My feelings have really changed on my own health and others now too

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Used to be that I thought I would just always be in great health since my Mom seemed alright and a few others in my life where pretty good too. I have come to find this really has nothing at all to do with your personal health and it is something you and God must handle alone together and this is pretty much it. Your family of course can help and support you so very much the the fight is all within you in the end. My fight has been with quite a few different things lately too. Physically I fight my ovary cysts all the time of stabbing pains and aching pains of both bone and muscles from depression. Then there is the battle of emotional forgiveness of person's in my life I'm not sure I ever do want to forgive at all either. This adds to depression,aches and pains,and anxieties too. So much stress and other emotions and feelings it is so hard every day at times. I do keep fighting though my way to fight and over come all of this I have found is very passive but is working so I stay to it. I stay on my diet, I do light physical activities, I meditate on positive things allot, I have arts and crafts for therapy too, I walk the dogs I love the pets, I take lots of photo's whatever seems to strike me at the time, I garden and paint. By keeping my mind and thoughts trained off of all other negative distractions I then remain so very much more relaxed and calm as does my aches and pains and my bad emotional feelings too all is much more tranquil and there can be peace and serenity too. I must be very careful with this gift though, if you abuse this with things like drugs alcohol, or other dark activities of any kinds then the peace gets so broken up and may be lost so much that you must start all over again on the road to recovery once more. I have done this myself several times now, but I am scared in my thoughts at times what if one day i become so lost that I never do return back to recovery this is the real fear the real terror within. Everyday as you can see here I am surviving. Thanks,A.B.