Dear ? Mama? Hon? Which One?

Philippines
September 30, 2011 2:17am CST
This may sound absurd, silly and so shallow but I really am resenting this. I myself doesn't know exactly why but I just couldn't take it. He used to call me 'Dear' when we were friends. I was Ok with it. When we got into a deeper relationship ,he started calling me 'Honey', still, I did not mind (even sweetheart or darling would do.) Then, lately, he started calling me 'Mama'... What the hell?! Ok, at first I believe he was doing it for the sake of the children, but everytime I heard him calling me that, it is giving me goosebumps. I'm not sure why but eversince I was still single I vowed to myself that I'll never tolerate anyone other than my children to call me 'Mama'. I just don't like the sound of it.I don't even like it more when it is coming from him, it sounds and feels like I am her sugar mama. I'd rather be called by him by my first name than keep on hearing him calling me Mama, it makes me puke! This is silly and shallow, might sound stupid that's why I don't have the face to tell him about it.
2 people like this
14 responses
@jennyze (7029)
• Indonesia
30 Sep 11
No, I don't think you are shallow. It is like your radar starting to pick up weird signal... I would not want to be called 'mama' by my partner. Like you I would prefer he calls me by my name. And use endearment only when no one is around...
• Philippines
30 Sep 11
Oh, I'm so glad to hear that I am not alone feeling the weirdness of being called Mama by a partner, Jen. I am beginning to think that I am no longer normal. But, hey, I still don't mind calling him in public 'hon' but sometimes i'd rather call him by his first name especially when i'm not in the good mood or I'd say no name at all. But, for the sake of our children I don't give it a fuss when he calls me 'mama'. But, sigh... it feels awkward.
• Philippines
4 Oct 11
@LiliLoretta I do not complain , at least I am trying not to, when kids are around.They are very smart and they can easy pick up if there is something wrong. Well, I have not discussed this matter to him yet. But, soon enough if he is not too busy to think of a lot of things. Telling to him about this right away will only fall upon deaf ears. I can still wait. But, sure thing, he has to know. For my sanity.
@jennyze (7029)
• Indonesia
3 Oct 11
I think when a husband starting to call his wife 'mama' somehow it reduces his passion of his wife, slowly it will turn into a relationship with less passion and he may start to look for passion outside the family...
@dpk262006 (58673)
• Delhi, India
30 Sep 11
Hi! It could really be annoying and pesky when someone close to you calls you Mama, when you expect him to call you sweetheart. I support your views that you should either by called by your first name or the way you liked to be addressed. You could straight away tell him that you do not want him to call you Mama and if he continues, you might stop listening to him.
@dpk262006 (58673)
• Delhi, India
1 Oct 11
Hi dear! I feel that he could call you by your first name, instead of 'hon' or 'honey'. To my mind each one of us loves to be addressed by our first name (at least I love it). You need to muster some courage to tell him that what you would like be called or addressed. He is not going to kill you for it.
@dpk262006 (58673)
• Delhi, India
5 Oct 11
Yeah, I agree with you that if you happen to separate (though I know it will not happen), in that case calling you 'hon' will appear inappropriate. There is no need to wait for perfect time, there is no perfect time as such in my view, you could ask him what you would like to be addressed. Be sure, he is not going to strangulate you for your question, at the most, he may not react immediately or even if he react, you would have conveyed your point to him.
• Philippines
30 Sep 11
Hello, dear. My. you are so straight forward. :-) I have known other couples calling each other mama and papa even they have no children yet and they are ok with it. Seems they find it sweet especially for the young love birds, maybe, they are thinking or pretending that they are really married couples and has a family of their own. Well, that is good for them but not me. I do not expect him to call me 'hon' anymore especially after the things that happened to us. But, I guess, it is not an easy thing for him to call me by my first name because for almost seven years, he never call me by my first name. Even in his phonebook, the name that registers with my number on it is 'hon'. Honestly, i don't have the guts to tell him because i don't know exactly what I should tell him as a reason for such resentment. It is because I don't like it? I don't think he will take it seriously. Yup, there are times that I do not answer him whenever he addresses me that way.I just ignore him unless it is very important. And , here's another thing, I'm not also comfortable calling him 'pop' . When I am talking to my kids I always tell them 'your pop' instead of just 'Pop'. Say, 'go to your Pop' instead of 'got to Pop'...:-(
@sid556 (30960)
• United States
4 Oct 11
Hi Eurekafemme, I get it. I had the same problem with my ex. I already had kids when we started dating and he called me all sorts of endearing names such as hon, babe etc. Sometimes even my own name which was fine too. When he started calling me "Mom", well I had a problem with that.Between us, we had 6 kids from previous relationships. I heard "mom" a lot but I did not need to hear it from anyone whom I wasn't "mom" to. I was insulted because I felt that at some point he stopped looking at me as a woman and his lover and was just looking at me as the mother.I was the mother and I loved it. I don't know. I wwanted him to appreciate that I was a good mom as I appreciated him being a good step-dad. I got insulted too so you aren't alone.
