Will you oblige your child (ren) to share with the home expenses?

@bingskee (5234)
Philippines
October 14, 2011 9:12am CST
In the Philippines, it is a common scenario that children are obliged to share in the household expenses. Children who have graduated from high school or college and was able to get a job should or must help in the household expenses. I do not oblige my daughter, who is now working, to share in the specific expenses at home even if she uses the phone, uses electricity and water, and eat food from what I prepare or buy. If she buys food, or necessary supplies in the house, then thank you. But I guess this depends on a situation or condition. What kind of child will neglect his or her parents when he or she sees that they have no means to take care of their basic needs? Then again, why will you bring a child to the world when you cannot provide for his or her needs plus your own needs? I can understand if the situation calls for the help or assistance or support of the child. Then again, it is not their obligation. Do parents have to take it against their child(ren) when they do not willingly help in the household expenses?
2 people like this
17 responses
@cher913 (25782)
• Canada
14 Oct 11
i think it is only fair, expecially if the teen or graduate has a job. why should the parents continue to foot the bill for everything?
2 people like this
@bingskee (5234)
• Philippines
14 Oct 11
i will have to agree that it is fair but then how can one parent tell that to his child(ren) without making them feel it is being imposed?
• United States
14 Oct 11
What's wrong with imposing? A landlords, employers, and governments impose, but that's what happens as an adult, and the sooner they learn to live with it, the better.
1 person likes this
@bingskee (5234)
• Philippines
14 Oct 11
landlords, employers, and government is different. that's another relation different from what a parent and child has. come to think of it, could it be that this is also cultural?
• Philippines
14 Oct 11
I'm not gonna oblige my children for our home expenses they are the one who should think of that. We did everything for them we teach them how to be responsible and independent its not right to force them with things they don't want to do.
2 people like this
• United States
14 Oct 11
That's a part of adulthood though, doing things that you don't necessarily want to do, simply because it's your duty as a member of that household. Few adults actually WANT to go to work, pay bills, care for fussy children, worry over their affairs, and deny personal pleasures for the good of the family unit. But they do, because it's their duty and they have realized that it's best for everyone involved to be unselfish.
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@bingskee (5234)
• Philippines
16 Oct 11
kathy, unfortunately, not all children think the same. even if their parents had thought them about responsibility and independence, at times, the result is a child who wouldn't want to be involved, or who does not care. ladydulce, i think it would not be fair to deny them their pleasure, and give most of their earnings to their family. though the child has to help in some way or the other, i think, as a parent, i would want my child to enjoy her earnings, to independently think of what to do with her own hard-earned money, (with advices from us that she has to save some for the rainy days), and to give not because she is forced to. in a situation opposite one where the parents are able and are earning, the motivation, of course, is different for the child. he or she would definitely make sacrifices, work for the family, probably spent most of her earnings for her family. the child will definitely be able or not able to rise from the situation, depending on the circumstances, and her or his attitude towards life's challenges.
• United States
14 Oct 11
I am all for teaching my children responsibilities. However, I would not be obliged to charge them for staying at my home. I would expect them to pull their weight when it comes to household responsibilities. Like do their own laundry, help with household chores and throw out the trash. As for expecting them to pay half and or parts of the household expenses, I would hope that they could freely help on their own. Since I have instilled responsibility since they were small children, I think that they would offer to help in small ways as well. Now if one has the type of children who perhaps are down on their luck and perhaps need my help for a while. I would be okay without charging them as I would want them to be able to save so they can someday get back up on their feet. However, pulling their weight here is also necessary and that means helping at the home, I mean I am all for helping them, but that means they to have to help as well. I wouldn't say monetarily but if they recall the fact that I am helping them and they volunteer certain things then it will be welcomed. To date I have raised very responsible children and not one of them has tried to live off anyone let alone of me.
