525 (3742)
• United States
14 Aug 11
I'm definitely sure that he loves me to. I'm hoping that there will be a way for him to stay here and not leave. Things will work out somehow, but no matter what we'll still have our relationship.
@henkiprananda (2729)
• Indonesia
13 Aug 11
hey, don't worry. 2011. you can use technology just too meet your boyfriend. if he really love you, then your relationship is fine, just about time.
@stary1 (6612)
• United States
13 Aug 11
Depends what is best for him. I understand your feelings, but in the long run you will want what is best for him. You have the internet. Not like the ‘old days’ of racking up hundreds on dollars in phone bills calling loved ones cross country.
You can visit each other. Of course I know that is no where near the same. How long have you been seeing him? It is serious? Is marriage in the future? I know this is cliché, but if it's meant to be, you'll be together if not now, eventually.
In the mean time I'll hope it's in his best interest not to move away from you.
@courtknee525 (3742)
• United States
14 Aug 11
We've been together almost a year and a half and we're very serious about having a future together and we've already talked about getting married down the road. I've already been away from him once, and that was when I went away to college last year. I hated it so much that I chose a school near my house so I'd be near him. I want what is best for him and I'm not sure why he would even go out to Utah..unless it's just so his mom will have to worry about one less person to take care of. If that's the case then maybe I'd be able to work something out so he can stay here. I'm just hoping he doesn't have to leave, even though he told me to go with him because we only want to move if it's the both of us together.
@myjoon (25)
• China
14 Aug 11
You say you are only 19 and still in college. And form what you say I know you love him so much, it's really a tough situation. But in one's life there are too many things to consider. When your parents are getting older and they really need you but you are in a distance state, what will you do. I mean you have parents friends and things you valued not just your boyfiend. You need to think twice.
@bluegemini10 (327)
• United States
13 Aug 11
Dont' worry, If he really wants to be with you he'll stay, if he does go how long is utah from where you live. Maybe you could drive there a couple times a week, if its in distance, or if your open to it, maybe you could move down there to. I hope he chooses wisely.
@courtknee525 (3742)
• United States
14 Aug 11
We live in South Florida now so Utah would be way too far to drive. He told me he would want me to go with him if he did have to leave. I just still have school and I don't really think my parents would like me leaving with my boyfriend since I'm only 19
