people don't deserve anything

Romania
October 25, 2011 8:18am CST
me and my so called best friend went to different cities for college. and in 3 years she wasn't capable to come to visit me in the conditions in which I did that. but she could come to meet a guy that she knew online. so was I wrong to get angry? a guy that she met online 2 months ago is more important to her than me who I'm supposed to be her best firend
1 person likes this
15 responses
@Rosa26 (2620)
• United States
26 Oct 11
You are right to be angry, because what she is demostrating you that whenever she will needs you she will look for you. I don't like the kind of people that only express interest on you when they are in ned of something. But what you an do is that when she come "because she will come one day for any neccesity, maybe because she is in the own and she doesn't have a place to sleep or whatever" but when this happen you have to express her her errors because no person that she just met can be must important than you, that have demostraded your friendship to her many times.
• Romania
26 Oct 11
if she came to me telling me that she needs a place to stay or things like that you realise the fact that I couldn't tell her that I can't help her...I'm stupid let's face it...when i care for someone I would do anything if that person needs me. but it looks like she doesn't feel the same and it really hurts
@Rosa26 (2620)
• United States
26 Oct 11
Yes friend I wouldn't tell you don't receive her in your house, but please tell her all your thoughts, and her errors in this friendly relationship.
• Romania
27 Oct 11
I told her where I think she is wrong...now if she decides to listen to me it's totally up to her. but I'm sad because she doesn't realise she's losing all her friends with mistakes like that. I'm not the only one she had a fight with
• Canada
25 Oct 11
I would be very hurt regarding the friend. I am the one who travels to see my friends and none of them make the visit to see me. I finally had enough and don't travel to visit them. I'm the one spending money on gas to get there. It would be nice if they would make the visit here. Sometimes our friends and even family members have no common sense. They do what ever they please and don't think of other peoples feelings. Could it be that you value the friendship more than she does?? Actions do speak louder than words.
• Romania
25 Oct 11
yes you're definitely right actions do speak louder than words and trough this I realised how much I mean to her. I was really hurt but maybe it's better like this. she told me she needed me to be there for her...the problem is that the feeling is mutual and she wasn't there for me when I needed her. I told her "hey even if I told you I had a brain tumour you would tell me that you can't talk because you need to go out...". maybe I'm stupid because I get to care too much
• Canada
25 Oct 11
Sometimes we care more than the other person and we get hurt. You can't change being a good person anymore than she can't change doing what suits her. One thing I have learned is have no expectations from others. That way you less the chances you get hurt. Do the best you can do for you. Put yourself first. Sometimes it's taking a stand that makes a friend realize you are not a door mat for them. There is an old saying that says "You teach people how to treat you". You need to teach her not to use you when it benefits her. You have feelings too and your feelings matter. Expect more of yourself then others will. Caring to much hurts most of the time. The sad part is it's only you that's hurting. I hope the advice you've been given today has helped some. If she doesn't understand your hurt or care is she truly a friend? That only you can answer. I hope you find some peace with this and resolve it. Hugs
• Romania
25 Oct 11
yes you're right you need to put yourself first...but I;m stupid and naif...when i care for someone I would do anything for that person to be happy. and as you said I put myself second...I know this is wrong but I can't change
@buddha3 (1029)
• India
25 Oct 11
You are not wrong to be angry! But that's how the world is. Whom we think are important to us, may not think the same about us. I had a friend in my secondary school. We were very best friends( or rather I thought so!) He used to stick to me always throughout the school hours. I was scoring a bit more marks than him always but it was all fine. Then, from class 10, my academic performance started deteriorating and I scored less. So, from class 11, the so-called best friend of mine changed completely! For no reason,he avoided me and never was so intimate as before. The reason was simple. He needed my help when I was good at studies and later when I was not, he found someone else for advises and help!! In your case, your friend is in need of a partner and that makes it more worse!! Don't bother my friend, people come and go in our lives. They are like river water..never stagnant!
• Romania
25 Oct 11
the problem is that she sustains that she considers me the same. but since he moved she started changeing. I tried to open her eyes but she wouldn't understand. and she said that she needed me to tell her what she is doing wrong. I told her I can't do that forever and if she doesn't realise on her own than it's her problem. she thinks that apologising she could solve anything. I was really hurt with what she did and things aren't that simple
@buddha3 (1029)
• India
25 Oct 11
I understand. It's not that simple. But for a guy like me who has gone through this many times it's very simple!! I suggest you not to give her free advice. Guide her only when she needs your guidance. She is grown up to decide few things herself. Just don't hurt yourself by caring so much for her. I don't know how right I am but that's how i feel.
• Romania
25 Oct 11
I'm tired of giving her advices...she is acting like a baby. she is going to change the day she realises she is doing wrong...I did my part and I told her what I tought she was doing wrong. but if she feels ok like this than is her business
• Singapore
26 Oct 11
your best friend? You are her BF? If you are her BF, you have the reason to be angry with her, but also it's understandable. sometimes the love in different city is very hard to maintain, you can just hear mutual voice or face on line and lack of body comunicationm, which is dangerous and harmful to love. After long time seperation, the love will be tasteless and boring. Love need romantic and passion, so please see her regularly if she can't see you. Be tolerant and nice to your lover.