@bingskee (5234)
• Philippines
16 Oct 11
hi, HWG! ha ha that i agree 100%. they have to do their share of the household chores! what was instilled in our family is love and concern and understanding. if her brother needs help, then my daughter will try to lend a helping hand, because she is the one earning now. there are differences in how my two children show love though, one is very doting, and the other one has a unique way to show caring. in summary, i feel that even if they have their own individual flaws, i know they will be responsible individuals.
@pahak627 (4558)
• Philippines
15 Oct 11
I agree with you. In my case, I have 2 sons who are already working in Manila and I live in our province with their father and my youngest daughter. I didn't oblige them to give me money but they just willingly helped me. When it was still my eldest son who was working he offered to give his younger siblings allowances in school. That was going on until his younger brother graduated college. Now that they both are working and living in the same house, it is still my eldest son who shoulder all the expenses. He's like a parent to his brother, he didn't oblige his brother to share the expenses at home. I don't ask money from them but if they will give me I willingly accept.
2 people like this
@bingskee (5234)
• Philippines
16 Oct 11
hi, pahak. isn't it great a feeling that your children are doing it out of their own volition without you telling them that they have to do it? you are blessed.
• Philippines
14 Oct 11
I don't think it a right idea to obliged once child (ren) to share with household expenses, although parents can ask for help in certain circumstances, but to obligate them i do not agree. Maybe i have this kind of thinking because my parents didn't even bother to ask from me, but of course as a child i voluntarily offer to them help especially if i know they needed it.
@bingskee (5234)
• Philippines
16 Oct 11
that is what i wanted it done, honeydimple. it would be nicer if the children will do it on their own accord.
• Philippines
15 Oct 11
I am a Filipino citizen just like you. I have my own online work, and I am sharing with the house expenses even my parents are not obliging me to share with the expenses. I feel the need to really help them this time, because I just paying them back for taking care and for loving me when I am young and until now. It is just like give and take relationship for me :)
@bingskee (5234)
• Philippines
16 Oct 11
hello, kabayan! i agree that we should help in any way we could.
1 person likes this
@LadyDulce (830)
• United States
14 Oct 11
Any child who is old enough to work, is old enough to contribute to the household expenses. That's just the way things are. An adult child will pay rent enough to cover the utilities and food, and will also take a turn in the care and maintenance of the property, as well as in food preparation (including shopping). Minor children with jobs will cover their own expenses and chip in if needed - that's what families do.
2 people like this
@bingskee (5234)
• Philippines
16 Oct 11
hi, ladydulce. got it, but i do not, as i have said, impose, or oblige. helping should come from a willing heart. do not get me wrong, my daughter helps in some of the family needs and spends money, especially if she has some extra, and that i appreciate. but as long as we can pay for the bills, taxes, car maintenance, et al, we'll do it. i am very confident though that my children will not leave us, nor forsake us, when we cannot do it anymore.
@neildc (17239)
• Lapu-Lapu City, Philippines
21 Nov 11
it's also my experience with my parents. and they got so sad when i left home to build my own family. they were really saddened especially my father. but they could not do anything when i decided to leave. i know as parents, our responsibility is to prepare them for their future lives. but it's not good to oblige them to pay for it, right?
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@bingskee (5234)
• Philippines
21 Nov 11
yes. i think children has no obligation to pay their parents. as moral obligation, we need to help if help is needed. but that is all there is to it, we need not repay in money what they did for us. repaying their kindness is not all about money.
@dorannmwin (36392)
• United States
17 Oct 11
My children are still very small, so that hasn't been something that I've actually had to think about. However, before my husband and myself bought our house, we lived with my mother and did pay her rent every month. The reason that we did that was to help her out because she was helping us out. She was giving us a roof over our heads while we got established for far less than we would have paid for an apartment and that was a great gift to us. The least that we could do for her was to help her with some of her household expenses.
