So we got rid of our maid, and she made us feel guilty about it

veronizm, she sounds like an ungrateful employee, trust me, a job where one does chores, gets free food and shelter and gets a paycheck every week, that would be an excellent job for a single woman..I really hope you find someone, because a job like that sounds like one that is hard to come by.

Thanks carmelanirel! So far right now I'm already afraid of getting another full-time maid. It's like I've lost my faith in them because of her. But I'll just see in a couple of months or so if I should really get a maid or not. So far right now I'm just enjoying the advantages of not having one.

Her pay is just the standard starting pay that we pay for maids here. It's even more than enough because she doesn't get to take care of the baby, just the chores around the house. Her room and board, food, toiletries are all free. She even asked for a cellphone load a couple of times. When we fired her, we gave her a little bit more than her pay so that she wouldn't have hard feelings. Yeah I think she was just trying to get the job back. But I can't give it back to her coz I think it's gonna be weird and awkward especially that she'd live with us. I'm scared of what she might do It may be a little bit overboard but we can never tell.

You're right. And yeah, perhaps it is a good thing that you don't have a maid. Well, I can say based on my experience I'm terrible at letting anyone go too! I guess I just don't have the heart to see someone get hurt, that's why I let my husband do it, hihihihi! Actually I'm not even sure if she wanted to be a maid in the first place. It's weird coz the last job she had before mine was with her rich cousin's. She said that her job there was to take care of her nephew's baby. The mother of the baby left and so she became sort of the mother of the baby. The baby would even recognize her as its mother. I believe she's also in charge of the laundry. Her pay there was much higher than what I give her. Higher by 75%. It really made me wonder why she left. Whenever we ask her, I know she was never telling us the truth because she would just laugh nervously and just say that her cousin's house is already too full of their relatives. Also, she told me one time about her regrets of leaving her husband years ago. She said that she wouldn't have been a maid right now if she didn't left her husband. So I guess it wasn't really in her heart to be a maid in the first place. Maybe that's why she's not too good at her job. Perhaps it was the right thing to let go of her after all.

Ok, I'm understanding this better and to me it sounds like you treated this maid too nice and she took advantage of you...maybe got a bit spoiled. I don't think I could stand to have a stranger in my home all the time while I was there. I am such a private person and need my space. I had 4 children and I remember when they were all young, I would have loved for some help and especially with the babies. Housekeepers here are very expensive but I would have loved for someone to come in and help me for a couple hours or more a day if I could have afforded it. With my 3rd one, I got very sick and my gram came and stayed with me and was such a huge help. She cooked for the kids and even made me eat breakfast which I never would of done for myself. She was amazing. I would have gladly given her a place to stay for that kind of help but unfortunatly my mother did not want to live alone after my dad passed and so as soon as I was on my feet, she went back to live with my mother. I know that babies are wonderful but really draining and it's hard if you are doing it all alone. I don't think you should give up on the idea of a housekeeper. Find someone that you like and hire them on a temporary basis. Give them a couple of weeks and then you decide if you keep them or let them go. Give her specific hours to be there and a list daily of what you need done. If in two weeks, she is unable to do a good job in the time slotted then you can just let her go. I think if they know that it is a temporary position and they'll only get the job if they can do a good job then they might try harder. Also give them designated breaks and they can either have the option of bringing their own lunch or having whatever you are having. That's a pretty decent job. I don't know too many jobs that offer to feed their employees and NONE that let me have a nap and certainly none that cater to my taste buds. My boss gives me free coffee...guess he wants to make sure I'm awake and focused.