• Romania
26 Oct 11
she isn't in love with him..she is just having fun...this is why I got angry
@enelym001 (8329)
• Philippines
25 Oct 11
Sometimes friends do that with each other but it doesn't mean that guy is more important to her than you as her bestfriend. Right now she is excited meeting a new friend thats why she chooses to meet him over you coz she might think that is the only chance she can meet him. But you as her bestfriend for a long time can be reached easily. So I'd say try to understand her, your feelings towards your best friend is just normal, I will be upset too. But later on when she started talking about this new guy she met, then I know you both will just be laughing.
• Romania
25 Oct 11
I'm tired of trying to understand her. she has been doing things like this for quite a long period of time and to tell you the truth I got enough. she started changing and I don't like the person she turned into. I;m not trying to change her back...I told her where I tought she was doing wrong...if she decides to follow my adivce than it's up to her. but I can't be there to do that for her forever. she said she needed me...well I was there for her. but the problem is that when i needed her she had more important things to do
@akwaobio (36)
25 Oct 11
have you ever for once told her about your intentions of a relationship or you just took it that bcos you've known each other dat long it means you two have something special all this while you've been together,you must understand she cherishes you alot as a friend but her heart is with somebody else. if you want to get her better tell her dat you love or forever hold your peace.
• Romania
25 Oct 11
jesus christ...I"m not in love with her. she is my best friend. and yes we had a special relationship because she was like the sister I never had. but maybe things changed without us realising...she changed alot. she became the kind of person who only cares about herself and who isn't capable to do something for others
@lmpalco (89)
• Philippines
25 Oct 11
I wouldn't get angry, Maybe the right word is jealousy, your just being jealous with the guy, As i believe distance or time doesn't matter as long as your really good friends. Though your not seeing each other for so long still your keeping in touch once in a while either thru phone or email or any means of communication that what keeps your friendship longer. You should be thankful she encountered a new friend which happen to be close to your place, Maybe that happen for you to meet each other again besides your friend is happy anyway, why don't you be happy for her as well. You should be the first person to understand her because your best friends. May God bless you both
• Romania
25 Oct 11
I'm not jelous...it's different things we're talking about. I wouldn't mind if she was really in love with this guy...but she is with two guys at the same time. and you pretend to tell me that you wouldn't get angry if your best friend wasn't capable to come to see you in 3 years and she would come to meet a randoom guy she knew two months ago?
• United States
25 Oct 11
I would be very upset as well i do hope you get over this quick because relationships are like that. Your friend knows you and has not got to know this new relationship yet. So,it is at the top of her to do list. I know it hurt you but life goes on and so do we.
• Romania
25 Oct 11
if she found out that that guy was the love of her life I wouldn't have a problem with it. but you see...she is with two guys at the same time. so if he is that important to her than where does this put me....she messaged me today asking me if I was still angry with her. of course I was. I didn't answer her message
@WakeUpKitty (8698)
• Netherlands
30 Oct 11
You can be angry but did it help or does it help or change what happend? The question is do you want a friend like this who is not willing to visit you once and who's first priority you are not? The guy she met probably took away her loneliness or something else which gave her the power/will to visit/meet him. You showed her it doesn't matter if she visits you or not since you are the one who is always visiting her no matter what. That is the lesson you teached her.
@luvmysons (497)
• United States
26 Oct 11
I would be upset as well.. But unfortunately When you are young girls alot of times choose boys over there friendships with there girlfriends..
@chiyosan (30197)
• Philippines
26 Oct 11
Oh do not be so hard on her. I understand you but I simply think that sometimes we as people do silly things.
26 Oct 11
hi:) I will get mad too if that happens to me,it's alright to have other friends or boyfriend but that doesn't mean that she will take you for granted just because of the new found friend. maybe better if you tell her what you feel, so she realize what she did was wrong.
@ralphs (209)
• Philippines
26 Oct 11
maybe she don't want you anymore to be her bestfriend. you have the rights to get angry because you're so called bestfriend was not visiting you for the past 3 years, that is not good. maybe the guy that he met online is her boyfriend now so she has no time to visit you anymore, sorry for my opinions but maybe my opinion was true right ? find another friends that will love you no matter what happen, because TRUE friend will not forget you or to dump you anytime.
@trisha27 (3496)
• United States
26 Oct 11
I would be upset too. You are not wrong. But maybe she decided not to tell you because she didn't want you to get upset , but u are more upset that she didn't tell you. Maybe you should let you know how you feel. Did you tell her.
@jaiho2009 (38990)
• Philippines
25 Oct 11
You friend maybe thought that you will understand her since she is your friend for a long time. I know you are concerned about her...so, don't stop giving her advise and guidance. That's what friends are for.