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@bingskee (5234)
• Philippines
17 Oct 11
and i believe you did from the heart. as individuals, we, the children included, have to learn to determine what to do in times that we need other people's help and pay back for the goodness bestowed on us. at the same time, we also need to learn to stand on our own feet.
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@bounce58 (17387)
• Canada
21 Oct 11
I can definitely see my children helping out in some of the house bills, or paying rent if they still want to live at home when they get past 18. I too wouldn't obliged them, but I can see them doing so, as it's quite common here. But of course, I would rather have them living somewhere else, and fending for themselves. I think that's a better training for a life of their own.
@bingskee (5234)
• Philippines
23 Oct 11
ha ha ha
@bounce58 (17387)
• Canada
22 Oct 11
As a parent, I do see the advantage of having your children live with you past 18 years old. The real estate market here is getting crazy too, so as a 'temporary' set up, staying might be a wise choice. You should tell her that if she stays longer, then the list would be coming from you!
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@deer04 (96)
• Philippines
16 Oct 11
Maybe your family is no need to oblige you son/daughter because your family is rich or have much money to spend or easily to provide needs of your household. but some normal family like us, have to help our parents to support our family needs specially they are already old to work for their self. as a son and daughter and as a member of our family was raise up with much experience that life was not so easy to live. as we are now, each one of us have a Job, but we still help our parents in house expense like electricity, water, food and anything that we can used everyday. after then, they look they happy because we feel that what they given to us before are already come back not as a help, but as a responsibilities as a Son and Daughter of our Family. My two big sisters and one big brother have already have their own family but their still their for us. The Happiness of our Parents are the best for us.
1 person likes this
@bingskee (5234)
• Philippines
16 Oct 11
hi, deer! it sounds like dear. ha ha ha kidding aside, your situation is understandable. i fully understand that. we are not rich. i have work, hubby is physically challenged and is tending a small business. but we make do with what is at hand. like any other family, we experience predicaments, difficulties, and challenges. i was born in a poor family. my father was a chronic smoker and in the middle of my college schooling, he got very ill and got unemployed. i had to bear the weight of the responsibility while going to school. it was very tough. my mother was a housewife and did not dare find a job when that happened. i was left with no choice and had to sacrifice my own pleasures. it is for these reasons that i would not want to oblige my children. they have their own life. they need to live life. but i do not think they will ever leave us when we grow old and incapable.
1 person likes this
@shanemae (1025)
• Philippines
27 Oct 11
hi there bing! i am not a parent yet but as a daughter who have just graduated this year i feel i am obligated to share the expenses with my parents. it has been years that they have spent for me so then now would be my time to give back the goodness they have done for me although i am their responsibility but now as a grown up i would be more happy to serve them. to let them feel that were not wrong in raising me. now, i do not have any job yet but i am trying a lot of businesses. lately, i have 5 babies-(business, i call them baby) i am taking good care of them so as they would give me a lot of money then i could support my parents. when i would have a child i won't obligate them. it's up to them. i want their initiative to function just like mine. i don't think parents have to take that against their children although it would be so painful if the kids won't give back even a few support right?
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@bingskee (5234)
• Philippines
27 Oct 11
you are such a kind and loving child. bless your good soul. it is kind of disappointing when the child seems not able to look back, or take the parents for granted. but the child also has his or her own life to live. as a parent, i would not them tied down to the responsibilities and deprive themselves of what they want.
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@bingskee (5234)
• Philippines
27 Oct 11
we have reason to be proud as Filipinos. the love we have for family is definitely incomparable.
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@shanemae (1025)
• Philippines
27 Oct 11
thank you bing. yes, i do get your point. we share the same views and so with my parents. getting old and becoming a burden to our children would pain us. but it is something that makes me proud to be a Filipino and i would willingly serve my parents just as they had sleepless nights on the first few months that i was blessed to them.
1 person likes this
@mivvvy (174)
• Netherlands
14 Oct 11
I know that in my country some families oblige their children to contribute to the household expenses. My parents never asked this from me and I never asked my children. The situation is of course different when the parents are out of work. In that case it is only natural that the children help out.
