Breakup Blues
By Angel3yes
@Angel3yes (455)
United States
September 26, 2011 12:52am CST
My high school sweetheart and I got back together about six months ago after being apart for about eight years. He was my first love and I really thought there was a possibility that he would be my last love. I went into the relationship knowing he had a little girl, she was only about five months old. As time went on, he got a job and I was still on unemployment so I took care of his little girl while he was at work every day and put her to bed almost every night, even if he was home. That was one of my favorite parts of the day. Well, we had been argueing and things didn't go the way that I had hoped and he broke up with me, it was a really bad few days with him saying a lot of hurtful things to me and me trying to restrain my temper and not say the same sort of things in the heat of the moment. We finally sat down and talked last night and he made it clear he doesn't want to be with me. I'm crushed for more reasons than one. He wants to continue being friends but thats hard to think of right now. He said I could continue to see his daughter who is a year old and loves me now. But I don't know.. actually, I do know how I will feel if I see him or that little girl with a new girlfriend. I also know if I leave her life now, she won't remember me in the future and it will just be painful to me. Suggestions? Should I say goodbye or cut off all contact? Or should I try to stay in her life? I'm so torn.
1 person likes this
8 responses
@Dominique25 (9464)
• United States
26 Sep 11
That would be a very hard decision to make. I guess if I were in your situation I wouldn't cut off all ties with his daughter. But that's me. I personally would feel that I've developed a relationship with her and that I would still feel it's important to have a good relationship with her if he's willing. It would be hard though to see and spend time with her knowing how things now are. And I would have to realize that there more than likely will come the time when someone else is in there life, and hopefully the new person wouldn't have a problem. Then if that person had problems I'm sure I would have to limit my association as not to cause any problems.
@Angel3yes (455)
• United States
27 Sep 11
I was really surprised by your response, especially since everyone else immediately said it would be best if I cut off ties. My biggest problem is the eventual introduction of someone else into her life. I would love to continue seeing her but I feel as if it's really going to be more for me than her and that I'm going to be hurt in the long run.
1 person likes this
@Dominique25 (9464)
• United States
21 Nov 11
I think though even if there is someone else who is introduced in her life, she will still care about you if you stay apart of her life. She will always view you as a good friend if you keep in contact with her and do things with her. Have you kept in contact with her?
1 person likes this
@Angel3yes (455)
• United States
6 Jan 12
I didn't update what happened but I went and saw her a few more times and then her father and I ended up getting back together. Well, we just broke up again about twelve hours ago and this time I think I'm cutting of the relationship I have with her for both of our goods. I mean, I looked at this little girl's Christmas pictures and sobbed my eyes out because I'll miss her so much but at the same time, its going to rip my heart out to see her once in a while. She's been calling me mom for the past three months and I also don't want to confuse her. I didn't encourage the name, telling her my name was Casey but she'd wake up in the morning and I was mom all over again. I am even more crushed than I thought was possible but I think in the end, it will be better for her without the confusion and better for me without the heartbreak.
@Maychii (21)
• Philippines
29 Sep 11
I suggest you to cut off all your communication with that guy and his child.. It might be hard for you but you must.. Life is unfair after all.. Move on.. Time can heal all wounds anyway.. He isn't worthy of your love and attention..
It will come to you then that you can see the brighter things along the way and somehow you can live life to the fullest..
2 people like this
@tiina05 (2317)
• Philippines
26 Sep 11
hello,
This situation is natural to many people we experience break up because relationship dont work out. But for you to recover or move on to your past love you must accept to your heart that he/she is not really meant for you even how hard you done for him/her. In the end he/she never realize all your sacrifice for him/her. right? If I were you I will just cut off all our contact for us not to remember anymore each other since you tell that sooner or later his daughter will forget you also as she grow. right?this is a way that your letting the feelings heal for a moment, the pain and all the hard work you made but dont work out. right? good luck! 
2 people like this
@rollylolly (2843)
• India
26 Sep 11
I may sound harsh but it will be good for both you and the baby to not see each other anymore . Let her adjust with the new situation and she won't remember this phase . You start afresh as it is a lost game . I empathize with you . Hope your future be more exciting . Don't let your present and future be spoiled by past distraction . All the best ! God bless you !
2 people like this
@shanemae (1025)
• Philippines
26 Sep 11
for me, i would go with the other responders.
if i were in your place i would cut off all the connections for me to stop hurting inside.
i know this is hard.
i know how you feel cause i have been through this also.
and i see that it is better to just end it. at first it would be hard but you'll get through this anyway these things are just temporary. just be strong and don't let your life be affected by it. i mean with regards to your relationship with others.
just pray that God would make you strong and that He would help you through it all.
2 people like this
@mariahhh (1328)
• United Arab Emirates
26 Sep 11
It is a really hard decision to make. But in my opinion, you will only get hurt if you continue having a connection with them. Are you going to be alright if you saw that guy with a new girlfriend? I don't think so. After eight years of not seeing each other, you still thought of being with him till the end. So I think you will be deeply hurt if this go on.
What will happen if there is a new girlfriend? What do you think will her reaction be if she knew that an ex girlfriend of his guy is very close to his daughter. Even if you stay your connection with the daughter, you will be the one to get hurt in the end.
It is your decision. Do want to be with the daughter even though you know the consequences? Even though you know that you will get hurt.
2 people like this
@danishcanadian (28953)
• Canada
29 Sep 11
My husband was in a similar situation, but it was a little inside out.
He had a friend in Russia who had a cute little granddaughter. He saw her as just a friend, but she wanted something more. He and the granddaughter totally bonded, but when it happened that he and the lady were not going to be anything more than friends, she severed ties with him. He misses the little girl terribly, but it would have been worse if they'd still been involved as friends. OK the distance is a little great now that he's living in Canada, but there is still a child involved.
Don't do something hurtful to you for the sake of the child. That the child will "outgrow you" in time will actually be a good thing, because life for the child will be painless. You are the one who is going to need to GET OVER IT, and move on. If you stay in her life, and she gets to love you long enough to remember you, and then something really bad happens, it'll only be hard on her. GET OUT NOW before she's old enough to remember how much she'll miss you when you're gone.
The little granddaughter of my husband's friend was five years old, and that was painful.
1 person likes this
@julilene (21)
•
25 Nov 11
wow thats a very difficult question to answer,well i guess if i were in your shoes, since his child is still young,you can just cut contact because as you said when she grows up not seeing you around,she wil probably forget about you.and i know you love the guy alot but are you willing to live with him when all there is, is misunderstanding and arguments? you deserve someone better.get out there,find a job,let the world see the beautiful you and im sure youll land in the relationship that is meant to work for you.keep your chin up girl coz you deserve better.
1 person likes this