@sid556 (30960)
• United States
4 Oct 11
You are a mom which is something to be proud of. Your kids look at you as "JUST" a mom and that is normal. You are so much more than that. You NEED your man to see you for more than that. He probably does but when he calls you mom, it feels like he is only looking at you in that role and not as a lover, best friend which is what he is to you. You are NOT being shallow at all.
@sid556 (30960)
• United States
4 Oct 11
I agree with you. I think you should talk to him about this. It would bother me too.
• Philippines
4 Oct 11
You have touch the crux of the matter, Sid. YOu could be right. Maybe I am resenting him because subconsciously I am interpreting such gesture as him looking at me just like a mother to his children and no longer as his partner, wife, lover or even friend. I am just a mother. But, if he is seeing me that way, he should call me by my first name and not under this pretentious name. It doesn't feel right.
@ybong007 (6643)
• Philippines
1 Oct 11
Men nowadays are used to calling their wives mama. I slip sometimes and call my wife Mama but I always call her on her first name. I have nothing against those who call their other halfs with words of endearments but I'm not really comfortable with it. I always thought that words of endearment are for those who speak english since it fits their language perfectly or for the rich and famous but for mere mortals who can hardly make ends meet it sounds badoy to me .
@ybong007 (6643)
• Philippines
1 Oct 11
I'm OK with Mama, Papa, Mommy or Daddy since those words are used for a reason other than endearments. What sounds badoy to me are couple calling each other, hon or honey but that's just me.
• Philippines
4 Oct 11
@Ybong Ops! Pardong me, honey, but you just hit me under the belt. But it is OK, I can forgive you. We have all different views, it just that yours is different from mine and from the others here ,too. I am a mushy, cheesy person and I love calling my friends I am comfortable with using terms of endearment. Isn't it obvious,my dear, that I am so comfortable with you I am calling you this and that. I hope you won't take it against me. And yes, it seems fitting for English speaking countries to address dear, honey, and what's not . But, we, Filipinos also have our own terms of endearment like pangga, mahal, inday, liyag, etc. Trust me, dear, I have heard these words from a lover's mouth and I didn't find any kabaduyan to it. But just like you said,it is you and you are entitled to your opinion and I do respect that.
• Philippines
4 Oct 11
@Binggaling I heard my Mum calling my Father 'Tatay' when I was younger but when they get older, they are now in first name basis. You can very well invent anything, call your lover anything you want as long as he/she is ok with it and that he/she knows why. I used to call my ex-bf (I was much younger then) 'kups'. we call each other 'kups'. None of his friends or anyone except the two of us knew what it stands for. But we were not uncomfortable calling each other that way even when there were people around. Mahal is sweet, pangit is quite derogatory unless you are confident of your look. I'd not call anyone pangit.
@allknowing (130113)
• India
1 Oct 11
[i]"What's in a name? That which we call a rose By any other name would smell as sweet."[/i] Shakespeare in Romeo and Juliet As long as you know there is love around you that is all that matters.
• Philippines
6 Oct 11
No!!!! still I won't take it.
• Philippines
4 Oct 11
That is a very good question, dear. I have been asking myself that question, too because truth be told I don't like the resentment I feel everytime he is calling me Mama. I am sorry that I can not find justification for my 'shallowness' for I myself do not know the reason why I hate it when I am being called 'mama'. You are vety poetic, dear. But you have a very good point here. What is in a name indeed when any name you are called is spoken out of love? I love that.
@allknowing (130113)
• India
4 Oct 11
So Mama it will be?
@saphrina (31552)
• South Africa
30 Sep 11
You better tell him sweetie. Make him understand you are not his mother. I mean really.
• Philippines
30 Sep 11
Sigh... Saphy... I know him like the back of my palm. He'd think that I am taking thing as a big deal when they are actually not really an issue. For him, he'd think I am over reacting and that I am very negative. Again.... I'm not sure if I'll have the chance to tell him about it since everything that I say seems silly for him. He's calling me, hon, when he is texting me though...
@saphrina (31552)
• South Africa
30 Sep 11
Sweetie, i am going to ask a very offensive question here. Don't answer if you don't want to, okay. Does that one has all his marbles upstairs? He sound a bit lost to me.
• Philippines
30 Sep 11
You are funny, dear.:-) I'm not sure, he seems like a normal person to me, speaks normally and do his job well. He is just wishy washy sometimes. This is perhaps the trait of a person with low EQ. I think I'll be the one who's going to lose a marble if he won't stop acting like this.
@neildc (17239)
• Lapu-Lapu City, Philippines
30 Sep 11
at first, she also used to call me "dear." and then followed by "honey" eventually. and when we were already living together with the three kids, we started calling "mama" and "daddy". that's exactly what we want it to be, for the sake of the children, so it will be put in their minds of calling us with respect, not impolitely with our first names only. sorry but i don't think there is wrong with that. though sometimes, when we are alone the two of us, we call each other "honey.