@bingskee (5234)
• Philippines
16 Oct 11
i agree with you very much, mivvvy.
15 Oct 11
I guess parents would expect that from their daughters and sons, if not oblige, because first, the culture is different. Family members live together until their sons and daughters marry. Most of us are expected to be self-sufficient by the time we start our own family, that is the most late. By the time we get a job after our parents financed our education, we are expected to share expenses because we are still living at the same house where our parents live because we share utilities, consume power and food for which the household spend money. This set up doesn't teach much about budgeting. Unless maybe there is someone expected to pay for monthly grocery, the other for monthly utility bills, etc. But even then, it doesn't teach much so that one will be an independent adult.
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@bingskee (5234)
• Philippines
17 Oct 11
well, if nothing is left for the offspring then he cannot be made independent. though it is important to share, there has to be enough for the individual where he or she can use the money independently and according to his wishes.
1 person likes this
@skysuccess (8858)
• Singapore
15 Oct 11
bingskee, There are many lessons I'd learned on my mother's lap and one of them was about family integrity where it is not just merely about respect and being filial, it is also about being responsible to the family. To be part of the family means being sensitive to a family's need and that involves not only contributing ourselves but our salaries as well. My mother always believes that if we do not know how to willingly part our salaries for the family then it would be more difficult for us to do that for our immediate family when we are married. So, when I first got my salary I would contribute my entire pay minus my personal monthly expenses plus savings, to my mother for the family. From here, I learned not to think to highly about money, learn about being thrifty and living within my means. However, I think what is so memorable and impressionable to me was what my mother did with my contribution. Although my parents were not well off, my mother actually invested my contribution by buying endowment insurance and bank savings investment plans for me. I literally did not know about it until the day I got married when she gave me a "large" red packet to my new family on my wedding day. Not forgetting, (despite my protests) covered most of the expenses for the wedding ceremony and banquet. Only after all the fanfare, did she sat me down again to tell me what had happened to all my pay that I had given her. I was just literally moved to tears even right now as I recall this and type this post. It really taught me a lot and deeply what family is all about and more importantly, the measure of a woman. I do not know about you, but I feel that children should always be taught about being responsible for the family and the true meaning of managing one's money. If one does not learn how to make allowance for the family then one will never learn the first lesson of sacrifice. IMO, I feel that if parents had taught well and led exemplary examples, they (parents) really do not have to obligate and/or take it on their children to share with the home expenses. Letting them (children) decide is one thing but I feel that part of their decision should have their family in mind.
@bingskee (5234)
• Philippines
16 Oct 11
that's an interesting and very touching story, skysuccess. i believe that parents play a very important role in what a child is made of. even if in the act of sharing and giving, it is possible that the trait is acquired from the parents. though i also believe that being a good parent is not guarantee, there is a larger possibility that the child will acquire what she learns positively at home.
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@telmesh (1793)
21 Nov 11
When children finish education they are expected to help with household expenses as part of their responsibility. They have to learn what things cost and how the cost of items relate to their earnings.
@bingskee (5234)
• Philippines
21 Nov 11
that is if they still live with the parents.
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@bingskee (5234)
• Philippines
23 Nov 11
cease education at 17? too young to stop.
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@telmesh (1793)
21 Nov 11
That's true bingskee but if they don't then there is no cost that needs a contribution. Children usually cease education at 17 in UK unless they go to university or college, the latter is usually continued whilst still living at home.
@airkulet (2700)
• Philippines
15 Oct 11
My husband and I have been decided that if our son will earn from his work we will not oblige him to gave us money. We will guide him and will take only whatever he will give us. But not as obligation. Right now we are both working so hard to give him the future and for our retirement so as not to rely on him when we get older.
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@bingskee (5234)
• Philippines
16 Oct 11
that is a good decision, airkulet.
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