Hi sid, Actually it's kind of different for every household. In my case I'd always make sure that my maid has eaten before doing any kind of work. We even bought her her own milk (the brand she prefers) and snacks so that she can have something to munch on and have a warm drink while she prepares the breakfast every morning (she would have a decent breakfast afterwards of course) and do the chores the rest of the day. In the afternoon I buy her snacks from peddlers (bread, etc.) so that she wouldn't go hungry. I also make sure that she gets enough rest that's why when she was with us I was happy to know that she takes a nap every afternoon and has nothing else to do after dinner. She also doesn't need my permission to go and hang out with her friends and family, although she would always ask me to and I would always tell her every time that she doesn't need to ask me. But sad to say that in other households, it's different. Some maids would tell me that they only have like just one bread and coffee for breakfast(!), and the house owner would set aside a portion of food for their lunch or dinner, which unlike in my case, we would always ask our maid to join us during mealtimes and she can eat all she wants. Other households don't. They let their maids eat only after they have eaten. Sad to say but that's kind of the culture we've grown up with regarding maids here. But me and my husband (and perhaps other modern families here) don't follow that kind of culture. We treat our maid like a part of our own family. Sometimes, her relatives would even visit her in the house and I would always let them in and treat them as my friends too. Some maids job, having the same salary, includes taking care of the kids aside from keeping the house, cooking, etc. but my maid only has the house to keep because I take care of the baby myself. Other maids also don't get day offs. I don't know but I think she kind of became abusive because we treated her nicely when she was with us to the point that she would not eat the food that we have just because she doesn't like the taste. And it's even just a regular kind of food/meal that we have here, not those that seemed like out of this world. During the exit talk with my husband, she even falsely accused us as her not having enough to eat because she said that when she opens our fridge for food, she claims that it's always empty when it's not. Well, if only she's not picky with her free food, she would have enough to eat. Yeah I've observed that you have housekeepers there in the US. I kind of like that arrangement. In fact, we have tried it before in our old apartment. She was just our neighbor and she was the one who approached me and asked me if she can work for us for laundry and house cleaning and stuff. But when we moved to our current apartment, my husband and I have decided that we should just get a stay-in maid instead. Actually we also didn't like hiring a maid. It's just when we had our baby that it was really difficult for us to cope with all the work. My husband works about 10 hours a day in a week and is also kind of sickly so he usually doesn't have the energy to help me with the chores and the baby. I myself have stopped my online business because the baby alone already takes up most of my time, not to mention that I myself have experienced fatigue, I don't really know what to call it in English, but it's what most of us women experience for at least the first three months when we just gave birth and we don't have enough rest and cannot eat at the right time. So that's when my husband and I decided to just hire a maid. But now I kind of realize that we're better off without one. Thankfully, my baby has grown up now and already has developed a pattern for sleeping so I get to do chores around while she sleeps.

Hahaha! I guess! Yeah, the idea of hiring a housekeeper sounds really good, especially that I've tried it before. I really like the arrangement of just having someone to help me part-time with the chores around the house (for just a few hours in a day) so that I can focus on my baby and perhaps give my online business another try. Your suggestions are really good, I'll take note of it and perhaps apply it once we decide to hire one. Yeah, I guess our maid got a bit spoiled. I think that's what I learned too from this experience that I should not be too friendly at first. I guess I got a little too friendly and lax with her that perhaps she forgot that there are also some boundaries. But you know what we actually thought that she was a good one because she's already around 40+. Usually people around here prefer maids that are of that age because they are supposed to be more mature and responsible about their workmanship and life in general. That's why my husband and I were really surprised when she became very picky with her food and that she also needs to be told at least twice to get the work done. Well, another lesson learned, it's not just the age that we should consider but the experience as well. I think we were the first ones that she worked for outside of her family. Before we hired her, she worked as a nanny to her niece's baby. She told us that her pay there was actually higher than the regular pay of maids here but whenever we or someone else would ask her why she left she would just laugh (somewhat nervously) and say that they are already a lot of them there in her niece's house... I know what you mean about babies. I love my baby with all my heart but it's no denying how hard it is to take care of them. They say that it's the hardest job in the world and indeed it is! It's really nice to have the relatives come in and help with the house and stuff. That's actually what we wanted, like you, my husband and I are also kind of private persons and don't really like the idea of strangers around the house. It makes us uncomfortable knowing that a stranger is sleeping in another room. Sadly most of my relatives live far and most of them are already busy with their own lives. My mother and father lives in another country. They came home when I gave birth and since my baby was overdue my mama was only able to help around for about a week. It was really nice having her and how I wish she lives with us not only to help me with the baby and stuff but also to bond with her first grandchild.

Thanks zralte! Yeah it's never nice to hear negative things. It brings out negative energies that are bad for our mental and physical health. I don't like firing anyone too! That's why I asked my husband to do it. I actually had a plan on how I would fire her. It involved a white-lie excuse so that she wouldn't get hurt. But my husband disagreed and so I asked him to do it instead. And even though he felt mentally and emotionally exhausted afterwards, he liked the experience somehow coz at least he was able to learn how to fire someone.

Me too. I actually feel much peaceful now that she's gone. The day after she left, I was back to being alone in the house with the baby when hubby is at work. It really made me realize how it's so much better this way. I can think much clearly and won't have to worry about being bothered by strangers inside my house. Thanks for your comment!

Thanks Aja! That's so nice of you to say that I am indeed better off without a maid. My life is more peaceful and back to normal now. Plus I notice that I can focus more on my baby now that I don't have a house helper. Ironic, but true

Thanks lynnemg! Yeah actually we've been thinking about that too. That's actually what we did at our old apartment before we moved to our current one. We just hired a neighbor back then to do the chores everyday. She would come to the house in the morning and leave by noon. It was just a tiny apartment so there really wasn't much to do. It was quite a nice arrangement. However I can't hire her again now that we already moved. But I'll think about it again --- hiring just a cleaning lady --- and perhaps consider it in the near future. But as of now, I'm just enjoying the freedom of being "maidless".

