Rant About My Dad
By Janey1966
@Janey1966 (24170)
Carlisle, England
August 30, 2011 6:31pm CST
Now, everyone knows I get on famously with my Mum and (most of the time) I get on famously with Dad too.
However, just lately he is being a real pain and I'm actually glad I'm away from him at the moment.
You see, the trouble is, he's 74 and Mum is 65. The age gap never bothered Mum until recently as Dad is SO STUBBORN as regards ANYTHING connected with his health. The older he gets the more stubborn he is becoming.
I know many of you will say, "Give him a break" but he does make my Mum's life a misery at times due to his pig-headedness.
The main gripe I have is regarding his hearing. It is a fact his hearing is deteriorating and has been for some time. Obviously, he blames his new telly for this, it's NEVER his fault he can't hear properly. In fact, he's even admitted to me that he can't hear a person speak to him unless they are directly in front of him, facing him and even then he "sometimes lip reads." He even reckoned Bill Nighy mumbled in that drama on telly the other night, which is something that is NOT true. I know because I watched it myself on a far older telly than Dad's.
He eats like a bird as well. Time and again Mum will make him something nice to eat, only for him to say, "I'm not eating THAT!" although he will come into the kitchen later and make himself something..this could be at 9pm, he doesn't care.
If he DIDN'T drink like a fish every day, or SMOKE like a chimney or ATE properly we might get somewhere with him.
Mum's glad she has her job back because she told me she can't stand being anywhere near him as he's so aggressive. What a waste of money buying the telephone that's next to him in the hallway. He can't hear THAT either, the silly old fool.
I could go on and on about him. I would love to know if there are other people out there who have similar problems with loved ones who are in denial about certain health issues. How do you cope?
If Mum wasn't in another room every night watching her telly out of the way of my Dad, she'd be "stabbing him" by now!
He eats like a bird as well. Time and again Mum will make him something nice to eat, only for him to say, "I'm not eating THAT!" although he will come into the kitchen later and make himself something..this could be at 9pm, he doesn't care.
If he DIDN'T drink like a fish every day, or SMOKE like a chimney or ATE properly we might get somewhere with him.
Mum's glad she has her job back because she told me she can't stand being anywhere near him as he's so aggressive. What a waste of money buying the telephone that's next to him in the hallway. He can't hear THAT either, the silly old fool.
I could go on and on about him. I would love to know if there are other people out there who have similar problems with loved ones who are in denial about certain health issues. How do you cope?
If Mum wasn't in another room every night watching her telly out of the way of my Dad, she'd be "stabbing him" by now!8 responses
@Janey1966 (24170)
• Carlisle, England
31 Aug 11
The older they get the more stubborn they become.
2 people like this
@scarlet_woman (23465)
• United States
10 Sep 11
i cope as best i can.it's frustrating as hell.
a lot of things like going to the ER when necessary with mom is a battle(she doesn't want to go cause she can't smoke),as well as hygene among other things.now she has a doesn't want to eat thing going on after she had her recent surgery,which i can understand,but makes planning any kind of menu hell.
@scarlet_woman (23465)
• United States
10 Sep 11
i usually ask them to give her a patch if she's admitted,but she misses more the figitting,i think.not quite the same.
@Janey1966 (24170)
• Carlisle, England
10 Sep 11
I can imagine my Mum being like that about the smoking. It must be murder being in hospital for any length of time if you're a smoker. It was bad enough visiting someone as she was always clock-watching, thinking to herself.."Mmm, not long now until I can light up!"
1 person likes this
@sudiptacallingu (10879)
• India
31 Aug 11
I could go on and on about both my parents! My 12 year son stays with them after school in the afternoon, till I fetch him in the evening. Now, mom has serious dementia so you can understand the situation at home. Problem is that she is in perpetual denial mode that anything ever has been told to her and she’s forgotten it RATHER she accuses that nobody ever tells her anything. She picks on my son everytime she misplaces anything (and that’s about 10 times in a day) and generally makes life miserable for him just coz he can’t answer back. Just the other day, she sat on her spectacles and broke them (she forgot completely where she’d kept them or to check the bed before just flopping) and then when daddy was shouting about the expenses, she conveniently put the blame on my son saying that it was him who put it on the bed and that as an adult, she knows very well that spectacles are not to be kept on the bed!!!
And daddy!!!!! Hiring a full time help for mom is beyond our capacity and daddy wont give up working as he doesn’t want to stay with mom all the time (that’s what I feel)…so very conveniently, he is gradually passing over responsibilities to my son. He expects my son to give medicines to my mom at specified times, to keep track of her things and even to remind her again and again to eat…in all this melee, my son is suffering mentally yet I really don’t know how to broach this subject with them without sounding like the selfish ungrateful daughter.
