Why do older people stop engaging in hobbies and stop making friends?

I am sure this discussion doesn't apply to you lol. Some do, yes.... I am just curious as to why. It seems like when people stop reaching out and making friends, or simply stop keeping in touch with the friends they have and stop engaging in activities, they get bored and lonely and start turning to people from their family to get what they are missing. My point in this discussion is that it's not actually fair to forego making your own friends and doing your own activities and turning your boredom and irritation upon your family such as siblings or grown kids. They don't 'owe' you because they are part of your family, and it's not THEIR fault that you stopped making friends and doing things lol. When you talk to people, you discover that that's how they feel - friends have said 'oh, my mom feels like I owe her and that I should visit more because my sister doesn't' or 'my dad complains we don't invite him to play golf with us, but he doesn't like our friends we golf with, so what should we do?'. It just seems silly to me.

LOL! I see you're not a big family guy. That's okay, as it seems you lead a very interesting life and you don't need to be hanging on people just because you happen to be related to them. Lots of people not in your situation seem to become very codependent upon their extended family, which seems odd to me too. I've never been a codependent sort of person, even when I was single I figured it was better to be single than be with the WRONG person, even though I knew I wasn't destined to be single and I didn't enjoy it. Codependency in my opinion breeds all sorts of trouble, from enabling to using, to creating a person who pretty soon is unable to do anything on their own and may even develop a phobia and not just an aversion to it. I've seen people with real phobias and it is UNREAL.... they can't go anywhere or do anything without having their hand held by somebody.

I think that "how are you" is another way of saying hello. It is another form of greeting. I do not think most people want to hear in detail about all your aches and pains. I, too, usually say "fine", when people ask me how I am. Sometimes, I say "tired", or "hot" depending, but I do not begin to go into depth about any of my aches and pains or other problems. I think that if people stopped thinking and talking about their problems so much, they would be happier and healthier. I think that my neighbors are making each other sick by talking so much about being sick. They are reinforcing illness instead of wellness.

If you're naturally close, as in having a close relationship AND living fairly close, then you probably already have that worked into your schedule. Some people have a standing date and they visit with their parents daily or weekly, or vacation together, or take a class or attend church - all variety of things together. Mostly what I was getting at are older people who have withdrawn from everything and don't associate much in public any more or take part in activities and events and because of it, they start to project their loneliness and boredom upon their grown children and their families - who may be busy with their families and their own friends - and then blame them for feeling alone and isolated when it wasn't THEIR fault. The phone does work both ways, so maybe if or when that happens, both parties should make some sort of effort to keep in touch and regularly plan things that work around both schedules, but no guilt trips, and none of that garbage lol.

I wonder if in some cases it goes full circle. Children are very needy and egocentric, when they are small, they have no idea that they are not the center of the universe, and for awhile, for doting parents, they really are. Then they get older and become young teens, and teens are also needy and egocentric, but in a different way. At this point they realize they are NOT the center of the universe but they feel they should be, so they develop an attitude to remind everybody that they are. Eventually some people grow out of that when they hit their 20s.... but I think that in some cases people will have another round of it when they get older. There are even parents who become jealous of their kids who grow up and become successful, and then the parents get all bitter and demanding and act like the kids owe them. They don't.... I see kids being successful and living good lives to be a product of great parenting skills and giving them opportunities to shine, and that's a GOOD THING!

Absolutely! Raising kids is wonderful and I can't imagine NOT ever having done it, but after they grow up and leave, what else do you do but realize you can now take time for YOU! Unless you have codependent kids you are unable to kick out - that is lol! Believe it or not, there are plenty of people who find themselves in that position. It could be the economy now, but also some people are guilty of not making mom and dad's house a place they eventually want to leave. If you make it too easy for them to keep living there, they might stay until they are 30. That is NOT something to be proud of, by the way lol.

This is why senility is so sad - if your mind starts to go before your body, it can be sad for everybody, as well as frightening for the person losing their mind. This reinforces that it's your mind, not your body, that makes you YOU. I chuckle when people talk about 'growing old gracefully'. What exactly does that mean and why the hell would anybody want to do that? I know I have no intention of doing that. I have no desire to 'get old' and no desire to 'act my age' and no desire to ever look or act like some older people I know. You know the ones... they stop being active, stop learning, stop challenging themselves, stop spending time with friends and taking trips and vacations. They stop doing all the things that have defined their lives up to the point they started believing they were old or 'over the hill'. So. Here's to cute clothes forever, NO gray hair, wrinkle cream, loud music, fast cars, and chocolate cake. And it doesn't matter whether you're 15 or 60!

LOL! That sounds like a typical 'I never cut my apron strings' type of mother. I can't stand people like that who are unable to realize their children grew up and are now adults and live adult lives. Children do not exist to make parents happy. Yes, parents are generally happy and proud of their children, but that isn't the purpose for having them. Maybe I don't understand because I'm not that way. I do believe there is an extreme number of people who ARE that way, and it's really their own fault they are in this pickle. If they had a better attitude about it all, then they wouldn't be miserable to begin with. Nobody owes ANYBODY, I guess that's the point. Once people realize this and quit getting up in arms believing because they are your parents that you owe them, because you are their child, they owe you, because you are friends that you owe owe owe, the problem would be solved. I've never believed those things are true so I don't live as if they were, and I think anybody who does believe those things or live by them are silly and small minded.

It's still not fair to expect your family to put you in some elevated spot above what may be most time intensive in their own lives though. For instance, during holidays I see a lot of people have disagreements about where to have a holiday dinner or where everybody should meet. When you're looking at ONE person traveling vs FIVE people traveling and the distance and cost involved, doesn't it make more sense for ONE person rather than FIVE? I've seen people have hissy fits because their sister and family won't travel and have Christmas, but it would be very time consuming and expensive. I know that I want to go visit my family too but I have to do it around a vacation and trying to find a vacation slot that is the same as the vacation slot for my sister is proving to be a challenge. Our girls are all in school except for the baby and we want to try and have all of us on break so we can take advantage of the time we'll have together.