Whoa there, not taking care of my own kid and housekeeping? When did I ever mention that? Just to enlighten you, I'm a first-time mother and ever since the baby was born I've been taking care of her all by myself. My husband (who's a little bit sickly) works 10 hours in a day everyday and comes home always exhausted so doesn't have the time to help me with the baby and the chores. So since then we've been asking around for a maid to do the chores while I take care of the baby. I did write down EXACTLY what I wanted her to do and even briefed her on her very 1st day. But then I'd have to brief her AGAIN after a week because she doesn't do the job well. Her pay is enough for her job, even more than enough because she only has the chores to do, unlike the other maids where they'd also have to take care of the kids (plural) in addition to the chores. Yes she has free time and doesn't need my permission AT ALL. Didn't you read my post that she takes a nap every afternoon and from 7:00 in the evening has no more work to do and thus goes out to hang out with her cousins? Yes this has to do with what the other maids from my neighbors are doing. Because as I implied above, her workload at my house is so much lesser than the other maids. The housekeeping may not be the same but as what I also mentioned in my post, her work is just chores around the house and doesn't even include taking care of the baby because I do it myself. Further, when I wake up at 4:00am I notice that our neighbor's maids are already busy working but my 'ex'-maid is still asleep coz her waking schedule is 5:00am. And yet she still complains about not having enough rest. Another thing, I'm not a stone. I do feel bad when someone accuses me of things that aren't true.

Here in the States, maids are costly and only the wealthy have them.I actually only know of one person that has one come to her home a couple of times a week. I don't know of anyone who has a live in maid though I'm sure they exist. The word "Master" combined with your use of the word "permission" is what gave me the impression of slavery and I'm sure what is giving others an impression that you aren't trying to create. http://www.thefreedictionary.com/master

Yeah I guess. It's so difficult to say things in English when it's not your main language. But in my own dialect, it's called "amo", which literally means "master" in English. But it's actually just a label. I guess people here in my country have just been used to it even though it's not what they really intent to be called. I'm sorry my English is really bad but I guess you got the point? I guess I should have just used the word "boss" instead and not used the word "permission", but sadly I realized that after I created my post, which sadly created a wrong impression of me and made me kinda looked like the bad guy instead. Anyway, in my country stay-in maids are pretty common. In fact, about 99% of maids are stay-in. They're not really expensive, but yeah I've heard that maids there in the US are expensive, that's why most people here in my country, even professionals, would get a course on Caregivers so that they can fly to the US to work as Nannies or househelpers, maids, etc.

Relax. There's no need to curse and condemn. I used the word "master" just for the lack of the word. I'm not a grammarian sweetie and I don't know all the words, I'm not English either. You don't even know what country I am and yet you're so quick to judge about my character just because of one word. No idea what tough is? You may have your own tough times honey but I also have mine. You haven't even met me yet and it seems like you know me better just because of one post. I'm from the Philippines and compared to your country you can just imagine how tough it is here, or perhaps you can't. Working 2 jobs? Try 3 and 2 of them I'm not even compensated because it's family. At the age of 10 me and my brother been taking care of our 4 hyperactive toddler cousins and our semi-paralyzed grandma (God bless her soul). Not to mention that these relatives that we worked for had pigs (plural) wherein it's part of my job to take care of them, including cleaning their dirt and feed them. All I have is free food and board. Not even enough sleep, coz any free time I have, I spend it to prepare some snacks to sell to my classmates during school. And on top of that, try working so hard to maintain a high grade because you got into a scholarship school and if you get a grade lower than their high standard, you'll get expelled. And try walking to school in your 4 year-old shoes with just 2 pcs. of bread for breakfast for more than a couple of times a week because you can't afford the fare of 4 pesos (that's about 0.10 dollars). Try being evicted a couple of times because you can't pay the rent of a studio apartment. A studio apartment in a squatter's area. Try being separated with the siblings and parents because one relative can't afford to house you all (my father just slept in his office). Can afford a maid? I don't know why it sounds so luxurious to you but here in my country a maid is not expensive. And even that, my husband and I have been talking it over and over for so many months if we really should get one. You just have no idea the expenses that we have to cut (including finding a much much cheaper rent) just so that we have the budget to hire one. 2 jobs just to pay the bills? Try looking for more than one job because you don't only have your own bills to pay but also the bills of your in-laws, occasional meds for your sickly husband (which by the way has already been stopped because yes, we can't afford it anymore), and college tuition for his younger sibling. So you see dear, just because I posted a discussion about getting our maid fired doesn't mean that I've been riding on a high horse. And just because I was able to afford a maid doesn't mean that I've had no experience on a tough life. I'm nearing my 30's sweetie. You're just 18. But that's not the point. We all have our own problems and experiences. And the definition of "tough" is not the same for all of us.