@sudiptacallingu (10879)
• India
1 Sep 11
No, we don’t have any system of free home help here. That is the main problem… mom has always been a bit selfish in the way that she would always think of her own things and money and insist I tow her line all the time. Dad was indifferent towards me all throughout… now, he’s gradually looking towards my son as a pillar in old age. Love is definitely there but … I really don’t know how to take this up. My son has the habit of afternoon siesta…just the other day, the water purifier guy came around 3pm and my son had to supervise the work, which he didn’t like. Daddy definitely knew the guy was expected but instead of staying back himself, he asked my son to supervise…problematic area
@Janey1966 (24170)
• Carlisle, England
31 Aug 11
I don't mean to sound rude but it sounds like your Dad is the selfish one in this situation. Awkward, isn't it? Your 12 year old son is taking the role of an adult carer here, rather than your Dad and I can't help feeling sorry for your boy. I don't suppose you could try for a free home help via benefits..is that possible?
@tamarafireheart (15384)
•
31 Aug 11
Hi Janey,
I used to be like that, as I used to think people just mumble especially my sister, I have the telly loud as well but that was few years ago, now I have hearing aids in both ears and I am so happy I can hear clearly, but my hubs is the one now with the tv loud and I h ave tol him to go and see to it but he thinks his hearing is perfect, then I have my BIL who is so deaf and has the aids but won't use it and my sister keeps shouting at him, he says she is nagging, well maybe he just don't wear it because he of my Sister nagging him, lol! I do understand what your Mum is going through.
Tamara
@Janey1966 (24170)
• Carlisle, England
1 Sep 11
Hi Tamara,
You see, a prime example of what I'm on about. You're a female with hearing problems..what did you do? Got it sorted. Your hubby looks like he has hearing problems..what does HE do?
Nowt!
I rest my case.
@inertia4 (27961)
• United States
31 Aug 11
Well from what you're swing it seems to be an age thing. I think all men get this way when they get older. I know because my father is 80 and he drives my mother crazy and visa versa. They become impossible. With my father, it's more about not being able to do the things he once did, and work is one of them. He always worked. When he retired, thats win things started getting worse with him. He needs something to complain about. He piles up the old news papers for recoiling as well as all the soda cans. He needs something to keep him busy. In return, he drives my mother crazy. So, it is an age thing. I guess I have to look forward to becoming like that. I guess thats life.
@Janey1966 (24170)
• Carlisle, England
1 Sep 11
Dad's been grumpy for years though and "set in his ways." Granted, he had to retire early due to back problems, etc but he ended up paying for the house with his retirement money..so it's not as though he's skint or anything. However, Mum has bought every appliance in that house. If it were down to Dad there would be nothing. I dread to think what the decor would be like.
Mum doesn't really like order whereas my Dad is the opposite. He does the same things every day and it drives Mum nuts. This is the main reason why work is so important to her. Spending time in the house for more hours than she would like..well, she doesn't like it. To be honest, it wouldn't matter if my Dad was there or not, Mum would still want to work for as long as possible.
I don't suppose the age gap helps either..9 years. It wasn't so much of a problem - say, 20 years ago but now Mum comes across as a nag as it takes her many one-way conversations to get through to my Dad.
I blame the booze..killing off too many brain cells over the years!
@inertia4 (27961)
• United States
1 Sep 11
Well, my father is pretty much the same way. If it was up to him there would be nothing in the house as well. Not even lights. He doesn't drink, but he also has to have everything in an organized fashion. My girls father is the same way. Like I said, I think age brings that to the point of no return.
@cattychristina (57)
• China
31 Aug 11
My grandfather is 80 years old this year and the problem of him just like your father. He has trouble in his hearing, so we need to speak loudly with him. he can hardly remember things, even the thing just happened a few hours ago.So we must tell him again and again. Sometimes I became impatient and spoke to my grandfather in bad manners. When my father saw the way I treated my grandfather, he told me when I was a kid,my grandfather always told me the same thing again and again, never getting impatient. Now, my grandfather become old, his behavior will more like kids, so we should take care of him, just like he treated us before.
dear Janey, that is my story, I hope you can understand your fahter. Both of us do love our family.
by the way, your father as a old man, I hope him can stop drinking and smoking.
@BarBaraPrz (45800)
• St. Catharines, Ontario
31 Aug 11
Sounds like the husband of a friend's mother... He took two of the knobs off the stove this summer so she wouldn't heat up the house...
@hardworkinggurl (37063)
• United States
31 Aug 11
A lot of men are this way that I know personally. I don't know what it is but when it comes to their health and or are in pain, they usually do not seek for help and are stubborn to be told to do so.
I am sure there are some women also this way, but just speaking from my own experiences I have often seen it more with men. Forget about telling them to stop and or change their ways, it usually does not happen unless they see for themselves why and hopefully not because they get terribly ill.
@Janey1966 (24170)
• Carlisle, England
31 Aug 11
In a way I'm glad my Dad doesn't wallow in self-pity BUT he takes it out on Mum if he's in pain, whether it's in his legs, feet (he's only just got those sorted out after many years of suffering), or back. His hearing loss is the icing on the cake as far as Mum is concerned.
I guess it's a good thing they're not in each other's way all the time!
