i honestly dont know...
@xmichelletarax (370)
United States
October 22, 2011 6:16pm CST
...if i can keep doing this. i have been with my fiance for quite some time now and i love him to death but i dont know if i can keep doing this if it keeps going the way it has been. i am in major need of advice.
im going to try and explain this the best i can.
i have severe panic attacks and i cant be left alone over night. my mom works nights so ryan is supposed to be home with me.
friday afternoon we got into a huge fight because he was going to his friends for the night so he could help fix the roof. i didnt want him to go because it ment i would have to go to work with my mom and stay in the truck. but he went anyway after we got into this fight.
he told me it seems like im just trying to hold him back in life and stop him from making money.
well before i moved him in with me he was living in a barn with no job a broken down car and was into drinking alot and quite a few drugs.
now he has 2 cars he can drive, his truck and my car, he has a roof over his head and a job, he pays for nothing but gas and parts for his truck. he only drinks once in a blue moon and is off all the drugs.
i so dont understand how all of this was possible if i am "holding him back", matter of fact none of it would be possible.
anyway
he blew up the engine in my car last week so he left me the keys to his truck so i could get my mom to work, i ended up having to spend the night in the truck becuase 1) there wasnt enough gas for me to get home then be able to go pick her back up and
2) when we got there the truck smelled real bad like gas. didnt see a leak so i thought nothing of it. then the heater quit working... mind you it was 20 degrees out last night. so i popped the hood and found out it was leaking gas out onto the engine, that could have caught fire... then i found out the oil was leaking out majorly. so i had the decency to call him and find out what he wanted me to do with it.
he said to just drive it home and promised he would be home this afternoon to fix it and because my car still needs to be preped to be tore apart... it is now 7:11 pm and he isnt home. so i called him.
now i find out i am going to be spending another night in a truck that has no heat in a town 20 miles from my house becuase they slept in today and didnt get the roof done.
im really upset about all of this, he swore to take care of me but keeps blowing me off.
i dont know what has gotten into him these past few weeks, normally he is really sweet and caring but lately he has been a huge jerk.
i dont know how i can trust him when he keeps blowing me off.
and all the stress he has been causing me is really effecting my health.
but ill admit i was bad and when he told me he wasnt coming home i flipped out on him and hung up. he called back and was all pissed off saying that he would come home and i told him it didnt matter if he came home at all ever, and hung back up on him.
i couldnt stand to hear his voice i am so mad and hurt at the same time and i just dont know what to think anymore.
any ideas on what i should do?
2 responses
@courtknee525 (3742)
• United States
23 Oct 11
I think he may be feeling a bit stressed as well. I'm sure he wants to be there for you but he seems to be a bit torn between wanting to be able to care for you and being able to earn money and provide for you. Guys get into weird moods sometimes and act like little girls. It also doesn't really help his situation when you blow up on him for something he does. I know that when I start getting upset with my boyfriend sometimes he'll get just as angry and then we get frustrated. What he said about you "holding him back" could've just been something he said out of anger. I know you said you have panic attacks and can't be left alone at night..so is there any other friend or family member you could be with if your fiance has to work?
Try talking to him (calmly) about what's been going..but don't say it in a way that blames him because then he'll just get defensive and mad. Tell him how you've felt lately and ask how things have been with him to make sure he's not having something stressful going on in his life too. Your best bet will be to talk to him to find out where things stand and what's going to happen in the future.
@xmichelletarax (370)
• United States
23 Oct 11
i know he is stressed, but he always stresses about things he cant change, instead of what he can.
he has known from the beggining that i couldnt be alone. the only other family member i have that can deal with me is my mom. she works nights, before she took the job we all sat down and talked about it and it was discussed that he would have to be here with me at night.
the job he is gone for... they arent even doing anything at night and its not that far from our house... he could easily be here at night and still work during the day.
he really does act like a girl sometimes.
every time i try to talk to him calmly we end up fighting somehow. it seems like the only way to get him to understand what im trying to tell him is by yelling. i dont like yelling and fighting with him, its just so ughhhhh.
he stresses to much about things he cant change and not the things he can change, he thinks he has to work constantly to be able to get me things and take me places and make me happy and to make things perfect, but the truth (and i have told him this a million times) is that i dont need to go places or have him buy me things to be happy i just need to be able to spend time with him... not that he is making enough to do any of that anyway all his money goes into keeping our cars up and running.
i try to tell him that he is trying so hard to make everything perfect that he is stoping things from being perfect. he needs to slow down and realize that where we are living and what we have, even though its not much, really isnt that bad.
we are going to talk more tomorrow when and if he actually gets home until then idk
@courtknee525 (3742)
• United States
23 Oct 11
Sometimes guys can just be like that. They get their minds stuck on one thing and when they can't fix it then they get frustrated. Guys really are a pain but we love them anyways lol. My boyfriend is the same way..no matter how many times I tell him something, he'll still continue to do it. Sometimes I really do think it takes some sort of argument or separate time for what we say to actually get through to their brains. Whenever I try to calmly talk about things that bother me my boyfriend acts understanding and wants to change, but when the time comes he doesn't make much change.
As for him working close to your house, you're right, he easily could've been home with you at night and then helped his friends in the morning. I'm not trying to be mean or anything but maybe he does this because he's with you all the time and he wants to be with his friends once in a while? Because I know my boyfriend can get like this too and I get frustrated since he works at the time and we really don't have much time together anymore. When we first started dating a year and a half ago it was all about me and spending time together and I came first before his friends. Now, he has no problem to see friends at night on his day off because he says we get to be together during the day. It's not that they lose interest in us, they just begin to realize they have other friends besides us. But this doesn't make it any less frustrating when they do stupid things.
Maybe he's just feeling a little pressured to step up a bit and be able to make money to care for you. Even though you say you don't need all that, he still wants to be able to do that for you. For some reason, it makes guys feel good about themselves when they're able to do that.
Hopefully, he'll start paying attention to what you want and maybe he'll make the change. I'm sure if he notices how upset it makes you then he'll try and do what he can for you. Good luck :)
@happythoughts (4109)
• United States
23 Oct 11
Have you sat down with him and had a calm talk? Maybe he doesnt realize how it seems to you, or maybe there is somethings you need to know that will help you make the decision. Life is only so long. Do you really want to spend it in drama? Dont make the choice that feels good now but the choice that will give you a happy future.
@xmichelletarax (370)
• United States
23 Oct 11
i talked to him on the phone tonight for about 2 hours.
he said at 8 pm that he would be home in a half hour... when 10pm came around i called to find out he never even left.
i (calmly) told him what was bothering me and we did talk about it a little bit. and he told me what was bothering him(everything i already knew) he is stressed and upset because the apartment we have is really small and our landlord is always shoved up our butts.
i dont want to lose him because i do love him but we have been fighting constantly and its bad for my health.
we are going to talk tomorrow when he gets home, but if he blows me off again i am done.
and no i would rather not be surrounded by drama, im bad at dealing with drama most of the time but as much as there has been between us lately i still cant help but remember what it was like and i want that back, so does he apparently we just have to figure out how to get back to that point