• Philippines
30 Sep 11
Hi, Neil. :-) We did not have problems teaching our kids calling us politely. They still call us 'mama' and 'pop' respectively even if we were not calling each other such names yet. As I have said, his intention could be similar to yours so I am trying to ignore it. But everytime I hear him calling me 'mama', I grimaced as if a metal has just been scraped. And mind you, even if we are alone and no kids around. The only time he is calling me hon is when he is texting.
@bounce58 (17387)
• Canada
7 Oct 11
I think dads do this for the children. It is not a sign of disrespect. It is to set an example for the children. On how to call their moms and dads. But I agree that when you're alone, he shouldn't be calling you that. That could be a term of endearment, but if you already mentioned that you don't like it, then he should stop.
@katie0 (5203)
• Japan
2 Oct 11
Don't say that about your problems, it bothers you so it's not silly! Of course you don't dear, no woman likes to be called mamma, I mean I'd like to be a kid's mom not him, the man of my dreams, my enchanted prince to be calling me one! hahaha Don't worry you are not silly. Think you will talk to him one day, if you get used to the idea one day you will talk about. Don't think anything that bothers you is silly.
• Philippines
4 Oct 11
Katie, yeah, that's right, I am not his Mom so he should not be calling me this. Besides, whatever his purpose of calling me that is no longer serving him such purpose. I'll be talking to him about this some day, one day. Thank you, dear. I should put importance to what I feel and do not disregard it. Me is important.
@EdnaReyes (2622)
• Philippines
30 Sep 11
It's good my husband calls me "darling" ever since and not Mama or Mom. I ,too hate to be called by that other than by my kids. But I called my husband "daddy which suits him becuse he's older than me of ten years!
• Philippines
4 Oct 11
Lily Scary it is if it is true. . This is just a childhood joke. Now, look who's being laugh at about it this time.
• Philippines
1 Oct 11
The simple solution to your problem is by telling your husband that you don't like being called Mama and state the reason why. You just have to do it in a nice way so that he won't get offended if he has his own reasons for doing that.
• Philippines
4 Oct 11
@Starrose I also realized that, dear. It is the only way to let him know about. There's just no other way. If I can not summoned the strength to tell him about it, I should keep my mouth shut and be let this issue rest, suffer in silence and bear it. It is not hidden that he has reasons why he is calling me that, I know it is for the kids, he is just teaching them that I should be addressed as Mama by them. But now that the kids are all aware of who I am and how to call me, he has no reason to continue calling me that still. @Lily I am not waiting for him to read my mind. He is not just not a mind reader but he is also a certified numb person.
@stary1 (6612)
• United States
6 Oct 11
LOL no it isn't shallow or silly because I FEEL THE SAME!!! My Dad would refer to my Mom that way and I always thought it was weird and vowed to never be called that when I am a Mom. I did forewarn my husband it was not aceptable..lol If he started it I would come up with something he didn't like until he stopped...
• Philippines
6 Oct 11
Hello, Stary. You made me laugh.:-). But, my awkwardness about being called by my husband 'mama' has nothing to do with my parents or what. But, like you I was wondering ,too, why my mother was calling my father 'tatay'. Then, I realized that it was her way of lovingly addressing him. Why, she only calls him that when she's sweet to him but when they have a fight, she won't call him anything except my father's complete name. You are lucky that you have forewarned your husband. Now, you don't have to go through all the trouble of hating the sound of it. Sigh... men! They are always thinking of their mothers and always looking for them in their wives id..:-(
• Philippines
6 Oct 11
Hello, Stary. You made me laugh. :-) But, my awkwardness about being called by my husband 'mama' has nothing to do with my parents or what. But, like you I was wondering ,too, why my mother was calling my father 'tatay'. Then, I realized that it was her way of lovingly addressing him. Why, she only calls him that when she's sweet to him but when they have a fight, she won't call him anything except my father's complete name. You are lucky that you have forewarned your husband. Now, you don't have to go through all the trouble of hating the sound of it. Sigh... men! They are always thinking of their mothers and always looking for them in their wives id..:-(
30 Sep 11
lol i would hate being called 'dear' at any time i think it makes feel old when someone calls me that, honey or mama i don't mind so much....
• Philippines
30 Sep 11
You are different, I would exchange dear and it would be like a music to my ear over mama. Sigh... I prefer my first name if he can't help calling me. I'd appreciate it so much , besides, I love the sound of my name. Or he can call me anything but 'mama'.
• Philippines
4 Oct 11
Lily I have already been exploding for the umpteenth times for the umpteenth reasons. This one is something that won't kill me easily but it will sure make a hell for me. Why, oh, why? What is something about this word? Nothing , I guess. It is just and my overly reacting self.
• Philippines
1 Oct 11
try to talk to him..it is the best way for that!!!
• Philippines
2 Oct 11
@Jessicabiadora thank you for dropping by and sharing your thought here, dear. Also, welcome to Mylot. I also believe in open communication between couples, everything that makes you or the other partner uncomfortable should be discussed as every mature persons should. But, with my husband, I'm not sure if this works. (Long story, my dear. ) Just a note: Take heed of what Lily Loretta had said about the way you must post your response; MAKE IT LONGER. Be sure though that it is also relevant to the topic being discussed.